The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[ELK]

Karli, I have been around the boards awhile, rarely posting, but you have moved me to reiterate to you that you are one of my favorite posters here. Even at your most fragile, you have a certain sanity that I admire. I know that you are a lovely person regardless of what you look like physically. Bless you for sharing your thoughts with us.

[Lizabette]

"Well, where do I go ? What do I now ?" Pretty soon there will be no use for that part of me who focused so much on needing to lose weight.
This is the fundamental cause behind my "freak outs" about reaching goal, I believe. I guess it's just time to step up to the plate a little more now.

KARLI, when I read these words of your post, I wanted to cut in right there and say "WHOA! You have a whole new PROJECT---the wonderful world of maintaining what you have so arduously worked for and attained!" And guess what...that will be for always!
And not just that, I sense that you are evolving into a most beautiful being...one who will be a blessing to others because of your inner and outer struggles! And victories!

The thought also occured to me, sweetheart, that your journal has the makings of a BOOK of your struggles and insights---I even tried to think of a TITLE for it!
I WOULD LOVE TO READ IT!

[Karli]

Thanks so much for the support and for chiming in, ladies !! I *really* appreciate it .

Jo :

It's a whole new obsession opportunity

hee hee... yeah. And actually (Biki will love this), I do need to get obsessed with it, I think ... at least to some extent.

Well, all of these comments have given me some more to think about. First off, I will get my strictly MF talk in. The scale has not been moving a bunch for me, due to a few factors, I think. One is that I have been taking "aireborn" which has a bit o' sodium in it and may be hampering things a bit. Another is that I have been eating a yummy bit o' peanut butter (an allowable snack) when I reach a time that seems like I am not going to make it to my next meal. I haven't been using the actual Tablespoon measurer, so maybe I need to pull it in a little (I did today) or cut it out altogether (not sure about that one). Also, I had been eyeballing my L/G's a bit, so I am reeling those in a bit now, too.

Anyway, weighed in at 166 this morning. That's okay.

Sometimes I guess I have been pretty scared that maybe I won't be able to maintain my weight and so I get nervous about making maintenance my new "project," but that has a lot to do with confidence. I need more of it, and it needs to be the right kind of confidence, too. So, I am working on that.

In the meantime, I have realized that in a sense, I have already been maintaining my weight. First of all, in a more general sense, I have lasted since June 25th never seeing that weight again. Furthermore, I have had some off-program times but I have never let myself get above a few pounds up from where I would leave off and when I would be ready, I would get back on program and progress with losing more weight. I don't know, that feels good to me... it gives me some confidence that maybe I am really serious about maintaining my weight. I really like being thinner, for sure.

Anyway, I have been a little in my own world for the past couple of days... just been doing my thing, taking life in, yadda yadda. Things have been good, MF has been good, and I am grateful.

MF plan for the day :

7 -- shake
10 -- lemon bar
1 -- soup
4 -- shake
6 -- L/G
9 -- hot cocoa

[bikipatra]

Glad you have been doing well and it is good to hear from you!

[nickieluv]

Glad to see you posted, Karli - I was just about to come chasing after you.

Enjoy your own world - it's a great place to be. Sometimes the real world is highly annoying.

I think it is a victory for anyone who never sees their high weight again, no matter how long it takes to get to goal. Think how much healthier and alive you are now! You are maintaining an attitude of valuing yourself and that is priceless.

I've been getting very personal about husbands lately - but I am curious how he has felt about this whole journey of yours? I don't doubt he's been supportive, but has anything changed in your relationship now that you are more fully you? You don't have to answer, I will understand. I know it's a pretty impudent question for someone who's never even met you.

[bikipatra]

I bet he's glad he's married to arm candy!

[dede4wd]

Just catching up Karli. I'm going through the same thing you are. But I have decided maintenance will be my next project and obsession...the exact right balance of food and working out to maintain what we've worked so hard for!

DeDe

[Karli]

Thanks for stopping by, ladies, I will answer questions in a bit, I am in a hurry right now !!

I messed myself up, went off program. Feel like crud about it in a lot of ways -- but, I am not going to go about trying to figure it all out.

I have decided to give myself 14 days back on program and then I am going to see how I feel at the end of those 14 days. I may go ahead and transition out at that point. That is what I am telling myself right now anyway because I have been having a difficult time with the program on several fronts. Plus, maybe it's just getting to be time.

One thing is that I would really like to start exercising *a lot* again, and I just really don't know how to do that while I am trying to stay in ketosis and so on. Yesterday I went to the gym and was on the eliptical for 45 minutes, supposedly burning about 700 calories. I would like to do this 4 times a week and have a workout that burns (according to the machine) at least 1000 calories in the session. I want to start going on more serious bicycle rides and so on, and I want to get into my serious weightlifting ... and as I said before, I really can't seem to figure out how to support this kind of activity while trying to stay in ketosis.

Right now my body and my everything is screaming louder for the exercise than it is for anything else. I just can hardly resist anymore.

Anyway, I had wanted to get down to at least 160 before I started getting more serious about my workouts again, but I guess I need a time-limit for my compliance versus a number with an open amount of time to go with it.

So, 2 weeks it is.

I am treating today like the brand new start of a brand new "diet" and I am treating myself as somebody who just needs to clear my system out and maybe drop a few pounds in the process. So, I am going to be tightly compliant with minimal workouts during the week (nothing that will cause me to even need extra suppies) and then come up for air on Sunday, March 11th, after roll call. At that point, I will assess where I am at and either commit to another week or two, or go ahead and start a transition into a new life .


Cheers,
Karli

[nickieluv]

What an exciting time for you! It does sound like, even if you are not at goal literally, you might be ready to stop the plan. Doing so much exercise will only make you more lean and strong and there's nothing bad I can see about that! Have a great two weeks!

[Karli]

Thanks, Nickie. Thanks very much . You know, it is exciting, but it feels a little strange. I think I am really thinking in transition mode right now, it's just that my transition involves 2 weeks of very regimented 5/1 prior to the rest of the transition. That's how I see it, and so I feel like I am already starting transition as of my first suppy today.

I am hoping that I will at least be back down to 165 by March 11th (the scale was up a bit this morning), and I am sure I will be, but one never knows for sure. Anyway, the point is that I think it needs to not be as much about that particular number right now, and more about the fact that I need to really stop fighting what my person is telling me and figure out what my next steps are and are going to be. I am definitely in a healthy state right now and I can use my body very well, and that's what really matters to me.

And, if I feel like I want to go another week or two once I hit March 11th, I easily can. But, I have a feeling I won't. I think after March 11th I am going to really modify what I am doing to start incorporating heavier and heavier workouts into my life... and, I am quite certain that would bring about a little more weightloss if I want that. And, if it doesn't, and after a few months I feel like those 5 or so pounds are really bothering me, I will just go on plan after having been living a little differently for awhile.

Anyway, I am excited and scared all at once... but I know I am taking some good steps. I just feel a little strange ... hee hee. It's another change. But, change happens, it's inevitable, and I will just cope.

Now, in the meantime, I feel pretty great considering how funkified going off-program wants to try to make me feel. But, I will admit, I have been on and off enough now to have some kind of disassociation with the thoughts and feelings that want to come with that particular thing. Kind of like "yeah, yeah, yeah. Confusion, anger, frustration, shame ... I see you. But, you know, you don't have any power over me. And, I won't even see you in a couple of days. And, as a matter of fact, you are disappearing three hours at a time today, even. So, do whatever you do, but I am just going to get on with my life here."

I have decided to unleash my full-throttle obsessive powers on transition and maintenance issues. I just feel everything within me reaching toward it. It's time to stop thinking in terms of weightloss, and to think in terms of my new project.

Okay, more later.

MF for the day :

8 -- hot cocoa
11 -- MF eggs
2 -- Soup or L/G
5 -- Shake
7 -- L/G or soup
9 -- Hot cocoa

[DonicaB]

Karli~ I think change sometimes brings about several emotions we don't always know how to deal with. Change brings about a feeling of awkwardness. We get into a comfort zone and then when change presents itself we're not sure what to do. We often think of the things we have to give up when we need to make a change. Other times we feel alone.

It sounds to me like you have really thought this through and only you know what your body is screaming for. Personally, I can't imagine desiring to exercise that much but, who knows maybe as I contiue on this journey I, too, will long for more intense workouts.

I agree, you are taking good steps. I'm proud of you, Karli. I know you have been dealing with different things these past few weeks, but you have keep your head up and really worked through them.

DonicaB

[Mike]

Karli,
One word..... Reunited

You all sound like you had WAY too much fun!

[Karli]

Karli,
One word..... Reunited

You all sound like you had WAY too much fun!

LOL. Well, I have to say that it would be fun if I could post a link here .


Donica, thanks very much for your thoughts and words.

Well, okay. I am pretty much officially freaking out, that's just exactly what I am doing. I thought I wasn't, but I am. I am freaking out about going off the program . What the ? Not too sure what to do about that one except for get much braver, which I guess I am going to have to do.

I didn't necessarily think that's what this weekend was about, but now I know that it is a big part of it. Anyway today is going really, really well as far as the program goes. I felt hungry sometimes, but oddly, I liked it. I knew what it meant and what it was about and I was in favor of all of those things. Funnily, I think I taste ketosis in my mouth already... odd.

I guess I am just going to focus very hard on my two weeks... but, I already find myself saying "no way, you are not going to stop until you get to goal. So do your two weeks, but I don't see you giving up after that" so I guess we'll just have to see.

Anyway. I don't know anything at all right now other than that my L/G is on its way (ahi and salad... mmmm).

[Lizabette]

I guess I am just going to focus very hard on my two weeks... but, I already find myself saying "no way, you are not going to stop until you get to goal. So do your two weeks, but I don't see you giving up after that" so I guess we'll just have to see.

I believe you will know what to do when the time comes.
Best now to be at peace about what you are focusing on.
HUGS...
Lizabette

[Karli]

Okay, Lizabette . You are right, I need to be at peace with what I need to do right now. And, that's my right, it doesn't need to be difficult.

Thanks, Lizabette, I appreciate your warm thoughts.
Karli