) I know since I am definitely an emotional eater, it's going to help. And as they say.. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortabel to reach the success you are looking for in life.. So here it goes.
Well I am married and a mom of 2 wonderful kiddos ages 2 and 4. As far back as I can remember I have used food as a way to cope with life. My dad was an alcoholic, and I can remember being told that no one needs to know that your dad drinks to much or that we fight this much. Just put on a happy face.. And that's what I did. And then I would come home from school and I would eat. Then I was not allowed to snack..which only let me to sneak into the cupboards and eat more. I can remember in the 2nd grade my dad pinching my stomache and telling me that if you get more than a thumbs worth of stomache when you pinch, that meant you needed to lose weight. I'm sure in some way he was trying to help me. Looking back at the pictures from then, I really wasn't grossly overweight then, but my dad put me on my first diet in 3rd grade. It was similar to Medifast.. I can just remember the shakes.. Anyway that's when it all began. By the time I reached Junior high I had been on every diet there was at the time. I remember having to eat lean cuisene meals as my family ate real meals, because someone at my mom's work lost a bunch of weight that way. I remember my grandparents seeing me for the first time in a long time and they commented on how great I looked..and I remember the look of pride in my mom's eyes that her daughter was finally skinny. This was all before I ever even hit puberty. I know looking back my parents just didn't want me to struggle..wanted me to fit in...wanted me to be happy. Anyhow.. in Junior high I discovered the art of throwing up after I ate. This was great to me. I could eat like normal people and stay skinny. I was also very active in sports so I stayed a normal size..even with many episodes of binge eating. I look back at pictures from Jr. high and Highschool when I just "knew" I was fat..and it makes me sad. The pictures show a skinny athletic girl..but I've never "felt" like that. In college I became addicted to exercise. I was a maniac..lol And I would get phen phen from mexico (I know it's amazing I'm alive) And then I met my husband. I spent time with him instead of exercising.. We ate late dinners and went to the bars...Needless to say I put on 20 lbs pretty quickly. I can remember thinking..It's no big deal I "know how to lose weight" So I was at 160. I managed to get down to 140 again for the wedding wedding, but went right back up to 160 until the point of getting pregnant. It was all over from there. lol I gained almost 100lbs with my daughter
. I was 250 when I went to the delivery room. Whoa! I can remember I couldn't even wear my maternity clothes when it was time to go home (granted I had swelling from complications). My major battle started at that point. I was depressed, I hated looking at myself, I hated going anywhere, I was miserable. I couldn't go back to throwing up now that I had a daughter that needed me...so I went on atkins and got down to 200lbs. Then my husband and I started having major problems. During one fight he told me he was no longer attracted to me and that he had been hit on by a girl when he went to a baseball game and it made him feel good to be noticed by a pretty girl. I was crushed and I was angry..and I ate my way up to 220. I became pregnant with my son, and was at 260 by the time I had him. I did atkins, weight watchers, slim fast, diet pills..you name it I did it..Some worked some didn't.. but I ended up right back where I was. Last october I was doing a google search on fast weight loss. My marriage was in trouble and I was miserable. I found this forum and I spent hours looking through all of the before and after pictures. Finally I started in January at 259. I love Medifast. I'm not a patient person, I need results quickly. And medifast gives that to me. Not to mention the fact that I feel great when I'm on it. Unfortunately I have developed a pattern of 2 months on 2 months off. So although I'm now at 210 an 50 lbs down from where I started, I'm frustrated with myself. If I had just stayed on program I would be skinny by now and maybe I wouldn't be dealing with the issues that I'm dealing with now. But we can't play the shoulda coulda woulda game I suppose.
Well that is plenty for today. For a girl who is private I sure opened the floodgates. lol But that's what this is for I suppose.
Finding the new me!!
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