if you feel the need to translate, which takes all the fun out of it, you should at least keep the original formatting. do you also visit the local children's hospital and tell them there's no santa?
at the bar:
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
the designated hitter rule has got to go
during dinner:
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
at the car:
Apudne te vel me?
your place or mine?
10 minutes later:
Illius me paenitet, dux.
sorry about that, chief
the next day:
Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
don't call me; i'll call you
and:
Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
bad kitty! why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it!