The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Thanks for the well wishes Chynna and Katie - I never thought of gum, how dumb am I? I did watch a movie, and I just had some cocoa, and after my piano lessons end I'll probably make my L&G - just not sure what that will be yet. Sometimes I go 6-0 just because I can't think of anything to cook - but today I'd better eat a L&G because of how hungry I think I am.

I was thinking about golfing tomorrow - do you know that every time we've been golfing this year, I've taken along 2 shakes and a bar and stayed compliant? I've never been compliant when going out to dinner, though - so I just avoid doing that. Not that I miss it too much - or at all.

I'm going to have a rough night. With the baby leaving, I'll be all alone - and that is prime time for me to binge - order/buy tons of food and eat and eat and eat to fill the loneliness. Only before, I never admitted I was lonely. I thought I looked forward to those times I was alone and could just eat without having to justify it to anybody. Obviously I was pretty damaged - and still am, if I'm still having those thoughts. And they are seductive, even now, on day 1 of compliance. In fact I'm thinking, it's only day 1, so why not wait until tomorrow.... I hate having these thoughts. It's hard to remember what's really important when faced with such an emotional food pull.

So, here's the plan - and it's tough to even make a plan, because right now I think it sounds like fun to eat a ton of junk food. Yeah, I know, it's sad that THAT is my idea of entertainment.

I will keep busy with the baby (cleaning up toys and stuff) until my piano lesson comes in 45 minutes. Then I will get her dinner, and then I will get myself dinner. I will have chicken strips and broccoli. Then I will go upstairs after she leaves and try on clothes, which will remind me of one reason why I'm doing this - to look better and feel better about myself. After that's done, I'll either grab a shake and water and then go to bed, or grab the shake/water and bring it upstairs to bed with me and read. Once I'm comfy in bed I've never (so far) wanted to get up again just to get more to eat.

It is so sad that even while typing this plan, I have doubts about whether I'll stick to it or not. I know without a doubt that if I cheat, I will be so mad tomorrow - even tonight. And while I feel at the moment that I'd be 'missing out' by not cheating tonight, I know that tomorrow I would be glad I stuck to my guns, and I would be proud of my decision. Why, then, are the cheating thoughts still so damn seductive? Why don't the blasted things just go away?!?!!?

[nickieluv]

OK, in case anybody was worried I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to come back.

I did pick up toys with the baby and the moment has passed and I'm OK. Part of it was that I started getting really tired - almost falling asleep on the couch tired - so who's going to eat then?

The other part was that while I was lying on the couch, I rested an arm on my stomach and realized (again) that I can touch the part of my abdomen that is directly underneath my breasts without hoisting the girls out of the way first. That is a nice feeling and I don't want to go back to having a shelf there.

Food is not gratifying - eating to excess is really just self-loathing and punishment. I don't know why it's so attractive - but I'm OK. I will be compliant tonight, I will follow my initial plan about the trying on clothes and going to bed early. And I will feel GREAT tomorrow morning!!!

[bikipatra]

Good for you Nickie!

[nickieluv]

I did it! (In a good way.)

Apparently trying on clothes is a lot of work because my back hurts a little. It took me about 30 minutes to put everything on and take it off again. I have a pile of clothes that fit now - a couple of pairs of jeans and a few tops, mostly short-sleeved. Then there's the 'try on soon' pile - probably around the 80# mark I'll try those again - hopefully not too long (at least, not months and months - I figure it will be easily be 6 weeks or so - maybe by the end of September and my mini-challenge?). Then there's the 'what were you thinking?' pile. Those I don't know - I'm not a real good judge of sizes - they are mostly mediums and 12s, although some bigger things are in there (tagged bigger, but obviously cut smaller). Maybe by the 100# mark for those? I figure I'll try things on at every new club, as a little reward, see what new things fit.

So I'm stuck for now with pants and skirts that are too big, since I have 18s now but I'm really a 16, and all I bought are 14s (I couldn't see buying something at every size, but every two sizes seems OK. Of course, then I bought all those 12s - but that's like my goal size at the moment, when I fit into those I'll think I'm thin - maybe). I gave some sweaters and shirts away to my sister today - she actually wore one tonight to her birthday dinner, so I'm glad she's getting use out of them.

Anyway - I stayed away from food. I don't think I have the energy or the brainpower to read tonight, so I'm just going to grab an RTD and refill my water, see if there's something mindless I can watch on TV for a half-hour or so, and then go to bed. We have to get up early to golf so I'll need my rest.... I'm pretending that if I'm well-rested I'll magically golf better. And of course we KNOW that if we're well-rested we lose better. I have a little pipe dream that I can reach the 70# club this week, since I'm only 2.7# pounds away as of this morning and I'm hoping more yucky water weight will leave me tomorrow....

[katieb920]

Good for you NIckie. Isn't it exciting when you can go down in sizes. I actually just gave my friend all of my 18's. I mean everyhting Jackets Dress pants, dress shirts Jeans. All only worn this past season. At first I was like should I keep them just in case. Then I said no way. Give them away. I never want to see that number again.
Have a great night
Katie

[Mickeyz]

Good for you! Stay strong.

[bikipatra]

I have a little pipe dream that I can reach the 70# club this week, since I'm only 2.7# pounds away as of this morning and I'm hoping more yucky water weight will leave me tomorrow....

I think that dream is entirely reasonable. As we know sometimes the scale has its reasons which know no reason, but I really think you can do it. Just keep on drinking water and stay compliant!

[nickieluv]

I'm there today. The water weight went bye-bye and took .6 little friends with it so I am just barely in the 70# club.

BUT - no changing ticker until Sunday. I have been known to gain and lose with no rhyme or reason while compliant so who knows what I'll end up with by roll call. But it was a nice surprise today. A nice reward for making the right choices yesterday, even though it was tough for a while.

We are headed out to golf so no time to gloat now.

[bikipatra]

Good for you!!! Congrats. We'll throw the big party on Sunday!

[katieb920]

I'm there today. The water weight went bye-bye and took .6 little friends with it so I am just barely in the 70# club.

WOW 70#'s that is awesome. Have a great time gollfing. <img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/18/18_12_2v.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D18%252F18_12_2v/image.gif">
Also congrats on being comlpiant
Katie

[Diana]

YAY, Nickielove!!

I am so inspired by and proud of you!! Talk about changed!! and changING!!

(Psst: Some weeks, when I've had a particularly good midweek weigh, I use that for Sunday and don't weigh myself again until Monday morning. I DON'T think it's cheating because you ARE there despite any uncontrollable fluctuactions which might affect you later.)

Here's to a fantastic school year!

[bikipatra]

Good morning, Darling Nickie...

[ChynnaDoll]

Thinking of you BIG time today and hoping you're doing GREAT in it
Love'ya
Chynna

[DogMa]

Good job last night, Nickie. Fitting into smaller clothes (or even finding out your clothes are all too big on you) is WAY more fun than eating a bunch of crap and feeling bad about yourself. Maybe you could buy just ONE thing in each size, though - like one pair of jeans or something - even if it's from Goodwill or somewhere. It's so rewarding, and such an ego-booster, to have even one clothing item that fits just right while you're waiting for the next size.

And much harder to binge if you're not wearing something that's already loose on you!!

[queenielou]

Hey Nickie,

Congrats on the 70 pound club! I love how you're able to bounce right back from a slip up and get on plan so quickly. I'm sure it helps when the pounds fall off like they're doing this week for you. You're doing great! Hope you had a great time golfing yesterday