The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[mytime]

Ok, so I will try the journal. Day 4 of my 40 day challenge and it is going ok. I am hungry but should be in bed. I have to get up at 4 but the kids and my husband are asleep so this is MYTIME. I will probably hate myself at 4 but now feels great. I am doing the full fast this time bc things got so out of hand with food. I was down to 151 and then maitained at 170 for a long time. Then something happened. I quit my job of 9 years and I am really sad. I miss my job. I had taken a break from the site but not MF to write 2 proposals I was asked to write by my employer. It went great. I continued to lose and everyone was amazed. We were writing 24 / 7 for about 3 months. My parents took the kids every Sat for 3 months bc my husband works just so I could write. It went well. They offered me a promotion if we won. We did. We won both. I was the only one in our whole company that wrote 2. I gave up time with my small children it was rough on my husband but I believed in the cause. In March we were awarded the contracts. In August they told me I would not get the promotion after all. It was not the money. It was the trust. It was gone. I left 2 days later with no notice. My office manager who had been hit by a car came in and watched me pack while she cried. She was still on medical leave but could not believe it. It will be a year in August and I cannot believe it either. I still talk to her a couple of times per week. I am suing them and the bottom line is they watched me lose all 96 pounds on MF and I will not go to court looking like hell. I am not going to let them know how hurt I am. I am Italian. I love food. I love MF. I went from a 22 24 to a 6. For the first time in my life I was not fat - literally. I trippled my birth weight as an infant and can remember a fat neighbor taking me to weight watchers in third grade. I remember probably being 5 and my mom asking me what snack I wanted on some diet. I remember saying celery and her walking away and then coming back and saying it will be without peanut butter. Oh, well then I have no idea. I still love peanut butter. I can do this I know I can. I just have to remember how to love myself more. I am a giver and I am angry. They asked, I gave, I did great and they screwed me over. That is life - but I was raised Catholic and have this hard belief system that says good deeds are rewarded. I feel ashamed that I spent 9 years with them and they are scum. I will not give up the law suit. My husband said to go for it. We cannot afford it but he is very supportive. I was doing some free lance work when I quit and the people had been wanting me to work full time for them. It is way more money than I made at the clinic and they are nice but I do not love it. I built my clinic and I loved that and now that is gone. I need to let it go. I cannot make sense of something crazy that makes me crazy to try. The best part is that people were totally floored when I quit. I have a rep for being a hard ass that is for sure but I did not think I would take it so hard. It has been a year next month... I know staying in contact with the clinic is bad for me. I want to eat a mountain when I talk to them but I have some sick need to hear what is going on. That and the case. It keeps going. When it really heats up I am probably going to need to post like every 10 seconds. Did I mention we are remodeling our house starting Monday. Why not. We have a 3 and a 5 year old and got a Larboradoodle for Christmas who is a walking vaccumn so why not make it a little more chaotic ???? I will be 40 next year and I think I am having a mid life crisis. I have lots of goals and do not feel close to them. My husband and I are both self employed. We have no retirement pension etc. I am starting a consulting business that I love and have given myself until my birthday to make it go or seek some kind of county, federal etc job with a pension. It is hard to get it going. I work 6 days a week and try to atleast spend time with the kids - cook dinner etc. I am the queen of great ideas but oddly my follow through is great for everyone else but me. I will have to reflect on that. I do have apt for the consulting stuff coming up and have submitted proposals. I know it is what I am supposed to do. You know how I know? BC I love it and it does not feel like work to me. My father says if you do what you love you never work a day in your life. But it is hard. I know my children will only be little for a while and I hate to miss any of it. I want to be able to be with them more now. I know the consulting would let that happen but do I want to miss the next 3 - 5 years of their lives trying to get ahead? I gave up 3 months and it went no where. Hmm I am madder than I thought. Ok, that is the news, weather and sports on day 4. Mytime

[Mickeyz]

Hi Mytime,

I am so glad you decided to start your journal!

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. I also had a business blow up almost 2 years ago and I am just getting over it. It takes a piece of you. I'm sorry that happened to you. I have been self employed for 25 years and never regretted it. You can build your own "pension".

At least you know you are an emotional/stress eater so you can watch for your triggers.

You can do this!! You are doing great.

Gotta run, I will check in tomorrow.

[Joy]

Thanks for the pudding tip - I will give it a try.

I hope you have a great restart. I think one of the most important goals for any of us women can be taking charge of our health.

regards,
sfjoy

[mytime]

Ok, I am doing great. Had to talk like heck to myself Fri and Sat to stay on plan. It was ok. I cleaned out the medicine cabinet while my family ate the dinner I made. This is kid of tough bc we eat together every night but if I am realistic I only get to sit for about 10 minutes to eat before it is over so whatever. I have decided to dedicate this time to doing stuff I need to do and complain I never have time for. Another bonus on MF - with all the free time I have from not eating my house is going to get straightened out.

Well tonight my 5 yr old is racing at the BMX track and he invited Nana and Pop Pop - The food pusher and Mr. Rigid. It is so funny, my dad used to make me so anxious growing up I would shove food in just to calm down. Now I just walk away or do not invite him over. My mother she is Italian a compulsive overeater but also good about being able to get back on a plan. She and I engaged in this dance for a long time which is diffusion of responsibility. We would both be dieting and then make up reasons to be together and then go out to eat. We never speak of this but it is such a pattern. The problem is that it would send me intro a spin that took me weeks to get out of but she can just go back on her plan. I can see her watching what I eat. She does not say anything but she watches. And she will eat what I eat but just a little less. I thought I was totally crazy but I asked my husband to check it out - he is very middle of the road and honest and he said yes - I was not crazy YEAH he saw it too. So long story short she worships my son who is overweight buys him crap constantly and then complains he is too heavy - yes this is a weird cycle dynamic. I refuse to get into a powerstruggle with my 5 yr old son over food. We just increase his sports and try to make better choices available to him. He is fine - the funny thing is he had his physical last week and our peditrician who complained every yr about his wt this time said he will probably be 6'3 240 bc his wt ht overages have not changed since his birth - in other words he is the same ht and wt over that he has been every year. So she has now decided it is genetic - no kidding - now when he is older he can decide what if anything he wants to do with those genes / jeans. At any rate I will be complaint with my family tonight. The food pusher already mentioned taking us out to dinner - but I may decide it is too late as our weeks starts tomorrow. We will see. Please send COMPLIANCE Kharma my way. Mytime

[katieb920]

Hiya Mytime,
I know what you are going through with your son. My son Matthew is overweight also. Since I have been on restart, my son has also been watching his weight. He has to weigh 110 to play football, He is currently 119. He has to weigh 110 for his first football game on August 26. I am watching what he eats just in moderation. He went to a birthday party yesterday. And of course I let him have cake. Just a small piece. But the one issue i do have is, he went with my inlaws on Friday to a craft show. An all day show.. I explained to them that he needs to watch what he eats because he wants to play football. Well that night, I asked Matthew what did he have to eat. Well let me tell you, I was mad when i found out. Corn Dog, Kettle Corn, Mike and Ikes, And Funnel Cake. . I told my husband that if they can not respect what I say that Matthew is not going to be able to go out with them anymore. I am going to be the B**** of a daughter in law. I would rather them hate me. Then my son looking up to me on the first day of football and not being able to play. I know It is my responsibility.

[SuzyQ66]

Sorry to hear about what happened at your old job. I too have had some rough times with an old employer and then this year a couple of very major rough spots - but am trying to put it all behind me. I am going on vacation in a couple of weeks in hope that I can regroup. Glad that you are hear and that you decided to start a journal.

[Joy]

Hello,

Just popped over to say hello and wish you a wonderful day!

[mytime]

I am feeling so frustrated. I have been doing the 6 and 0 and I am not losing any wt??? So after 4 days of staying the same I went back to old posts. Well guess what? All of my wonderful exercising has been working againt me I work out 4 days a week and then walk our dog about 2 miles 6 days a week. This and I was losing count of my shakes having 5 maybe. So I think my body went into starvation mode. I could not workout yesterday as our housekeeper's sister is dying of cancer and we asked her not to come today so she could be with her. I have somone else coming so I hope to be able to go to the gym but no walk for poor Molly. Made sure I got in all 6 shakes yesterday and will do the same today but I really was hoping to be in the 160's for our vacation on 8/25 - still 180 and holding so it does not look likely. YIKES. Well I am just going to hold on and do the best I can. I hope eating more shakes will do the trick. Either way I will keep you posted. Mytime

[bikipatra]

Sometimes the only answer is remaining compliant and patience.

[mytime]

So funny - I read this and roll my eyes. We are doing so much better as a family. And I sure seem bitter here. I think I liked it better when this site was open with posts and not journals. Not sure why. Maybe it feels too intrusive for me to read other peoples journal posts. And also maybe it is harder to know when someone is having a hard time and needs some support? I think I am going to post here to my journal and also regular on the other stuff like in the old days. For those of you who offered me the above support. Thank you. I have no idea why I did not thank you in my journal at the time. I hope I had the common decency to go and thank you in your journals. But I doubt it. I seem pretty self abosorbed then. Of course that is my usual but I also am failry codependent. That is a big part of the problem. I love to be Ms. Fixit for everyone else - it gives me less time to focus on my issues and yes, work on them. Well guess what? I am fresh out of excuses soooo it is one shake at a time. "Shake till you make it." Mytime

[katesmom]

Welcome Back !

[mytime]

Thank you. It feels good to be back. I weighed myself today which I thought was an important step. 220 YIKES. I will have to put my ticker up. I actually feel pretty positive- that is great for a Monday. Wish everyone a GREAT week. Mytime

[Lauren]

Hey, MyTime, just checking in to see how your restart is going...

Smooth sailing, I hope! Thinking of you!

Lauren

[katesmom]

Hi MY TIME,
Have a great day !

[mytime]

Many thanks - well week one could have been better BUT I did lose 4 pounds and that is GREAT!!! I keep wanting to do the full fast, but feel deprived and then end up acting out. It is best for me just to do slow and steady - this is how I did it before but I would LOVE to just complete one week of the full fast and drop the obligatory 15 pounds or so. That would put me sooo much closer to 200 and my clothes fitting. Right now I have the biggest muffin top in the world - maybe I should call it a loaf top??? At any rate so far so good today and yes, that feels GREAT. I hope everyone is doing well and thank you for your support. It makes a REALLY big difference. Mytime