The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Serendipity]

So true, biki. I spent 15 years trying to think my way out of my misery. It wasn't until I just said......I NEED TO JUST DO THIS..... that I had any success worth noting.

And guess what? I really haven't had any revelations. For me, it was really kind of a snowball effect......I'm fat, so I'm sad, so I eat, so I'm sad, so I'm fat. Blaming your parents, or your husband, or you kids, or the pet dog doesn't help either....I did that for the same amount of time until one day it just occurred to me. Yeah, some things may have gone wrong in my life, but why should I let that effect my future? I was in the process of ruining my future all by myself and needed to see that I was in control of that before I could do what I needed to do.

[nickieluv]

I suppose if I am struggling with wanting to program myself to do the right thing, I can also experiment with programming myself to want to program myself... hee hee.

OK, now my head hurts....

[bikipatra]

I suppose if I am struggling with wanting to program myself to do the right thing, I can also experiment with programming myself to want to program myself... hee hee.

OK, now my head hurts....

Advil helps me.

[Karli]

I believe into acting myself into right thinking, not thinking myself into right action. That has just always been the way it is for me. With my drinking, drugs and food. Thinking is usually my problem not my solution with it comes to addictive substances...

Yes, I understand this. Of course the actions have to be involved, and more than anything, it's the actions that get us somewhere. And what Jo says is right, too. I appreciate the words of advice and encouragement, and Lord knows I need it. I just need to train myself to stop feeling sorry for myself (like Jo woke up one morning and did) and to do something I have stuck with for a long time and through various addictions; it's never just about "stopping" a bad habit, but about replacing a bad habit with a better one. We as human beings need that since we are creatures of habit.

I just want to be clear that I am not talking about pondering my way through this (I know I have done a bit of that). I am talking about a very specific kind of mental activity that involves me truly programming myself not to fail; I am hardwiring myself.

In this mental practice, which is a similar thing practiced by athletes, musicians, dancers, lawyers, etc, it involves one's entire being. It's not just positive "hoping for the best" but, actually creating the success in every way. Every action we take involves a mental command, and sometimes this mental command gets caught in "loop" mode. That's what's been happening for me over the last little while (and the whole reason I got to be nearly 240 pounds in the first place). It's been caught in a mode where I think I know what to expect of myself, and that expectation has not been success in the ways that I would ultimately wish.

So, in my mental training, even the sensations are called on that are experienced when I physically walk away from a food that I don't want to eat. I have to do this because my mental tape has become such that there are certain times of day where I don't walk away from it. The mental tape has been playing all of the sensations of what it feels like to stand/sit there and eat it. I am replacing that exact tape with simulated experience of me doing the opposite (and the more detailed and specific, the better), which in turn gives me real sensations and a real mindset to call on when I face the real experience. I am literally mentally practicing everything involved with what I need to do, including the very sensations of action.

Try it with something you feel like you don't want to do. Next time the dishes stack up in the sink, or the laundary piles up in the basement (just for the record, I don't have a basement, it just sounded good to say it... hee hee), and you find yourself procrastinating, mentally visualize yourself actually doing the activity. Imagine all of the sensations involved, including a true desire to do it. If you do this correctly, you will have no choice but to do the chore. But notice, if it's something you are actually wrestling with yourself a bit about, you first have to want to train yourself, and that's a red flag when it comes to something like health-risk habits. Getting to the "wanting to do the right thing" is probably the hardest part. But, it can be trained.

So, right now my big girl is overriding my little girl. She is stepping in and taking charge and actually making a life right over what the little whiny voice is trying to say. And funny enough, I hear that whiny voice very loudly and clearly right now as I type about all of this stuff, because she knows she is in danger of not being listened to today. And this is exactly where I have to make the choice and this is exactly why I need to mental practice. I have taken the actions I need to as far as supplements go, but now I have to shut those other voices up that want to protest, and the best way to do that is by replacing them and their life with a completely different voice and life; a completely different experience.

To those that might still be reading this (hee hee) and wish to help, please feel free to keep all of the whips and chains and various other amunition close at hand . Right now I consider myself in possible need of that. Please keep speaking your mind, it really helps. Right now having two days in a row of total compliance seems like a big thing to me and I don't want that erroneous, whiny voice in me winning out.

Okay MF plan for the day :

7 -- oatmeal
10 -- MF eggs or shake
1 -- shake or soup
4 -- RTD or shake
6 -- L/G or supp
9 -- RTD

[bikipatra]

I read the WHOLE thing, Karli Karl. I already had three drinks in front of me.

[Sojourner]

Careful Karli...you're beginning to sound like me!

[Karli]

hee hee... thanks for reading and posting in, ladies .


Well, yesterday was another great day ! That was two completely compliant days in a row, and I am going on my third one today. I am staying WAY away from the scale still, as I am pretty certain that no matter what that guy reads, it would trip me up. So, I am just going to go about my day and eat my suppies and not worry about when I will step on the scale next. I may wait until I can tell I am getting close to goal. We'll see.

MF plan for the day :

7 -- oatmeal
10 -- MF eggs
1 -- L/G
4 -- bar
6 -- shake
9 -- hot cocoa

[bikipatra]

Karli, I am just on day 4 again of complete compliance again so I am right there with you. I still get on my scale every day but I will probably miss 12 days of that in HK so I may start weaning myself! Someone tell me it would be psycho to pack my scale or buy one in HK.

[Karli]

Hey, Biki, it's helpful to know we are in this together .

Well, I am just keeping tabs on myself since I can and today is a bit of a struggle. I am pretty sure I am in ketosis again, but this morning I woke up ravenous. I know it's because I had a dress rehearsal last night, a 14 hour day yesterday, I have a different dress rehearsal this evening, my family is coming to town this weekend, and I have a concert on Sunday. Argh .

So, I am actually burning up the calories, I can feel it. I added a quick soup about half an hour after my 9:30 meal (it ended up being 9:30 and not 10 -- I wasn't going to make it to 10). I am feeling a bit under-energized and a little shaky. Just needing to keep watch because I feel a deep hunger burning. I may add an extra suppy today if I keep feeling like this.

So, I will have my next meal in about an hour. In the meantime, I will keep chugging the water (have already had about 80 oz), and I may have a soda, too.


Cheerio !

Karli

[bikipatra]

I am all about the water right now too!

[Karli]

Well, today was really difficult for me MF-wise. I don't know what the deal was, but I was pretty hungry all day long up until I did indeed add an extra suppy. That seemed to mostly solve the problem (and kept me out of binge-mode).

But, I was really struggling with just plain old munchies this evening until I finally made myself think I was aiming at 155 for reals. For some reason, convincing myself that I am aiming for the 150's gets me motivated to let myself be in the 160's. That in itself has been freaking me out... I don't get it.

Anyway, I weighed myself this evening and for me I am the heaviest in the evening and it seems I have been hovering in a decent place. I have decided I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and maybe start on that track again. So, 155, here I come !!

I will admit that I have been struggling with just plain old emotional, anxious, stress-related eating. For some reason that's hard to admit... I guess I wanted to be able to justify it another way, but when all is said and done, that's what it boils down to. I realized that I am pretty much as stressed out as I can get without there being some kind of major catastrophy involved. So, yeah, I have wanted to stress eat, and I really need to realize that this kind of eating is just not okay. And, aside from it being not okay, it's just not helpful and doesn't actually relieve any stress (but actually adds to it in many ways).

Anyway, cheers.

Karli

[Karli]

One foot in front of the other ... wise words from Jo .


Okay, 169.5 this morning.

MF plan for the day :

6:30 -- Chai Latte
9:30 -- MF eggs or oatmeal
12:30 -- Bar or Soup
3:30 -- RTD or Shake
6:00 -- L/G
9:00 -- Choco Pudding

I may add an extra shake if I go for a true run to get some of these nerves out !

[bikipatra]

Great job Karli with the strength to weigh yourself and move forward with your program. I can't even imagine the stress of the events you have coming up and you are doing so well. I am proud of you.

[Karli]

Thanks, Biki .

I posted this in the maintenance section of the forum in reponse to an interesting thread that Robin started there :

"What's really changed ?"
http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/diet-10372.html


but I decided I want this post in my journal, also, so I am copying it here.


************************

Hi, Robin. I actually can't believe that more people haven't posted in here yet ! I am not officially in maintenance yet, but I have been thinking a lot about this subject, and I think it's great that you have brought it up !! It will obviously be different for everybody, and that's why I think it's such an interesting topic.

It's funny because, while I am still in the middle of it all in some ways, sometimes I can just feel everything in my life changing but I haven't enough perspective on it yet to really define exactly what those changes are. I do know that I will look back and see this time as a pivitol "moment" in my life. But, I am someone who believes that everything about life is connected, so it's difficult to say exactly what has brought about which change. It's all happening together it seems and often, lately, I feel like my life is in a giant tornado. Or more recently I blog about analogies to being adrift out at sea with what feels to me like huge waves and hurricanes to swim through -- but, this is the life that I have chosen and worked toward, and I think that's a very interesting and pertinent point.

I see my weightloss as a product of growth that has taken place before I started MF and as a product of growth that has taken place during my MF journey. I see my capacity to maintain my weightloss as a product of continual growth that will take place throughout the rest of my life.

If I had to try to define the changes, I could only use an analogy. I liken it to what physically happens as we actually lose the weight. When I was fatter, I still had all of my features that I do now, except there was extra and un-needed stuff that went right along with it all. With that extra stuff (the fat), my features were less defined and it was way harder for me (or anybody else) to truly appreciate them.

My life still had many of the elements that it does now, or at least many of the possible elements, but I sometimes felt much more paralyzed in how I dealt with it. And, I definitely didn't take as many risks career-wise; I was literally almost completely hidden, by choice, for a few years (and this is actually exactly when my major weight gain happened). Maybe I wasn't actually paralyzed and that's how I got here and eventually found a program that worked for me, but all the same, the features that makeup my essence are somehow more defined to me now (but I feel very much to be still in kindergarten when it comes to knowing what my life will entail -- but I think that I choose to be more excited about that now, versus paralyzed by fear).

I think that what I am seeing take shape outwardly is intimately connected to what is taking shape for me inwardly. There is just no way around that for me. As with many other people, there has been a need for MASSIVE healing in my life. My twenties were mostly about that need to heal and sorting through MANY, MANY things in that process. Talk about swampy waters ... LOL. Anyway, I just never felt sure that I was actually equipped enough to deal and cope with life and it's challenges. Kind of like an athlete who hasn't trained properly for a major event and has very little flexibility and stamina because of it. Now I am becoming more of the athlete I have always seen in myself but not known how to actually live. I am feeling more prepared for the rest of my life, and this just happens to be taking form outwardly, too.

When I played basketball (my favorite sport), there was a "ready" stance that we were trained to have. It involved some sort of activation or awareness of every muscle and strength that we had. It was inacted as a tool for us, as individuals, to be prepared for *any* offensive as well as defensive moves when dealing with the opposing team. It was a stance that enabled a person to call on a variety of movements such as breaking us instantly into a sprint, or stopping an opponent dead in his or her tracks. This is another analogy for me.

Spiritually, I feel like I am living in that stance a little more, and physically, I am just more capable and agile within it; the two seem to be getting more matched. My life feels vital, and I love it instead of fear it. And, while I say that, I fully expect to be somewhere completely different in 10 years time, and to have the strength that I am beginning to feel now, pale in comparison to what it will be then.

Funnily enough, though, I just feel more like 'me'. And, I suspect that what I will feel and live in 10 years' time will just be a greater magnification of who I am already, and who I have truly always been. I think that's all that's really happening.


Cheers,
Karli

[Karli]

Just keeping myself honest here. So, I went for a much-needed and pretty healthy-sized trail run/hike. It felt just amazing. I haven't added an extra supplement, though I did have a second bar during a regular meal time instead. I am hoping that will be enough of an extra intake to keep me losing, I am not sure. I guess I will find out tomorrow morning. But, I have about an hour to go until my next suppy and I only have a mild hunger developing. I think I will be fine with some more water.

I have been absolutely paranoid about excersizing while on plan, which is pretty silly when I reason through all of my habits compared with my reasons for being paranoid about excersizing. But, it's the deal for now. So, I am pretty happy I got myself out there and enjoyed my life in that way. Today is a very good day .

Anyway, my MF plan as it is actually shaping up for the day :

6:30 -- Chai Latte
9:30 -- Choco mint bar
12:30 -- S'mores bar
3:30 -- Oatmeal
5:30 -- L/G w/5 black olives
7:30 -- Choco mint bar + 3 more black olives
9:00 -- MF eggs