The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Elimatal]

Hello to all....hope everyone is losing, weight that is.....As for me, along with losing weight, I seem to be losing a friend or two, too. I have been part of a three-some-friendship--we all have kids around the same age, all are stay-at-home-moms, and we all live within a block of each other. All three of us have been fighting our weight for years, and at one point, the three of us went on a diet together, which included phentermine. We were all so supportive of each other, and cheered each other on as we each managed to lose around 60 pounds each. Somehow in the past year, all three of us have gained the weight back, and have been fat and miserable ever since. I have been the only one out of the three friends that decided to go on the MediFast diet (which was the best choice ever!!! ), and since starting the 1st of October, I have lost 10 pounds so far---yipee!!! Here is where the problem begins--my two best friends will barely speak to me now! The other day, they went out and got their nails done, a pedicure--the whole works. I wasn't invited, but as soon as they got back, they both made sure to stop by my house to rave about what a wonderful time they had, and made sure to ask me if I thought their nails looked good, because they both thought so. Neither one of them are asking me how I'm doing on my diet, and I'm beginning to feel like I just plain don't exist! Is it because I'm losing weight and they're not? I've tried to get them to go on the MF diet with me, but they refuse, claiming I'm "nuts" for doing this diet. I was NOT prepared for my best friends to treat me like this simply because of a diet.....I plan to stick to my guns though, with or without their support. Has anybody else experienced anything like this? I don't mean to whine, it's just been a real shock to my system that my main support system, my two best friends with whom I've been friends with for the last 6 years, have suddenly ditched me because of a diet!

[ljm498]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your friends. Jealousy sure is something isn't it?

Is it because I'm losing weight and they're not?

Yes. That's the long and short of it. I could be wrong, as I don't know your friends as well as you do, but that's what it sounds like. It's a common thing unfortunately. But, sometimes it's hard for some people to see others being successful, especially at something they have had such a hard time with themselves. I'm not excusing their behavior in any way. What they did, if you ask me, was hurtful. They knew you would be hurt by not inviting you and then flaunted it? Sounds a little 8th grade to me. I'll bet anything that once they see how successful you are on MF they will want to get on board too.

Maybe you could tell them how their actions made you feel and have an honest discussion? I'm sure you value their friendship and want to work this out and hopefully they will be open to that.

I know this must be hard. Good luck! I hope everything works out.

[Nancy]

Elimatal

Oh, I am really sorry that happened to you. It is interesting how things can change among friends when one of us determines to make some changes. Often times our friends feel like our relationship with them will change – that we won’t be available for them any more, that we won’t want to go out with them any more, that we will be more attractive or more desirable – sometimes they feel threatened by our success if it is in an area where they also struggle.

Sometimes we focus more on ourselves during the weight loss program – it may not be that your friends purposely ignored you or failed to include you in their manicure and pedicure party – you may be more sensitive right now because of the changes you are making – but then again…they may have purposely excluded you. You could take the initiative and invite them to go to the mall or out for coffee with you.

Don’t let the detractors get to you – there will always be those who diss you and some who ditch you – there will be new friends to make and the Medifast Forum friends here will help you through the rough times and will encourage you and celebrate with you when you reach your goals. Every day is a party when we log on and see how others are doing. Sadly some peeps are so selfish that they cannot seem to enjoy the joy of others. Every time I read about one of you crossing over into ONEderland, I experience the joy with you. It seems like your victories are my victories, too.

Just keep on going, do all you can to stick to the program, seek and savor the improvement in your health, love your friends as much as they will allow and look for new ways and new friends to share your interests.

[Gwenski]

Three is a difficult number to deal with in relationships as it seems someone always feels left out, snubbed or excluded. You brought back memories of the 8th grade for me.

There are so many ways to take what happened.........and since we don't know what you three do together it is hard but mainly, your feelings are hurt and you should express it to them.

If manicures and pedicures are something that the three of you would normally do together and poof all of a sudden they go off together - red flags would be going off in my head too. The fact that they came over to show you is curious though.........maybe they were doing something foody and consider you a foody friend and are threatened that of the three of them, you have broken away from the pack and are fighting the flab on your own. Clearly they aren't ready to do that now and you may be making them face things they aren't ready too???

Perhaps they just don't know or understand Medifast and don't want to ruin it for you? I know my friends didn't know what to do with me at the beginning and frankly neither did I - now they call to ask me to do stuff well enough into advance which gives me time to space my supplements and we pick places where I know I can get a lean and grean.

Sometimes we woman are the best of friends & sabateurs all at the same time. If you aren't comfortable talking to them about it then sit back with an open mind and see if it keeps happening. Chances are if it does that they may just have more in common with one another at this time in their lives and unless something was said or done to really rub them the wrong way that it is them and not you.

Take it from someone who is completely hyper-sensative with friends and always thinks it is somehow me even when it couldn't possibly be -- if they are your friends, they will love and support you no matter how wild or crazy they interpeter your decisions to be --- that is what friends do (in my humble opinion) and if they aren't standing by you then they weren't the friends that you thought, need or want.

You are doing what is best and right for you and that makes some people uneasy, especially when they aren't or don't want too......does that make sense?!?

Everyone's posts have been great on this and I am sorry your feelings were hurt and hope you are able to resolve this with the friendships intact.

[dlr2424]

Eli.... .......I'm so sorry for your hurt feelings...... .......there could be a number of reasons as to why you were left out...... ....whether they be deliberate or not...... ....... I would pray for the courage to gently voice my concerns to them before you allow any negative feelings to fester and the situation begins to snowball..... .....if you feel these friends are worth keeping then I would invest my time in sharing your concerns........I will keep your situation in my prayers and know that you are doing what's best for you..... .......taking care of your health that is.......... keep shaking

Donna....dlr2424

[tumbleweed]

Hi Elimatal!
I am sorry that happened to you and that your feelings were hurt. I know how that feels, it has happend to me also. I was even told outright that I wasnt asked to go along because they were going to be eating and I would just be shaking my shakes. That hurt me very much at first, but then I realised that it wasnt anyones intention to hurt me I feel now that it is just a case of someone else possibly being uncomfortable with some of my success at this, even though they love me they would like to be where I am at right now.
When you have a friends that have been eating partners sometimes for years, and you have been thru the battles of trying to lose weight together over and over again, and then you find something that finally works for you it can be a hard thing for them to swallow, if they are not along for the ride.
Maybe your success will inspire them to jump on board.
I think it can even be worse on friends especially if one of your frineds has always been smaller than you are and all of a sudden you are smaller than her, even by just a size I think it can cause a bit of jealousy, and that can make for some awkward situations.
I think our friends love us but I also believe it is human nature to compete, which is a shame.
Keep reaching out to your friends, hopefully they will be inspired by your success and join you on this journey, but be understanding until then. They are just not where you are yet. This is I believe one of the hardest things to do its a battle every day and we need suport and friends but dont let their feeling bad about themselves bring you down, misery loves company, dont fall into misery, your friends will come around. Best of luck to you!!! Keep shaking!

[Angie S]

I have seen this with others and its very disheartening! People are jealous of other sucess, and its the wrong way to be. Take this time to not worry about your friends. IF they are true friends they will be there in the end. You and your well being are far to precious to sabatoge over something like this. YOU ARE # ! and DONT ever forget it!!!! Best of Luck!

Angie

[mytime]

Eli - I am so very sorry they hurt your feelings. They will come around and I am with Gewnski, 3 is a tough number and 8th grade was a nightmare ! I am just grateful that you let us know so we could support you. I have been going through something similar with my mom who keeps baking cookies and bringing them over and then bought Halloween candy for my son- who is 4 - my favorite - TWICE so far .

They love you - change is hard for everyone. The best news is that you also love yourself. You have given yourself the gift of MF - and soon enough (if not already) you will be able to see your pretty painted toes without bending over - and help describe their's to them

I will tell you I was shopping with my mom the other day and she had a mini breakthrough - when she heard I had my shake with me she said great ! Now I can have a Mrs. Field's cookie and we did - my shake her cookie. Did I feel bad ? No, b/c I have lost 10 pants sizes in just shy of four months- we would have had the cookies together in the past. And guess who started MF on Monday ? Mytime

[Nancy]

MyTime ~

What? Is your Mom starting the program now? That is so neat if I understand you correctly!

For me it was do or die.

I'm glad I did it!

There were days I thought I'd die but as I got closer to my half-way point I was convinced I would make it all the way to the finish line.

You are on the downward slide toward the goal line yourself. Isn't it so cool that there are people onboard in all stages of the program - lurkers and wannabes, newbies, and skaker pros - together we'll improve our health and tighten our belts - one shake at a time!

[dlr2424]

You have given yourself the gift of MF - and soon enough (if not already) you will be able to see your pretty painted toes without bending over - and help describe their's to them :D

that was definitely a "pee your pants moment"

Donna....dlr2424

[mytime]

Donna - glad you liked it - we have all been there with friends and family. If you can't laugh then what ? Mytime

[oregonrose]

friends are wierd like that sometimes. My thiking is that they were uncomfortable taking you because they intended to eat and it would make them uncomfortable to eat when you were not. I'm sure they still care about you-- Its just that when you change they are forced to change also. hang in there, nancy

[mytime]

Nancy - yes my mom started. She was never overweight until menopause - everyone in my family was thin my whole life - oh ya, except me. Anyway she has lost about 10 pounds and it will be two weeks tomorrow. Of course I am her HA . She only wanted to lose 20 now she is talking 40 - funny she keeps telling me not to get too thin - ah, how conflicted we can be. She also brought Halloween candy over again on Friday for my son. This time I just laughed. Mytime

[Nancy]

She also brought Halloween candy over again on Friday for my son. This time I just laughed

Eating Halloween candy did not get you into the 60 Pound Club!

It won't help you to have it lying around the house a week before Kids' Candy Day either! You will have to fight with the kids to avoid dipping into the candy stash for a week.

Traditions, habits and such are difficult to break and it is sometimes hard to set an example for children when significant adults influence our kids but your successful candy avoidance will surely set you apart as one who puts her health first!

When I buy Halloween candy, I wait until the day of Halloween, buy stuff I don't particularly like and then when the trick-or-treater doorbell ringers slows down for night, I give the last kids a big load of candy and eliminate our supply. Less temptation that way - if it is outta sight, it can not drive me outta my mind!

[Gwenski]

Nancy's Halloween Candy ideas are great and now I wish I hadn't called in the BIG guns.

I invited my Persnicky GrandMaMA to come and give out the candy. She isn't going to let me near 10 feet of it and will closely monitor the handing out so I don't pocket any of the precious naughtiness.

Fact is, I live in her house cause she moved in with my parents four hours away. So, she loves seeing the kids and costumes and will even buy the evil sugary goodness.

I thought I was being SO smart but then my Mom announced that I will be ALONE in the house with her for THREE WEEKS until the week of Thanksgiving -- oh me oh my -- WHAT WAS I THINKING!!

This woman can make me cry with one look up and down.........if we both survive until Christmas it will be a miracle! There is a reason I have dogs and not kids - aside from the no man to be found to fit my life problem!!! Anyone want to come to Northern California and save me from THE Grandmother!!!!?