The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

I'm doing fine. Most of the battle is making the decision (yes, Jo has told us this a million times) and now that I am positive that making it to 100 days is what I want, things fall into place with a lot less struggle.

I have seen 1/10 pound gains for two days in a row (yeah, that staying off the scale thing didn't last long at all) and it causes me to shrug, but 100 days is what I'm doing no matter what I see, even if it goes up ten pounds while being compliant. I figure if I had a scale that measured to the half pound I wouldn't have seen any change - maybe that would be better than seeing a minute gain, I don't know. But, in the end, it doesn't matter, because I'm just going to keep going.

My first ten days will be over by sunset on July 17th. Then I can plot out where the next ten days will take me and fix that in my mind. Taking it ten days at a time I think is going to work well. I only have to do that 10 times - nice, round, Adrian Monk-ish numbers (my husband calls me Monk all the time - he said that when I decided triple my past record, or 99 days, needed to go up to 100, that was definitely a Monk moment). Today may be a little tougher but I will do it, because nothing is more important than making that goal as far as my eating goes right now.

Biki, I read in your journal that you did great this morning - I'm glad I can report that I have, too!

[Lauren]

Hey, Nik -

You probably are showing slight gains because you've been adding salt the last couple days, and sodium makes you retain water. It's not fat, and it's temporary, but it still shows up on the scale...

You're doing great, keep going!

Lauren

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Lauren - I should have thought of that, and it does make me feel better. So far no extra salt today (although I had tuna for my lean and it seemed kind of salty in and of itself) but I'll be careful of adding in too much - or at least if I do, I'll remember and not get hung up on the scale.

[peabodycat]

hey nick!!

you're doing great!!! i think you mentioned a few posts ago that you were more "excited than scared". hold on to that!! when you start to feel scared of anything, time alone, temptations, whatever...see if you can switch it to excitement. excitement at success, getting thru the 100 day challenge, excitement to lose the weight!! i know it sounds simple, but it's helped me so much. i was terrified on my days off from work. the days at work had structure, and it was so easy for me to be compliant. but when my days off came, i had way more time on my hands. and i also did my grocery shopping on my days off, so there was much more temptation!! i stayed compliant in that i've stuck with L&G foods, but when i started, i would have more than one L&G meal, or bigger portions. so i never really left ketosis, but i ate more calories than i should. but the interesting thing was that i kept losing, some weeks more than others. but i've lost enough now, that i'm just excited!!! and my days off have gotten easier, because i really believe that i can do it!

sorry if i got a little wordy, but i'm enthused.

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Peabody, I think that sounds like good advice. I will do my best to hold onto this feeling!

[SuzyQ66]

Hey Nicki - Sounds like you got through your dreaded Friday. I hope you had a great weekend!!

[nickieluv]

Sheesh, can't believe it's been since Friday that I posted in my own journal! Things are going well - getting in my water, all my meals - moving right along and happy about it.

I'm disturbed. My stepson had a summer job and has decided not to continue with it. The boss told him to take a week of vacation, and when my stepson called in after that week for his hours, the boss said "I thought you didn't like working here? Why are you calling?" Then he told him to take another week off. My stepson was annoyed and has decided to quit.

Now, my husband and his ex-wife both told my stepson to just not call and let it go, and the boss will figure it out. I feel very strongly that the responsible thing to do is to call the boss and tell him officially that he no longer wants to work there. But my husband doesn't get it at all. He says the boss is a jerk and doesn't deserve that courtesy. My point is that you don't do these things because a person is good or bad, you do them because it's the right thing to do. It feels to me like we are disagreeing morally here and it really upsets me. I thought my husband and I agreed on most things but I feel like this shows a huge lack of character. My feeling is that you do the right thing no matter what other people do or don't do.

Character is what you do when no one is watching, right?

Well, I don't think my husband has the strong moral center that I do. At all. And I am afraid because I want to raise my children to do the right things in life no matter what else may happen, and if my husband is going to give them advice like 'just don't call him, he'll figure it out' how can I instill morals in them?

Am I overreacting? I just disagree with SO MANY decisions that my husband is making with his son right now (he's 16 and things keep getting more and more scary to me, although he's a good kid, I just think my husband is setting a horrid example) but I can't do a thing about it right now. Do I just hope that in ten years I'll have had more influence on him and he'll come around? Or is there no hope for him? And THEN what do I do? It's like, I thought he was a good person, and now I think he's only good when I'm around.

I've pretty much decided to call my stepson tomorrow and tell him what I think he should do. He's still a kid and I feel like I need to provide him with another perspective and give him a chance to make a choice. If he's getting the same advice from everyone, even if he feels it might be the wrong advice, I don't know that he's strong enough yet to stand up without getting another point of view to consider. My husband is always wanting me to get more involved - and my stepson and I have a good relationship - I think that's what I'm definitely going to do. I'll call him tomorrow afternoon and just have a chat about it.

This doesn't ease my mind about my husband - but he's an adult. I guess I have to accept that I can't change him. But I can be the best example I can be for my kids, and hopefully that will be enough.

Well, I think I'm heading to bed. I may read for a while, we'll see. I'm starting to feel like summer is almost over. There's still six weeks but I know that very soon it will be time to go back to school. And I'm not ready. But I keep getting ahead of myself, all the time. Just relax, enjoy the time I have right now, there's plenty of time to worry later.

[Mickeyz]

Nickie,

I you are right that all you can do is what you think is right and set the best example you can. 16 is such a hard age, not a kid, not an adult. What a shame he had to have this experience with a bad boss. Hopefully he will get something from the experience.

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Mickey. I feel better about it today because I have a plan. I'll just give my stepson another opinion. It's his own decision to make based on what feels right to him. And I have to accept that even with my own children, that's all I can do, too. Yes, they'll be living with us full time and will have a constant example of our behavior (good and bad) but in the end it's an individual decision. I can't make little carbon copies of me, and given my own struggles, would I want that anyway? No. I want my kids to be better than I am. I want to raise individuals with the ability to reason and make their own informed decisions, not parrots who will do just what I tell them. Even though that will probably make my life harder during the teen years.

At any rate, I feel pretty calm. I gained almost a full pound overnight and that always gets me confused (especially since it seems that doesn't happen to everyone) but my new 'compliant no matter what' attitude just means I have to wait and trust that in the end, the numbers will go down. Without this challenge I'd probably have thrown in the towel yesterday - THREE birthday parties with all the attendant goodies, and I had to feed them all to my daughter. Maybe just looking at them is what made me gain. Actually, it was probably because my last RTD was at about 10:30 and that's an hour later than I usually eat anything. But, whatever it was, doesn't matter much, because I was compliant and that's all I can do. Today is day 9 already - taking this in 10 day blocks, I think it will really go easily. Come on, if I could pass up three different birthday cakes in one day, what can stop me now!

[Mickeyz]

my new 'compliant no matter what' attitude just means I have to wait and trust that in the end, the numbers will go down.

Come on, if I could pass up three different birthday cakes in one day, what can stop me now!

You go girl! You are doing fantastic!

[DogMa]

Trust me, Nickie, you're not alone in the fluctuations. Happens to pretty much everyone at least some of the time.

[SuzyQ66]

Hi Nicki - I too fluctuate so don't worry - it will go away. I am so happy and so proud of you on how you have stayed compliant with the program. Keep up the good work - it is so great to see so many people on board with your challenge. You started an good epidemic.

You are so right when it comes to your stepson. All you can do is give him a different perspective. He can decide from there what is the best way to handle the situation. He is very lucky to have you as a stepmom. He might not know that yet - but believe me he will learn.

[FrankieJ]

Hi Nickie,
I love your gorgeous new (smiling) picture, you look great!

I too am an evil stepmommy (my husband's 2 daughters live with us) but my 16 year old is a girl, and the second one is almost 13 year old girl. Aren't the teen age years a joy??

I think stepparenting is sort of like the Peace Corp, which I think they call the "toughest job you'll ever love".

[nickieluv]

Yeah, at this point he's really glad I'm not his mom and he doesn't live here full-time. But I do what I think is best for all my kids, him included, and I hope someday he'll realize that. Like I said, though, we do get along - but maybe that's because he can leave when he wants to.

[nickieluv]

Day 9 done and it was a nailbiter, people. I wanted so badly to just munch. It's the stress of the show, I know - I'm not getting enough sleep (she says as she sits at the computer after midnight) and I have to be out late for rehearsals and I'm not taking advantage of nap times when I can. Tomorrow is another day that I can nap. I'll try to actually do it this time. Today I spent catching up on TIVO during the baby's nap instead of sleeping myself.

I was thinking tonight how if there wasn't this challenge going, I would have just caved and cheated today. I know I would have - it's just easier (or so it seems - really it's more work to go buy food than it is to shake and drink but it's all perception). And it's a habit from shows past - when you're out late, you grab McDonald's on the way home. But we are only talking about 12 more days of this. Heck, it'll get me through the next 10-day installment of the challenge and then some. And I know it's better for my energy level to stay 'clean' and not gunk up my system with junk food that takes lots more work to digest. Old habits die hard - if they die at all.

I am getting concerned about maintenance. With my life plans, we could be talking about it at the end of this 100 days. And I'm not prepared. I am still ruled by food. The wrong foods. I know all the facts about how to eat healthy but obviously I've not ever put them into practice for long. So in a way I am savoring this challenge, because it might be my last chance at such a no-brainer way of eating for a while. And I really am hopeful that I could get to the 100# club before having to go off-program for a while.

Mike was joking a bit back about me being able to see the future. I am taking it for granted that I'll get pregnant right away. I know there are no guarantees, though. And I'm not going off plan until I have results from a blood test, and even then, with my doctor's OK, I'll just start the transition plan, even if I go right to the highest calorie level. Off-plan does not have to mean 'back to my old ways.' I need to process that and really believe it. What use will all of this have been if I gain it all back during pregnancy? It cannot be a license to eat whatever I want. That's not healthy for me or for a baby, because whatever I want is usually the fattiest, greasiest, carbiest food within reach.

On a good note - I was able to switch over to my 'normal' graph this week. Getting under 205 meant I could break out the second half of my weight loss graph, and this one has a big old line where 'normal' BMI begins for my height. That is so neat to be able to see 'normal' staring me in the face now, instead of morbidly or severely obese. Not that I'm in the normal range, but I can see it now, I can visualize it coming.

I've got a life to live and things to do. I cannot spend the rest of my time screwing around and holding myself up. This 100 days is like a rite of passage or something for me. I have to do this. I know how quickly time passes and 100 days isn't really all that much. I don't want anything more than another baby, and MF is going to get me to a place where that's a possibility. I am in control of so many areas now, taking control, being more responsible, growing up. This 100 days kind of symbolizes that. It's my time to end the hold that rebellion has on me and step up to the plate, accept what I could really be and do, without restrictions, and let it happen. I mean, give it room to happen - not get in the way anymore.

I know, I'm thinking again - but I think it's a good kind of thinking. I'm not trying to justify cheating or tweaking. I'm just letting the possibility of what could be motivate me. I'm imagining another future for myself, one that I am working for, not one that I hope will magically come to pass.

But, I am also tired, and have to work tomorrow, and am going to go to bed. Breathe a sigh of relief, I'm shutting up (for now).