The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Nancy]

Karli ~

Just a quick note, our internet service keeps cutting out here at the hotel. Lauren gave you great advice. You definitely need more protein. You are not getting enough food to sustain your caloric burn and it can affect your muscle tissue if you do not provide enough nourishment.

A hard-boiled egg makes a quick grab and go bit of energy.

I sometimes make an egg omelet with some crab or shrimp or pieces of chicken.
Lettuce wraps are another quick grab and they are low fat/low cal.

Yogurt is something I like mixed with oatmeal or with some jell-o. I’ve even had it mixed with cottage cheese and sprinkle some sugar-free dry jell-o powder into it to give it a fruity flavor.

When I do not get enough protein, I feel puny and weak. Since we are on the road, we have been going out to eat way more that we ever would be at home. I had some vegetables and shrimp combo the other evening and there were but 4 shrimp in the meal. I awakened in the middle of the night feeling awful – headache, nightmares, and general weirdness and felt like I could barely navigate to the sandbox. I realized I needed food and I needed it NOW. I mixed a quick shake and went back to bed. Relatively soon I felt better and got back to sleep. Protein is vital, especially with your workouts and yet I also understand not wanting to run on a full belly.

Take care of you!

[DonicaB]

I thought of you today Karli while I was walking with my girl pack from work. We walked 3 miles. I thought I was going to die on the last mile or so as it was almost totally uphill. But, I kept telling myself,........Karli would be proud.

I'm so happy to hear you so happy. You have really found a place in your life that you obvious love. Good for you, Karli.

DonicaB

[Karli]

Thanks, Nancy, for your input. Yeah, I have realized I need more calories and more protein, and I have honestly been working to try to figure it out. It was also just time for me to stop thinking in terms of the 5/1 and trying to stay in ketosis (though, okay, I am still thinking similarly to the 5/1 w/o the ketosis part ). Some really good suggestions there, and I will boil up some eggs today so I can have them around for a quick grab. I also just finished a yummy bowl of blueberry MF oatmeal with a Tbl of yogurt in it. That was very good.

I *think* I have found a good pre-workout "meal" in making a smoothy. The one I made today was pretty caloric, but it's because I planned to burn (and did burn) a great deal of calories in my morning workout. My smoothy had a banana (my cup o' fruit), a cup of soy milk (90 cals, 5 fats, 4 carbs, and 9 proteins), 2 Tablespoons of PB, and finally a packet of MF 70 choco shake + a little cinnamon. This smoothy's nutritional info is as follows :

Calories : 538
Fats : 23
Carbs : 58
Proteins : 33

I burned over a thousand calories in my workout this morning, and this smoothy seemed to completely sustain me to even my next meal. I can adjust some of the nutrients by mixing my 70 shake with water instead of soy milk, or having only half a banana instead of a whole, and using 1 T of PB instead of 2. It seems to sit pretty nicely, and sustain me quite well. I am happy with it for now.

For the rest of the day, I try to get in a bunch of protein, and generally my protein by the end of the day ends up being quite a bit higher than my carbs (which is my goal; to have them about even or protein higher).

Donica, thanks so much for stopping by and for your very kind message, and, I am proud . 3 miles is quite a great walk, especially with uphill mixed into it.

Well, in other news, I am in some kind of strange "space" with things right now. I am not sure what the deal is, exactly, but I know that I am feeling really overwhelmed and constantly I struggle with feelings of inadequecy in the work that I do. And, I don't know why . I go through times where I just *love* teaching, and I feel like I do a really good job with it, too. But, for about a month or more now, I find myself almost dreading it each day because I am at some place where I feel like I don't really know what I am doing and that all my students will just leave. Also, I think I am feeling a little burnt out on my singing stuff... it's time to switch gears but, unless I battle a few people, I can't right now (and I am not sure when I could). So, that is bothering me a bit.

Other than that, I have just had a really hard time talking about stuff and writing stuff out. I do know that I feel like I need to be getting "used" to being thin and living that life (though I don't feel like I am anywhere close to being "used" to it). But, also, I feel like my whole life is needing to be put into another gear, and, I feel ... insecure about it. There, that was real.

Okay, that's about it.

[Pashta]

You could dye the eggs after you boil 'em, Easter is coming up this weekend hehe. I can't wait to dye some, I love doing that, did it even before I had kids.

[bikipatra]

You could dye the eggs after you boil 'em, Easter is coming up this weekend hehe. I can't wait to dye some, I love doing that, did it even before I had kids.

I do it every year and I have no kids!

[Lizabette]

"Other than that, I have just had a really hard time talking about stuff and writing stuff out. I do know that I feel like I need to be getting "used" to being thin and living that life (though I don't feel like I am anywhere close to being "used" to it). But, also, I feel like my whole life is needing to be put into another gear, and, I feel ... insecure about it. There, that was real. "

Hey, KARLI,
Just checking in to let you know I am thinking about you.
You have gone through so many changes in your life, it is no wonder you are feeling as you do...
It does take time to get 'used' to being thin, and being secure in your life as it is now.
Find your peace and quiet place in your higher power.
Take your time...

[nickieluv]

Karli, I was thinking just now that what you are feeling about this phase you are in is what I am going through on the other end. We are trying to enter new phases in our lives but our minds are really attached to the old ways (bingeing for me, 5/1 for you) and we can't really feel settled where we are. So we try to move forward, but are still entrenched in the past. Insecure is a great word for it - determined, excited, want it more than anything, but still unsure of ourselves - and when the confidence does come, it can be fleeting and we don't trust it.

Liz says have patience and I think that's great advice. The only thing probably that will get you used to your new ways is to live them out day by day and let time pass. Soon you will look at the past wondering why this was so hard when it was so obviously the best choice for you.

YOU are not changing - just refining. All the things you are will never go away.

On the singing and teaching front - are you in a position to take a break? Can you cancel lessons for a few days? Drop a singing gig? It might be worth the battles to save your sanity for a bit and give you some time to relax.

Speaking of teaching - my piano student is here tres early so off I go!

[Lauren]

Hey, Karli -

Glad to hear you're getting the food thing worked out...it will definitely serve you well!

I had to log on and respond to your comments about work and such not quite being fulfilling, and you're frustrated and not sure what to do or basically, which end is up. I TOTALLY understand!

Here's what I think is happening to you, as it's been happening to me recently. Or, let me change that. Here's what's been going through my mind, and why don't you see if it's a similar struggle:

I love my friends. I love my career. I love my life. BUT, it's a life that I set up as a fat person. And while all the components are good, I keep wondering (both consciously and subconsciously) if these are the choices I would have made had I been thin. Aside from my old friends, who've been with me literally through thick and thin, did I find my more recent friends because they made me feel most comfortable, I didn't feel judged, whatever? Would these have been the people I would have chosen if there wasn't this weight issue? I'm not sure. I love them, they're good, fun, kind, I wouldn't think of losing them, but I am curious who I might have ended up with had I been starting from a different point.

To that same end, my career. I'm damn good at my job. Have been in this career for nearly 5 years, and was in another prior to that for nearly 5 years, both in the business development/client relationship sphere, but totally different industries. I love what I do, I make a great living, and have advanced quickly in my company. But, again, is what I would have done had I been thin from the start? Would I be farther along if I were thinner? Or, perhaps the opposite, maybe I wouldn't be as motivated to "prove" myself, and I'd be resting on my laurels, and not be as successful? Who knows?

And that is the question. Who knows? Maybe this isn't your dilemma at all, but something about the questions you were posing felt very familiar to what I've been feeling. I suddenly want to sign up for classes in things that have never interested me, but I am not sure if they didn't interest me or I just thought I'd fail at them, and something about being fat made me feel like if I failed at it it was BECAUSE I was fat, which felt unacceptable. Now, if I fail at something, what the heck, I gave it a try. I am able to see that others won't judge me, or even if they do, I don't care. But I was SO determined to prove capable, smart, competent, kind, productive, etc., when I was fat, to discourage anyone from thinking that a fat person couldn't be those things. Now, I don't feel the need to prove myself, and instead, am trying to "find" myself. Ahh, the tide has turned...

So, if any of this applies, good! If none if it applies, my sincere apologies for shooting off at the mouth - err -- fingertips!

lauren

[Tawanda]

Karli & Lauren, thank you both for sharing what you are thinking and going through right now. I'm just sitting here, thinking "wow". As Nickie said, there is so much to think about and so much that is tied up in our struggles, over the years, with food. I appreciate all that is shared.

[Karli]

Well, just stopping by to say that I *really* appreciate all of these posts and that I have been taking them in. I realize that I am in MAJOR "finding myself" land, and, I *think* I am starting to get there for now.

I did indeed cancel one of my singing gigs (a competition), thanks Nickie, and I am actually going to be spending that weekend (which is my b-day weekend, btw ) with my hubby and our friends on a ride. I will do my own ride since I am just getting started, but it will be my first metric century (60 miles -- ZERO elevation gain), and I have realized I need it spiritually; this would be a boost for a deeper sense of myself more than a singing competition would be for me at this point (even if I had happened to win it).

So, cheers for now ! I am wishing you all very well, and I think I will be "back" from my 'outter limits' ( ) sometime very soon !

Karli

[Karli]

Lauren, there are some similarities between what you seem to be feeling and what I am experiencing. Mostly, I am indeed looking for some new adventures in my life, and realizing more things that I used to say "no" to, or think that I couldn't do because I was fat (and felt huge), but also because I have lived with a more limited frame of mind for a number of years now. I want to say "yes" more, and have been.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself coming to some kind of place in myself where I wanted to do something as simple as go for a nice hike instead of sit inside (like I normally do). And, I found myself feeling like I couldn't do that, until I heard a voice saying "well, but you can. It's your life afterall." Somehow that really struck me. It's my life, and, I get to do what's right for me in it.

For the most part, I feel like I have always done what I feel is right, but, I was getting these glimpses of more places that I have just held back in what I do -- for one reason or another -- and not always because I felt fat. It was definitely a frame of mind.

So, I have been thinking A LOT about what kind of life I really want. I have realized that I need a life that has a lot of quiet and still time. I need a life that allows me to breathe deeply and peacefully, have time and space to ponder various things, and then have some adventures for when I have really collected myself and my strength (and of course, there is always some element of surprise).

To some degree, all of this stuff is the reason I decided against doing the vocal competition and I am going biking instead. I need more balance.

On that front, that's it for now.

In other news, I biked my frist road ride yesterday and went for 40 miles !! There was about 1000 feet of elevation gain, but, my first more official ride (the 60 miler in a couple of weeks) has NO elevation gain. I felt pretty good physically on my ride, and even still felt pretty fresh toward the end (with the exception of my neck from having been in the "drops" all day long), so I am feeling pretty confident about my 60 miler coming up. And, that is just amazing to me. I have been doing things athletically in the past month that I never felt free to do in my entire life before now, and that includes even my most athletic days prior to these. I just wasn't there mentally when I was in highschool, and then I wasn't there physically or mentally (or not for very long anyway), when I was in my 20's. But, nowadays, I feel like things are really starting to match up.

On the strictly MF front, I am absolutely *thrilled* with my eating lately. I have been making some surprising and *excellent* choices. I am still eating lots of MF and I do consider myself as transitioning into the world of other foods, but, my diet resembles more what the "maintenance" plan looks like, plus some. So, I am eating some extra veggies, fruit and grain, regularly. It's not as obvious to you guys here, but, I have figured out how to still lose some weight (at the same rate as when I was on the 5/1) if I want while eating this way. As I said, I still eat lots of MF (probably still 3-5 packets each day) and plan to for maybe the rest of my life... I LOVE it now more than ever, actually. I see the benefits of the food itself, now more than ever, too. But, I have been having *A LOT* of fun discovering how to make different things in a low fat, low carb, low calorie, high protein way. I love doing that.

The only reason I am not still doing the strictly 5/1 is because of my desire and need to really have started exercising (I was feeling this VERY strongly since I hit 180 and have been fighting it and fighting it, and living in some kind of fear about what that all means ... LOL). There was no longer a reasonable way to support my exercise trying to do it that way (as I have stated before). But, MF sure does supplement an athlete's diet VERY WELL.

I have decided to call 165 my goal weight for now (though I suspect I will hover a little below that most the time) because I actually feel quite happy here, even when I am a couple of pounds up from that (which we inevitably will be a couple of pounds above goal on occasion -- for one reason or another). I suspect I will be there in the next few days, or at least by next Sunday, as long as I keep up with the choices I have been making. I have still been known to mess myself up a little, and at this point, it's seems to be getting more on the intentional side than on the non-intentional (vs when I was trying to figure out how to properly fuel my workouts -- still figuring that out, but I am definitely starting to get the hang of it). But, I have realized that I want to make the right choices, because it's the right thing to do. And, that I am capable. Not necessarily that I always will, but, I like my diet right now SO MUCH that it's pretty easy to make the choices that are right for what I want and need.

I religiously plug all of my intake and activities into fitday, which right now is just plain useful for me -- I LOVE it !! I have a heart rate monitor that records a lot of things, but it helps me have some kind of idea on how many calories I am burning during my activities. And, though these things are not *100 %* accurate, this one is a pretty good one, and at the very least, serves as a pretty great guideline for what I am trying to accomplish. Each day I aim to have my intake leave me with 1000-1200 calories after my workouts are taken into account, to have my fats be low, my carbs pretty low, and for my carbs and proteins to be well-balanced. And, it has been working for me, so I am going to keep doing it. MF foods help me with all of these goals on a daily basis, and I concentrate of making wise choices througout each day and meal.

Anyway, no, things aren't perfect in my little world. And, even though I am pretty happy about a few things that seem to be working for me, there are plenty of things keeping me on my toes around here. But, I am aiming to use some of these challenges as opportunities to make the right choices, because it's the right thing for me to do.

Cheers to All, and thank you so much for your support and prayers. And, Happy Easter !!

Karli

[bikipatra]

I am happy you are doing so well Karli Karl! Somehow I knew though when I saw you had posted that I better go to the bathroom and get a glass of water first. Just like old times!

[nickieluv]

Hey Karli;

I've missed you and I'm glad to hear you have found a 'groove' more or less, although you are still being flexible about the specifics. I continue to be amazed by your athleticism - and the fact that you DESIRE so much activity. It is a foreign concept to me still, and may always be, but it is obvious that for you, this new active life is heavenly. Peace to you today and always - happy Easter!

[Tawanda]

Hi Karli, Happy Easter to you!

Congratulations on the ride and doing/feeling so well during it. Your athetic endeavors are amazing to me.

It sounds like you've done lots of thinking and have made some decisions that feel so right for you at this point in your life. I wish you every happiness and success as you continue on your journey.

I look forward to seeing your journal updates!

[Karli]

Thanks, ladies !! Phweewwww... do I feel the stress-munchies trying to catch me right now !! You know, I think this is the first time I will have actually derailed those munchies in quite this way. I am simply not going to give in right now and instead of eating, I am typing and then I am going to the gym (since I haven't already been).

Life is really strange right now, and I am just feeling sad and fearful about a couple of things, but, I KNOW that eating about it is just not the right thing for me to do. SO, I am going to concentrate on what IS the right thing for me to do.