The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

No, I don't imagine it will be easy, Biki, to break the habits of the last several years and the last few days. But I know I'll be ready, and that always helps. I thought about waiting for school but I don't want to eat this way for 10 more days. I am looking forward to a couple of days of just healthy eating - real foods in normal amounts. And it's a relief to know that there is an end to all this - that there really does exist a point where I get sick of junk food. I didn't really think that was possible. But the last few days, just eating what I wanted and not feeling guilty about it - allowing myself truly to have anything - it's not fun after a while. It's just boring. And it accomplishes nothing, it's wasteful of money, energy, and time. I could be closer to my goal by now. If I'd not had these bad two weeks, maybe I would even be in the 180s.

But the upshot is - I'll be there eventually. I'm not giving up. I took a break, and it's been a long one, but it was actually freeing when after a couple of days I just admitted to myself from the moment I woke up that I wasn't going to be compliant. There was no guilt with what I ate. OK, except last night, because that was a shoveling binge and that was unnecessary. But I did it, it's over, and I'm done. I will be happy to go on plan again, and maybe the next two days will resemble on-plan eating somewhat in fact. I like the structure, I like the feelings, I like the results.

Maybe this is the downside of having a program that works so well. But I don't see this as a problem, unless I turn it into one by obsessing or punishing myself. It was nice to give up the struggle for a couple of days. Not that I'm saying MF is a struggle - I mean the struggle between 'will I be compliant or not?' It's the kind of freedom I feel when I'm in the zone and I just know I'm not going to eat anything off-plan. Except it's different because it's not as empowering, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything.

I had some fun moments this week. I took my sister to see the 5th Harry Potter movie - and before we did that, we spent two days watching the first 4 together at home. I spent the morning yesterday with three toddlers, watching them play together, and that was fabulous. Of course I changed 3 poopy diapers, too, but there have to be trade-offs in life. I was able to give my sister some clothes from my closet - not much, but we are now about the same size (I'm still a little bigger than her) so I gave up some clothes that actually still fit me because I wanted her to have some different things for school than just jeans and t-shirts. I also gave her 6 pairs of shoes, some hair accessories, and a necklace and bracelet set that I never wear. I worry about her - my dad has no clue about clothes, and her stepmom dresses nicely but she's in her 60s so she really does not dress my sister very - um - trendy, I guess. Not that trendy is all-important, but she's in 8th grade this year and we all remember what that was like. My sister is overweight and she slims down from time to time, but then gains more. She's growing so I never ever talk about diets with her - I believe that eventually she'll decide what she wants to look like and she'll make healthy choices and her body will find equilibrium. But her hair - her stylist must be 90 because she cuts her hair like she's 40 instead of 12. I hate her haircuts - they are not flattering at all - but what can I do? It's really none of my business but she's had so much to overcome - her mom committed suicide when she was 18 months old, so she never knew her, and her mom was also bipolar and an alcoholic, so we have to watch my sister carefully because that's all somewhat hereditary. My sister was premature and has had to have hearing aids since she was 4 and they figured out she had a problem - add to that her appearance, and the fact that she's naturally shy - she's different, and that's dangerous in junior high. So I worry. And I try to help without doing any harm in the process. And if all I can do is give her some clothes and shoes that I doubt she'll ever wear, then that's what I'll do.

I'm being judgemental, I know, and I'm filtering her life through my experiences, and I don't live with her so I don't really know what I'm talking about. *sigh*

Well, I don't think I missed anything from my last deleted post - salient points - not on-plan yet - going to be - going to reach goal - had a busy week - trying to eat more like maintenance this weekend than like a college student - that's about it.

Except I feel like something was on the tip of my tongue and I'm forgetting it. So I guess it wasn't that important. Well here goes - going to hit submit - wish me luck....

[queenielou]

Hi Nickie,

I'm glad to see you back. Sounds like you had a good visit with your sister which I'm sure is more important to her than anything else. How far does she live from you?

When does school start?

Enjoy your weekend!

[Tawanda]

Nickie, glad you are okay and back here posting.

[holberry]

Hi Nickie,
I was thinking about you this morning
Im betting that once you get back into the school schedule you will be right on program. There's no time to cheat and dont you find the 1st few weeks exhausting? You can play with baby and go to bed and start loosinig again.
good you are back!
hol

[nickieluv]

Queenie, my sister lives over an hour away - depending on the weather it can be 80 minutes or 100 (in winter). Now with the baby we hardly ever get out there, so it's nice to have her come spend a few days - we try to do it at least twice a year, in spring and summer.

Tawanda - I'm glad you're OK, too. Seek out more reflections, it's fun.

And Holberry, there is no doubt in my mind that I will become a losing machine when school starts. I miss that structure to my days so much! Not the actual working part, just the structure, ha ha. I think one of my big maintenance challenges will be remembering to eat when I'm not 'forced' to by the program requirements. I'll have to find something else that's just as easy to take along as MF shakes and bars, but more nutritious than Snickers and Pepsi!

Not much to say, just dropping by - it seems very quiet today after all the hub-bub of this week. Now I have tons of time to be here, but nothing to report!

You got me thinking about shoes, Holberry, in another of your posts. My sister and I went to the discount (of course) shoe store while we were out and about on Thursday - I looked at a pair of boots and a pair of brown heels but didn't buy them, and I have not been able to stop thinking about them. I have absolutely nothing to wear the long boots with, but they looked so cool! I could use a pair of shorter dressy boots to wear with dress pants - maybe I can find something.

My shoe staples were always one pair of sensible flats in each of the colors brown, navy, and black. So boring! My only fun shoes were in the summer when sandals are OK. This year I got rid of all my dowdy shoes. I have, therefore, almost nothing left for winter and school. Hence my preoccupation with boots. But I do have 2 pairs of black shoes, one heel and one heeled loafer. I've got that pair of brown heels on my mind - so cute!!!! That leaves navy, and apparently no one makes navy blue shoes anymore because I have always had the hardest time finding them. It's hard to find navy pants around here, too. But all I have are that one pair of flats that I had to look forever for - not throwing those out until I have replacements actually in my hot little hands.

I also bought some ballet flats in camo and leopard. I know - and I'll probably never wear them because what on earth would they match? - but they were cute and I couldn't resist. I left the tags on, though, so if they really don't match anything I can take them back.

It's still fun shopping for shoes, and I remember when that was all I could shop for with any sense of enjoyment - and then at my heaviest, that was taken away, too, because my ankles couldn't support me in anything but flats and even that was rough. I am so excited to be approaching my wedding weight soon, and eventually getting back to college weight or close. I'm sure things have shifted since I had a baby and I don't know how much I trust those BMI things anyway - 145 was my lowest ever and that is just barely 'normal' according to the charts. So right now I'm shooting for clothing sizes - 12 and medium, consistently and not just in a few 'well-cut' things. Then we'll see what weight that puts me at and where I need to go.

I know, I'm off-plan - but not for long. So these things will happen. By the way, my oranges were very good this morning. Enjoyable. And I'm saving room for some watermelon tomorrow at the picnic. Then it's back to RTDs with GLEE on Monday, as I head off on what should be a much straighter path from here to Christmas. I already bought my New Year's Eve outfit in medium and I am not even close to fitting into it now - so I have to make these few months count! And they will, ladies and gentlemen - hold onto your hats!

[bikipatra]

Nickie-flats in camo and leopards aren't supposed to match anything. They are designed to make a regular outfit funky. Wear them with jeans or shorts and a cute tshirt.

[queenielou]

I agree with Biki about the flats - you should wear them regardless. Yesterday I, too, had the shoe shopping bug. I got 5 pairs of flats (some of the ballet-like), a pair of navy heels and a pair of tall black boots. I don't know how comfortable the navy heels would be for you to teach in Nickie, but they were on sale at Macy's yesterday if there is one near you. I bought them because I know it's hard to find navy shoes that I like, not because I have anything to wear them with right now.

I'm loving all the choices of flats this season, though. They will make it much easier to walk around campus.

Oh, but now I want an orange!

[oregonrose]

Those flats will look great with everything from Jeans to tan slacks! Nancy the leopard lady would be so proud of you! I have a leopard sweater I plan to wear as soon as it fits! (sounds weird, sort of the top to a sweater set, pale print, pearl buttons, sort of a blending of Nancy Petit's style and mine!
Wear your flats with pride!

[holberry]

shoes
I just came back from shopping and found a pair of lizard flats. Love them!

[nickieluv]

Ah, wearing something on purpose that is not supposed to match - don't know if I can do it. If I wear jeans and a shirt, can the shirt be like a solid color that is found in the shoes? Like, I could wear a brown shirt with either pair. Sorry if I'm being stupid. I actually thought I would need a leopard shirt and a camo shirt to wear them - and where would I find that?

It is so hot here. Yuck. We're expecting big storms but you never know if that will cool things off or not - maybe it will wipe out some of the humidity, with any luck, at least.

I'm looking forward to our water park trip tomorrow - that's where they're holding this company picnic thing. My daughter has never been to a place like that before and I'm excited to take her on some of the kiddie rides and maybe even be able to fit on them with her, if they'll let me. I'm still a big person but I think in the scheme of the world I look more like a normal size now, since lots of people are overweight. Anyway, it's a big deal for me to go to a public place and a public event like this, especially one that requires a swimsuit, and not be dying of embarrassment at the mere thought of it. It helps that I feel like a 1920s movie star in my suit.

Well, I've eaten pretty calmly today and had two liters of water - so my attempt to make somewhat better choices has been successful today. I am looking forward to being back on plan and losing weight again. But I thought if I was compliant today, and then off tomorrow, I would set myself up for that pattern continuing. I feel it's better to start Monday and just know that I'm going to be compliant all the way. I know, I said I wasn't going to say things like that - but I don't see why I can't do it. I have it in me. And the structure of school will only help me. I know how to be strong on this plan while I'm working. And I'm excited about it.

Well, I was going to go to the church tonight and do some work - maybe I will, it'll only take me a few minutes - but with the storms coming I'm not sure, I may just wait until the morning. It is pretty late already - not late late, but late to be going anywhere.

Oh, I had a glorious nap today - about 2.5 hours. So nice. Just a nice day all around, I guess - and looking forward to a fun one tomorrow. Nighty-night all.

[oregonrose]

If you wear a black top with jeans the flats would be fine. pretty much anything neutral, probably not a floral or a plaid! they are just the thing to make your outfit "POP"!

[Mike]

Nickie,

Just trying to catch up a bit on you. I read about your sister (had no idea you had one so young). Heck, I could be her teacher this year.

Middle school is a struggle for many, but it sounds like you are very supportive in whatever way that you can be from where you are. Keep it up.

What did you think of the movie? Di and I loved it. Can't wait for the rest now.

Hope all is well with you and hope you have a good start to school. We didn't teach summer school, and we started this past Tuesday, so in a way we have a head start, but it all evens out in the end.

[nickieluv]

Not sure how I felt about the movie. My sister liked it. I felt like not much happened. But I guess it was just that I wanted to know what happens next. This one seemed like more of a cliffhanger than the others, because you-know-who is out there and you just know there's a fight brewing.

I borrowed the first five books from my sister, too - I've got ten books from the library I need to get through first, but my goal is to have them all read by Christmas. I tried reading the Harry Potter series once before, but couldn't get past the first chapter of the first book. After the movie marathon I'm kind of 'into it' now I guess.

Still maddeningly hot here - just checking in once more before bed. Probably won't be on tomorrow much because of the picnic - so nobody panic, if I'm not here tomorrow I'll be back Monday!

Seriously, though - it's nice to have been missed. Sorry to have worried anyone over the past few days.

[queenielou]

Hope you have a great time at the picnic tomorrow, Nickie!

[Mike]

I borrowed the first five books from my sister, too - I've got ten books from the library I need to get through first, but my goal is to have them all read by Christmas.

They go quickly. Can't believe, you the book reader, haven't read them yet. You are correct though, book 5 just leaves you waiting for 6, and 6 leaves you dying for book 7.