What a trip!
That's the best way I can think of to sum up my first ten days on Medifast. There are so many surprising experiences already packed into this journey I find myself on
First, I thought I was all alone. I'm used to sharing all my weight struggles with a wonderful group of women at Weight Watchers, but with a net gain of ten pounds over two years
, I had to admit that I likely wasn't going to be successful counting points. In desperation, I ordered a month's worth of Medifast. I had initially planned to follow the program with my mom, who is also in pretty serious trouble with her weight, but she promptly quit and gave me all her food.
But then I found the journals in this forum...and they're incredible. What an amazingly wise, kind-hearted bunch of people you have gathered here! Sometimes I feel a little creepy, reading such intimate thoughts from people who don't know me, but I also noticed that many share their issues with food and their weight, in part at least, to help others like me
I'm very definitely not alone.
Second, I never imagined I would stick with Medifast this long...Ten days in and I've already lost eight pounds
Losing weight is far and away the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel like I've done some pretty hard stuff... I used to welcome challenges, but this obesity thing has had me flummoxed.
For this reason, I fully expected I would be done with the program by now, and annoyed with myself for spending so much money on food I can't bear to eat. But here I am, hanging in
In fact, I have only had one day when my tummy was rolling, and I questioned my own judgement for beginning this program in the first palce. I was tearful and afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep going. I think I know what I did wrong, though. I had spent hours online searching out Medifast recipes. I tried a few that were pretty awful through the course of the day, and basically, it's that unhealthy obsession with food that got me into this mess in the first place.
But I made it through. My cravings have subsided. And right now, I feel like I can hang in for a good long while yet. The beauty of Medifast is the chance to not think about food. It's like a holiday for my mind!
One point I'm really struggling with, though, is I can't seem to visualize myself thin. You know how all the motivational speakers say you have to envision yourself in the future you wish for, down to the littlest details...well I can't. I have packed around what basically amounts to a fifth grader worth of extra weight (I teach school
) for so long I guess I can't imagine life without it.
Even now, when I keep seeing new numbers on the scale, I wonder if it is just a fluke; if it will be back again tomorrow. I get scared that I have already reached my limit, and I worry that from here on, my body won't be letting any more fat go.
Of course, I can work on this. Looking at journals and before and after pictures will help the idea sink in, and I plan to set aside time each day where I try to paint a picture in my mind's eye of me thin and healthy...Imagine that!
Soooooooo....I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone.