The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Jen]

Karli, I promise you will feel so much better in just a few days. I couldn't believe how tired I was, but when it ends, you will feel quite energized and excited. Just stay motivated for a few days and the skies will clear! I have never felt so sure that I was doing the right thing in my life.

[Karli]

Thanks both of you . I am already feeling a little bit better... I think I hit some kind of "bottom" for just a bit and I was simultaneously realizing "this is really happening" ... LOL. I felt better soon after I ate my next supplement, the wild rice and chicken soup, and have been feeling better and better still. I kinda realized that this program is not messing around, and that I am probably really going to lose this weight !

I think I will allow myself to be a little more restful for a bit while I am getting used to this diet. And I will definitely consider the bar suggestion, as it does have higher calories it probably would be good to put that at a time that I feel more suseptable to a low.

Thanks very much .

Karli

[Karli]

Okay. Well, I am feeling pretty good this morning. It seems I have experienced a 13 lb weight loss in the first week, between my prep work and two full days of MF. I will admit that I am quite determined, focused, and ready to lose this stuff.

On another note, this place is the most healthy place for me to express myself at the moment, and so here it goes.

Through preparing for and then beginning this program, I have come to realize that I really need to take the time and space I feel I need to commit to doing this right. And not just in losing the weight, as good as that part is, but to really deal with the other stuff that has brought it about/come along with it. It's so strange, in this process I have seemed to unlock something within myself, and memories from the past (good ones) have come back to my mind. Memories of when I was younger and perhaps saw the world differently.

Anyway, I have realized the need to protect my current space from others who either won't really understand, don't really care, or may even wish to interfere with my little "project". It's tough sometimes though, because part of this for me is being willing to let go of those people in my life who have been emotional triggers for me, too. And while I know this is a necessary step, it seems a little scary at the same time.

What does my life look like and feel like when I am truly in balance with myself ?

What does it look like and feel like when I am keeping my truest priorities squared up, and when I am honestly continuing to put those top priorities first in my daily demonstration ?

Who am I if I allow myself to be emotionally detached from or strong within situations and encounters with people, whom/which I have previously allowed myself to be emotionally governed by ?

Who else is in that life with me ?


I have lots more questions than these, of course... but, those are what have come to my mind for now. Taking steps to define these questions for myself feels exciting, but a little spooky. And here is the fear of being alone... or maybe more than that... it's the fear of feeling lonely.

I don't know how else to deal with these things other than by turning to God. I suppose I ought to be willing .


Karli

[Karli]

hmmm... I can't help myself. I love having this journal here.

So, I am feeling really, really good about the program now. Yesterday I had a low that was a little tough, but other than that, things have been fairly smooth sailing. Today I feel a little more energetic than I did the first two days, and this is day three with two meals to go. I had a good weigh-in this morning and I am looking forward to seeing what happens on the scale tomorrow morning. I am interested to see how long I can keep up a rapid weightloss.

At this point, I do not feel like giving into snacking at all. I know that I am getting enough food with the regular 5/1 plan and that I don't actually need more than that. I am not drinking any diet sodas (or other sodas for that matter) or coffees either. Also, my meals are becoming quite filling for me (to the point where I wonder how I can have another one in such and such amount of time). I am working to train myself for when I go into transition (eventually).

My skin has had somewhat of a dramatic change in its appearance. It was looking pretty terrible for a while before I started the program, but since I have been drinking so much water with starting the program, it has become a whole different complexion imo.

So, I have realized that this program is basically buying me the time to deal with my issues of food, and in the meantime, not only am I not gaining any more weight, I am actually losing all of the extra weight that I have had. This is giving me the freedom to try to understand some different things as I am already trying to mentally prepare for my transition time.

For example :

Why do we choose to eat what we choose to eat ? (when not on program)

Also, I want to work through this sense of lust for food... I feel kinda silly admitting that, but if I can't be honest here, where can I be honest about something like that ? I suppose this has to do with gaining a deeper respect and appreciation for food as fuel.

Some kind of random thoughts here.

For the past three days, I have been pretty emotional at the surface. And, while this may have to do with the time of the month, it has been a little different this time and I think I am letting some things come out (that's good news for me). Probably the fact that I am not eating as much and am a little sleepy have something to do with it also. But lately, I just look at the problem and deal with it without getting so caught up into it.

Also, funnily enough, I have noticed that on a deeper level, I am on more of an even keel emotionally. I think I just have a little more peace than I have in a long time, as a result of really dealing with my weight. I have felt more patient and I don't have that same sense of constant, burning anger I had been having for months leading up to my decision to TSFL.

I think these steps that I am taking are the right ones. I realized this morning that what losing this weight and gaining control of my eating means to me, is that it is the last step in the healing I have been working on for nearly a decade now. I am ready for this last step, and then, I will move on into a whole new life.

Love,
Karli

[Unca_Tim]

Great post Karli,
You get it...

This isn't just another diet.
In fact, it's not a diet at all.
It's a journey to optimum health.

[sidrah]

Ah, the wonders of introspection. Looks like a health advisor in the making??

[Mike]

Hiya Karli... its Mike... Di's hubby. I've been gone for over two weeks... glad to see you here. I see you do like to journal... and that's great. I just updated mine a bit too.
Glad things are going well for you. I'm just waiting for Di and Dayna to come in... I expect them in about an hour or so.
Well, once again... welcome... and say hi to that wonderful dh of yours.

[Karli]

Thanks Unca Tim ... "a journey to optimum health" ... of course I like that. It will be interesting to see how that unfolds for me.

Sidrah ... hee hee... we'll see, won't we ? Thanks for chiming in .

Also, thanks for the welcome, Mike. It's really great to be here with you three, and everyone else also. Actually, this whole program, including this forum, is helping me to change my entire life ! What a joy to share that with friends and people who are doing/have done the same sorts of things with their own lives !


On another note, I only lost half a pound over night, which is the smallest loss I have had so far. But you know ? At first I was tempted to obssess over the "whys" of it, but then I realized that for me, losing the weight itself is not THEE most important thing even though it IS very important for a number of reasons. As long as I continue to grow, actually (that's ironic), in understanding and in practice, I am happy (so long as I don't actually gain any weight ).

Karli

[Unca_Tim]

I am happy (so long as I don't actually gain any weight ).

I'm sure you're just joking around a bit....

Uh oh....sorry to say, but you will occasionally gain weight. There's no way around it.

It's perfectly fine to be unhappy about it, but whether you're unhappy or not, you'll still gain a little at times....

[Karli]

hmmmm... well, I suppose I can accept that. It is more of a fluctuation, I suppose though, and not gaining like I had been before I started. Before I started, I was REALLY gaining . And that aided me in feeling like my life was spinning completely out of orbit. I just never want to feel like that again.

So now, the biggest disappointment is in learning that my happiness or unhappiness does not control the universe ... I really thought it did .

*Disappears in a wave of the wand, a twirl of the glittering cape, and a poof of magic and stardust*


Karli


ps-- I never joke around

[Diana]

So now, the biggest disappointment is in learning that my happiness or unhappiness does not control the universe ... I really thought it did .

wait....when did that change?? *searches new Take Shape for Life binder*

lol, Karli! Isn't it amazing how distracting emotions can be when we're trying to achieve something? They can throw us right off track all together!

As for the fluctuating scale, remember it's only information. Pretty soon, you'll figure out pretty much the pattern your body will follow. As for me, I usually show a gain on Mondays, and even under the most stressful weeks have continued to show at least a partial pound loss by Sunday morning. I've given up trying to figure up why that happens. More than that, though, I hope you're feeling GREAT!!! Focus on that and on being compliant with the program and I PROMISE the fat loss will follow right behind regardless of the information from the scale.

[Karli]

So now, the biggest disappointment is in learning that my happiness or unhappiness does not control the universe ... I really thought it did .

wait....when did that change?? *searches new Take Shape for Life binder*

hee hee... thanks for playing along, Di. Well, you're right, it's only information on that silly scale. I will say that this is the first time in my life that I am friends with my scale.

"Hi, scale" ... he smiled back. You couldn't see him, but he did, trust me.

Well, I am sad that you are not going to be around much, Di. You are fun and inspiring and wise. But, I do understand. Thanks for chiming in .

Karli

[sidrah]

At first I was tempted to obssess over the "whys" of it,

Karli

Let me tell you a story. Okay, an anecdote, since it is like 3 AM and I should be getting to bed soon. I was taking a leadership class and my teacher made us all sit in a circle (we called it an Indian prayer circle, behind his back, of course) after the end of the class and critique each other. Man, not fun. I didn't get anything negative much to my surprise except a teacher who was in the class and I had worked with once before told me she thought I should me more cocky and that was my downfall. This other guy in the class said one of the things I do that he wishes he could is I never ask, "Why?"

He said, " You never ask why when people give you a direction or thier point of view. You let them say their peace and never ask why."

Then, he stopped and said, "But, you know what you do that ticks me off, you present your own side and finish your point of view with a big WHY NOt? You know what you want and you know how you reached that conclusion and people look to you for leadership because you ask why not instead of why. Keep doing that."

I say this because as I read the board everyday, I realize that so many people say Why did I do this or that or why did I only lose 1 pound this week. I often want to scream, "Why not?" It is fine to stop asking why and be happy with what is going on..why not? Instead of obsessing over why you lose only a pound, say why not? You ate right and did well and you are going to win in the end, why wouldn't you.

You exemplify a person who knows what she wants and how to get it. So, keep steady with what you think, what you want, and what you need to do and in the end, you can say not "Why did this happen?", but "Why not?" and you'll know the answer all along.

[Karli]

Thanks sidrah, I love anecdotes .

Okay, time to get some homework done :

Why now ?

Well, why not ? hee hee . I am ready.


Karli

[Karli]

Okay, more homework

10 reasons why I want to reach my goal weight and maintain it (I am going to put these all in the present tense) :

1. I am living my fittest self; my full athletic potential. I am free in my bicycling, running, hiking, walking, swimming, artistry.

**** And it feels GOOD !! Better than food tastes. Cravings are passing, being fit can be forever. And, it's worth it !!

2. I am eating in balance and I maintain guiltless eating habits.

**** And it is completely delicious and pleasurable, too !!

3. I am comfortable with my body while I am performing. I have no thoughts of self-consciousness regarding my looks while sitting at the piano or standing on stage singing in front of hundreds of critical eyes. I do not mind people looking at me, and I am not shy.

**** And it actually and truly makes a huge difference in how I feel when I am performing !! It feels SO GOOD and is SO WORTH IT !!

4. I see my truest self in the mirror.

**** This is real and I like what I see on all accounts.

5. I enjoy intimacy with my husband and I am a better partner in general; I am open to him.

**** This has room to grow , but it is also very true and worth it !!

6. I, my truest self, am in plain view to all those who wish to know me. I am not hiding behind fat and weight-insecurities.

**** This is how I want to live my life, FOR ME, not for them (though I think everyone benefits we each of us learn how to be true to ourselves)

7. I wear clothes that I love and feel great in.

**** Very true. I had forgotten how much I love clothing, but now I remember and it's really fun to look good .

8. I feel confident and at peace with the space that I fill.

**** This is psychological as well as phsyical, but it is definitely true and has a place to continue going from.

9. I am a good example for other people.

**** Yes, I think people are becoming more and more inspired by what they see. And, it feels good to be a good example.

10. I have vital knowledge and experience to share with other people whom would like to find their freedom from struggling with food, eating, and everything that comes along with it.

**** Yes, I feel more passionately about it now than ever before. I want to share my experience and I want others to experience their own freedom on these issues !