The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Nickie, I have pictured this in my mind since you said it... hee hee, I love it.

Okay. I am checking in. Let's see. Well, I am getting frustrated with myself currently. I won't let myself move anywhere with this weight -- and, it's not about "compliance" vs not -- though obviously that is the outward manifestation. But, it's strictly emotional. I have just hit some wall that I don't feel like I can break through. Aside from that, I have realized now that some part of me has almost completely withdrawn from social arenas in my life.

This is not all that unusual for me, but, since I did come out of hiding (in many ways) and actually joined in with some communities several months ago (including this one), it's more difficult to hide all that from people sometimes. But, I have realized that I have been avoiding everybody -- almost everybody entirely. I talk with my husband, I see my students, I somehow open up to my piano teacher -- but that's absolutely it !

It's like I have shut pretty much everybody else out of my life, including family and some very good friends. So, I am coming back here, at least for now, to try to remedy that a bit. Basically, right now in my life, I can't tell up from down -- and I haven't wanted to *really* deal with it. I haven't wanted to pray, I haven't wanted to seek help -- I have just been trying to sort it all out on my own. Sometimes I need that, but at the very least, I do need to turn to God, too. Argh.

Anyway. I am finally realizing this after spending the week trying to avoid my family and friends (and, okay, it's been months now) who have been desparately trying to get ahold of me. I mean, I don't want to talk to these people... what is wrong with me ? And, everybody wants to know if I am okay ... and, at first it surprised me when people were asking this, but now, I realize there is more going on than I thought. That is highly annoying.

It's just that I feel like I am grappling with the "big issues" in life and it's all happening on some level that I don't even have words and can't even describe. So, I feel like I can't even talk -- and, to my surprise, people notice my silence.

I have been trying to take stock in this past year for me -- I mean, to date -- and it's really been quite huge. I have really made some very important strides, and I still need to make a lot more, but, I have just needed to catch up with it all. And, honestly, I am scared in my endeavors. But, I really have no choice but to keep going forward ... I mean, what ? Am I just going to be scared and let that stop me from trying, forever ?

Well, I am just going to hit "submit"

[Pashta]

I wish you the best of luck Karli, I can't say much else cause you didn't even hint at what your big issues are hehe.

Hugs though!

[DonicaB]

Karli~ I'm sorry that you are dealing with some things......things that you can't even describe. Which, btw, makes total sense to me. I have had several times in the past 6 years where I have become very withdrawn from everyone, much like you describe. I know it has something to do with the death of my parents, but can't quite put a finger on what causes me to go into these withdrawn episodes. I always eventually come out of it, but I don't know what causes that either.

I guess I just want you to know that you're not alone, and while we may have different "issues" that lead to being withdrawn......I do understand. Talking to my DH and to God always seem to help.

I'm glad you are reaching out and moving forward. Let us know if we can help in any way.

Donica

[nickieluv]

Well, I'm one of the guilty ones who misses you and hopes you're OK.

Sometimes you just need time and space to yourself. But I seem to recall you telling me a while back that I would be glad I'd opened up and let other people into my life. So when you're ready, let them back in. I've learned that other people are a great resource and a great comfort if you let them be. Someone very wise said something like that I think. (You should say that after every compelling statement. It's fun to watch people squint their eyes and say 'yes, I can't think of the name but it's on the tip of my tongue....' even if you just made it up! Kidding of course, I'd never mess with someone's head like that. Now, where is that angel smiley - or do I mean devil?)

Sorry, getting a little odd here - long weekend, I'm not thinking straight. Hang in there!

[Tawanda]

Karli, I often pull back and go into a cave of my own making. I do it when I need space, time or feel overwhelmed. Often I don't realize that I've withdrawn until I've been that way for awhile. I'm not sure of the triggers, but my guesses are the above (needing space, time, feeling overwhelmed)...... I'm glad you shared this and that others are saying that they do the same as I feel quite high maintenance when I do it (for others trying to reach out to me and asking about me). Best wishes that you'll work everything out in a way that you are most comfortable with.

[MerryMary]

So, I feel like I can't even talk -- and, to my surprise, people notice my silence.

The problem with withdrawing oneself and not talking is that many people will begin to project what might be wrong. Some of what you describe could be caused by depression and given that your body has undergone such a transformation it may be something you'd want to consider speaking to a doctor about. We all need our space at times but when we begin to question our own behavior it could be a warning sign. Just a thought.

I hope you begin feeling better soon, Karli. Your opinion is valued on this forum so it saddens me that you are feeling this way.
Mary

[Mike]

Karli,
We are here for you and we pray for you. We hope that you find some of the answers that you are looking for, and hope that you are able to reach out to Him too.
You are a great person, and anyone who knows you, knows how you touch their lives.
Keep it up my friend, and hope your days ahead are positive ones.

[Lizabette]

[DogMa]

Hi, Karli. Just popped in to say hi and thank you for your entry in my journal last week ... and find out we're even MORE alike than I knew. I am the queen of withdrawal, and I've had those episodes since I was a kid. I remember being in high school and just deciding not to speak for a day, because I just didn't want to.

Anyway, they always seem to pass at some point, and it sounds like your episode may be ending soon, too. I hope so!

[bikipatra]

Hey Karli Karl, just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing!

[nickieluv]

Biki read my mind. I was thinking about you today. Hope you're fabulous!

[dede4wd]

Hi Karli,

I'm just catching up! I hope you get through what you're going through. I went through a withdrawl period myself and am FIGHTING to get out of it. I had no idea how hard it would be to fight my way out!

I'm just checking in to see how you're doing and I hope you're doing well!

DeDe

[Karli]

Well, I have to say that I appreciate this out-pouring from you all. You know, I am somewhat stuck in frustration-ville. And, it's completely a mental battle for me, just like it has been for months now --

I am just stuck in this place where I keep hearing in my head that it's statistically probable that I am going to just gain all this weight back. And, I know that I have gained a few pounds more than I feel comfortable with, but I feel like if I step on the scale, I will just get so sad that I will fall into the abyss head-first -- and that very feeling makes me want to just stuff my face silly (what an embarrassing thing to admit).

Well, I want to write pages and pages, but I don't think it's going to be very useful for anybody, including me. So, that's all I will say for now. I have something pretty big coming up this weekend, so I am hoping that my feelings of it being an emergency are just related to that and that things will mellow out. Right now, it's just like fear is governing me and I don't like it. I guess I need to get tough.

Anyway, I don't know what else to write. Thanks so much for your support you guys, and thanks for thinking about me and checking in on me.

Am I going to win this battle ? Is there an actual point of arrival, emotionally ? Will I always be running scared of gaining those 70 pounds back ??

[Lizabette]

We're still here, sweet girl, ready to help you through this.
Better than that, HE is here to lead you through it!

[Mike]

Karli,

I know what its like. After I lost my weight originally, I had gained back 50, but then I (er, well Dayna then Di then me) found this program. I know that its hard to stick to it at times. Heck, I've been in a holding pattern for a time now myself, but we both know what we gotta do.

Hang in there, and you will get there.