The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

I am pretty proud of myself. And yet, I did a bad thing. But I'm pleased.

I feel very hungry today (maybe gearing up for a big drop?). So I had my L&G when I got home, which is early for me. And I still felt hungry and I was getting my daughter snacks.... I suppose you can see where this is going.

Well, I got her some animal cookies and I had 1 single cookie. Let it melt in my mouth, as it were. And then I had 1 single grape.

I should not have had either, but I am proud that I just had the singles and walked away, and got some distance physically and emotionally from the food. You all know my tendency to overeat and stuff myself for no reason at all. I still feel very hungry, but I have two supplements left and I will have them and go to bed early - because some of the hunger is probably me being tired.

I'm proud that once again, a mistake did not turn into a month of poor choices. And now that I'm journaling my food, water, and exercise, I can try to see patterns emerge. Today is the last day of my first 10-day block. So tomorrow starts a fresh clean page and I love that feeling, too.

Well - I'm going to go have another supplement, because I'll be going to bed in a couple of hours and I want to space them out a bit. Maybe there will indeed be a nice surprise on the scale tomorrow....

[Lizabette]

NICK, You done good and I'm proud of you!
Not telling you what to do, because each of us must find our own way, but this little thought helped me make it through...
If I don't take that first bite off plan, I'll be fine!
I'm cheerin' for ya!

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Lizabette. My goal is always total compliance - and I can do that. The progress is in taking one bite and then stopping to think before eating a box of cookies. The fact that thinking is occurring at all is great - hopefully I can start thinking before I take the bite, now.

I saw a nice loss this morning, and I've already exercised and had a liter of water - so today is shaping up to be a good day. I have nothing to do tonight, and a nice easy day at work - so maybe I can get going on some business phone calls.

I almost ate more cookies last night - but I had already filled in my chart as having that last supplement so I didn't want to have to change it. Maybe that's another strategy I can use on hungry days. I took my RTD upstairs, read, and went to sleep at 9 so I would have the energy to get up and exercise. And now, since I have to be to work at 8 for a meeting, I need to rush!!!!

[bikipatra]

Nickie how you can eat cookies and lose weight astounds me. When I eat off plan I gain 1-3 pounds. It usually comes off pretty easily but I still gain.

[nickieluv]

Well I didn't eat 'cookies,' plural, just one. And it was an animal cracker so it wasn't loaded with chocolate goodness. I try not to keep stuff like that in the house anymore - anything chocolate that enters my house takes its life into its own hands. And then I had 1 grape.

The lesson for me, though, is that I CAN stop myself from binging, even when I think I'm starving. And I can make a mistake and not get completely sidetracked.

In the past this would translate into 'oh, OK, I can have one cookie and one grape every day and still lose weight!' And while that may be true, it would eventually become 1 handful of cookies and 1 handful of grapes, and besides, I'm starting to 'get' that the point of this is not what you can 'get away with.' Hoosierdaddy said in another post this morning that nothing feels better than the pride she feels about being in control of her eating. Looking for what I can get away with is not taking control. Having a cookie and realizing that eating more is not what you really want to do IS taking control. That's the kind of thing I need to learn and do more of, because that is what will help me maintain.

I'm in the middle of the book I got on binge eating, and I'm realizing that binge eating is not a chronic problem with me - overeating is, but a few weeks ago was the first time I really felt that 'out of control' feeling about eating. I'm hoping not to experience it again. There's a treatment plan outlined in the second half of the book, cognitive-behavioral therapy that you can do on your own or in conjuction with a therapist - and I haven't read it deeply, but I skimmed the outline of it last night and it seems like MF is helping me to do a lot of the things in the program already. It filled me with a lot of hope and a welcome reconfirmation that MF is the path for me, and it will be the vehicle that helps me reach my goals once and for all.

Also - I must remember how powerful and thin I feel on the days when I exercise. It's as if I take off 10 pounds with each workout. I walk taller, I feel stronger, and it really helps my sense of control and determination with my eating. I am enjoying my water and my L&G again, instead of dreading them and dreading cooking. If you can call what I do with a microwave cooking, that is.

I feel really confident about reaching the 70# club this week, and I feel ready to get into new decades of numbers on the scale. I didn't gain too awful much on my weeks off-plan, my weeks struggling - that is, I didn't gain much on the scale, but I feel like I gained a lot in my mind. I feel that sense of calm and readiness that I did when I embarked on losing the first half of my weight in January. (I just wrote a whole bunch about the future months and then remembered the verse in my signature and deleted it all. No more future-worrying, just sticking to my plan day by day.)

Well, I'm off for now. I have a bit of work to do for this afternoon and the end of the week, and I should do it today when I have the time instead of being swamped tomorrow. TTFN!

[MerryMary]

The lesson for me, though, is that I CAN stop myself from binging, even when I think I'm starving.

I want to applaud you, Nickie. That is an important lesson to learn and one that will do you well to remember after you reach goal! It sounds so empowering! You were truly in control and exercised that control well. This weight loss phase is only partly about losing weight, IMHO. It's also a good time to come to terms with our bad eating habits. Unlike addictions that usually require total abstinence (cigarettes, alcohol, drugs), food will always be a part of our life and we need to be in control! Good job!

Your learning reminds me of mine when I had that small bag of popcorn in the movie theater (rather than the tub drenched in butter). Totally not on-plan eating, but what a great lesson to celebrate! BTW, that experience was so empowering for me I've not "needed" to have popcorn at the movies since!

I'm in the middle of the book I got on binge eating, and I'm realizing that binge eating is not a chronic problem with me - overeating is, but a few weeks ago was the first time I really felt that 'out of control' feeling about eating. I'm hoping not to experience it again. There's a treatment plan outlined in the second half of the book, cognitive-behavioral therapy that you can do on your own or in conjuction with a therapist - and I haven't read it deeply, but I skimmed the outline of it last night and it seems like MF is helping me to do a lot of the things in the program already. It filled me with a lot of hope and a welcome reconfirmation that MF is the path for me, and it will be the vehicle that helps me reach my goals once and for all.

Sounds like an interesting book, Nickie. What is the name of it

[nickieluv]

BTW, that experience was so empowering for me I've not "needed" to have popcorn at the movies since!

That's exactly how I feel! The 'need' is really just 'want' in disguise, and it's hardly ever about wanting the food in question. It's about wanting freedom, or sleep, or company, or whatever. I feel that if I can learn to trust myself around food and use it for energy (and pleasure - I don't think that's so bad as long as I'm not getting ALL my pleasure from food) and not for companionship or reward or punishment or anything else, then I will not feel the 'need' to eat one thing or another. I always want what I can't have - and I've always felt that certain foods really should be 'never eat this' items for me - and immediately that makes me want them all! I feel that I can enter a place where there is nothing I don't allow myself - and as a result, I will not feel the terrible cravings and binge desires because there is nothing to feel deprived of or to rebel against. I will truly be eating what I want, and not what I have been tricked into wanting by my emotions or advertising. And I just don't believe that I want the kind of garbage I always eat in my binges - but I've put all that food off limits and so I leap at the chance to eat it.

It's like the little kid who has no interest in a toy until another child starts to play with it. You know?

The book, by the way, is called 'Overcoming Binge Eating' by Dr. Christopher Fairburn. The first half is the technical stuff, and then the program is in the second half. So far I'm already doing the first 2 steps - monitor your eating, weigh weekly (OK, I weigh daily, but I have truly stopped letting the number decide my mood for the day), and eat at regular intervals (he reccommends 6 meals a day - coincidentally). Step 3 I am eager to read about - it's how to avoid binges and stop the triggers. That's really what I need. Even though I've determined I don't binge according to the technical definition, I do subjectively binge/overeat and so I think this book will be helpful.

It also talks about finding your natural weight - not necessarily the number you want, but the number your body chooses when you are active, healthy, and eating properly. So as I approach goal, I may have to be flexible. He says your set point is never overweight or obese - it just may be higher in the range than you'd like. So I moved my goal to 135 but having never held that weight in my adult life, it might not be my natural weight. If I focus on habits of healthy eating and exercise, then my body will let me know what is the comfortable number, and it's not my place to impose a lower or higher number on myself. Or maybe I will reach that goal, and through maintenance I will 'settle in' a few pounds less, even - it should not be a constant struggle to maintain that weight though - it should not be about always dieting or working out excessively, but about getting the recommended exercise and living your best life.

That part reminds me of Lizabette, actually. She had a goal, and then tried to reach a lower goal, and her body just did not want to go there. She realized that and decided to be happy with her maintenance weight, where her body feels comfortable, what is best for her.

Now that I am embracing exercise I feel I am in an even better position for maintenance, when it comes - on other diets I would feel compelled to always do more and more, driving myself to the breaking point. With MF, I feel that if I am reasonably active and stay compliant, I will lose weight at a natural pace and I will acheive a realistic goal weight. That means that when this 2-mile brisk walk tape I've been doing is no longer a challenge, yes, I should step it up and find another activity. But it doesn't mean that I have to work myself up to sweating for an hour or more every day. I can find ways in my life to be more active in addition to my regular exercise in the mornings. I imagine I will top out at a 30-minute time committment to organized exercise. That's how long this current walk is. So my goal will be to increase intensity, not duration, when I choose new workouts. FOR ME - the goal of exercise is not weight loss - exercise is only going to increase my fitness level. The only thing affecting my weight loss is what I eat. So I can't eat a cake and then do 5 workout tapes and call it even. That kind of justification gets me in trouble. So, I exercise so that I will feel stronger, not so that I will lose faster.

Well, I always seem to go on and on and type way more than any human should in one sitting. I'm going to get back to work and I'll check in before bed tonight (which will be no later than 9:30 - that's a priority for me now because if I don't sleep, I don't exercise, and I LIKE exercising! Alert the media!).

[nickieluv]

OK - so guess what I did today?

It is so freaking hot here, and I guess it's making me cranky. I had no patience today with my daughter since we got home, and I am sweating buckets just sitting here at the computer (because of course we took out the A/C when it was in the 60s for a week not too long ago - and took down the pool then, too ). Anyway, I wanted to binge on some cookies in the worst way. Even just have one - I figured I 'got away with it' yesterday (all my lofty talk notwithstanding) so I should go ahead. I did not. I had an allowed snack.

But that's not the good part.

Later on I was just ready to throw in the towel - I was hot, tired, and frustrated. I actually had the cheese sticks in my hand, sitting on the couch, and I unwrapped one (of the ten I had brought in to eat) and just did not have the appetite for it at all. It smelled bad to me and looked yucky and I didn't want it. Now my daughter loves those things and had been asking for one so I gave it to her, then promptly got up, put the rest away, and opened an RTD for myself.

Now I'm still dripping and I'm getting upstairs as quickly as possible because we do still have A/C in there - and I'm not looking forward to exercising tomorrow just because I really do hate to sweat and I'm already a mess - but why shower now just to have to do it again tomorrow, when I already showered this morning and I feel like I'm being wasteful with water, but I just hate being filthy so I don't know what I'm going to do, actually. Other than mark off my chart, take my little RTD upstairs to the coolness, get my head on straight, and then figure it out.

But hey, just wanted to say that it's becoming almost a PATTERN of good choices here for me, avoiding binges, and I'm excited to keep building on that foundation!

[MerryMary]

I wanted to binge on some cookies in the worst way. Even just have one - I figured I 'got away with it' yesterday (all my lofty talk notwithstanding) so I should go ahead. I did not. I had an allowed snack.

Later on I was just ready to throw in the towel - I was hot, tired, and frustrated. I actually had the cheese sticks in my hand, sitting on the couch, and I unwrapped one (of the ten I had brought in to eat) and just did not have the appetite for it at all. It smelled bad to me and looked yucky and I didn't want it. Now my daughter loves those things and had been asking for one so I gave it to her, then promptly got up, put the rest away, and opened an RTD for myself.

I think you are making some meaningful progress, Nickie. Being able to think through the "why" we want food is really more than half the battle. In this case you were hot and feeling cranky. You were able to rationalize that a better solution than eating cookies or cheese sticks was to move yourself to a cool spot and have an RTD! <img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_30_106.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D23%252F23_30_106/image.gif">

You are going to find that each time you make the right decision for your true self you will get stronger! That's how empowerment works!! WTG!

I like what you said in the previous post too ...

The 'need' is really just 'want' in disguise, and it's hardly ever about wanting the food in question. It's about wanting freedom, or sleep, or company, or whatever.

That is so important for us emotional eaters to realize and remember. We have been conditioned to use food to satisfy a myriad of feelings. Instead of reacting to those feelings with food we need to respond in a healthy manner. If we are tired--go to bed. If we are lonely--call a friend. If we need to "feel better"--go for a walk, read a book, DO somehting enjoyable! This all sounds very basic, but until we integrate this knowledge into our lifesyle we will continue to binge or make bad eating choices!

Great observation, Nickie!

[Lizabette]

BOY O'BOY. GOODYGUMDROPS! NICK!
I'm jumpin' for joy after reading your post.
Things are really coming together for you!

[bikipatra]

Great job Nicks!

[nickieluv]

What a crazy morning. I got to work for a meeting at 8am and the first thing I hear is that another member of my church choir passed away. I of course burst into tears - this one coming on the heels of the funeral Sunday for our pastor's husband was just too much. I called my husband and he had heard about it through the church - we were both stunned.

Then, about 30 minutes later, we got word that IT WAS NOT TRUE. There is another man in our town with the SAME NAME exactly and it was him, not our choir member. After talking with a few people to be positive, one of whom had actually talked to the man in question this morning, it was such a relief to find out the information was wrong.

So I was on a real rollercoaster this morning - and I feel sort of drained right now. Very tired. And yet also very happy that it wasn't true.

So now that all that is out of the way - I was down a teensy little bit today, better than nothing. And last night I took some measurements - now, I never wrote down any starting measurements so I'm just going from memory - but there were some inches lost in a few places. I sort of wish now I had taken measurements to begin with, but at the time it seemed like one more thing to keep track of.

Something distressing is that my waist-hip ratio has changed. I used to have exactly ten inches difference between my waist and hip measurements - always, since I was a teenager. It was usually 32-42 but at my highest, it had gotten up to maybe 48-58. Well, last night, my waist was 41 and my hips were 48. Not that I'm sad to have smaller hips - but my shape has changed and I don't know that I like that. I mean, I have muffin tops when I'm not even wearing anything, and I don't know if that's excess weight and loose skin, or if since having a baby I will always have a bigger waist/abdomen than I did before.

But, it was another reminder that I have a long way to go with weight loss. And I think every day I'm getting better prepared for keeping it off.

The main thing I took from the book, which I finished, on binge eating, was the problem-solving method. I'm not very good at it. I can distract myself and make a different choice, but I don't evaluate a lot of options first - I just do something. In the moment, that is - you know that on here, when I'm speculating, I can drive myself nuts with all the different options I consider. I just have had to come to terms with the fact that probably 90% of my eating before was emotional, and not based on hunger in the slightest. In fact, I would deny my hunger for hours until it got too much to take - I would get busy and I wouldn't think of food, and then when I had some down time I was suddenly ravenous. So I looked up and requested some books on handling emotions and stress and things like that. When I am off MF and through transition, I will have to work hard to remember to eat breakfast and lunch, or I will get back into the same old patterns of overeating at night.

Well, I feel better having come here, being able to check in with everyone after such a crazy morning. Thanks for reading.

[Lizabette]

When I am off MF and through transition, I will have to work hard to remember to eat breakfast and lunch, or I will get back into the same old patterns of overeating at night.

Most important meal of the day is a good nutritions breakfast. I still love the oatmeal (Quaker Weight Control Oatmeal) with Craisins, flax meal, and spiced up, and a little skim milk.
My favorite afternoon snack is Nature Valley Granola bars with P/B--easy on the P/B.
I still try to have 3 small meals and 3 small snacks during the day. And I typically don't eat anything for 2-3 hours before going to bed at night. (Again, this is maintenance)
You are so wise to be planning for maintenance throughout your weight loss phase so that it is second nature by the time you get there.
Sorry about the stressful day you had today. There ain't no such critter as life without stress.
How you handle it is the key. Good going, NICK!

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Lizabette. Does it get easier to maintain? Do you start to just know what you should eat and how much without worrying every day? As I look ahead, I feel I'm going to have to plan out my meals and my days much the same way I do now, or I know I will 'forget' to eat or think I don't have time to eat, and I will backslide. And I'm afraid I won't get enough of the right things - I see me going for fruits and vegetables because they are portable and you don't always have to cook them - but is the old standy lunchbox lunch of soup, sandwich, and carrots a healthy lunch? Is it too much food? Too little? Can a snack be a granola bar, like you said, or is that too processed? If I keep eating 6 times a day, will I start to obsess about what food I can have next, will I know how to buy the right groceries, will I keep my 6 meals small or end up having 6 honking meals and gain all the weight back?

There are so many questions and it would just be nice to know that if I am extra-vigilant at first, I'll get the hang of it and not have to think so much. Like I have with the weight-loss phase - I know when to eat, I know what makes a good L&G, and I don't think about it very much any more. But there are a lot less choices now than there will be. I'm afraid.

But I have months more to be learning what I need to know. I'll keep getting library books and reading all I can and learning how to make better choices for my body, and keep my emotions separate from my eating.

Total change of subject - my husband told me today that he had made a few phone calls about New Year's Eve options. That was a shocker. I really didn't think it was important to him, and that he would just forget. I was pleasantly proven wrong on that count.

On the minus side - I think he's guessed what his Christmas present is. But that's OK. Because even if he guesses WHERE we're going, there's no way he can guess all the things I have planned for us to do WHILE we're there. So there will still be plenty of surprises, even if he catches on to the basic idea. I've planned things we've never done before. Things I think he will love. And I can't wait to take him on a dream mini-vacation during his favorite holiday time.

Well, it's late - I've been doing so well getting to bed, and I have to exercise in the morning - I WANT to exercise in the morning - I think I'm seeing some differences in my legs already. That's exciting!

[Lizabette]

Lot's of good questions, NICK. I just checked in before bedtime, and I'd really like to have more time to respond to your post!
Meantime, if you haven't done it already, download the Medifast Transition/Maintenance info. below.
It is pretty straight forward and a good place to start. I believe it has been revised with more information.
Looks like you are planning ahead for your New Year's events. It sounds exciting.
Have yourself a good night now ...and chat with you soon.

Medifast Transition Guide