The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Tawanda]

Karli, just wanted to tell you that you are often on my mind and I'm rooting for you to overcome & work out the issues you are dealing with right now.

The weight came on, for many of us, because we turned to food to self medicate to get through mental tough times....and just losing the weight doesn't mean the thought processes have permanently changed (does that make sense?). I know, for me, that once this weight is gone, I still will probably have those thoughts and times when I want to overeat to self medicate.....but I'll need to work out different ways to handle things if I don't want to gain the weight back. You're working things out and if it were easy, or there were easy answers---we'd never have eaten ourselves into obesity in the first place -- we would have worked things out.

You are in that spot of making the decision of whether being thin, fit and healthy is more important to you than feeding the mental monster-- which probably would take you back to gaining some, if not all the weight.

It is a battle.....I believe you will win it. You've done so much work to lose the weight, enjoyed finding exercise and being able (and strong enough) to be active....you've already won so many of the battles, now you are fighting the biggest one. You've won all the others.......you will win this one too. We're here to support and encourage you and we're going to rely on you when it is time for us to fight our own big battles.

I think losing the weight will be the easy part of this journey for me.....the hardest part will be when the weight is gone or almost gone and I need to figure out what I'm going to do to handle those situations/emotions/thoughts that come up and I use to run to food to handle.

All this is my own thoughts and opinions, please forgive me if it doesn't pertain to any of what you are going through....it is just shared in the hope that I might be able to give you one more knot at the end of your rope, to hold on to until you get everything worked (and figured) out.

My best to you.

[DonicaB]

Karli~ At school when my students are having trouble solving a problem.....I often say, "Go back to the beginning and take a fresh look at the problem." When they try to argue with me about doing this, I just repeat "Go back to the beginning."

I think you have gone back to the beginning. You are taking a fresh look at what you need to do to lose the weight. You've taken some great steps by cleaning out the pantry and mentally preparing for what needs to be done.

I think sometimes when we have gotten so far in our journeys and start having trouble, we don't want to go back to the beginning. I wonder why that is? As you said, in the beginning you really took it seriously. I wish there was some way to bottle that seriousness and excitement that we feel when we first begin. The anticipation........the wonder of it all. Well, we can't bottle it (darn it), but we can revisit it any time we choose.

Have fun with your drawing project!!

Doni

[Serendipity]

I wish there was some way to bottle that seriousness and excitement that we feel when we first begin. The anticipation........the wonder of it all.
Doni

Doni, when you get that figured out, let me know. We can go into business together and become gazillionaires!

[Karli]

Thanks so much, ladies !! Each of your posts have been extremely helpful for me, and very encouraging.

Well, it's my morning here and I am drinking my coffee after having had my morning oatmeal. I am just doing a bit of reflecting ...

I think that this whole thing, though obviously the program is very simple and straightforward (THANK GOD !!), the whole journey is ... not necessarily complicated but, at least, it's a pretty big deal.

Something that I have realized is that while I was doing the bulk of the weightloss, I wanted to be so careful and aware and all of these things as I went along. I was wanting to try to deal with everything at once so I wouldn't just race to my goal and then have a bunch of "shock" to deal with after having gotten there. I think that I did get some stuff dealt with during that time, but, I am realizing that there is still some shock involved -- and maybe there is just no way around that (maybe just for me, though I doubt I am completely alone in that).

Another thing is that it seems that I have sneakily thought that I can somehow mentally live very similarly to the way I mentally lived when I gained hords of weight, and that this mental living would somehow just have different results this time. Well, I don't think so. In this, I am talking about living in a way where I know I am looking for love and acceptance in the wrong places -- and, feeling just a general lakadazicalness about life (the kind where mindless eating seems to just live freely in and completely *thrive*).

Also, I have been realizing that I eat differently now. Funnily, it has been in contrast with overeating lately, but I have HATED overeating (I actually always have hated this) it's just I was getting more and more out of control with it lately, and this put me right back into the same state of mind and existence that got me to my starting weight -- and, it's always a state of emergency. The difference now is, I actually *really* know what to do about it when I decide to step in on behalf of myself (not let the eating monster take over my life).

I guess what I mean by the above is that I enjoy eating differently -- I really, really, really do !

I have recognized some signs that have told me that I am heading down a path that is not good -- for example, I have been participating less in my marriage and had a huge blow-up at hubby not too long ago (and, it really had nothing to do with him-- it was just my own issues). Yeah, I had some *serious* anger to work out about a week ago (not toward my hubby but about some things in my family).

I am pretty sure I am not sounding "together" right now, but, I am trying. I don't know. I guess we do need to work stuff out, it's just, what I have been doing lately could have (or still could) so easily led me straight back to obesity -- to be honest, I have had people's voices and examples from here in my head, helping me get through it and rousing me out of that dream-like state of existence that has tried to take me completely over (you know -- not conscious living exactly -- just existing).

Okay. I am going for now. You guys are amazing to me and I really love you so much !

Thanks very, very much .

[nickieluv]

I have recognized some signs that have told me that I am heading down a path that is not good -- for example, I have been participating less in my marriage and had a huge blow-up at hubby not too long ago (and, it really had nothing to do with him-- it was just my own issues).

Boy did this hit home for me. I have been disconnecting with my husband lately and just three minutes ago I hung up on him. I am really afraid that he is having an affair, or looking for one. Do I believe he is? No. But I'm afraid of it and there have been things going on lately that are completely normal for him but I am reading all kinds of bad things into the behavior. I don't know where the insecurity is coming from but I'm heading down a bad path, like you said. Thank you for posting this just when I needed it - even in the midst of your own throes you are helping me! There - I just sent him a text message apology and will call him at lunch to talk.

[Karli]

Hi, Nickie. You know, it actually really made me feel good to find out that I had helped somebody just by posting what I did. Thanks for sharing that, and though I posted in your journal, too, I will just also say here that I hope your conversation goes/went well with your hubby .


Well, I am just checking in with myself really. I need to be here right now. I am brewing a tea for myself and I have spent all morning doing nothing but being calm and quiet about life ... I will admit, I haven't minded it so much.

I am not feeling too great right now (fighting something off), and I am tempted to be a bit stressed about it since I have to sing this weekend. I remembered that yesterday was going just fine until I freaked out about this very thing and decided that I needed to eat hords of food (well, it didn't start as hords, but we know how quickly it can turn into hords) -- like that is going to solve it.

So, today, instead of freaking out about it, I am coming here and writing and brewing some tea and maybe I will have a MF quick soup -- but, I will not binge and I will not go off program today ! Boy, am I glad I disposed of so much stuff last night .

Cheers,
Karli

[Tawanda]

Karli, you are doing (have already done) some impressive proactive things to make sure you will be successful as humanly possible. I'm very impressed and hope to remember this when/if I come up against these types of feelings near goal. I'm sure everyone's experiences are somewhat similiar and somewhat different......it is good to know what others are coming up against so that we an be more prepared and think things through. You are giving us valuable help just by sharing what you are dealing with and how you are fighting your way through it. Thank you.

[dede4wd]

Hi Karli,

I have done *a lot* of growing throughout my journey thus far, but I am just not done. And, I need to really trust that person that I have found in myself throughout this time.

I'm right there with you. And thinking about you!

D

[Serendipity]

I have done *a lot* of growing throughout my journey thus far, but I am just not done.

psssssst, Karli. I don't think we'll ever be done.

[bikipatra]

Hello Karli Karl. Just wanted to say hello and that I missed you.

[Lizabette]

Hi KARLI,
Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts.
How odd, that during church service this morning, I found myself thinking of you, and said a little prayer for you.
I know it was for a purpose.

[Tawanda]

Karli, you are missed! I hope you will be back to posting soon!

[Karli]

Thanks very much, ladies .

Well, I thought I would check in. Right now I am doing well. It seems I go through times of really pressing my limits, but that also seems to come at times when I am almost *consciously* ignoring what I know I need to do to live a "good" life.

For me, this whole "journey" (sorry, it just sounds so cheesy sometimes) has not been *about* the weight and the food and so on ... but about kicking the mechanism that seems to create difficulty for me in these areas. Of course, this is nothing new to any of you.

I feel I have turned a corner. After months of some pretty rough waters, I have realized more clearly what kind of life I want to live, and what I really need to do to live it. But, it seems that I don't always want to do that in the moment -- does that sound familiar ?

But, as I wrote at an earlier time :

A moment of lying to oneself can easily morph into a few minutes and then hours of the same, and a few hours turn into a day. Quite rapidly a few days have become a long week and with a week plus another few, soon it's been a whole month. The months will pass on into a year and the years will keep going by, until all you find on your bed at the end is a lifetime that has been one big lie.

So, just something for me to be watchful of, I guess.

You want to know what I am "working on" lately ? The concept of eternity ... hee hee.

In the meantime, I feel the need at this time in my life to really gain a sense of trust within myself vs trusting some path of food -- and, with that, I feel the need to see that my fittest self is not wholely dependent on MF, nor, for that matter, any of the food that I eat -- if anything, it is dependent on the decisions that I make each moment of each day. Obviously food will cross paths with my decision-making during the day, but, I really want to focus on something besides the sheer food element of those decisions. I will admit, that's a little scary to me.

Overall, I have been doing really well in my decision-making, it seems. I eat MF when I want, and I eat other things that I feel completely good about when I want (along with knowing whether or not I really *need* food -- I don't just eat whenever I want, in that sense).

And, I have been more at peace with what I see in the mirror than I have in a long time. I am not weighing myself because I just need to stay off that scale for awhile. Maybe for a really long time. It was good for me for certain times, but not as good for me right now. I am fitting nicely into my skinny jeans still, and I would like them to get a little baggy, I think.

So, that's where I am at with it all at the moment. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers and support !

[Mike]

Sounds like you are at a place in your life where you have figured out what makes you happy. Congrats Karli.

[Lizabette]

KARLI,
So glad you are okay! I have to admit I don't really understand all you are feeling, but important thing is that you are finding your own way.
Thanks for posting and easing our minds.