The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[GucciGoo]

Hi guys. I need some etiquette advice...

Dylan was born on Christmas Eve last year and is about to have his first birthday. We typically have a big open house Christmas Party at our house. This year, we want to do the same thing, but for Dylan's birthday. So it would be a Christmas themed Birthday party.

My question: how do we word the invites so that people don't feel obligated to bring a gift for him? We are inviting people without kids, who we would invite to a Christmas party, but would not invite if it were only a birthday party.

What a dilemma!

[Serendipity]

I would note "No gifts, please" on the invitation. Then there's no question.

[alpha femme]

i assume you want some gifts... so, maybe you could send out a christmas party invite and include a seperate sheet for the people you would normally invite to a b-day party announcing dylan as the host of the christmas/birthday party.

[Sojourner]

...but then the people who didn't bring gifts might feel awkward if there are gifts--I know I would.

I agree with Jo about being direct--maybe something like..."No gifts please; your presence is presents enough!"

[Diana]

As a childless couple (not by choice), Mike and I have often not been invited to the birthday parties for children of our friends. Believe it or not, we felt very left out, particularly with the early ones (years 1 through 3). I'm glad you're not shying away from inviting your friends who don't have children.

And, for my other 2 cents, Jo's right on the money (bad pun not intended). Your family and closest friends will no doubt smuggle something in, but the announcement of no gifts will elliviate the obligation factor.

[supermom]

I have a friend who doesn't want gifts at any of her kids birthday parties. She just writes on the invitation that "In lieu of gifts for Lisa, please pick an Angel off of the Angel tree and make some other childs holiday a little brighter." And she then takes the gifts to the charity. She is trying to teach her kids from an early age the importance of giving back. They give gifts periodically throughout the year and don't shower their kids with gifts at birthdays and holidays. I don't think it is rude at all to ask for no gifts at all, or to ask your gifts to donate to a charity if they feel inclined to do so.

[VictoriousNat]

I have a friend who doesn't want gifts at any of her kids birthday parties. She just writes on the invitation that "In lieu of gifts for Lisa, please pick an Angel off of the Angel tree and make some other childs holiday a little brighter." And she then takes the gifts to the charity. She is trying to teach her kids from an early age the importance of giving back. They give gifts periodically throughout the year and don't shower their kids with gifts at birthdays and holidays. I don't think it is rude at all to ask for no gifts at all, or to ask your gifts to donate to a charity if they feel inclined to do so.

Wow! I love that idea! Maybe they can bring gifts for charity in Dylan's name. If I had a kid I would love to do that. My goddaughter turns twelve on Friday. Maybe I will suggest this to her.

[GucciGoo]

I think you all misunderstood! I want Dylan to have a memorable first birthday party. And I WANT poor Dylan to have some gifts! But only from those people who I would normally invite to a BIRTHDAY party. After all, we go to all the other kiddie parties and always give generous gifts.

However- I wanted to find a way to combine our Christmas and Birthday parites without making the adults with no kids feel obligated to buy gifts. (And it can't happen.)

I think we decided that we are going to have a Christmas-themed birthday party and ONLY invite the people we would invite to a kiddie party. It excludes some people, but there is not much I can do. Our lives will have to change a little now that we have a baby born on Christmas Eve

[Serendipity]

I don't think there's a good way to have your birthday on or near Christmas. My brother was a Christmas baby and he always got shorted. The only thing my parents did differently was to have our Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve and his birthday gift (that's singular and sometimes it was socks!) on Christmas day. Not really a good solution. I always thought my parents should have planned better.....but then, they didn't plan any of us, lol.

[alpha femme]

yeah... as he gets older and becomes aware that he's not getting the 2 "presents days" you might want to consider having his birthday the saturday after christmas. if you do it before, he still gets shorted because people combine gifts. which, sucks, really.

of course, then you can give the other people's kids a b-day present in july and say, "remember this rockin' elmo at christmas, too."
j/k

[MISSANNE]

yeah... as he gets older and becomes aware that he's not getting the 2 "presents days" you might want to consider having his birthday the saturday after christmas. if you do it before, he still gets shorted because people combine gifts. which, sucks, really.

I agree. My mom's birthday is Dec 15, not even as close as others to Christmas but she still remembers that her birthdays were crappy. She never got a party and her presents a lot of times were wrapped in Christams paper. Mt grandparents never threw parties because said it was to close to Christams. All I can suggest is making sure he has a separate birthday with presents, possibly like Femme said a week or 2 after Christmas. Financially, plan ahead so he doesn't get shorted on presents. At this age, proabably not an issue, but my mom is 54 and still talks about her birthdays being that way when younger.


Good luck!

Oh yeah, I don't know if this will happen but, don't be offended if people don't show for the birthday party. I have a friend whos daughter is a Christmas Eve baby and she has parties that day or evening. A lot of people get together w/family Christams Eve. My family always goes to a candlelight service then opens presenst with cousins, etc after and I never make it to my friends sons party because I choose my familys holiday gathering over her sons birthday. Nothing personal, just be prepared for that also.

[Sojourner]

I, too, have a sibling who was born on Xmas Day (just one more similarity, Jo!). When she was about 7 or 8, she started whining about never having a "real" party and never getting cool stuff like shorts and stuff for her birthday (??--she was always going on about shorts! I think she was really objecting to "sharing" her birthday with Xmas, or maybe she just hated all those sweaters!). Because we had no birthdays in June, we started celebrating her birthday then--June 25th. Yeah, well, she was a spoiled, rotten brat being the youngest of 7 (she still is!). She'll be 40 this year, and I still send her a birthday card in June...I should've sent her a pair of shorts!

Just something to consider when Dylan gets a little older...

[Serendipity]

Hey Sojo, My brother is the youngest of 7 siblings.....yeah, he's spoiled rotten, too.....but ya gotta love him.

[Sojourner]

Jo, you're freaking me out!
Did you notice that you joined this
forum on my birthday last year?
Kinda' spooky, huh?

Sorry for hijacking your thread, Beth,
but Jo is weirding me out!!

[Serendipity]

SOJO!!!!!

I am not lying! YOU JOINED ON MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR!!!!!! My BD is July 25!!!! I'm not kidding.....and yeah....YOU are freakin' me out! OMG