by kendra_m » September 10th, 2006, 6:36 am
As i weigh in today and feel really good about my loss this week, I realize how much fear I've had in starting MF. Food has been such a lifelong issue for me, I really had very little faith in myself that I could make this a success this time. I feel lost sometimes, like I don't quite know what to do with myself without having food to turn to as my familiar companion. I'm trying to visualize it as a friend that I've turned to over and over that hasn't treated me right in return. It's only added fat to my body and made me unhealthy.
I also have this fear of what people will think of me when I'm not a fat person. Now, I've had this warped safety net, this barrier of fat... that if someone doesn't respond to me in the way I hope, I can blame it on the fat. Especially with the opposite sex, if they don't like me, notice me, etc, I automatically blame it on my body size. When I become not obese, I won't have that. I'll have to acknowledge that it's about me, not my size. This sounds pathetic to me even as I write it. I'm a 45 yr old woman for crying out loud... I'm smart, I'm successful in my profession, I'm a good mom, a good friend, I'm attractive.... and I'm walking around with this fear of what other people think of me. I'm just trying to put faith in learning, over the coming months as I lose this weight, not to be so worried about what other people think. I even worry about it here, in this forum... what if people don't like me. Geez... it feels so goofy to even say it.
I'm just trying to accept that this part of the weight loss journey.... learning to love and accept myself... is just as hard as losing the pounds.
Finding the new me!!
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10# - 9/11/06
20# - 9/24/06
30# - 11/5/06
40# - 11/19/06