The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Alison]

I know some others have posted about this before but I wanted a little more feed back. Last night I skipped a book club meeting I go to about every six weeks. I had read the book and value these social gathers tremendously because my husband and I moved across the country about 6 months ago and I don't have any friends here yet. I am also not working so my social person to person interaction is limited. I didn't go because these ladies have tons of wine and appetizers and although I am good at not eating in public I do feel pressured in this small group. I figured why stress myself. The thing is I get more stressed before these get togethers thinking about it. Needless to say, I was craving yesterday and now today big time. These women are all younger and dare I say much thinner than myself. Is it wrong to for now, stay away from people who trigger high-stress- if possible? I hate isolating myself I just feel that the MF program has to be the #1 focus in my life right now. Everything else just doesn't matter. I don't even want to find a job or have a child until I'm ok w/myself. Am I overeacting and self-obsessing or should I just do what I feel is right? Does anyone else have these feelings?

[Carrie]

Alison,
I think you absolutely made the right choice.

For many of us food is a depravation and consolation issue. I felt before that 'I can't have a lot of what I want in life or something didn't go my way, but at least I can eat and I deserve it'. And whenever I tried dieting I felt that 'I'm depriving myself of what I want and I deserve the food.' And within a couple days I'd be bingeing again. I was not able to see the fallacy of that reasoning for years.

Now I feel that I don't deserve a trip through the drive through. I deserve a healthy body and freedom from obesity. I am not depriving myself of food, I am working towards something I want more than food.

Your situation is an issue with me too. I'm single and prior to starting this program I went out several times a week. Lunch and dinner dates, evenings out with friends, my standing Saturday lunch date when I always had the potato leek soup in the bread bowl, Sunday brunch at the place with 100 feet of tables loaded down with anything you could want and mimosas too!

There is always eating and drinking involved. What I have discovered is that I can say no and it doesn't hurt me. I stay home a lot more, watch a lot of movies, read a lot of books, and when I do choose to accept an invitation out I have a lean/green and no alcohol. I figure this is temporary, and my friends and the food and booze will still be there waiting for me when I reach my goal weight and start partying like a wild woman.

And honestly, when I was out before I spent a majority of my time wondering if people were thinking about fat I am, or monitoring what I'm eating and drinking, or adjusting my clothes to 'hide' the bulges, or wondering if I look ridiculous with my big hiney perched on a little barstool. When I get where I'm going, I'll be able to go out and just enjoy myself.

I'm working towards a goal that is more important than a few months of social engagements. And my true friends will still be there when I'm out regularly again.

On the days when I know I can resist temptation, I do go out. On the days when I'm iffy, I stay home, and don't make excuses for it, I simply say a firm, but polite 'No thank you'.

Do what is best for you. Keep your eye on the prize and you will get there.

You did good Alison,
Carrie

[Alison]

Carrie wrote:

And honestly, when I was out before I spent a majority of my time wondering if people were thinking about fat I am, or monitoring what I'm eating and drinking, or adjusting my clothes to 'hide' the bulges, or wondering if I look ridiculous with my big hiney perched on a little barstool. When I get where I'm going, I'll be able to go out and just enjoy myself.


EXACTLY!! I really didn't feel like squeezing into my super control top gurdle like apparatus to go out and 'relax'. Thanks girlfriend- I needed some reassurance!
Alison

[shineface]

Alison and Carrie---

You are definately not alone - I sure understand everything you both said!

I just spent the last three days I had off from work staying in the house. Right now I know that this is what I need to do. Limiting my temptations is important -- I haven't had a cocktail since I started this on 1/24 and in an effort to be social I have gone to the Tavern a few times with friends - them drinking and me sober - not pretty ... actually it gets dangerously boring as the group starts to meander up the rungs of alcoholinducedfun! I knew and pledged to myself the day I started this that I could not drink - I don't have a drinking problem but I do know that when I do dring my resistance to food goes right out the window - not willing to do that this time around!

I am 100% focused on my MF plan and if this is what I have to do to get into those hot clothes and high shoes I'm dying to wear by late summer - it is all worth it. --- Glad I'm not alone in these thoughts - keep posting ladies, you always help me.

WE WILL do this together!!!

[Landylue]

Excellent posts, ladies! How I can relate to everything that was written.

I just spent last week (my 5th week of the fast) at a conference where the food--GREAT food--was EVERYWHERE! The first evening's event even included a chocolate fountain! I instead opted to go to an educational-type program which included beautiful classic music, various low lighting effects, and no food in sight! After two glorious hours I felt relaxed, incrediblely peaceful, and, most important, GUILT FREE!

I won't go into the other temptations I faced the rest of the week, but each time I was able to create a non-food option (escape), or just say no. My shaker jar and MF packets were within handy reach at all times. And, it was the first time in five weeks that I actually TOLD anyone besides my husband and son that I was fasting. To say the least, last week was a tremendous opportunity for growth.

So, my only advice would be to create lots of non-food activities while you give yourselves a chance to build up some momentum and confidence with your fasting regime, and then start with a 'food event' that you feel confident that you can handle. Then build from there. The book club will still be there when you are ready.

Nobody said this was going to be easy. I had two substantial, but mercifully brief, pity parties last week, but I made it.

We can ALL make it.

Landylue

[elle4nelly]

Alison,

I do the same too! Mainly because All my friends are single skinny women who love to go out and do stuff!! I am tired 1) of being the fat one in the group. It's a akward feeling!!! Here you are with 5 other babes and they're all 115 to 129lbs in their cute outfits and I am miss blimp in moomoos! Then you sit at restaurant ordering the same ole caca poopoo salad with low fat dressing on the side which I can't have green anymore...anyway... all of this is way too much. And some of my friends keep asking me why I can't have this or that... I'm tired of explaining myself to people who never went on a diet in their life because they always had the smart to eat small and keep their weight that way! I'm a very lively outgoing person, but I need to stay in my cocoon for now...the butterfly will come out to play later...when she's closer to goal! Until then, I feel I need to protect myself! Unfortunate but temporary!


Nelly

[MamaD]

I totally agree with your approach. You have isolate yourself from your temptations! You have to find alternate activities to the trigger times. Just think of what a huge victory it was for you to be able to opt not to go to the book club. Maybe next month, you will feel stronger and be in a better position to participate....if just ain't never easy!!

We have 3 weddings and endless parties and showers to attend. I am scared to death!! My best approach is to walk around with a glass of diet coke and never even think about touching the food. I can't do anything in moderation...and that definately includes food!!

Hang in there!! You are doing great!!

[Tonya]

I can soooo relate to all that you girls are saying....it is so great to hear someone else! I spend so much time obsessing about my weight and how others view me that there are lots of times that I would come home pretty depressed....even after being out all night having "fun"! Thank you so much for your posts...they are so helpful to read!

One question though, have you guys noticed when you stay at home you get down sometimes and just want to eat. The busier I stay, the better usually so I've been trying to do more exercising and walking with friends instead of drinks. Any other ideas? Thanks again!!!

[elle4nelly]

I agree with you!

I've enlisted my best friend..all 125lb of hers to help out with non-drinking healthy outtings. She's an avid exerciser and I exercise with her 5 days a weeks. Now my other friends don't get it! I am and that's the honest truth the only obese person in my entourage of friends. So It's really hard for me to hang out right now with people who don't understand this whole thing. Thus, I have picked up hobbies that make me feel good for those days or nights I have to spend with lovely me. I crochet/or kniot really cool and funky bags for my teen niece and her friends, I take Photography classes..and a lot f other things that fill up my time so well that by the time I 'm home..I don't feel like anything but a shake a hotbath and R&R!
Don't just keep busy...keep busy doing things you like and that make you feel real good.

Nelly