Nickieluv

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Postby queenielou » August 11th, 2007, 6:47 am

Nickie, way to go on beating your old compliance record!!! That is outstanding :) Sounds like you had a full day yesterday. You're a great bargain shopper. Me, not so much. It is fun to shop for larges though. I was just amazed in the dressing room yesterday thinking "you are really buying size large clothes." Almost unbelievable to me since in March I was going up to a size 20 in the capris I bought from Lane Bryant.

Hope you enjoy your Saturday! (oh and I hope they cancel your glasses order, too!)
Start: 4/21/2007
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Postby nickieluv » August 11th, 2007, 7:54 am

The movie was "Hannibal Rising." It's not exactly highbrow fare so I didn't want to mention it in case anyone was offended by the violence. But I like series, both in reading and movies - for example, I've read all the Bourne books (by Robert Ludlum) but seen none of the movies, so I keep trying to rent the first two so then we can see the third one in the theatre. But apparently everyone else has the same idea so I still haven't been able to get them!

I tried on more clothes last night - I was trying to dig into my 'goal box' and came across a Walmart bag. I opened it - and inside were three turtlenecks, size medium, that I had bought last January for a dollar a piece when I first started the diet. It was my little assurance to myself that by the next winter, I would not be the same size. And being only $3 total, if I did flake out I wasn't wasting a lot of money. Well, for kicks I tried them on - they fit. They must be cut big but I don't care - they fit! I was so proud of myself in that moment, that I stuck with this diet.

So after all the money I spent yesterday, I'm going BACK to Fashion Bug today to check out what they have in medium/12 for fall and winter on sale. Plus I left my suit there, so I have to pick it up - as I was getting my bag I said to myself 'remember to get the suit' because it had been set to the side - but of course I forgot. I called last night and they had it set aside for me. They had a navy pinstripe set in 12 that I want to buy. But I won't buy too much, just some more transitional things - because the more I look at my clothes, and my body, the more I think that 50 pounds is going to equal more than just two more sizes lost. My size 12 goal dress, that I always thought 'if I fit into this I will be THIN' now actually looks big to me. I don't know what's going on but for the first time I'm contemplating single digit sizes - and we are talking NEVER in my life have I worn less than a 10 - ever. But I don't really understand how I'm in a 16 already - although at this weight before I was just breaking into 14W so I guess that's about right. I'm wondering if I have more muscle now than I used to, though, because I had to build up all that muscle just to carry around over 270#, and MF is supposed to be muscle-sparing, and I definitely see some definition in my legs as the weight comes off - so that's what I like to think, for now.

All righty - time for baby's nap, and while she's sleeping I'll leave her with Daddy and then head out. Oh - and they did cancel my glasses. Yay!!! I can always order them again if it turns out I can't have the surgery for some reason. But I'm kind of excited about it now - no more glasses or contacts, waking up and being able to see - and my concerns about my eyes changing during pregnancy the doctor seemed to think were pretty unlikely, other than maybe increased dryness but they can prescribe drops for that. And now they have custom LASIK where they can possibly get you better than 20/20 vision, and it can correct my astigmatism at the same time. This is pretty miraculous stuff. I've thought about it for years and years - this seems like the right time, somehow. That consultation is on the 28th, so hopefully I'll find out good news. The surgery only takes 15 minutes, can you believe it? And you start seeing better just hours after it's finished, and you can go back to work in a day or two. So if I could have it done on a long weekend, I wouldn't even have to take any sick time from work.

Well, there I go again blabbing and blabbing about virtually nothing. I'm just glad, after my week of crankiness, that I'm happy again. It's a like a hormonal cloud has been lifted or something - I feel like myself again, and I'm full of hope and excitement about life and the future.
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Postby Lisa145 » August 11th, 2007, 1:18 pm

Hi Nickie!

I'm new around here and was checking out people's journals. Your very first journal post is AMAZING!!!! What a way to start things off!

Wishing you continued success,
Lisa
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Postby Mike » August 11th, 2007, 9:51 pm

nickieluv wrote:I've read all the Bourne books (by Robert Ludlum) but seen none of the movies, so I keep trying to rent the first two so then we can see the third one in the theatre. But apparently everyone else has the same idea so I still haven't been able to get them!


Well, if you liked the books, you will probably like the movies. The crossover is akin to that of Jurassic Park. The first movies was fairly close to the book. The second movie related to the first movie, but not the storyline of the second book. The third movie, again, followed the movie story, not much at all related to the third book.
I've also seen that they have two new Bourne books out, by a diff author (as Ludlum is no longer with us). Have you read them?
Pre WLS 460
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I have to be careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.
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Postby nickieluv » August 12th, 2007, 5:26 am

I've read one of them, I think, Mike. I remember it being a different author but it was a while ago so I might be remembering incorrectly. Now I have to go to the library and check that out, too! I wonder how many books I'm allowed to have out at a time.... Disappointing about the movies - but then, he's supposed to be so much older as the books go along that I sort of figured it couldn't be following the books too much. And anyway, he's still cute so I'll suffer through them. :lol:

This week my loss was right at average, 2.1# - then this morning I was back up, so I lost the 70# club and was only down 1.5#. I really wasn't surprised - my supplement timing was all off yesterday because I woke up late, I ate my L&G at 8pm (but I didn't want to go 6-0 because I'd just done that the day before, and if I do it too much I get overly hungry and that's dangerous) and it tasted kind of salty, even though it wasn't shrimp this time, and I knew I should have had an extra bottle of water but I didn't, just my usual 100oz. Oh, and it's TOM finally - took it's sweet time this month. Funny, but there were two days between the end of my moody PMS symptoms and the beginning of my cycle - is that normal? Of course, what's normal right now?

So I'll hit the water today and make sure my meals are better spaced, and next week will be better because in my pattern I'm due for a big one again (I hope). At least I'd better be in the 70# club next week!

I was hoping to have lost 100# by the end of the challenge, but I no longer think that's realisitic to lose 30 pounds in 9 weeks. I mean, that's only a little over 3# a week so in MF terms it's doable, but I don't think my body is going to cooperate that much. So if I can lose another 20# in that time, I'll be happy. Well, whatever I lose I'll be happy - I'll be REALLY happy if I can lose 20#.

I did go shopping again yesterday - wow, this sale is amazing. So now I have all these clothes and I can't stand having to wait three weeks to wear any of them. I told myself they were work clothes so if I wear them now, the fun will all be gone and by the time school starts they'll be old clothes and I'll feel the urge to go buy more - so I have to leave them alone. Besides, I need time to lose a little more so more of them will fit.

And after trying them all on, I've discovered that clothing sizes are simply a basic guideline, and it all depends on the fabric and cut of the clothing. For example - I bought 2 pairs of jeans, one in a 16 and one in a 14 - they seem to fit exactly the same. Then I bought 2 size 12 skirts - neither fit of course, but one is as close to fitting as some of the 14s, and another is way too small. And finally, most of the 14s did not even button, although it was close, but the suit set I bought did fit (the pants and skirt, but the jacket didn't button up right yet) and it's a 14, too. So I hate to try clothes on in the store, but I think I'm going to have to get used to doing that as goal approaches, because just picking up a 10 or whatever does not mean it's going to fit. Unless I want to make two trips to every store - one to buy things, another to exchange the ones that don't fit right for a different size. And that doesn't sound like much fun, because I know on that second trip I'd see something else I like, and I'd be shopping every day. While that may be fun for a while, I'd get sick of it and so would my checking account!

Anyway - I think I'm all set for the school year, with the exception of possibly needing some more sweaters and long-sleeved things as winter really sets in. Then of course spring - watch out, all new stuff again!! Maybe maternity stuff.... I thought I was all set period, but I tried on a sweater that I had kept from last winter because it was a little too small then - and even I had to admit it was too big, me of the baggy clothes all my life. So I don't hold out much hope for the rest of my winter stuff from last year being presentable enough to wear in public, although I might keep some comfy favorites for weekends at home. On the other hand, it's quite a bit of fun getting rid of clothes that are too big. I've always had the opposite experience - getting rid of or packing away clothes that are too small. How liberating to take the big ones and just toss them! I didn't even keep that one pair of jeans I wore before starting MF, in my before and 30#pictures - I gave them to my sister. It turns out they were 22W, not 24, so no wonder they were tight to begin with! So no cliche picture for me, unless she still happens to have them when I reach goal - I just couldn't stand having them in the house, always being reminded of how big I was. They depressed me everytime I wore, folded and put away, or looked at them. So they're gone! And I love having 12s and 14s in the house - they are like little-people sizes to me. So funny that 12 was my goal all along, and now I realize I'm going to have to go lower than that - it doesn't seem so scary anymore to think about reaching goal. Now I'm really excited to see what my body could look like, and what my life will feel like - and while I'm still not sure if I'll start exercising before I reach goal, I know I will eventually. I want to be strong and fit, not just a fat skinny person like Robin says she felt like before. And I think I'll be more motivated without all this fat covering my muscles - I'll be able to see results this time, see things getting firmer, and not just have to trust the changes are happening under the fat and someday it will magically disappear. I have worked out before, once for as long as 3 months never missing a day - but I never dieted at the same time, so I saw no results and didn't seem to feel any better, either. And at the time I weighed 10-15 pounds less than I do now. So yeah, there's a long way to go, but I'm ready for it all! Bring it on!
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Postby bikipatra » August 12th, 2007, 5:36 am

I wish I had kept a pair of size 26 pants out for my cliche pic but will go through ten boxes of clothes if I have to when I hit goal.
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Postby Hopebaby » August 12th, 2007, 5:43 am

Nicki - between you and Biki I was enabled and went shopping yesterday. I only bought a few things because they were on sale. I got 3 sleeveless sweaters to wear under jackets and sweaters (until I get my figure back and can bare my arms!) and a flutter skirt. The skirt has a flat waistband but some elastic at both sides which I am hoping will allow me to wear it now and later when I have lost more.

I am going to have to quit reading your journal and Biki's if you all keep shopping because I really want to wait until I have lost at least half my weight to do much shopping. I already have nearly new jeans in every size I passed on the way up and I think most of my sweaters and jackets will be fine until I lose over 30 pounds. As it is right now I can't button the jackets anyway and being able to button my jackets will be a big NSV when it happens!

Linda
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Postby bikipatra » August 12th, 2007, 5:58 am

Linda-I promise I am about shopped out for now or my husband will kill me. So it should be safe to read my journal!
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Postby Mickeyz » August 12th, 2007, 6:10 am

Hi Nicki,

I haven't checked in on your journal for a long time since I am still nursing my neck problem and can't do the computer for long. :(

You are doing so great with your compliance...good for you.

I love your shopping stories. Isn't it great to shop for normal sizes! :D I love a good sale! I also hit the Fashion Bug sale and got a great pair of black wide leg pants off the super sale rack for $8. I'm careful not to buy things that are too small because I am finding that I don't neccessarily shrink evenly. I can get into the smaller clothes I bought last month, but they don't actually fit me that well. :?

We are going to go see the new Bourne movie today and then tomorrow I am going to go see Hairspray with my Mom. I love going to movies.

Hope you are having a terrific weekend. Congrats again on doing so great these days on compliance. Sure pays off doesn't it!
Reached Goal Nov 2007 61.5 lbs lost
Gained 11 lbs in Mexico 3/08, decided to lose that along with another 5 lbs!
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Postby queenielou » August 12th, 2007, 7:56 am

Hey Nickie,

The shopping bug is so easy to catch but oh so hard to cure! I'm glad you found so many things, though. I used to hate trying on clothes in the skinny department when I would buy clothes that I hoped would fit later. I always thought the saleswomen were thinking there is no way I should be in that department. But now that I can wear some larges, I feel much better going to the dressing rooms. Makes it easier because I hate going to the store for returns, although I do it all the time. Congrats on the loss even with TOM slowing you down :)

Hope you're having a great day.
Start: 4/21/2007
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Postby nickieluv » August 13th, 2007, 9:53 am

Thanks everyone for popping in. It really lifts my spirits when I come in and see new posts to my journal - I love the personal connection here.

I'm in normal Monday form - up over a pound from ticker weight. Tail end of TOM so maybe...? But then, it's pretty normal - must be my body gets all stressed out for roll call and then has to hold on to some water for balance. Who knows. But what's nice is it doesn't bother me at this moment. I know eventually I'll be down, and some weeks will be big and some small, and that's fine. I'm over halfway to my final goal (or at least what I planned my final goal to be - as usual we have to see how I feel when I get there) so I feel comfortable. Not so comfortable that I want to stop losing, but comfortable enough that I'm in no rush, I know my body will do what it wants with what I give it.

That's today - we'll see how I feel tomorrow. :lol:

I think I'm finally starting to relax and come down from the high energy level I've had to keep up for so long. Maybe I'll even be able to start going to bed at a reasonable hour this week. I know that would help my weight loss, it has in the past. I have three weeks until school starts - and I got a call this morning from the school asking about my desk, so I know they are working on my classroom today and that means I can definitely start going in next week and getting things settled. Still no word on the schedule and what my days are going to look like - but I'm all in all looking forward to school starting this year. I love being home but I also love my job - and it's been a few years since I could say that. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM but now, teaching K-2, I don't know for sure. Maybe it's just because my daughter is getting older and more independent, and I feel she doesn't need me every moment anymore. Maybe with a new baby I'll feel the urge to stay out of work for longer. I've been hoping to take 2 years leave this time, but I don't know what will really happen.

There's a guy here looking at our front porch - it needs repair, it's getting kind of unsafe - so I'm not looking forward to hearing that lovely estimate. I don't know when my husband thinks we can afford to get this done - and as much as I don't like to admit it, I think we're going to have to cancel this Disney vacation. We have until January to come up with the rest of the payment, but even after paying that 2 grand we'll need at least that much again for travel, expenses, food, and souvenirs while we're down there. It's a wonderful idea and we've never taken a family vacation like this before - but I'm going to have to keep myself from getting too excited because I think we might have been unrealistic about what we could afford.

Well, he needs me out there. Bye.
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Postby nickieluv » August 14th, 2007, 12:16 pm

Take a look at that compliance ticker, will ya?!??!!?!

Anywho - got to bed before 11 last night, which is a step in the right direction. Up again today but just a teensy weensy smidge, and I'm tapering off on TOM so I am confident things will ootz (my own personal word, don't know how to spell it so that's what I chose - as in, will you ootz over a bit so I can sit on the couch, too?) down again as far as the scale is concerned.

I spent a moment last night unpacking all my new clothes and looking at them for a bit. I know that sounds kind of odd. But I really am not letting myself wear any of them until school starts (OK, I wore one dress on Sunday to church but it was a 16 so it doesn't count) and it's been so long since I had new clothes that I was looking forward to wearing - not just new clothes that I thought would fool the world into thinking I was really thin when I wasn't. I ENJOYED buying these clothes. I am excited to wear them. I did not buy only the drabbest and most full-coverage things I could find in an effort to hide the fat. I have colors - red and blues and pinks - things with embroidery and detail - short-sleeved items - skirts that end at or a little above the knee - this is unknown territory! I am even - *GASP* - going to purchase STOCKINGS this year. Yeah, I know, doesn't it blow your mind!

Well, the baby is with my sister still - not sure why, I really don't want her there, I want her home with me since I only have a limited time left before school starts. I think I'm going to have to have a talk with my sister and let her know how I'm feeling. I know she misses her, and my daughter loves to spend time with her - but soon they will be together all the time again, and I'll be working, and I've been home for an hour now and no baby to snuggle and play with and talk to and stare at and love.

Reading that book "Hannibal" for the past couple of days - I'm sure I'll finish it tonight after the baby is in bed - more than anything it makes me feel sympathy for Hannibal Lecter. I mean, he should not have become what he did - he needed help - but I understand at least his initial motivations. Why he went on to kill others after getting his revenge is just a function of his twisted mind - but the revenge part I get, even though it's wrong. Emotionally, I understand it. Does that make me twisted, too? I don't think so. I think anyone could understand it, if they put themselves in his shoes, if they lost their family so horribly. But normal people do not take matters into their own hands, even though they might desperately want to. Otherwise we'd all be mad.

Okay - I guess I've droned on enough for today. I realized last night that I've only gotten in the bare minimum, 64oz, of water for the past two or three days - so today I'm going to try to get that back up to 100 and see if that helps, too. And I'm having my L&G now, earlier in the day, as well. That's all for now (to your immense relief, right? Hey Tawanda, if you're reading - you should drink your water while reading my posts, then you would easily get it all in!! Ha ha!!! :lol: ).
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Postby queenielou » August 14th, 2007, 12:28 pm

Hey Nickie,

Way to go on that compliance ticker. You are working it out!

I don't know what it is about the 64oz, but that's all I had the past couple of days, too. I'm not on track for much more today, but that could all change with a trip to the kitchen.
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Postby nickieluv » August 14th, 2007, 2:24 pm

I want to eat. And I'm feeling the old familiar anger that I can't. And thank goodness for this challenge, again, because without it I would have just had something.

I'm still tired but that's getting better. I'm disappointed because my husband needed the truck today and that means I couldn't go shopping as I'd planned - and tomorrow is the last day of that sale, and I found another branch to check out. And yesterday I took a walk with the baby to the bank (not quite 2 miles, but more than 1.5 - yay me) and had to stop and wait to cross right in front of the Chinese restaurant that I used to love getting takeout from, and smell all their food. Then when my sister brought my daughter home, she had gotten her an ice cream cone and it was all over her face and hands and I had to hold the remainder of the cone and look at it and that was too much temptation in my current state of mind. I had my bar instead of my L&G, then a pack of MF crackers, and then the lean of my L&G - so all I have left for the day is my broccoli and one more supplement. But I feel better - I think I'll make it. I definitely self-medicated, eating all that food in the same hour - but it was a better choice, if not an ideal one.

Boy is emotional eating sneaky. So - should I ever hope to completely eliminate it? Or should I just remember to make better choices when self-medicating, when it gets too much for me to fight it off? I don't know. Because I could still be eating if I hadn't placed these restrictions on myself, and that's not ever going to be a healthy choice, even if I were eating bag after bag of celery.

So that's been my last hour. I've survived, but it's been close. Moments like these are sobering, when I realize that maintenance is going to be hard work. Mentally I know that, but I can fool myself sometimes into thinking that making good choices will be second nature - although I guess that's true. My FIRST nature, though, will be to make bad choices, and I have to be always aware.
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Postby bikipatra » August 14th, 2007, 4:20 pm

I think you are underestimating yourself and indulging in all or nothing thinking. You stated:
My FIRST nature, though, will be to make bad choices, and I have to be always aware
I don't believe that. You have changed. When you wake up in the morning, when you think about breakfast do you think oatmeal or a shake or a huge breakfast buffet? Your first nature isn't always wrong. And I do believe you are having these impulses to make "bad choices" more infrequently, because frankly if you were as driven to cheat as much as before, you would have done it by now. We know you have the pizza guy on speed dial.
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