by melissa07 » November 6th, 2007, 10:55 am
Sometimes I wonder if I am ready or not to commit. I have tried hundreds of diets and failed with all of them. I want to lose the weight so bad, but I cannot commit. Everyone says your time will come, and maybe this isn't the right time for me. But in my opinion, I am 20 years old and this should be the perfect time for me to lose weight. It is hard for me because I was 192lbs about 4 years ago and ever since last year I was maintaining a weight of 155lbs. All of a sudden the weight came back and here I am 187-189lbs. I think I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I am not 155lbs anymore. Oh, what I would do to be that weight again. I don't get it. Within a year I gained all my weight back. How can this be? I wasn't even dieting when I was 155lbs. I wish I can go back and look at my eating habits and see what was different when I was 155lbs verses how I eat now. The only thing I can think of is the fact that ever since I gained the weight back I haven't been able to stick to one diet. I have been yo-yo dieting this whole year and It has really messed with my head. My hypothalamus gland is completely screwed up, all I ever do is think about eating. When I wake up I think about what am I going to eat today. My boyfriend discuss what we will be eating for dinner when it is only 2:00 in the afternoon. My whole life is based around food. Instead of dieting, don't you think I should correct this mental problem I have first?? I cannot diet, if I cannot correct my thoughts in my brain, and my emotions. I do not feel that Medifast is teaching me anything besides how to lose weight. I need to correct my malfunctions I have within my own thoughts and feelings before I can go any further. I wish there was a way I can switch my Hypothalamus gland back to normal. I read a lot about it, and I am fascinated with healthy eating, and the way your brain operates with the relation to food and I know there is just so much more to following the MF plan and losing weight. If I cannot stick to it, and I always go off plan, and I feel guilty afterwards, then I know there is something more than simply not being able to commit. I went from 192lbs to 155lbs and my lowest was 146lbs a couple of years ago. I know I am capable of losing this weight again, but I have this funny feeling that something is not kicking in. It is ironic because I want to lose this weight just as much as anyone else out there, and everyone says take it one step at a time and I can do this, and the support is there for me, but it is my own fault for not sticking it out. It is so much easier said then done. Everyone has their transitions in their life, and maybe I am not ready for mine. I don't know what else to say. Today I had one MF shake, and one slice of light whole wheat bread with peanut butter. I think I need to focus on what fits MY needs and since I have a lot of knowledge on dieting, maybe I should "invent" my own way of eating, and my own style of dieting. Possibly incorporating MF with healthy light foods can still do the trick. I want to enjoy my life, I want to be stress free over food, I don't want to think about it anymore. If I start thinking and feeling like a thin person, then maybe I will start eating like one. I do know however that eating 5MF shakes would kill me, the taste is disgusting to me all over again, and I cannot even bare to have all 5. I will come up with something, but it will take some time. OH and I am still doing my research paper in Human Bio based on MF because I do believe and I have seen perfectly good examples of how easy it is to lose the weight with MF. I am in no way against using MF as a diet, and I cannot keep telling you folks how inspiring you guys are to me. I know how great MF can do wonders for me, but I don't have that gift like many of you do. You guys truly have a gift to stick this out, and everyone on here is honestly a role model for me. I wish I can have that self control, and power to face my worst enemy. You guys are great, and I hope you guys will be here for me for whatever decision I make, or whatever diet I decide to incorporate into MF. Thanks for letting me vent, see u all later.
Melissa
Start date: August 31, 2007
Start Weight: 197lbs
Goal Weight: 145lbs
~*MeLiSsA*~
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