The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Alison]

Well, I went to the dreaded bookclub that I missed last month (because I had just started MF) They put a empty plate in front of me and a glass of wine. I just ignored it which is hard to do with 6 people. Fine that wasn't the nightmare part. They for some reason started to talk about eating disorders and how all these actresses are anorexic and are size 4 and never eat. They then say they each eat at least 2500 cals a day. All thes woman are not an ounce over 120 and that's the tall ones. They were saying that just because they are normal weight they feel outcast. I felt sick. These woman are skinny and that's not me being overly sensitive. They talked about how one felt she was fat then another would say no your tiny. I was sitting there ill!! Did they not see me!! I don't know what to do. These are the wives of the men my husband works with. I can't go back there!! I felt like they were pissed at me for missing the last bookclub and 1 other gathering that I missed because it was going to a food festival. Honestly they ate more at that bookclub than any other I have been to in the past. I think I am going crazy. I just want never see them again. I felt so ill tonight that I couldn't have eaten even if I wasn't mfing.
I am just so sad right now.

[RavenKat]

Alison

Did they ever discuss the d*mn book?!!! I am so mad at these people! It sounded horrible and I would have started an argument, I'm sure - must be the punk in me.

It's easy for me to say but if that club is going to be such a downer, don't go. The post you wrote right before going was upbeat. No one can afford such draining experiences in their lives, especially when you are trying to make such a positive change. If any of these people are your friends then you should be able to be honest with them and ask them to chill out on the gorging and crap talk. If they are not your friends then it should be a little easier to blow off what they say.

I am laughing at myself because I get so protective of people I know. (Obviously I don't KNOW you but you get the idea) I'm all ready to go to the next meeting and tell them to get a life.

Hang in there. You survived and now you can work on how you are going to handle it next time - if there is a next time.

Kat

[marge]

Dear, dear Alison:

I know where you are at. I have been there and I choose to ignore "the things I cannot change". I meet with my girlfriends every wednesday beginning at 9:30 am in the morning for a ceramic class which lasts until 12:30..then we do lunch and it is NEVER a low calorie type of restaurant....then we shop until the next meal and we eat again before going home. I too have not joined them for lunch for the last 2 weeks. I went to ceramics and then made an excuse about a trademan at my house for some job. another time I had them pick me up after their lunch and we went shopping.. It is nearly 3 weeks and they do NOT know that I am on Medifast because I know how they are....and they would not treat me nice only because Medifast is working and they are jealous...girlfriends are cruel and my daughter of 27 has sadly also found that out the hard way. she like myself has learned that it is much better to have long term boyfriends.... She was recently married, and her best friend a boy was one of her bridesmaids

I am sad for you but you are on the road to a very new beginning...screw the bookclub..you have a much more important journey ahead of you....

Cheer up and go for the gold..keep on shakin!!!!!!!!

hugs to you

marge

200/190/150

[Alison]

Thanks girls.
I was so upset last night I could even think straight!!. I feel a bit better today. These girls are not my friends- they are my husband's associates wifes. I just don't know anyone here on the west coast yet. We moved here last AUgust from NYC. They are just too young for me and still have that caddy BS about them. I am in my 30's thay are more mid 20's. Just a different stage I guess. I also am not and have never been a big drinker party type of girl. They are still there. I am more into really reading the book to discuss and going to art exhibits and plays, not so much worrying about how much I eat so I can go out and get wasted. I don't mean to sterotype but that is really what it is like. They also think because we are more financially stable that it is so easy for my husband and myself. I worked for 10 years and my husband works his a** off for the last 15. We never lived like they do going out to lush dinners and trendy clubs every night.They wear jeans that cost $200. I shop at Marshalls for the discount. I guess it is just a different mentality. About the food - I have always found that people who need to hurt others out of their own misery target overweight people first. We are such targets. I just wanted some friends here. I need to look elsewhere!!! I am too old and tired to get caught up in the drama!! I guess I have to be more self confident and get out there. MF does help giving confidence. If I felt that I could trust these women I really would have said something about the food thing but you know I don't think they would have understood and eventually I would have been 'felt sorry for' which I do not need. Then they'd gossip amongst themselves which would find its way back into my husband's office and upset him tremendously. It wasn't worth it. I'll just make up some excuse to leave the club. They'll know I'm lying but who cares!! It is weird- if this didn't involve my husband's job I really would be honest. Oh well. I am so glad I have this forum to vent. Good days and bad! At the end of the day I am proud of myself for changing my life w/mf. I don't add to my sadness with guilt from stuffing myself. This is huge for me. In the last 5 weeks I have had several (as we ALL do) moments of stress and grief but I haven't gorged it away with food. I have never been able to do that. NEVER!! Last night at midnight when I came to this forum and typed out my stresses I got my outlet and by reading what I wrote and my replies I got my support. I couldn't take this journey w/o you guys!! I need support I need reassurance, I need people that go through these kind of feelings everyday too. Bless your hearts!! You all are the best!!
Alison

[Jeanette]

This is probably not the kindest attitude, but....

I say screw 'em!!

[marge]

HEAR! HEAR! JEANETTE

marge

[Tonya]

That is one of the saddest strings I have read! People can be so cruel and caddy (esp women, no doubt). But there are also so many incredible people out there...you just have to choose where to spend your time and who to spend it with. Get rid of anyone in your life that is "toxic" and that doesn't make you feel so much better being with them.

I have some awesome friends and, once I told them about MF, they have been really cute about saying "we'd love for you to come but we don't want to tempt you" or "how about we go for a walk instead of having drinks?". There really are some great people out there, you just have to look for them. Believe me, I also have plenty of people that would just as soon trip me up.

The best way that I have found to meet great people is volunteering. I help with several animal organizations as well as am a member of our Museum and my church. I also try really hard to find outlets that don't involve food and drink where I can meet people - classes, Curves, silent auctions, fundraisers, etc. It's sometimes really hard but you have to put yourself out there-it's the same as dating.

Sounds to me like these people are really mean and aren't going to add to your life....that means they'll only take away from it. See them at corporate stuff and be cordial but I wouldn't waste any time with them that you don't have to because of your husband's job. Period.

[auntjanot]

Alison,
I know exactly how you might feel. I am 40 something and a few years ago I moved into my dream house. Only I din't realize the neighborhood would be a nightmare. Most of the women are 20-30 and skinny. They have basket, jewely, tupperware, purse, you name it, demonstrations. Most of it is just an excuse for "girls night out". First of all I can't afford the stuff they demonstrate, second I don't gossip and talk about other people the way they do and third, I don't drink the way they do. (several Martinis or beers on a week night) I watch them eat and drink while they are eating and drinking, all they talk about dieting. They have been on more diets that I ever was in my life and I was over 300#! They wear a size 6 and think they are too fat! I can waer a size 6 maybe on my one thigh! All the while I am sitting there drinking my diet coke and munching on celery. Well needless to say, I stopped going. I found that the people who love me no matter what size I am are the people I want to be with. I can only say that someday, after all the drinking, and partying and a few more years of the "easy life", they may be right where I was and I am now. Struggling with weight and worried what other people think and say.
You sound like a very warm and giving person. I'm sure that once you get more adjusted to your new surroundings, you will find more like minded people and they will love you whether you are large or small.
If I was there right now, I would give you a big hug.
Keep up the good work and do what you have to to succeed because you are important .
Janet

[Landylue]

I'm so sorry that you had to endure that experience, Alison.

You know you have no control over that group of harpies, but you do have control over your own actions. Respect yourself enough not to put yourself through another one of those meetings.

You are going to do just fine.

Landylue

[elle4nelly]

Dear Allison:

Let go of all this mess.
The world is full of people who have a different way of seeing life or just living life.
So if these 'Bimbettes Chicks" of yours are skinny and love to indulge in petty dull conversations about this or that..so what? They say Tifanny and you say Macy's. They say Brittaney Spears and you say Oprah Winfrey.
They are who they are and you are who you are. I say, leave them all alone. Be you and let them be in their barbie world. World YOU DO HAVE TO BE A PART OF if you do not like it! You have a choice! Start your own book club and invite your own people. Get a hobby so you can meet new people and form new bonds and new friendships. I'm telling you right now that the likes of them isn't going to dissapear from this good old earth. There were, are and alway will be such people. BUT you do not have to be with anyone that doesn't make you feel good. Period! Nor do you even have to get down about it. Learn to accept yourself Allison. Learn to feel good about yourself. Simply put, love yourself. Surround yourself for as much as you can with people who accept and love you for who you are. You deserve no less than such! And trust me, you do not need to be 115lbs for people to like you or accept you. And by the way, thin women have a lot of worries and insecurities too. We worry about losing weight and all that...But they also have the pressure of NOT gaining any weight, of not getting where WE are! All my close friends are skinny..and they have one thing in common...They all have scales in their Bathrooms and weight themselves daily! Read tones of fashion and health magazines and worry non-stop about getting fat. I used to laugh at them when I was skinny as them...Never owned a scale until I got on Medifast!!
Now, I will too get on scale each day and worry about never getting fat again when I reach my goal.
So leave the barbies alone. Let them be. You have us here to be your friends and support. Go pick a hobby you'd like and meet better friends.
It will all be okay Allison..Trust me...it will!

Nelly

[Alison]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and for your advice. I went to my first photography group meeting last night and had a wonderful time. There were all shapes and sizes and ages. I am just feeling like a fish out of water these days, moving no friends here, no job. I feel insecure and I really never felt insecure as a person before. My weight issue yes that has been a problem but I never felt unlikable or un intelligent or really ever too lonely. I lived in Manhattan so I was always surrounded by a lively vibe even when I was alone. I also was surrounded by every type/look of people that you can imagine. Here I am in a very small gentrified neighborhood. I don't hate thin people at all and I know they worry about weight and how they look and feel as well. I do think there is a insensitivity issue in that group of woman they are also a bit young still. It really doesn't matter. The bottom line is I am not happy meeting with these people so I no longer will. I would have blown this off a year ago in my previous surroundings. Now I am just in a vulnerable place. I can only fix that by going out into the world and trying to meet other people and fulfill my own needs. Volunteering, clubs church they are all great ideas. Thank you all,
Alison

[elle4nelly]

You're such a beautiful person Allison!
Warm. caring and just plain nice!
I love Manhattan!! And I'm glad you're not going to deal with the Barbie Club anymore! These women are simple minded. I don't even think that they were being that malicious. It sounded more like sheer ignorance and stupidity. Whatever it was, they can keep the Barbie world to themselves.
Your Photography class though sounds like a lot of fun. One day at a time, you will grow roots in your new surrounding. Just Keep up with your new class, hobbies and etc...and soon you'll have a circle full of good friends. Just try and relax more. Take it easy. You have us no matter what!

Nelly

[SneezyKitten]

Hi Alison!

I am a little behind here - but I am catching up on old posts to keep myself motivated today....

two things:

1) Seriously, do you think women who weigh 120 ACTUALLY eat at least 2500 calories every day??? I think that it is just the reverse of how we "heavy folk" count claories. I used to think, as I ate carbs and fat for three or four meals a day, that I was well under 2000 calories. Sure, that's how I gained 40 lbs in a year. So, likely, they actually have NO CLUE how many calories they are eating and by OVER counting, they stay thin. Sort of reverse math It IS frustrating, but what works for some bodies does not work for others. You are a PILLAR of strength for putting up with that. I would have started lecturing them on how to read nutriontal labels, because they obviously don't do so! You must have a lot of patience for stupid people.

2) Photography, while not an inexpensive hobby, is a GREAT distraction from eating! If you take your camera out and explore your own neighborhood, your home town or start making day trips within your area, you'll be active and distracted and have something to show for it too! My husband is a semi-professional photographer and I dabble. And you're right - photographers come in all shapes and sizes and we tend to be a very accepting bunch

[explorthis]

And you're right - photographers come in all shapes and sizes and we tend to be a very accepting bunch

Except now, instead of a hefty 1024x768, we are a comfortable "lower" resolution of 640x480!!

Smaller is good!

Just could not resist that "exposure" pun

-M

[Echo]

Like you said Alison, these girls are in their 20's, and if they are eating 2500 calories a day it's going to catch up with them. It caught up with me, and I remember thinking I was fat at a size 10.

Do you have to do the book club with them, photography sounds a lot more fun to me. I bet there are some wonderful things to capture in SF. It's a cliche, but when people are like that I think, 'I may be overweight, but they are shallow and catty, and I can lose the weight.' And, hopefully, with mf and a little will power, we won't have to worry about feeling insecure about our weight anymore.

echo