The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

I'm really feeling tired today and at first I was getting discouraged - thinking maybe something was wrong with my thyroid meds - and of course when I'm sad it's harder for me to resist temptation. But then I realized this feeling is normal at this point in the game. This was day 5 of compliance and it'll be a few more days before I start to feel that energy that I love so much when I'm in the MediZone. It'll come - I can't wait!

I've been fine today. There was a BBQ at my mom's new house, and my grandma had brought some raw string beans - so between that and the meat I was able to have a L&G. But then there were such good foods - chips and dip, macaroni salad - and especially, these special cookies that my grandma always makes because she knows they are my favorite (and a lot of other people's favorite in my family, too!) and I couldn't have one. But I did it. I had a diet soda and that was like my treat.

So tomorrow will be my first compliant weigh-in in a while. It wasn't even fully a compliant week, either, since my first 'good' day was Tuesday - but, I did it.

My husband needs the computer so - see you all at roll call tomorrow!

[bikipatra]

Congrats on the compliance! I have no idea when I was last in the Medizone. I haven't been able to go 3-4 days without a bulimic episode so the weight I am losing is based on being on a low calorie diet not ketosis. I really hope this week will be a good one and we can all stay compliant!

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Biki! I know with work starting that it will be easier - if I can get past the stress eating urges that might crop up.

I've done something that was either really stupid or really smart.

We are implementing the new budget system this month, and looking for ways to cut expenses as we transition into it - so that we don't get any further in the hole before we're able to get out of it. So my monthly MF order consisted of 2 boxes of chocolate mint bars. That's it. Completely. I have so many packets in the cupboard that in the spirit of sacrifice and teamwork, rather than load up on RTDs I thought I could make do for a month. I still have three cases of RTDs for the month - I'll have to ration them a bit, but I should be fine. Heck, I might find I love eating more variety and I might add more things into my order again. Who knows?

They didn't know what the specials were yet (I might change my batch date again next month actually, to the 10th or something (if I have enough food to last that long), because this has happened a lot) so I just went with the chocolate mint, even though there probably was another kind on sale that would have saved more - but I haven't had them in a few months and so it's kind of like a little treat for me. I remember loving them - I wonder if I still will? I hope they don't trigger any bad choices.

Speaking of choices - I have had, for the last 4 days including today - a PB snack. I know - it got me in trouble before. But I am finding it such a nice little treat. I have it during a hungry time - when I think I just can't make it until my next supplement time without a few Doritos or something to tide me over. That seems to be in the early afternoon. I am planning to eliminate it soon (and it will hopefully eliminate itself as I approach the MediZone - which I thought I was in this morning, but now I'm tired again). I thought I should say something, though - because in the past, I've had times when the PB was not in the least a trigger, and other times when it was. And I thought if I was keeping it a secret (not that I broadcast the details of my daily eating all the time) it probably meant I was anticipating it being a problem. So, now it's out there. I have not felt temptation to have more than the allotted amount, or to dip animal crackers in it - but I also think I should phase it out very soon. I think work will help that - more days of compliance under my belt, and a busier schedule.

I'm pretty excited about reaching goal. I know, I go back and forth - I'm excited, I'm afraid, etc. But some days one emotion wins out over the other. Today it's the excitement of being at a normal, healthy weight, using my body and building my strength, fully participating in life - because on days like today, I realize that my weight is still holding me back.

Maybe I shouldn't say that, though. Skinny people get tired, right? I was up until 2 last night and got up at 8. That's not enough sleep for me. So not wanting to do anything but read, lounge on the couch, watch a movie, and go to bed - that's not necessarily because I'm overweight. I could just be legitimately tired.

I guess at this point I don't see what losing more weight would do to change my life. I think I've made a lot of changes already. So now it would just be like more of the same. I could buy smaller sizes. I could stop the diet and really focus on becoming more athletic. I'm starting to doubt the running thing - but I'd like to find some way to get into sports in the area - something social AND exercise-like. I think I would really enjoy that.

I'm not saying this is good enough, where I'm at now. I'm just saying, when I'm in this mood, imagining myself as a thin person is not so hard. It doesn't seem so unusual. It seems more like the future I'm likely to see, if I keep going on this path - instead of a hopeless pipe dream.

I think that I am not making much sense because I am so tired. My eyes are even blurring the screen something awful. Too much reading lately. So I'm going to go, probably for the rest of the day. I'm not sure what we're doing tomorrow - there's talk of going to a movie and whatnot - so if I'm not on tomorrow, I'll see you soon after.

[Sojourner]

...there's talk of going to a movie and whatnot...

:twisted: Have fun with the "whatnot."

[nickieluv]

Oooh, you dirty thing you. And here I was afraid people thought 'whatnot' would mean a giant tub of popcorn! Thanks for the vote of confidence on both my sex appeal and my willpower.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself, and I actually got mad because I thought I had gained weight since yesterday. Never mind that if I had, that's normal for Monday and Tuesday for me, even when compliant. But the funny part is that the number was the lowest I've ever seen, and I thought it was a gain. Either I can't do math or I've been thinking so much about reaching goal that I thought I was there already!

So I had already stepped on again before I realized my mistake. I was sufficiently calmed when the number appeared again.

I wanted to be able to say I had lost 20 pounds over the summer. Well, that won't happen - but I can say I've lost another 15. And that's not so bad - better than nothing. It might still be a few weeks before the 14s fit well enough to wear them in public - but I do have a few new things that fit right now, then many that will fit soon - and yet another bag of things that I don't expect to fit until Christmas or so. Hopefully the end result of all this is that I won't feel the need to buy any more clothes or shoes until 2008. I've got that New Year's Eve outfit all planned out still - can't wait until I fit into THAT, boy will I feel tiny then! Of course, I have the outfit, but no place to wear it to. Yet.

Well, no big revelations for today. I can tell you, though, that my mood seems to be very changeable lately. I am approaching that time again, already, so that could be it. Man I hope it's more moderate this time, and I'm not biting off heads or anything. What a great first impression that would make on the kids!

[nickieluv]

Well - I just spent about 4 1/2 hours doing budget stuff. It was a lot of setup work in Excel and Quicken but now it's done, so it will take much less time in future months. It's a relief to have a plan - much like MF is a relief for me, when I'm compliant. I'm hoping to really lower my stress about money now. And we are getting excited about improving our situation.

We haven't really talked about waiting another year before having a baby - but the more I think about it, the more I think it's a good idea on many levels. It gives us time to eliminate virtually all of our debt, improve our credit and possibly refinance the truck for a lower interest rate and shorter term, and accumulate some substantial savings. And it also gives me time to reach goal, and then maintain for about a year before getting pregnant. That seems like a good idea to me - to lose a bunch of weight and then gain some back, even in a healthy way like pregnancy, seems like a lot of stress for my body. Better to let it be, let it learn what the new shape is like, before taxing it again.

As is my usual disclaimer - who knows what will actually happen - but I feel some peace about waiting. Yes, my daughter would then be 4 and in preschool when the new baby came along - but isn't that a good thing for me? A new baby is a lot of work, and I would have the break of half-day preschool when I could sleep when the baby sleeps and all that. And my mom will be retired by then, so she can help out with things if I am feeling overwhelmed.

All that's needed is to make some firm decisions and then stick by them, and you can accomplish anything. I truly think that having weight-loss success has inspired me to think that I can have peace in all areas of my life.

[nickieluv]

So - interesting. I split my L&G over about 90 minutes, because the L wasn't ready yet and I needed to eat, so I had the G first. But I should have had the G and a shake, because I wound up having my last two meals close together and late at night. I guess I'm in the MediZone? Because I did not in the least want either of them, and almost skipped the last one - but I didn't, because I knew that would mean I wasn't compliant, and I really do want to finish the race strong.

I've been compliant 45/58 days of the challenge. So I'd like to finish with 87/100 days. 6 more weeks. It's going to fly by, it's going to be a piece of chocolate mint bar (I almost said a piece of you-know-what), and I'm going to be in the 180s by the end of the challenge. I suppose I'll have to take 'after' pictures since I said I would in the challenge thread. But I won't put them in the studio. My exacting nature would not allow anything there but 90# club pics - especially since I'm really planning to go all the way to goal now.

I still have this little voice that wants goal to be here by Christmas. But my projection says the end of February. That's still not bad - since I was awful all of January, you could say I really started in February - so that would be a little over a year to lose 120#. Not too shabby! Of course the projection does not account for the 'close to goal' slowdown factor - but if that starts happening, as I said in Queenie's journal, I'll start up the exercise right away. For now, I'm enjoying not having to do it - but still investigating ways around here that I can get some fun activity in.

Well, that's all for tonight. First day of school tomorrow! Well, technically. I don't really think of it being the first day until kids come in and I'm teaching classes - tomorrow and Wednesday are just conference days. But still - the year has begun.

[bikipatra]

Did you ever see that doctor about your OCD diagnosis? Your "exacting nature."

[queenielou]

Hey Nickie,

Hope your first day back at school goes well - even if the kids aren't there yet. I'm excited for you (well, for both of us) that the 180s are soon approaching and we'll be at 165/164 before we know it!

Have a great day!

[Mike]

So my monthly MF order consisted of 2 boxes of chocolate mint bars. That's it. Completely. I have so many packets in the cupboard that in the spirit of sacrifice and teamwork, rather than load up on RTDs I thought I could make do for a month.

Okay, had me worried there for a sec Nickie. Hope all goes well, and yea for compliance.

[nickieluv]

Yes, Mike, I thought about contacting you and Diana to explain my order - I'm sorry I didn't! Back to full strength for October, though.

[dede4wd]

Just catching up and checking in to see how you're doing!

D

[nickieluv]

Thanks for peeking in, Dede!

I'm alive and well but have had yet another stumble.

I talked with my husband two days ago about waiting another year to get pregnant, so that we can get our lives more in order and ready. Well, the instant I heard that he was on the same page, it was like my brain said 'hey, you've got another year now before you have to hit goal - have some chocolate!'

I tried to at least stay low-carb yesterday, but I don't think cheescake counts. Today I had 2 MF meals (RTD and bar) and only one liter of water. But I didn't eat much of anything else, either - some chips and some animal crackers and three or four bites of pork. Oh, and two diet sodas. I didn't pack enough for work because it was a short day - and I didn't plan quite right - and then the day was just shot. There are lots of times I don't think that way, but today wasn't one of them.

I'm hoping it's out of my system. I mean, in the last month, every cheat has been unsatisfying. I ate too much and got uncomfortable - or what I ate didn't even taste very good. And then of course the consequences were not pleasing. The point of taking another year was not to increase the length of time I'm on a diet (although it's what I know, so maybe there's something to the idea that I'm avoiding losing more and making it to maintenance), the point was to lose it all and then have a year for my body to adjust to the new weight.

On another note - I'm going to have a challenge at work this year. Lots of them, I'm sure, but specifically a food/schedule challenge. I made sure to leave time in my schedule to accomodate this problem, but it's going to take some effort on my part. And a little exercise, as a matter of fact.

We have a student with a severe peanut allergy. Since mine is a common room, because the whole school comes to music, my classroom cannot have any food in it - ever. I can't even bring my wrapped supplements in the room. So I have to store everything in the faculty room and walk all the way from one end of the building to the other - literally - eat, and then walk back again. I have no more than 20 minutes to do this on most days. And my habit is that I get working and 'forget' to eat. So I'm thinking maybe I need a cheap egg timer that I can set if I'm starting some project, and it will go off when I need to walk down and get something to eat. That way it won't be so easy to skip. I'm going to see how I do tomorrow and Friday, and then probably pick up a timer after that.

I did ask about having water in the room - and that's fine. Thank goodness! The idea of having to walk across the building for a drink - ridiculous! And of course I figured water would be fine - can you imagine if someone was allergic to water? They couldn't survive, could they?

With all the accomodations that are being made for this little boy, I really feel for his family. His mom was in talking with us (the teachers who would have him in class) at the end of last year, in preparation for this year, and she said while they were still discovering how serious it was and didn't know what all would cause an allergic reaction - when he was still a baby, she had a peanut butter sandwich, and an hour later was sleeping with him on her chest - and just from her breathing into his face, he had a reaction. He is EXTREMELY sensitive to peanuts and all tree nuts. And do you know that nuts are in almost everything? Nuts or nut oils or nut products? It's crazy. I'm even checking my bath products so that on the day I have him in class, I'm careful not to use a soap or hair care product with any nut oils in it. And the nurse has to OK all items brought in from home before we can use them in school. Thank goodness I don't wear makeup - that would just be another huge drawer of stuff to check!

Well - it's been an off couple of days, and I'm still struggling with compliance - but at least I'm still struggling. It's now my new habit to stick with a diet instead of bail out after making a mistake - only took 8 months. So then - 8 months of transition and maintenance before it's my habit to stick with healthy eating?

[nickieluv]

It's almost midnight. Why am I still up? Tomorrow is going to be even harder if I'm tired. Of course with 4 diet sodas now in my system, the caffeine is going to make sleep tougher. Idiot!

[bikipatra]

Nicks, I hope today is a better day for you and you're able to stay compliant if that's what you want.