My first roll call post - 256.4. I think that's 8.6 pounds? It's good, but it's up from two days ago - I might be cycling, or it might be that I'm not being good about getting in all my meals every day.
I cheated today, even though I didn't really want to - we hosted a picnic and I was so busy I didn't eat my supplements, so finally I caved and had 2 hamburgers and a bunch of watermelon.
Tomorrow is a new day - I HAVE to get myself back on 6 meals a day.
Well, sorry if this is too long - I'm new and don't know if there are length limits on roll call posts. I'm exhausted so I'm just going to post this over on my journal thread too and call it a day.
---And so I did. Be tuning back in tomorrow - I'm worried, because I'm afraid of how hard it might be to get back on the wagon....
The MakeMeThinner Support Forum
Weight loss,health management and diet program. Terry & Nancy Pettit (Presidential Health Coaches)
Nickieluv
by nickieluv » July 2nd, 2006, 4:08 pm
I can't remember now what I said my starting weight was - I remade my ticker and of course have no clue. I'm going with 265 - I was around there when I started this the first time (that infamous week I'm trying to forget). Besides, that gives me a nice even 120 pounds to lose. I said I was leaving - so tired.... 
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nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by Karli » July 2nd, 2006, 4:47 pm
Hi nickieluv 
. I just got done reading every single word of your entire journal 
. You know, I think you are really going to learn a lot from this journal of yours while writing in it, as well as in the months to come.
So, I noticed that you mentioned you are a piano teacher... so am I
. How long have you been playing and teaching ?
You have your hands full it sounds like, between your work, your baby girl, your hubby, and your teaching. There are probably some other things, too, that we don't know about you yet.
It's funny, I read through your list of 20 things you hate about being fat, and then the 20 things you would rather feel instead and you know what ? I really felt connected to you in the latter list. I felt like you were really shining through in that one and I could tell that you know exactly what those things feel like. And for some reason, it seemed as though that list were made quicker than the former. The former stuff, all the things you hate, though I can certainly relate, it just didn't have the vote of life behind it like the other stuff did. You know what I mean ? I really think you do.
I wonder what it would be like if you could actually induce those feelings you want to feel, into your life in some way, everyday even now ?
You mentioned that you are a perfectionist. Well, of course that is a very fine trait for a pianist, as well as a musician of any sort. As a matter of fact, you must have a plethora of very fine qualities to be able to commit to the things you are already commiting yourself to in your life... like motherhood, teaching, holding down a steady job, being a good partner to your husband, etc..
Have you done much performing ? Did you study music in school ?
I am so happy that you have shared yourself in your journal and on this forum, I look forward to reading more from you.
Cheers,
Karli
. I just got done reading every single word of your entire journal . You know, I think you are really going to learn a lot from this journal of yours while writing in it, as well as in the months to come.
So, I noticed that you mentioned you are a piano teacher... so am I
. How long have you been playing and teaching ?
You have your hands full it sounds like, between your work, your baby girl, your hubby, and your teaching. There are probably some other things, too, that we don't know about you yet.
It's funny, I read through your list of 20 things you hate about being fat, and then the 20 things you would rather feel instead and you know what ? I really felt connected to you in the latter list. I felt like you were really shining through in that one and I could tell that you know exactly what those things feel like. And for some reason, it seemed as though that list were made quicker than the former. The former stuff, all the things you hate, though I can certainly relate, it just didn't have the vote of life behind it like the other stuff did. You know what I mean ? I really think you do.
I wonder what it would be like if you could actually induce those feelings you want to feel, into your life in some way, everyday even now ?
You mentioned that you are a perfectionist. Well, of course that is a very fine trait for a pianist, as well as a musician of any sort. As a matter of fact, you must have a plethora of very fine qualities to be able to commit to the things you are already commiting yourself to in your life... like motherhood, teaching, holding down a steady job, being a good partner to your husband, etc..
Have you done much performing ? Did you study music in school ?
I am so happy that you have shared yourself in your journal and on this forum, I look forward to reading more from you.
Cheers,
Karli
- Karli
- Preferred Member - #50 Club
- Posts: 1658
- Joined: June 24th, 2006, 11:20 pm
by nickieluv » July 3rd, 2006, 12:09 pm
Wow Karli, you're very perceptive - my second list was a lot easier to write. I think because I think of myself as generally a happy and satisfied person, so to write a list of negative things was hard for me. They're there, they're real, but I don't dwell on them. I found myself saying sometimes "wow I really hated that just now, I'll have to remember that for later when I feel like eating ice cream more than sticking to my diet," and then the time would come and I woudn't remember, and I'd think that being this big really isn't so bad. So I HAD to write that list, but it wasn't fun for me.
The second list was way easier, because it is all the things I wish I were. Some of them I once felt, some I never have - I took my younger body for granted, because I grew up fat all my life and when I slimmed down in college, I still saw the fat girl in the mirror and never felt good about myself. Now, I see the fat girl in the mirror, but she weighs about 80 pounds less than real life - so pictures are always a shock to me.
I know the only thing between me and the "good list" is NOT my fat, but my brain - and my heart. My fat is not helping, and it's kind of my excuse for all the negative feelings I have about myself. I don't think being thin will erase all the negatives and leave me suddenly perfect. I just think removing the crutch of my weight will force me to address the other things that are keeping me from those good feelings, instead of blaming it all on one thing.
Anyway - the "facts" of me. I've been playing piano for 23 years (since 5), off and on till I was 16, then on all the time since then. I did go to school for Music Ed, both BA and MM. I also sing, although I was never a performance major - but I was finally able to take lessons in graduate school, and as an accompanist at the undergrad level I soaked up a lot from all the studios I played for. Right now I'm also organist/choir director at a local church, although I don't really play the organ and am learning as I go on that front. We also have a handbell choir that has me learning on the fly, as well. Right now I have 5 piano students (4 who actually show up regularly) and that's the most I've ever had at once. I'm hoping to expand my studio to at least three times that many eventually.
Well, I guess that's all for now - I have a confession to make but I'm not ready to do it right now, so I'll be posting again later tonight. I'm off to get a break and maybe catch up on some reading while the baby is napping.
The second list was way easier, because it is all the things I wish I were. Some of them I once felt, some I never have - I took my younger body for granted, because I grew up fat all my life and when I slimmed down in college, I still saw the fat girl in the mirror and never felt good about myself. Now, I see the fat girl in the mirror, but she weighs about 80 pounds less than real life - so pictures are always a shock to me.
I know the only thing between me and the "good list" is NOT my fat, but my brain - and my heart. My fat is not helping, and it's kind of my excuse for all the negative feelings I have about myself. I don't think being thin will erase all the negatives and leave me suddenly perfect. I just think removing the crutch of my weight will force me to address the other things that are keeping me from those good feelings, instead of blaming it all on one thing.
Anyway - the "facts" of me. I've been playing piano for 23 years (since 5), off and on till I was 16, then on all the time since then. I did go to school for Music Ed, both BA and MM. I also sing, although I was never a performance major - but I was finally able to take lessons in graduate school, and as an accompanist at the undergrad level I soaked up a lot from all the studios I played for. Right now I'm also organist/choir director at a local church, although I don't really play the organ and am learning as I go on that front. We also have a handbell choir that has me learning on the fly, as well. Right now I have 5 piano students (4 who actually show up regularly) and that's the most I've ever had at once. I'm hoping to expand my studio to at least three times that many eventually.
Well, I guess that's all for now - I have a confession to make but I'm not ready to do it right now, so I'll be posting again later tonight. I'm off to get a break and maybe catch up on some reading while the baby is napping.
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by Karli » July 4th, 2006, 12:26 am
Hi nickieluv, glad to read from you again 
.
Do you ever watch the Simpsons ? Well, chief wiggums (one of the cops in the show) is overweight. During one episode he and a friend were sitting in a diner and the chief had a large ice cream sundae sitting in front of him. When the friend announced that he wasn't going to be accompanying the chief any longer, chief freaks out about his own weight insecurities. Chief announces that he knows that his friend is dumping him because he's fat, and to soothe himself he scarfs down his ice cream sundae... in between scarffings, he emotionally asks if his friend is leaving him because he's "fat and ugly".. all the while devouring the sundae to console himself. He is left there cradeling his sundae dish and feeling sad and dejected.
That scene hit me because that has actually been my immediate reaction to feeling fat on countless occasions. I go to the fridge or the pantry and I eat. During those times, it's not that I don't remember the things that I hate about being fat, it's just that I am LIVING them in the very moment and can't seem to see myself beyond it.
I wonder what would happen for you if you put a different picture on the doors of the cupboards/refrigerator which hold your "usual suspects" within ? As well as your cel phone ?
You mentioned that you had slimmed down in college. Do you have any pictures from that time ? Or if you don't do your folks or anybody else ?
What if instead of looking at yourself as you don't like, you look at yourself as you want to be. You put that image in your head, and you meet that image on the cupboard and refridgerator doors, smiling at you, everytime you are tempted to eat something you don't actually want to be eating ? Instead of trying to remmeber the gross things about being over weight, think about the things that make you feel alive and vibrant. Everytime you choose not to eat that cookie, or pizza, or whatever, you are choosing to feel and live that girl whom you love to be, even in that very moment.
You mentioned that losing your fat would not make you suddenly perfect. That is good because, there are always so many more factors to be dealt with, imo. The bottom line in life is that we all must depend on something for our sense of worth and well-being. Some people turn to alcohol, some people turn to sex, some people turn to drugs, and as the list goes on, of course, people turning to excessive eating is on that list. How high we reach in life depends on what we place our values on and where we put our dependence.
No matter what, for a person to get thin and stay thin, an entirely new concept must be formed of oneself. Instead of seeing onself as an overeater, heavy weigher, one must accept a different view... at some point. But why not start now ? Do you think that you don't deserve it ? Because you do, and deep down you know that.
I found it interesting that you realize that the fat issue is an excuse. If I understand you correctly, you feel that you use this as an excuse to live a less happy life ? I believe that having these excuses, whatever they may be, are merely fears about the unknown being lived out in our life. I think that's a big part of what it boils down to anyway. I am sure you know of other issues surrounding it all.
Personally, I am realizing that if I don't work through some of the emotional things that have been holding me back, I don't stand a chance with this particular way of living on any kind of long term basis (MF-TSFL). I have seen it many times in my life already. With that having been said, maybe working through some of those things will also help to give you the freedom to make different choices when you go to the kitchen.
Btw, is it possible to rid your cupboards and refrigerator of foods that are highly addictive for you ? And/or trigger foods ? This definitely might help.
Also, since you love lists and such, do you think it's possible for you to get yourself on a schedule regarding your supplements ? Do you have your daughter on a schedule as you raise her ? If so, maybe these things could easily tie in together.
Anyway, I should get going to bed or I will have to consume another supplement... LOL, and I don't want to.
Goodnight, nickieluv.
Karli
.
Do you ever watch the Simpsons ? Well, chief wiggums (one of the cops in the show) is overweight. During one episode he and a friend were sitting in a diner and the chief had a large ice cream sundae sitting in front of him. When the friend announced that he wasn't going to be accompanying the chief any longer, chief freaks out about his own weight insecurities. Chief announces that he knows that his friend is dumping him because he's fat, and to soothe himself he scarfs down his ice cream sundae... in between scarffings, he emotionally asks if his friend is leaving him because he's "fat and ugly".. all the while devouring the sundae to console himself. He is left there cradeling his sundae dish and feeling sad and dejected.
That scene hit me because that has actually been my immediate reaction to feeling fat on countless occasions. I go to the fridge or the pantry and I eat. During those times, it's not that I don't remember the things that I hate about being fat, it's just that I am LIVING them in the very moment and can't seem to see myself beyond it.
I wonder what would happen for you if you put a different picture on the doors of the cupboards/refrigerator which hold your "usual suspects" within ? As well as your cel phone ?
You mentioned that you had slimmed down in college. Do you have any pictures from that time ? Or if you don't do your folks or anybody else ?
What if instead of looking at yourself as you don't like, you look at yourself as you want to be. You put that image in your head, and you meet that image on the cupboard and refridgerator doors, smiling at you, everytime you are tempted to eat something you don't actually want to be eating ? Instead of trying to remmeber the gross things about being over weight, think about the things that make you feel alive and vibrant. Everytime you choose not to eat that cookie, or pizza, or whatever, you are choosing to feel and live that girl whom you love to be, even in that very moment.
You mentioned that losing your fat would not make you suddenly perfect. That is good because, there are always so many more factors to be dealt with, imo. The bottom line in life is that we all must depend on something for our sense of worth and well-being. Some people turn to alcohol, some people turn to sex, some people turn to drugs, and as the list goes on, of course, people turning to excessive eating is on that list. How high we reach in life depends on what we place our values on and where we put our dependence.
No matter what, for a person to get thin and stay thin, an entirely new concept must be formed of oneself. Instead of seeing onself as an overeater, heavy weigher, one must accept a different view... at some point. But why not start now ? Do you think that you don't deserve it ? Because you do, and deep down you know that.
I found it interesting that you realize that the fat issue is an excuse. If I understand you correctly, you feel that you use this as an excuse to live a less happy life ? I believe that having these excuses, whatever they may be, are merely fears about the unknown being lived out in our life. I think that's a big part of what it boils down to anyway. I am sure you know of other issues surrounding it all.
Personally, I am realizing that if I don't work through some of the emotional things that have been holding me back, I don't stand a chance with this particular way of living on any kind of long term basis (MF-TSFL). I have seen it many times in my life already. With that having been said, maybe working through some of those things will also help to give you the freedom to make different choices when you go to the kitchen.
Btw, is it possible to rid your cupboards and refrigerator of foods that are highly addictive for you ? And/or trigger foods ? This definitely might help.
Also, since you love lists and such, do you think it's possible for you to get yourself on a schedule regarding your supplements ? Do you have your daughter on a schedule as you raise her ? If so, maybe these things could easily tie in together.
Anyway, I should get going to bed or I will have to consume another supplement... LOL, and I don't want to.
Goodnight, nickieluv.
Karli
- Karli
- Preferred Member - #50 Club
- Posts: 1658
- Joined: June 24th, 2006, 11:20 pm
by nickieluv » July 4th, 2006, 6:55 am
OK, first my confession.
On Sunday after my minor cave at the picnic, I made it a major cave and went out to get Chinese. I forgot all about my husband's new diet because of his cholesterol, so I got way too much - and he ate some and I felt like a wicked temptress (in a BAD way) for bringing it into the house. So yesterday I ate all the rest so he wouldn't. Heaven forbid we throw it away, I spent good money on it - although a lot of it did go to waste anyway because I couldn't finish it.
So this morning, I was thinking that yesterday I didn't get a chance to have any ice cream, and I'd really like some, so I should just cheat again today and make a weekend of it and start fresh tomorrow. I actually have been thinking of a list of things I'll miss and how I can eat them all today. Binge, you say? Addicted to food, you say? And how.
See, I don't have any triggers in the house. I go out and get them.
Then, Karli, I read your post. I'm NOT going to make a day of it. I'm going to be "good" today. Why is it so much easier to think I'm entitled to the taste of yummy foods, than to think I deserve the feel of a healthy body? Well, I think "easier" is the key word. Healthy = hard work. Crappy = status quo.
I am afraid to be thin because I did a lot of things I'm not proud of during the brief period when I was thin. I was in college - I drank to the point of blacking out at least three times a week for four months straight. I was told things I'd done the night before on many occasions that I had absolutely no memory of. I was promiscuous and unsafe about it. I cheated often on whomever I was dating with whoever was available at the moment. I was a cesspool of moral depravity, to avoid using the "w" word.
I have changed - but I don't trust that I've changed. Two years ago, before I was pregnant with my daughter, I was entertaining thoughts of an affair. I was flirting very inappropriately with someone I was doing a musical with. He was friendly but not interested - but I've had feelings before of dissatisfaction with my marriage, and had impure thoughts about men at my workplace frequently, and I've always wondered if I were thin and attractive to men, would I have strayed? Is my fat the only thing keeping me from committing adultery? That's a big part of my fear of success on all the diets I've tried. I'm afraid being thin will ruin my marriage. Ironic, isn't it, since a few items on my list involve being attractive to my husband. But I feel like I'm not fulfilled because I'm holding back in my marriage, because I feel gross and like it's not possible he could love me like this. So how could I be satisfied when I'm on the outskirts of everything?
Then again, I think I keep looking at other men because I'm not happy now, and I'm not happy now because of ME, not because of my husband. So if I'm happier with ME, I could loosen up and be a part of this union emotionally again, and then I wouldn't be looking elsewhere for someone to give me worth.
So yes, I've thought about using pictures of me when I was thin as motivation - but right now those pictures would send me a mixed message of both hope and fear. Of course, my current pictures do the same - I'm disgusted with my appearance, but my baby is in them, and I've been fat her whole life, and me looking this way is also associated with the happiest moments of my life - all involving her.
I say I don't expect losing weight to fix things - but I guess that's me trying to fool myself into believing it. From what I've just typed, I've put a lot of pressure on losing weight. Suddenly I'll love myself, and have a better marriage, and be a better mother, and everything in my life will be better. Well good heavens, what if I lose weight and NONE of that happens? What will I do then? I might have to face some other truths that I don't want to know about. If I stay safely fat, I never have to find out.
I'm thinking I could follow this diet to a "t" and still not succeed. That's depressing. Mind over matter - in this case, my mind holding on desperately to the matter to avoid other possibly unpleasant things. I've never liked myself, even when I was "thin." I never thought of myself that way - I've always been fat and ugly to myself. I've felt those things on the good list in isolated moments, but never reliably. I could feel them all now, I know that, but I don't. And I think I have to feel them now in order to lose the weight.
I have to feel sexy, confident, and alive to act that way. I have to feel good about myself in order to improve myself.
So here's my little self-therapy idea. Each day I'm going to look at my good list and pick one thing on it to focus on feeling. Fake it till I make it. So today, how about I choose "in control of my food." I might have to use that one for a couple of days. I think that might be an issue, especially after the awful two days I've just had. I'm an actress (loosely used term), I can become a character. I will be a new woman. Not the old fat one - she's insecure - not even the old thin one - she's reckless - but a new one - no weight label.
I've been trying to write a little affirmation here for the last few minutes. It's all too corny. Positive self-talk always sounds goofy, doesn't it? But I like the idea of focusing on the positive. Focusing on the negative is backwards. Instead of running away from what I don't want, I should be running toward a healthier, happier life. Running away implies something is always chasing me, following me, there to swallow me up the second I take a misstep. Running towards something accomplishes a goal, accounts for stumbles and rest stops without stopping the journey.
Well - I don't know how I'll feel about all this in a few days - or even a few hours - but for now I am VERY late for a meal - I've been up four hours and haven't eaten a thing - so happy 4th everybody.
Also - my husband and stepson love the Simpsons - I've seen that episode! So true - I'm fat, I'll always be fat, everyone hates me because I'm fat, I have no one so I might as well eat more and get fatter because who will care? And at least then I'll be happy - for the five minutes I'm inhaling some junk. Man, when you say things like that it's so clear how food can be a drug.
OK - I'm back on the wagon!!
On Sunday after my minor cave at the picnic, I made it a major cave and went out to get Chinese. I forgot all about my husband's new diet because of his cholesterol, so I got way too much - and he ate some and I felt like a wicked temptress (in a BAD way) for bringing it into the house. So yesterday I ate all the rest so he wouldn't. Heaven forbid we throw it away, I spent good money on it - although a lot of it did go to waste anyway because I couldn't finish it.
So this morning, I was thinking that yesterday I didn't get a chance to have any ice cream, and I'd really like some, so I should just cheat again today and make a weekend of it and start fresh tomorrow. I actually have been thinking of a list of things I'll miss and how I can eat them all today. Binge, you say? Addicted to food, you say? And how.
See, I don't have any triggers in the house. I go out and get them.
Then, Karli, I read your post. I'm NOT going to make a day of it. I'm going to be "good" today. Why is it so much easier to think I'm entitled to the taste of yummy foods, than to think I deserve the feel of a healthy body? Well, I think "easier" is the key word. Healthy = hard work. Crappy = status quo.
I am afraid to be thin because I did a lot of things I'm not proud of during the brief period when I was thin. I was in college - I drank to the point of blacking out at least three times a week for four months straight. I was told things I'd done the night before on many occasions that I had absolutely no memory of. I was promiscuous and unsafe about it. I cheated often on whomever I was dating with whoever was available at the moment. I was a cesspool of moral depravity, to avoid using the "w" word.
I have changed - but I don't trust that I've changed. Two years ago, before I was pregnant with my daughter, I was entertaining thoughts of an affair. I was flirting very inappropriately with someone I was doing a musical with. He was friendly but not interested - but I've had feelings before of dissatisfaction with my marriage, and had impure thoughts about men at my workplace frequently, and I've always wondered if I were thin and attractive to men, would I have strayed? Is my fat the only thing keeping me from committing adultery? That's a big part of my fear of success on all the diets I've tried. I'm afraid being thin will ruin my marriage. Ironic, isn't it, since a few items on my list involve being attractive to my husband. But I feel like I'm not fulfilled because I'm holding back in my marriage, because I feel gross and like it's not possible he could love me like this. So how could I be satisfied when I'm on the outskirts of everything?
Then again, I think I keep looking at other men because I'm not happy now, and I'm not happy now because of ME, not because of my husband. So if I'm happier with ME, I could loosen up and be a part of this union emotionally again, and then I wouldn't be looking elsewhere for someone to give me worth.
So yes, I've thought about using pictures of me when I was thin as motivation - but right now those pictures would send me a mixed message of both hope and fear. Of course, my current pictures do the same - I'm disgusted with my appearance, but my baby is in them, and I've been fat her whole life, and me looking this way is also associated with the happiest moments of my life - all involving her.
I say I don't expect losing weight to fix things - but I guess that's me trying to fool myself into believing it. From what I've just typed, I've put a lot of pressure on losing weight. Suddenly I'll love myself, and have a better marriage, and be a better mother, and everything in my life will be better. Well good heavens, what if I lose weight and NONE of that happens? What will I do then? I might have to face some other truths that I don't want to know about. If I stay safely fat, I never have to find out.
I'm thinking I could follow this diet to a "t" and still not succeed. That's depressing. Mind over matter - in this case, my mind holding on desperately to the matter to avoid other possibly unpleasant things. I've never liked myself, even when I was "thin." I never thought of myself that way - I've always been fat and ugly to myself. I've felt those things on the good list in isolated moments, but never reliably. I could feel them all now, I know that, but I don't. And I think I have to feel them now in order to lose the weight.
I have to feel sexy, confident, and alive to act that way. I have to feel good about myself in order to improve myself.
So here's my little self-therapy idea. Each day I'm going to look at my good list and pick one thing on it to focus on feeling. Fake it till I make it. So today, how about I choose "in control of my food." I might have to use that one for a couple of days. I think that might be an issue, especially after the awful two days I've just had. I'm an actress (loosely used term), I can become a character. I will be a new woman. Not the old fat one - she's insecure - not even the old thin one - she's reckless - but a new one - no weight label.
I've been trying to write a little affirmation here for the last few minutes. It's all too corny. Positive self-talk always sounds goofy, doesn't it? But I like the idea of focusing on the positive. Focusing on the negative is backwards. Instead of running away from what I don't want, I should be running toward a healthier, happier life. Running away implies something is always chasing me, following me, there to swallow me up the second I take a misstep. Running towards something accomplishes a goal, accounts for stumbles and rest stops without stopping the journey.
Well - I don't know how I'll feel about all this in a few days - or even a few hours - but for now I am VERY late for a meal - I've been up four hours and haven't eaten a thing - so happy 4th everybody.
Also - my husband and stepson love the Simpsons - I've seen that episode! So true - I'm fat, I'll always be fat, everyone hates me because I'm fat, I have no one so I might as well eat more and get fatter because who will care? And at least then I'll be happy - for the five minutes I'm inhaling some junk. Man, when you say things like that it's so clear how food can be a drug.
OK - I'm back on the wagon!!
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by nickieluv » July 4th, 2006, 7:15 pm
Oh man - guilt. I've been reading some posts on the forum - old ones, about motivation and inspiration and things. I've read about people who are worse off than me by degree only - I have done and felt many of the things people have "confessed" here. Reading my own thoughts in someone else's words was so powerful. I have snuck food, I have made runs to the store to replace things I ate, I have gone out of my way for food, I have eaten to the point of sickness almost even when my mind begged me to stop. I have self-sabotaged every diet for the temporary high of food.
I did it again today. Pizza Hut and Friendly's ice cream. I feel stuffed, I feel a little ill - I am mad and disappointed in myself. I am cheating myself into probable diabetes, an early grave for myself and my husband and my children because of the example I am setting. I am being selfish beyond all measure, and also the opposite - I am not caring for myself in the least, just going for what's quick and easy.
I'm very tired tonight - stayed up way too late, and I have to work in the morning. I feel on the verge of tears. I don't know if I can conquer all my demons. I don't know if I'm really ready. I don't want to miss out on my children's lives - I want to be healthy enough to have many more kids still. What will it take to get through to me?
I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Today was a disaster and right now I am so sad and depressed I can't focus on the future at all. I'm going to try to get a good night's sleep tonight, and hopefully start tomorrow feeling better.
All my talk earlier was obviously just talk. I am deeply emotionally flawed and some diet isn't going to fix it. And NO diet is going to work until it is fixed. I don't know - I need to think. I'm going to take some water upstairs and lie down and mull things over for a bit in silence.
I am glad this place is here, though. Whatever happens I've been touched by what I've read and experienced here more than any other place online (not that I'm a real big surfer or anything, but still, I like it here). Oh, and if you're in the midst of a trade with me, no worries - it's all still on. I'm not quitting Medifast. I just need some time to think right now. Hopefully it will do some good.
I did it again today. Pizza Hut and Friendly's ice cream. I feel stuffed, I feel a little ill - I am mad and disappointed in myself. I am cheating myself into probable diabetes, an early grave for myself and my husband and my children because of the example I am setting. I am being selfish beyond all measure, and also the opposite - I am not caring for myself in the least, just going for what's quick and easy.
I'm very tired tonight - stayed up way too late, and I have to work in the morning. I feel on the verge of tears. I don't know if I can conquer all my demons. I don't know if I'm really ready. I don't want to miss out on my children's lives - I want to be healthy enough to have many more kids still. What will it take to get through to me?
I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Today was a disaster and right now I am so sad and depressed I can't focus on the future at all. I'm going to try to get a good night's sleep tonight, and hopefully start tomorrow feeling better.
All my talk earlier was obviously just talk. I am deeply emotionally flawed and some diet isn't going to fix it. And NO diet is going to work until it is fixed. I don't know - I need to think. I'm going to take some water upstairs and lie down and mull things over for a bit in silence.
I am glad this place is here, though. Whatever happens I've been touched by what I've read and experienced here more than any other place online (not that I'm a real big surfer or anything, but still, I like it here). Oh, and if you're in the midst of a trade with me, no worries - it's all still on. I'm not quitting Medifast. I just need some time to think right now. Hopefully it will do some good.
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by Karli » July 4th, 2006, 9:03 pm
Hi Nickieluv,
Are you resting ? Somebody once told me something along these lines :
'when the pain and fear of staying the same is greater than the pain and fear of making a change, we will take the steps necessary to change'
You know, every conscientious individual has done things that they are not proud of. And although it can be useful to let an inner sense, like guilt, guide us into clearer and healthier pathways, once we are taking the steps we need to move forward, the guilt has no more use. There is always a bigger picture that seems to be influencing us. The catch is, what are we as individuals going to do about it ?
I have a little model that I have used to check in with myself. I think that when one is sticking to it from the heart (and only the individual knows best), one is living one's full potential. Also, I think that ultimately living one's full potential is something that we do in every moment, not at a certain point in time. We can only live out the ideas we have somewhere within our being to live out, and we can only do what is in our power to do. That's all it will ever be. But, the good news is, there is always room for growth (in the best ways), and we are always capable of more than we suspect.
My model has three ingredients :
1. Inspiration
2. Action
3. Commitment
One of my favorite thoughts regarding inspiration is that inspiration without action is merely euphoria. Action without commitment gets us nowhere.
Just because you have expressed some things that matter to you and that you want to do, but did not live them all out today, does not, by any means, mean that it was all talk. You have a right to want a healthy lifestyle, and you do have the integrity to be inspired by, commit to and act on that.
As a creative person, and as a mother and a teacher, you know that learning has to be tailored to the individual. If you were one of your favorite and cherished students, coming to you as your own teacher for help, what would you do for her ? What would you say to her ?
What if you did not try to go on plan tomorrow ? What if you gave yourself a little space to sort out some things that may be getting in your way, while taking some steps that you can live with to help you prepare for going on plan in the future ?
You know, I think everyone is somewhat emotionally flawed. And no, no diet alone is going to fix that. And yes, to stay with healthy habits in one's life, those emotional challenges need to be dealt with. But, I think this happens simultaneously. You learn a little, then you take a couple of steps... then you learn a little more, then you take a couple more steps.
If you look at the TSFL plan, there are some basic principles that are involved. One of them is in eating incrementally. What if you take just that one, and find a way to commit to it, no matter what it is that you are eating ? Do you think there is any food in the world that you could commit to eating in increments similarly to what the MF/TSFL plan suggests ?
7am -- 10 am -- 1 pm -- 4 pm -- 6 pm -- 9 pm
And if at each of those hours, you ate a set amount that you decide the day before (even if it's six pieces of pizza), but eat no longer than 20-30 minutes at a time (remember you have set amounts).
Why not start there ? Do you think that this kind of planned eating would be worse than what is currently happening for you ? And, each day is a new day. So, you could make different choices for the next day if the one before didn't suit you well enough.
Nickieluv, take things one step at a time, okay ? Other than posting the things you want to feel instead of feeling what you hate about being over-weight, do you think you could focus your reasons for losing weight ? Could you post 10 reasons in your journal here, and let us read them ?
You are going to be just fine, Nickieluv.
Kind regards,
Karli
Are you resting ? Somebody once told me something along these lines :
'when the pain and fear of staying the same is greater than the pain and fear of making a change, we will take the steps necessary to change'
You know, every conscientious individual has done things that they are not proud of. And although it can be useful to let an inner sense, like guilt, guide us into clearer and healthier pathways, once we are taking the steps we need to move forward, the guilt has no more use. There is always a bigger picture that seems to be influencing us. The catch is, what are we as individuals going to do about it ?
I have a little model that I have used to check in with myself. I think that when one is sticking to it from the heart (and only the individual knows best), one is living one's full potential. Also, I think that ultimately living one's full potential is something that we do in every moment, not at a certain point in time. We can only live out the ideas we have somewhere within our being to live out, and we can only do what is in our power to do. That's all it will ever be. But, the good news is, there is always room for growth (in the best ways), and we are always capable of more than we suspect.
My model has three ingredients :
1. Inspiration
2. Action
3. Commitment
One of my favorite thoughts regarding inspiration is that inspiration without action is merely euphoria. Action without commitment gets us nowhere.
Just because you have expressed some things that matter to you and that you want to do, but did not live them all out today, does not, by any means, mean that it was all talk. You have a right to want a healthy lifestyle, and you do have the integrity to be inspired by, commit to and act on that.
As a creative person, and as a mother and a teacher, you know that learning has to be tailored to the individual. If you were one of your favorite and cherished students, coming to you as your own teacher for help, what would you do for her ? What would you say to her ?
What if you did not try to go on plan tomorrow ? What if you gave yourself a little space to sort out some things that may be getting in your way, while taking some steps that you can live with to help you prepare for going on plan in the future ?
You know, I think everyone is somewhat emotionally flawed. And no, no diet alone is going to fix that. And yes, to stay with healthy habits in one's life, those emotional challenges need to be dealt with. But, I think this happens simultaneously. You learn a little, then you take a couple of steps... then you learn a little more, then you take a couple more steps.
If you look at the TSFL plan, there are some basic principles that are involved. One of them is in eating incrementally. What if you take just that one, and find a way to commit to it, no matter what it is that you are eating ? Do you think there is any food in the world that you could commit to eating in increments similarly to what the MF/TSFL plan suggests ?
7am -- 10 am -- 1 pm -- 4 pm -- 6 pm -- 9 pm
And if at each of those hours, you ate a set amount that you decide the day before (even if it's six pieces of pizza), but eat no longer than 20-30 minutes at a time (remember you have set amounts).
Why not start there ? Do you think that this kind of planned eating would be worse than what is currently happening for you ? And, each day is a new day. So, you could make different choices for the next day if the one before didn't suit you well enough.
Nickieluv, take things one step at a time, okay ? Other than posting the things you want to feel instead of feeling what you hate about being over-weight, do you think you could focus your reasons for losing weight ? Could you post 10 reasons in your journal here, and let us read them ?
You are going to be just fine, Nickieluv.
Kind regards,
Karli
- Karli
- Preferred Member - #50 Club
- Posts: 1658
- Joined: June 24th, 2006, 11:20 pm
by nickieluv » July 5th, 2006, 11:11 am
Karli, thank you for all the kind words and insights. I was in such a bad mood last night - and I didn't actually get to mull things over at all, because as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.
This morning I just had a shake and packed my supplements for work like I've been doing, and while the cold pizza still is tempting (my husband is taking it to work with him to give away so it won't be in the house anymore) I'm going to stick with the supplements.
I'm going full fast for a few days - 6 supplements a day, no "real" food. I have always been an all-or-nothing person and nothing is not cutting it for me anymore, so I'm choosing all. Mainly I'm doing it because I don't have any lean in the house - only green - and need to go shopping. But also, I want to look at this as a kind of cleansing time. I need to simplify. I need to experience what it's like to have other things to think about besides food and weight. So for five days - or whatever feels right - I'm doing it this way.
Don't worry - I'm not the type to wallow in guilt, it's passed for now. I'm not saying I won't mess up and feel bad later, but this episode is over. Karli, your list of three is intriguing - I'm missing the first ingredient, inspiration. I have the ability to take action and commit, but I don't have any really GOOD reasons in my heart for losing weight. I have the reasons I THINK I should lose, but they're not a real part of me. I'm missing the real desire.
I do hate the items on my list, and I do want to feel the items on my second list, but I've dodged the bullets of diabetes and heart disease and high cholesterol etc. I want to set a good example for my daughter, but so far she's eating mostly pre-prepped baby foods so what I eat isn't really an issue yet - we're not making family meals. I was thinking about it feeding her dinner yesterday - that when she's only a little older - she's almost ready for table foods - that I can't eat out all the time, or just eat supplements - I'll have to cook for her and set a good example. So losing weight now really should be urgent - I'm not tempted by a lot of kid foods, I can afford to do the supplements time-wise - it's a good time to try.
But right now, losing weight feels like a job - an "ought-to" instead of a "want-to." So I'm going to approach it as a job. Right now it is my job to eat a certain way. I can't skip days, I can't call in sick, I just have to do it so I'll get paid (results). Maybe, as you say Karli, the inspiration will come. Maybe as I experience some success it will be easier - or more attractive to me - to continue this way of life.
A little change at a time. My change for now will be my behavior. As that becomes more focused on things that are good for me, maybe my emotions will catch up and start to feel worthy.
At any rate, it's a good theory, and I'm sick of feeling sick about my actions. I want to be proud of them. So I'm changing them! I can't sit around and wait for my brain to be ready right now. I need to move ahead in whatever way I can.
This morning I just had a shake and packed my supplements for work like I've been doing, and while the cold pizza still is tempting (my husband is taking it to work with him to give away so it won't be in the house anymore) I'm going to stick with the supplements.
I'm going full fast for a few days - 6 supplements a day, no "real" food. I have always been an all-or-nothing person and nothing is not cutting it for me anymore, so I'm choosing all.
Mainly I'm doing it because I don't have any lean in the house - only green - and need to go shopping. But also, I want to look at this as a kind of cleansing time. I need to simplify. I need to experience what it's like to have other things to think about besides food and weight. So for five days - or whatever feels right - I'm doing it this way.
Don't worry - I'm not the type to wallow in guilt, it's passed for now. I'm not saying I won't mess up and feel bad later, but this episode is over. Karli, your list of three is intriguing - I'm missing the first ingredient, inspiration. I have the ability to take action and commit, but I don't have any really GOOD reasons in my heart for losing weight. I have the reasons I THINK I should lose, but they're not a real part of me. I'm missing the real desire.
I do hate the items on my list, and I do want to feel the items on my second list, but I've dodged the bullets of diabetes and heart disease and high cholesterol etc. I want to set a good example for my daughter, but so far she's eating mostly pre-prepped baby foods so what I eat isn't really an issue yet - we're not making family meals. I was thinking about it feeding her dinner yesterday - that when she's only a little older - she's almost ready for table foods - that I can't eat out all the time, or just eat supplements - I'll have to cook for her and set a good example. So losing weight now really should be urgent - I'm not tempted by a lot of kid foods, I can afford to do the supplements time-wise - it's a good time to try.
But right now, losing weight feels like a job - an "ought-to" instead of a "want-to." So I'm going to approach it as a job. Right now it is my job to eat a certain way. I can't skip days, I can't call in sick, I just have to do it so I'll get paid (results). Maybe, as you say Karli, the inspiration will come. Maybe as I experience some success it will be easier - or more attractive to me - to continue this way of life.
A little change at a time. My change for now will be my behavior. As that becomes more focused on things that are good for me, maybe my emotions will catch up and start to feel worthy.
At any rate, it's a good theory, and I'm sick of feeling sick about my actions. I want to be proud of them. So I'm changing them! I can't sit around and wait for my brain to be ready right now. I need to move ahead in whatever way I can.
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by Karli » July 5th, 2006, 3:00 pm
nickieluv wrote: Karli, your list of three is intriguing - I'm missing the first ingredient, inspiration. I have the ability to take action and commit, but I don't have any really GOOD reasons in my heart for losing weight. I have the reasons I THINK I should lose, but they're not a real part of me. I'm missing the real desire.
Hi Nickieluv, I am happy you brought this up, and your attitude is very healthy today. In that model that I put up, with the three ingredients, all of them are interchangeable, just as long as all three are there (eventually). Just like a C Major triad, no matter what order you place the three ingredients, it's still a C Major triad.
So, as you say, often the commitment and the action will bring about the inspiration. I am sure you have experienced this countless times in your life already, with various things. However, it might be helpful for you, at this point, to become more aware of this particular phenomenon in your daily life -- whatever it is that you are doing... because it's all connected.
Be on the lookout for things that ring true for you.
And yes, things will become more clear when you take some steps. All of the real reasons for you to do what you are doing are already resting peacefully and patiently inside of you. You know them, on some level, it's just a matter of becoming aware of them. I suspect that as you live your commitment, you will feel the reasons. The way you are living will just ring true to you, and you will find that what you are living outwardly is what you are feeling inwardly, and vice versa. And that little triangle of "full-potential" that I posted above will be mingling with each other and working their magic, and for you, there will feel like little difference between the three.
Take care and thanks for posting in
.
Karli
- Karli
- Preferred Member - #50 Club
- Posts: 1658
- Joined: June 24th, 2006, 11:20 pm
Hi
by dede4wd » July 6th, 2006, 11:18 pm
Karli, your list of three is intriguing - I'm missing the first ingredient, inspiration. I have the ability to take action and commit, but I don't have any really GOOD reasons in my heart for losing weight. I have the reasons I THINK I should lose, but they're not a real part of me. I'm missing the real desire.
This part of your post really struck me. I have that inspiration for MF & losing the weight, but I can't find it for cigarettes, I know we'll find it!
DeDe
Age: 37 Ht: 5'10"
-
dede4wd - Preferred Member - #50 Club
- Posts: 3934
- Joined: March 14th, 2006, 11:08 pm
- Location: Phoenix, AZ
by nickieluv » July 7th, 2006, 11:27 am
Well, I didn't post yesterday - I'm still here, still hanging in - but not doing well.
Wednesday I was 100% on program. Water, meals, the works. Then yesterday I was on my way to being just as good - and temptation was thrown in my path - or more accurately, the means to temptation was, and I curved my path to meet it.
My piano students mostly cancelled on Tuesday because of the holiday, but I did have one. His parents weren't home when he left to come over (he rides his bike) so he didn't have a check. Now, these people ALWAYS pay with a check. He showed up at my door yesterday after Little League practice with CASH. What does cash mean to me? Junk food.
Well, as of that moment I was off program. I spent the next hour and a half thinking of where I wanted to spend that money, and then feeling like a junkie, I strapped my baby in the car and went to Taco Bell AND McDonalds for my fix. Feeling bad about it the whole time, but moving forward anyway with my evil plan.
I'm going to counseling. This is just not normal diet-aversion behavior. It's not like I'm grabbing junk in the house that's easily available and derailing my progress. I'm searching it out and dreaming of it.
I heard a something on talk-radio today on the way home from work. The guy was talking about poverty, but it applies to me too, I think. He said that if you throw a poor man a ton of money, within a year or two he'll be poor again because he is BEHAVIORALLY PROGRAMMED to be poor. He doesn't know any other way, and he will unconsciously seek out that state of being because it is comfortable and familiar and safe for him.
That really got to me. I'm behaviorally programmed to be fat. Everything in my life from early childhood on has set me up to be fat - all my behaviors regarding food. I was able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. Food was most definitely a reward for good grades, birthdays, special occasions. Food was part of how my Dad and I bonded - he managed a grocery store and would always bring home some treat every night for us to share in front of the television. My favorite thing to do was read, not get out and play actively - and whenever I read, I had a bag of chips or cookies or something by my side and I ate mindlessly, often the entire package.
So with all this, how can I think it's as simple as trying this or that diet, setting up non-food rewards for weight lost, just quickly making a change? If I woke up thin tomorrow, I'd still have all these behaviors and habits, and within a year I'd be huge again.
I know part of the point of Medifast is to train yourself to eat smaller meals more frequently, and view food as fuel rather than indulgence - but I keep thinking "when I finish this diet I can eat normally again." Which is true - but what I think is normal is most definitely NOT normal. I don't even know how to begin to eat and think and act like a thin person. What are the behaviors that characterize thinness? I don't even have any thin relatives or friends that I can talk to and ask.
So please - and I'm going to post this on another board, too, not just my journal, to get some discussion going - does anyone out there have an answer? What are normal food behaviors? What changes do I really need to make so that I don't regain this weight, once I lose it? Because I WILL lose it - I just need a lot more help and a lot more guidance than I thought at first. It's not as easy as just sticking to Medifast - I need to deal with a whole bunch of things, I think.
I've talked about my other emotional issues before, keeping me from losing weight, so I won't go back into them now. I guess I just wanted to check in and say that I recognize I need professional help to stop these self-sabotaging and really, eventually if I don't fix them, self-destroying behaviors. I think I must have a lot of self-hatred just under the surface, and a LOT of fear, and while this forum is great, a licensed therapist it ain't - although there may be some on this board, I'm sure.
Has anyone else undergone counseling during their weight-loss journey, even for issues unrelated to weight (as I'm sure mine are too, at heart)? Has it helped your life? I remain generally skeptical of counseling, but I need to do something or I will keep breaking down and wrecking my body.
At some point I think this became rambling. Sorry. I'll go now.
Wednesday I was 100% on program. Water, meals, the works. Then yesterday I was on my way to being just as good - and temptation was thrown in my path - or more accurately, the means to temptation was, and I curved my path to meet it.
My piano students mostly cancelled on Tuesday because of the holiday, but I did have one. His parents weren't home when he left to come over (he rides his bike) so he didn't have a check. Now, these people ALWAYS pay with a check. He showed up at my door yesterday after Little League practice with CASH. What does cash mean to me? Junk food.
Well, as of that moment I was off program. I spent the next hour and a half thinking of where I wanted to spend that money, and then feeling like a junkie, I strapped my baby in the car and went to Taco Bell AND McDonalds for my fix. Feeling bad about it the whole time, but moving forward anyway with my evil plan.
I'm going to counseling. This is just not normal diet-aversion behavior. It's not like I'm grabbing junk in the house that's easily available and derailing my progress. I'm searching it out and dreaming of it.
I heard a something on talk-radio today on the way home from work. The guy was talking about poverty, but it applies to me too, I think. He said that if you throw a poor man a ton of money, within a year or two he'll be poor again because he is BEHAVIORALLY PROGRAMMED to be poor. He doesn't know any other way, and he will unconsciously seek out that state of being because it is comfortable and familiar and safe for him.
That really got to me. I'm behaviorally programmed to be fat. Everything in my life from early childhood on has set me up to be fat - all my behaviors regarding food. I was able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. Food was most definitely a reward for good grades, birthdays, special occasions. Food was part of how my Dad and I bonded - he managed a grocery store and would always bring home some treat every night for us to share in front of the television. My favorite thing to do was read, not get out and play actively - and whenever I read, I had a bag of chips or cookies or something by my side and I ate mindlessly, often the entire package.
So with all this, how can I think it's as simple as trying this or that diet, setting up non-food rewards for weight lost, just quickly making a change? If I woke up thin tomorrow, I'd still have all these behaviors and habits, and within a year I'd be huge again.
I know part of the point of Medifast is to train yourself to eat smaller meals more frequently, and view food as fuel rather than indulgence - but I keep thinking "when I finish this diet I can eat normally again." Which is true - but what I think is normal is most definitely NOT normal. I don't even know how to begin to eat and think and act like a thin person. What are the behaviors that characterize thinness? I don't even have any thin relatives or friends that I can talk to and ask.
So please - and I'm going to post this on another board, too, not just my journal, to get some discussion going - does anyone out there have an answer? What are normal food behaviors? What changes do I really need to make so that I don't regain this weight, once I lose it? Because I WILL lose it - I just need a lot more help and a lot more guidance than I thought at first. It's not as easy as just sticking to Medifast - I need to deal with a whole bunch of things, I think.
I've talked about my other emotional issues before, keeping me from losing weight, so I won't go back into them now. I guess I just wanted to check in and say that I recognize I need professional help to stop these self-sabotaging and really, eventually if I don't fix them, self-destroying behaviors. I think I must have a lot of self-hatred just under the surface, and a LOT of fear, and while this forum is great, a licensed therapist it ain't - although there may be some on this board, I'm sure.
Has anyone else undergone counseling during their weight-loss journey, even for issues unrelated to weight (as I'm sure mine are too, at heart)? Has it helped your life? I remain generally skeptical of counseling, but I need to do something or I will keep breaking down and wrecking my body.
At some point I think this became rambling. Sorry. I'll go now.
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
by nickieluv » July 11th, 2006, 7:34 pm
Well, I'm saying goodbye for now. I'll stop in every so often and let whoever may be interested know how I'm doing.
After a whole lot of thinking I decided that I'm not doing my daughter any favors by showing her that the only way to succeed with food is to ban it from your life. Essentially that's what this does, other than the one lean and green meal. It gives you safe, pre-measured supplements so that you can't go wrong. Obviously I've proven it's not foolproof. My food addiction is not allowing me to do this plan - and yes I mean that, the addiction is in control at this point in time. I need to work to fix that.
The support and answers here have been great - that's why I'm hoping this thread won't be deleted and I can come back from time to time with updates. I may be back on the program someday - I'm just not ready now. I'm not sure what I'm going to try right now - I just know it won't be a "diet" in the sense of some preconceived plan. I need to change some lifelong habits right now. I'm keeping some of the tenets of this plan - smaller meals, more frequently - but I'm going to try to focus on real foods that I prepare. I have to get used to cooking meals sooner or later, because my daughter gets closer every day to eating "people food," as we call it. I'm going to try a very simple rule - not to eat anything that I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding to her.
We'll see how it goes - so far it hasn't been great, but right now I'm still coasting on my downhill slide. I haven't started chugging up the other side yet. And it's very, very late here, so I'm going to do a quick couple of posts on the weight loss board and the swap board and then get to bed.
Thank you to all who helped me in the last few weeks. And good luck to all on your journeys!
After a whole lot of thinking I decided that I'm not doing my daughter any favors by showing her that the only way to succeed with food is to ban it from your life. Essentially that's what this does, other than the one lean and green meal. It gives you safe, pre-measured supplements so that you can't go wrong. Obviously I've proven it's not foolproof.
My food addiction is not allowing me to do this plan - and yes I mean that, the addiction is in control at this point in time. I need to work to fix that.
The support and answers here have been great - that's why I'm hoping this thread won't be deleted and I can come back from time to time with updates. I may be back on the program someday - I'm just not ready now. I'm not sure what I'm going to try right now - I just know it won't be a "diet" in the sense of some preconceived plan. I need to change some lifelong habits right now. I'm keeping some of the tenets of this plan - smaller meals, more frequently - but I'm going to try to focus on real foods that I prepare. I have to get used to cooking meals sooner or later, because my daughter gets closer every day to eating "people food," as we call it. I'm going to try a very simple rule - not to eat anything that I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding to her.
We'll see how it goes - so far it hasn't been great, but right now I'm still coasting on my downhill slide. I haven't started chugging up the other side yet. And it's very, very late here, so I'm going to do a quick couple of posts on the weight loss board and the swap board and then get to bed.
Thank you to all who helped me in the last few weeks. And good luck to all on your journeys!
-
nickieluv - Preferred Member - #10 Club
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: June 21st, 2006, 4:09 pm
- Location: Central New York
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