The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

hmmm... just feeling completely satisfied and ever so happy to have stayed on plan tonight. This is the first time I was really tempted to go off program (not by food), and I didn't. I am happy with MF.. happy with the progress I have made... and happy to have been able to have the enjoyable evening that I had... even without indulgences.

Now, off to nighty for me.
Karli

[Unca_Tim]

Good job Karli!

It IS possible....
All those foods will still be there when you reach a healthy weight.
You didn't deprive yourself of food, you gave yourself the present of better health.

[Serendipity]

Karli, You are doing great! Each success in avoiding the cheat, makes you stronger to avoid the next opportunity. Soon, you won't even consider it......no how, no way!

[Arklahoma]

Sounds like you did good ~ WTG!!!

[Karli]

Thanks for your good will , it's quite helpful and meaningful to me.


Now, this stuff is hard for me to write about, but since I am sincerely trying to make some changes in my life here, I am going to put this down simply to document and try to remain emotionally neutral about this all. Once again, I just feel like this is the safest place for me to work through this stuff.

*enjoys a bowl of MF chicken noodle soup*

I was starting to feel like saying "for some reasons temptations are becoming more difficult for me to handle..." but that's not the whole thing. I know better than that. I am getting to a point of feeling a bit of success on this program... things are going well, but change can be difficult for me. I am feeling more confusion on my path in life... searching for direction and that is when the "voices" come in. And I think that underneath the temptations, it's those voices that I am having more of a hard time with than anything.

It seems that thoughts are wanting to creep in... thoughts that seem to often hold me back in life or sabotage my efforts after some success....

"you can't do it"

"even if you do it, you can't maintain it... you are not strong enough, disciplined enough, good enough"

"even if you do it and maintain it, what difference would it really make ? To you, to the people around you... or to the world ?"

I am here to state (even if I don't believe it in full at the moment) that these thoughts are not mine !!! They are impositions on me, and I don't have to give them power, nor do I need to live them out. It is my birth-rite to live my fittest self, and that's what I am doing with each movement I make in honor of that; even here and now.

I will not be persuaded to give up. And if I did give up, for what in exchange ? To live in doubt, self-pity and fear ? No thanks, that's just not living as far as I am concerned. I have the strength and fortitude to live as I want to live, and nothing can take that away. Not confusion, not doubt, not fear -- because I know who I am and that's where I stand, right here, right now, and there is no room for anything else.

I remember the reasons I have for losing this weight, for eating better, and for not giving into temptations -- even a little -- and they are worthy and good.

************

hee hee... I feel better now even not having posted this yet. But, though I am a little embarrased about this little talk with those voices, I am going to post it anyway. I may need it later and it could be helpful then. here goes...

[Karli]

Okay... so I am currently a journal junky... better than consuming junky food I guess... which is exactly what I intend to avoid doing by writing in my journal so much.

Anyway, I have been alone a bit because hubbster is away. I have not minded the time alone, though it does bring things into a different light. I basically removed the main temptations from where they were. It's leftover desserts from lastnight. They were sitting in the fridge where I could smell them. I pawned off most of the rest of the cake at church this morning... and everything else I stuck in the freezer for when hubby gets back and needs something sweet. I would rather not throw the stuff away, however, I would rather do that than consume it at this point. But, just putting it into the freezer seems to have helped me to feel better.

I just got back from a little walk with doggy. My thoughts fell on my late grandmother whom passed a little over a year and a half ago. I feel as though I didn't know her all that well, and there are so many issues with that side of the family. I know that I loved her, but as I was growing up, I was kinda scared of her. Well, her husband, my grandpa passed a year later than her, and then my other grandpa a few months after that. So, that's 3 grands gone in the last year and a half. I don't know if I have really dealt with that all yet... or maybe there is not that much to deal with ? I don't know.

Anyway, I went back to the 5/1 plan today... I felt that I needed some real food in me. And I had a diet soda, which Dayna has assured me is okay . I feel better. And, as weird as it sounds, I feel like I would be okay if tomorrow the scale read that I gained a pound today. Not that I want to, it just seems like it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I am not sure if that is a good attitude to have or not... considering I must have had an attitude similar to that to have gained all the weight that I had before I started MF'ing... but, I don't want to over-think every little thing right now. I am a little tired and just feel like giving myself a little break from all the heavy stuff.

Yeah, that's right *she says to herself* I want to release the heaviness.


Karli

[Karli]

Okay, so I was getting a little depressed. I just *had* to go out and get a little more exercise. I took a hike with doggy on one of my favorite trails. I went extremely slowly since it was pretty steep, and only went about a mile roundtrip (about a third of what I had been doing on that particular trail before MF'ing). I didn't want to get myself huffing and puffing. Just a nice gentle pace, though I did work up a sweat.

I am not going to add anything to my meal plan for the day, though I may eat a pickle if I feel the need since I did sweat. We'll see.

But, I feel so much better. I really needed to get out into nature... plus doggy was getting so antsy because he wasn't burning as much energy as he needs to. He woke me up twice last night just because he was antsy to be outside. So, the second time I left him out so I could get in my beauty rest ... LOL.

Anyway, I am curious how this will effect my losing streak. I have been losing .5 lbs per day for the past several days, including this morning. We'll see what happens tomorrow morning.

I felt so grateful while hiking, for the beauty all around me and the many blessing in my life that I have to be grateful for. I even feel grateful to be grateful .

bye bye,

Karli

[Serendipity]

I felt so grateful while hiking, for the beauty all around me and the many blessing in my life that I have to be grateful for. I even feel grateful to be grateful .

Karli, I've noticed, too, that I appreciate the beauty around me much more since the coming out of my fat fog. Everything before was from the vantage point of a fat girl who wasn't happy with herself.....how can you appreciate nature when you are so miserable inside?

I really enjoy your journal. You have a great attitude....that's 99% of the battle!

[Karli]

Karli, I've noticed, too, that I appreciate the beauty around me much more since the coming out of my fat fog. Everything before was from the vantage point of a fat girl who wasn't happy with herself.....how can you appreciate nature when you are so miserable inside?

I really enjoy your journal. You have a great attitude....that's 99% of the battle!

Thanks for your comments, Jo. What you have said makes lots of sense. I always love when people chime in here .

Well, not only did I not lose the half pound overnight that I had been losing, I actually gained a half pound .

Looking at my stats from yesterday, I exercised considerably more than I had been for a few weeks, I ate a pickle when I started feeling unusually sleepy, and I had a diet soda, but I did not increase my nutritional intake and did not even have a bar. I did go L/G again and generally felt a deeper hunger by the time I was eating my chicken salad.

So, either less exercise, or I will add another supplement to my day. I don't think it's more mysterious than that though there is the chance that I was going to gain that half pound anyway... or that it could have been the pickle, but I think I will stick with having done more exercise yesterday than normal along with not having any more nutritional intake.


Karli

[Prancer]

Karli did you see Carmels post about adding in suppliments when exercising. You might need to do that, especially if you got so tired.

I wish I had a love of hiking. My husband and kids love it...I perfer to look at nature from the other side of a window

You are doing great and have been such a comfort to me lately. I really appreciate your support!

[dede4wd]

Hiya

Karli, I've noticed, too, that I appreciate the beauty around me much more since the coming out of my fat fog. Everything before was from the vantage point of a fat girl who wasn't happy with herself.....how can you appreciate nature when you are so miserable inside?

That was me too. I've just noticed that EVERYTHING is more beautiful now that I have more time since I don't spend it all beating myself up and feeling sorry for myself!

I add an extra shake when I work out harder than I have been, but don't sweat the day to day things. My weight goes up and around ALL week before my weekly weigh-in day. I used to make myself crazy over it! I so enjoy reading your journal and am just so proud of you on this journey!

DeDe

[Karli]

Thank you to both of you . I have been thinking a lot about how the beauty around us is more apparent when we are feeling that inside, too. It's helping me to realize some important things.


Okay. Yesterday I wore a skirt that was starting to get quite tight on me. I forgot about this artical of clothing... it's one of the only other things I have been able to wear. Anyway, it felt quite loose on me yesterday, and I had the distinct feeling that I was shrinking thoughout the day . I didn't mind that feeling at all .

Anyway, I have seemed to level off a bit since my infamous hike . Lesson learned on that one, eat more when exercising more. I gained that half pound back and have kept it for three days straight. Though I may have lost it today, I weigh-in in about 10 minutes.


tootles for now,
Karli

[Karli]

Well, as it turns out, I was indeed back down that half pound. But boy oh boy, I guess I am hitting a platuea though. For some reason I think I may lose again tomorrow, but we'll see, won't we ?

I felt like just pigging out tonight (but so far so good as far as complete compliance goes). It was just this sense of missing eating, in all honesty. I thought about starting to keep a little tablet with me so I can just jot down these foods and get them out of my head.

I am thinking that as long as that TOM is relatively normal, that may be just around the corner for me. The only reason I bring it up is because I suppose my platuea can be related, as well as pronounced cravings.

Dayna ordered my second shippment of MF for me... instead of the variety pack, I got things that I like (or think I will like). And actually, I even got a couple of things I don't particularly love, just so I don't end up despising those things that I feel I will like. Does that make any sense ?

Anyhoo, I am having a good sense about my current career... some very interesting turns of events for a few of my students... real life stuff, stuff that I feel prepared to handle and deal with, but have spent my whole life getting ready for.

I am feeling a little bit of a platuea in my mentality, too. I am veering toward a loss of 25 pounds overall, but not feeling thin yet, or not much of a change anyway... knowing I need to work on this impatience though (a common thread throughout my life... part of the whole former eating disorder appeal). I am starting to really crave Onderland... and I think it's just too early for that.... I don't know.

Okay, rambling thoughts by Karli.

[Diana]

Month 2 was a bit of a challenge for me, too, Karli. The program wasn't new anymore, I hadn't lost any more weight than I had on other diets. Not much had changed, and I was getting frustrated with how long it was taking.

Slow and steady, though. Slow and steady. It's been the last couple of weeks that I actually am beginning to feel thin (well, thinNER since I'm still quite larger than a baby cow). But suddenly something happens, and you get this sense of yourself, and it's NEW!

It'll come, Karli. Honest, it will. Remember, you don't have to (and most can't) sprint every leg of this journey -- some legs you'll just jog along a bit, and others you'll make progress only by trudging along arm-in-arm with comrads (case in point: at this rate, I'll be in the 50# club 'til fall). But it's progress nonetheless!

[Serendipity]

Hey Karli,

When I weighed 215, I felt the same way you do. I just thought that onederland would never come. Well, guess what???? It came and went and it will for you, too! Don't fret, you are closer than you think to being normal.