The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Charity]

Oh man oh man... .I really understand what you are going thru! I am .8 away from the 30# club and every morning 3 days in a row I wake up and jump out of bed when I realize it's time to weigh in. That bugger hasn't moved a bit!!!:uhuh: It's all my fault of course! I had a questionable dinner in the middle of it. I am soooo crazy about getting to the 30# club. Please oh please let it be tomorrow for all of us!!!!

[nickieluv]

Lizabette, you are so mean to quote my own quote at me! It's today now, though, so I can worry about it now, right?

Charity, I hope you see good news this morning! I did - not the good news I wanted, but still good news. I'm trying to stay positive.

It's insidious, but I think the PB sets me off. Even when I'm really good and I only have that allowed amount as a snack - it makes me want it every day. And when we ran out of PB, that's when the cookie attack came on. The thing is, just when it's finally gone, hubby buys more. No one in the house eats it - why does he keep buying it!!!!

My BeSlim order this month was just 2 packages of soy crisps. So if I'm feeling like a snack, I can have those. It's funny, but the bars and crisps I've not ever eaten more than one of in a day. I don't know if it's because I think they're too expensive to waste or what - but my binges have never been MF foods. And maybe that's why I have such a hard time when I say an extra packet is better than other food - I can't bring myself to have that extra packet. Ever. I reach for pickles or something instead.

Well, I have these two charts going now - the one for all my Sunday weigh-ins since I started MF, and the one for the duration of the Biggest Loser season this year. The MF chart has me at 174 by Christmas - the BL chart, 160. I'm hoping to be somewhere in the middle of those two.

Keeping compliance tickers does not seem to help me - so I'll just keep journaling my food up until Christmas as I had planned. Compliance is the way to reach my goals. I'm just lazy some nights - it seems easier to go back to old habits, even though it invariably takes more work and money to do that than it would to stay with MF. I need to start forcing myself to eat when I get those feelings. That sounds bad. What I mean is, I'm hungry, it's time to eat, but no supplement 'looks good' to me so I walk away. Then I get hungrier and eventually lose it. So at those times, I have to just pick something and eat it.

Speaking of - I'm past the one hour for eating your first supplement. Off to make some oatmeal and start my compliant day.

I didn't exercise this morning. I'll have to force myself to do that, too. Four days this week - my goal is to exercise Monday through Thursday, and I will take Friday off. I can do it!

[nickieluv]

OK - well, I was always worried that if I wasn't compliant, I would be shunned - and that hasn't happened exactly - but I think I must be reaching the breaking point with some people, if I haven't already.

I'm trying. It doesn't seem that way sometimes, but I am. It's harder now than it was at my highest weight. I don't have as much to lose, although still it's a lot - I'm not at a healthy weight, but I feel like a different person. And also, I know MF works and I CAN lose the weight, so I don't feel so hopeless about it.

I keep saying I have to just muscle through and do what I know is right. So that's my motto this week - muscle through. Muscle through the exercise, the eating choices, the fatigue I might feel, the temptations I might run into - just muscle through.

Anyone who thinks that cheating has no consequences, and that people can go off-plan and still lose consistently, has obviously not been reading this journal very carefully.

Anyone who thinks life isn't fair - you're right. It's not. Never will be. People don't get what they deserve - it's not a fairy tale. But it's all we've got. We have to live with what we're dealt and make the best of it. That's all I try to do. I fall short a lot. I'm human. It's taken a long time for me to realize that I don't have to be perfect in order to be deserving of happiness, and I'm not going to let anyone take that feeling away from me. I have a right to the life God gave me and I do the best I can to follow the path He's chosen for me.

[MerryMary]

Anyone who thinks life isn't fair - you're right. It's not. Never will be. People don't get what they deserve - it's not a fairy tale. But it's all we've got. We have to live with what we're dealt and make the best of it. That's all I try to do. I fall short a lot. I'm human. It's taken a long time for me to realize that I don't have to be perfect in order to be deserving of happiness, and I'm not going to let anyone take that feeling away from me. I have a right to the life God gave me and I do the best I can to follow the path He's chosen for me.

Amen, sister! Muscle through!

Blessings!

[Lizabette]

NICK: Lizabette, you are so mean to quote my own quote at me! It's today now, though, so I can worry about it now, right?

:whip:

[bikipatra]

I believe in you Nicks! Don't quit before the miracle happens!

[nickieluv]

Don't you worry, none of you, I'm not quitting! I continue to elongate my own rough spell with poor choices and laziness, but I refuse to out and out quit.

I have asked my husband for his support for the next 84 or so days, until Christmas. Not that he hasn't been supportive - but we're going to kick it up a notch for each other, by not even remotely encouraging each other to eat something we shouldn't. He can have things I can't, although it doesn't really work in reverse - anything I can have, in terms of real food, he can too. But I know I have it in me to resist eating things I shouldn't - he had hot wings the other day and they smelled wonderful but I didn't even look at them. It's all up to me how I react to things.

This MF stuff isn't bad, either. I mean, I eat chocolate several times a day with MF. That's certainly something my husband can't do! I need to embrace what I CAN have and stop entertaining thoughts of things I can't have. Because there's some good stuff I'm allowed to eat!

Well, Mondays are my busiest day of the week, so I imagine I won't be on again until this afternoon. Still planning on taking a nice long walk with the baby today - probably with a stop at the playground on the way home so she can have a chance to stretch her legs, too. It may be a leisurely walk, but it will be something, since I skipped my DVD this morning. I just need to electrify my bed or something, to propel me out in the mornings!

[nickieluv]

Well - I'm having a good day so far, including eating twice at work today instead of squishing two supplements into one meal. I'm thinking I need to try to do that as often as possible. I tend to forget that there is science behind this diet, and it is recommended to eat 6 times a day for good reason. So other than Fridays, I can easily make that happen.

Hubby reports he is doing well today, too - he is not MF'ing, just low-carbing, but he's had just as rough a time lately as I have with sticking to plan. He only has ten pounds to go before he feels he's reached a good weight for him. As for me - I'd just like to weigh less than my husband. That would be a stellar Christmas gift in my opinion. A gift for me - he could pretty much care less what I weigh.

Not much to share other than that. I've just done my lesson planning for next week - yes, NEXT week - I'm really staying on top of things at work this year so far, and I hope to continue like this. I'm trying to lower my stress levels as much as possible, both to stop off-plan stress eating and to be a better parent and teacher. When I'm stressed I'm just a bear to be around.

Off to kill a little time before I can go home - then the plan at home is to have a supplement, then pack up the baby for a nice long walk - I'll try to follow the warm up/brisk walk/cool down formula you're supposed to use, brisk walking for at least 20 minutes - more if I can stand it - and then stop at the playground before going home so the baby can play. Then we'll have dinner together, she'll get to bed on time after some fun mommy time, and I'll end the day with one last supplement and then bedtime. I generally am bored stiff walking, but I don't want to do the DVD and I do want to do SOMETHING today. I'll just have to make sure I'm pushing myself past a simple stroll. I feel like trying some dance stuff for variety - maybe I'll try the Zumba DVD tonight before bed, the one that teaches you all the steps. Then I can do something every day - because Zumba has a 30-minute beginner workout and also a 15-minute one for days when you're low on time (i.e., slept too long). Yep, that sounds like a plan.

Ooooh - I have Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters TiVo'ed at home! I forgot all about them last night! Yikes - I may be up late so I can watch them both. At least they'll be shorter without all those darn commercials.

[aquarianskye]

I like the muscle through idea. For my last job I had to go to a 'conference' for management. They brought a speaker in, sorry can't remember her name. Her key phrase was 'fake it til you make it". She'd ask what time is it? And we'd answer ZING TIME. That's my motto, "fake it til I make it" Act like I know what I'm doing til I get this DOWN.

Okay, now I sound cocky, sorry. Just some self talk I do. Fake it til I make it.

You can do this!

Skye

<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wUf4VWQ/weight.png">

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Skye. I definitely need more making it than faking it by now!

Thanks to Biki for mentioning G-maps pedometer. I'd never heard of it but I looked it up today to see how far I walked with the baby - and it was 2.177 miles. What a neat tool! I thought the route I was taking was about 2 miles, but it was nice to be reinforced.

I'm taking a minute to respond to a post Jo has started in her journal about the recent issues with journals and misunderstandings. I had never thought that things I wrote here might be detrimental to anyone. I really thought people would read it, realize that it was my personal story, and move on. If I helped someone, that would be great, but I never thought I could be hurting anyone just by being honest about my struggles.

This journal is the only thing that I have. Maybe I should start my own on my desktop, but I like the conversations and that's why I keep coming. I try to make it clear that when I have problems, it's my own fault, not any flaw in the program. MF works - when you work it properly. I have not been. I say I keep trying but it's been really half-hearted for a long time. There is no excuse for me not being compliant. None. That's been made clear to me and I understand that. If I am cheating, it's because I want to, plain and simple. It's because losing weight with MF has not been top priority.

I guess I just want to say that if I have ever caused anyone or their program harm by writing things here, I'm sorry. I did not consider it as a public place - not the general public, anyway. So I've said anything and everything I've been thinking about. If we want to, as a community, agree that we will keep things only positive here, then I'll find another place to journal my struggles. Or at least, I won't be so detailed. I hate the thought of being limited in what I can say here, but I don't want to cause any harm to anyone - so if it's better that I only post when I can report good news as far as MF goes, then I can try to do that.

Jo's thought was incomplete in her journal because she had to go - I'm curious to see where she will go with it. Maybe I've taken a direction all my own - I do tend to do that, sometimes.

In the meantime - I'm recommitted. Truly committed. Not just lip service committed. I am still obese no matter how much better I feel. I can do better.

[nickieluv]

I don't know what's wrong. But something is. I continue to let myself down. I have lost all perspective about food again. I don't know what to do but nothing is working mentally to keep me going. I am fine until the baby goes to bed.

I'm lonely? Tired? Despondent?

I've been to the counselor but at the time I felt fine. I can still call her this week for another appointment. My file is open there.

I get to this point in the day, I've done what I've done, and I get so sad and I think that I can do better tomorrow - and I start off so strong, only to give in at night. I justify a sort-of bad choice and then make tons of awful choices.

I want to take some time. I'm going to stop coming here for a few days. I will post on roll call. It's disheartening to post failure after failure. And I think there's a lot of pressure now that I've put on myself to turn this around, and I'm not handling it well.

I usually say I'm taking a few days and then I'm right back in an hour or so - so I really need to take a few days this time. Just to be alone with my choices, and my goals, and myself. To take away this one crutch that I've come to lean on too often, possibly to the detriment of making any progress. Maybe it's just that I'm afraid if I lose all the weight I will lose all of you, too. Sounds silly? I don't know.

Maybe I'm not living enough in the real world, I'm spending too much time here, avoiding things that I don't even know I'm avoiding. I feel a heaviness, a weight, an oppression, and I can't define it.

I want to succeed and about the only thing I haven't tried is separating myself a little from this place. So I'm going to try that. It's hard. I'll miss it here. It's only for a little while but it feels like forever. And that can't be normal or healthy. I'm going to try to reconnect with people.

And maybe the worst part is that if you miss even one day coming here, Biki's journal has grown by ten pages! I can't catch up! Just going for some levity. I know you all will be fine without me, so we'll see how I do.

[Mike]

I want to take some time. I'm going to stop coming here for a few days. I will post on roll call. It's disheartening to post failure after failure. And I think there's a lot of pressure now that I've put on myself to turn this around, and I'm not handling it well.

Nickie,

Please let us know if you need a call or an e-mail or anything. We are here for you. Sometimes we just need to pray and be lead down the right road. I find that there are times when I just need to look inside myself and not worry what others have to say... maybe this is what you seek.

Anyhow, just let us know.

[MerryMary]

Nickie, you need to focus on yourself so perhaps a hiatus from the board is in good order--especially if it is causing you undue anxiety. Remember, you are on this program for YOU, for YOUR welbeing, for YOUR optimal health!

If you need to chat or want support feel free to PM/email me.

[bikipatra]

Do what you think is best for you Nickie. But you know there is always a place for you here. Even if you just want to check in to read my journal. Love ya!

[Serendipity]

Just to let you know, nickie, my comments weren't directed soley at you and the reason I haven't finished my post is that I don't know what the answer is. I do feel that as a group, we will work this out and everything will be fine. There's too much love goin' on here for it to fail.

I think that as private as these journals may seem while we write, they just aren't and we need to address that as a group.