I very nearly went off plan today. I had one of those very rare "I need a drink!" moments. (Gee, after my previous post, I'm gonna sound like I have a problem, lol. Honest, I've had one glass of wine and one margarita since New Year's, and that was during my Hawaii break from MF!)
I just had an experience that, for half an hour, totally changed my life, and then had it changed back. I'm not even exaggerating.
I had occasion to speak with my godmother on the phone this afternoon. I wanted to ask her about genetic predispositions in my family to depression problems, and she's been a member of my family longer than I have (she married my mother's brother). My mom and all her sibs are dead, and my godmother is the only one left with the family info.
She mentioned about my mom's sister, who had some depressive-related problems, and I acknowledged that and said "I was really thinking more about my mom."
Her: "Well, your mom really had a reason to be the way she was."
Me: "Um?"
Her: Well, think about it, as a mom. It has to be the most awful thing in the world to be forced to give up a baby."
Me: Long silence. Then "HUH??"
Her: "You knew about that, didn't you?"
Oh. My. God.
And she chose that moment to tell me that her company was at the door and she had to go. I just about screamed into the phone that she couldn't leave me at that point, so she said to call her back in an hour.
I was in semi-shock at the thought that my sister and I might have another sibling we didn't know anything about. My mom was born in 1917, so this would have had to have been in the 30s -- she was married in 1942, and I was a "bonus" baby in the late 50s.
I can't even begin to tell you what my thoughts and feelings were. And I immediately vowed that I was going to find this person. The enormity of this information was hard to describe.
Hubby came home from work just after the phone call ended and took one look at me and said "what happened?" I really did say "I think I need a drink." God bless him, he shoved a bottle of flavored water at me.
This lasted half an hour. She called me back at about that point to tell me she had made a mistake, that it wasn't my mother she was referring to, it was another female relative I am very close to, which I did know about. She said she realized what she had said and wanted to call me back right away so that I "wouldn't worry" about it.
I grilled her for several minutes, because I was afraid that she was trying to cover up telling me something that she just assumed I knew. She assured me that this was not the case, and that she would tell me if it were true because Mom and Dad have both been dead 20 years, and there's nobody it would hurt. I admit I wasn't completely convinced. She finally swore on her husband (my uncle)'s grave and her mother's grave that she was telling me the truth. With that I believe her, because she wouldn't swear falsely on those graves, I am certain of that.
But oh. my. god. My nervous system still hasn't recovered from the adrenaline rush.
But I didn't have the glass of wine!