The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Lauren]

Oh, Karli, I am so happy you wrote, I've been thinking about you A LOT!

You asked if you're going to win this battle, and yes, I really believe you will. Is there an actual point of emotional arrival? Probably, but will any of us truly reach it, is yet to be determined. But without strife there is no growth. I believe that these life challenges are what give us compassion, empathy, strength, insight, awareness. If we all had it figured out 100% we'd be pretty damn boring! And yes, you may always be running scared of gaining the weight back, I am, but I don't know if that's a bad thing. You know the old adage that if you're not anxious before a performance, you won't perform your best? That applies to public speaking, dancing, singing, anything of significance - that it's the anxiety and fear that keeps us on our toes and pushes us to strive for the best. I believe that this is the same anxiety that can keep us "in check" and keep our weight in check. I actually worry more about the day when I stop worrying, because I suspect that will be when I drop the ball and start gaining the weight.

Does it stink to have this be our life's albatross? Sure. But there are worse things. We could be boring.

Ha.

Lauren

[Karli]

Thanks you three, you are very helpful, and Lauren, I will admit, your post is just what I needed. You are right. I remember a specific point before I really packed on the weight where it's like I mentally just turned myself over. I just decided to let myself eat and eat and eat ... and, I felt this certain "buldge" coming back on my thighs and actually said to myself "well, bye bye thinner thighs, I guess" and just continued to let myself eat and eat and eat and eat ... knowing, to some extent, what I was doing (though I was somehow honestly a little surprised that I actually got what I would call "fat").

Anyway. I am feeling a bit better this morning, but, I would really like to be on program today. I mean, 5/1. I am just not happy being between 165-170 -- and would like to try to get to at least 160. I can't say that I will be "happy" there either, but, perhaps more comfortable in my own skin at least.

So, 5/1 today and for the week. Sunday may be a bit of a challenge with my L/G since we are eating Indian that evening -- but, I am going to do the best that I can.

In one respect, I feel annoyed to be going back on the 5/1 and be trying to lose weight -- but in another respect, I am comforted to have such a wonderful plan in my pocket, too. With all this bluddy practicing and things, I haven't gotten my workouts in and I need to just suck it up and realize that this is where I am at with it all. I suppose if anything, I am annoyed with myself.

But, it's time to move forward !


Cheers and Thanks,
Karli

[Lauren]

It's okay to be annoyed with ourselves, Karli, it's just not okay to punish ourselves. There's a difference. Annoyance can lead to positive action, and that's where it sounds like you're going, and I wish you lots of success in your travels!

Let us know if and when you want some support.

Oh, and Indian food is one of my favorites, but I agree, it's really difficult while on program (I actually banned it for the whole time I was on plan, because it was too hard for me). Just remember that the spicy sauces are way better for you than the creamy ones, and stay clear of the naan, girl!

lauren

[DogMa]

Tandoori stuff is pretty safe, at least.


And I'm coming in late here, but I know exactly what you're talking about. And yes, the odds are against us. But we're not statistics, and some people DO manage to keep the weight off. So why CAN'T we be in that group? I didn't before, when I lost it all on Atkins way back when, but I'm a different person now and I learned from that experience. As, I'm sure, you did from the times you've lost and gained weight. (I also didn't have the support I have here, and I didn't have a whole bunch of other people in the same situation to learn from.)

It's definitely a struggle, though. I'm still up those few pounds and still battling to lose them again (but without going back on the program, because I'm really not willing to stop my workouts and I know I'd have to). At the same time, it's been eight months and I'm still awfully close to my ending weight and still fitting in the same clothes.

Lauren's right. It stinks that we have to deal with this constantly, and probably forever. But there are worse things to struggle with.

[Tawanda]

Karli, just wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts this morning.

[nickieluv]

The good news is that you have a plan, Karli, and like you said, MF is an ace in the hole when you need a push. Look at how much you already have to be amazed and grateful for! Keep your inner thighs around.

Good luck with your coming big stressor, whatever it may be. A week from now it will all be in the past and you will still be standing.

[Serendipity]

Karli karl, I remember having those same thoughts while stuffing my face. Looking back, I just really don't understand why the stuffing was stronger than the will to stay thin.

The few times I've felt a little out of control since I reached goal, I've reminded myself of how silly that was. Someone posted here on the forum, (sorry, can't remember who), that we could tell ourselves "you took that bite. So what? You don't need to take the next!". Whoever said it (was it you, karli?), thank you, because I've used it several times and it has been working for me so far.

[DonicaB]

Lauren's right. It stinks that we have to deal with this constantly, and probably forever. But there are worse things to struggle with.

I think one positive thing about what you have said here is that we are actually aware of the fact that we need to deal with this. It definitely stinks, but at least we know what we are up against and we have the tools to overcome it.

Karli, I agree with Lauren......I believe you will win this battle. Like a soldier.....you have been trained. Now, you just need to come up with the battle plan!

Donica

[SuzyQ66]

Karli - you can and you will do this. Like Nicki said you have a plan - you have MF to fall back on - and you have Lauren, Jo, Lizabette and others that are living proof that this works. When they see the scale goes up - they seem to go back to the 5:1. The 5:1 is your comfort and you will overcome this.

[Karli]

Well, once again, I appreciate so much the outpouring here. Yesterday was great, today was not. It is very common for me lately.

But, here is what I know today :

I will not give up.
I will turn this corner.
I will be better for it.

So, I have realized that there are some major issues that I need to deal with in myself. Not necessarily before I can get this eating thing sorted out, but, it at least is showing itself as needing to be dealt with. I will admit, I have been reluctant to sort it out. Interestingly, it's stuff that I did finally make some big gains with once I initially decided to start MF, but has gradually crept its way back into my consciousness.

Now, I have done *a lot* of growing throughout my journey thus far, but I am just not done. And, I need to really trust that person that I have found in myself throughout this time.

Honestly, there is some part of me that has been wondering whether or not I really want to be thin, too. Sometimes it just feels like a lot of pressure -- like everybody might be looking at me just waiting to see me gain a little bit back on my butt or whatever.

So, I know I want to be thin ... I thought about it tonight. I just have to do a little more soul searching and figure out what I am going to stand on with this all. I still LOVE MF, I still LOVE everybody here. I have just been going through some kind of strange thing where I have been fighting with myself about it all. And, I need to really step up a bit, and realize my self-worth in this all (and stop sabotaging myself).

Well, that's all I've got for now. I feel horribly that I don't feel like I've got much to give right now. I know that everybody is okay without me, but I also know that there will be a time when I can better help others.

Cheers to all, and thank you SO MUCH for your prayers and your support -- I can really feel it. Not just when I am here at the forum, but even in my daily life away from here.

(I actually really love you guys and it kind of makes me want to cry).


Okay, bye bye for now,
Karli

[Karli]

Okay. I think I can say that I have *finally* taken some affirmative action (and it feels really good) !! I went into the kitchen and I cleaned out the pantry and the refrigerator. I have put all of the things that I have been binging on into places that they are not so accessible in. The remainder of my MF bars and the chips that have been around -- into my hubby's gun safe. The bags of chips that only had little crumbs, into the trash !

Unpopped popcorn kernels, into the trash. Half a pot of popped kernels, into the trash. Baked breads and pancakes that were sitting in the freezer and that were easily thawed on a plate in the microwave, into the trash (and, all of this stuff out to the curb, none-the-less). String cheese, into the freezer (hidden behind the ugly chicken). PB, deep in the fridge in a less obvious spot.

Peanuts and chocolate, going to work with my hubby.

I finally snapped and as I have been realizing for a few days now, if I were living alone, I would just not have any of this stuff around (not that it's my husband's fault). So, instead of waking up another day tomorrow and just kind of hoping for the best, I finally DID something about it !

I also put in their own little tupperwear what my supplements are going to be tomorrow -- 5/1 tomorrow.

So, here is something I have had glimmers of from time to time : When I first started MF, I took it really seriously. Not just the program, but what I was doing for myself. And, I made it my first priority. I took seriously the fact that I was finally helping myself. That is a big part of what made it work for me -- and, I will admit, it's like I could hardly do anything else. I just taught a little, didn't practice, and didn't do hardly anything except for concentrate on getting myself squared away.

I think I need to figure out how to think this way, without letting it completely annihilate everything else that I need to be doing. Some of my most successful times on MF were when I let myself be here on the forum almost all day long.

I used to have a schedule, too, for most of my activities. But, I have let a lot of it go -- the house is a MESS.

I have also planned an activity for me to do tomorrow if I am feeling antsy about eating -- I am going to start a drawing project. I will think of some other stuff, too, but that's one for now.

One day at a time !!

[bikipatra]

So, here is something I have had glimmers of from time to time : When I first started MF, I took it really seriously. Not just the program, but what I was doing for myself. And, I made it my first priority. I took seriously the fact that I was finally helping myself. That is a big part of what made it work for me -- and, I will admit, it's like I could hardly do anything else. I just taught a little, didn't practice, and didn't do hardly anything except for concentrate on getting myself squared away.


One day at a time !!

Karli-glad you are taking positive action! I could really relate to your comments about starting MF. I dont think I would have been able to focus and actually keep to the program if I hadn't just wiped the slate of my life clean and said-"Okay-now you are getting well. That is your only responsibility." Eventually, I hope to branch out a little but for now keeping myself healthy-mentally and physically is what I can do.

[Serendipity]

Karli, I'm so glad to see you here facing the demons. They will always be there, we just need to find ways to keep them in check. You took some very positive steps yesterday. Keeping busy will help you get through it.....just come here if you need us. There's nothing wrong with obsessing about Medifast and this forum for the time being.

[Lizabette]

WTG, KARLI,
"Decide, commit, succeed" is DEDE's new motto! You're doing it!, girl!
Whoohoo!!!

[nickieluv]

I am SO proud of you for cleaning out the food stores in your house! I got little twinges of guilt just reading about throwing so much away BUT I know that is the best thing to do. We went through it a few months ago and with both of us on a diet, it has not been restocked with bad stuff.

I am very glad to see that you're finding a way to deal with your hedging about being thin and that you've realized this IS what you want. People may look at your butt but it will not be to discern new miniscule bits of fat I assure you!

Welcome back!