The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Oh, LOL. Well, I think I may go ahead and name my stove anyway .

[Karli]

Back down to 182.5 and looking straight ahead. I don't think I will reach my goal of being below the 80's by tomorrow, but perhaps by Sunday. We'll see.

6:30 -- S'mores granola bar
9:30 -- oatmeal cookies and decaf coffee
12:30 -- Lasagna and small side salad
3:30 -- RTD
5:30 -- RTD
8:00 -- Beef Stew (MMMMMM)

[dede4wd]

You're preaching to the choir...know what mine was today...180.4...C'MON! All I wanted was 2oz into the 170's, sniff sniff! back to the drawing board! We're doing great though and why should a few ounces get us down? It'll happen.

DeDe

[Karli]

Hey, DeDe, you will for sure be there by tomorrow ! And, I will live vicariously... hee hee.

[Karli]

Okay, sorry to be explicit, but, I am about to get into the shower and just took a good gander at my naked body. I got a little sad. I guess that's why I truly still have some pounds to shed and maybe I should feel more determined than not (and actually, I do). I guess I got a little comfy where I am at.

I did take my measurements just now and I am inches down from where I had been... but I still have these pockets of "ICK" that I would really like to just blow up... LOL.

Okay, enough of that . No getting comfy where I'm at for me, it's really time to march forward. I have to say, getting into the 70's is probably going to be my hugest milestone ever. I already feel elated at the prospects of actually getting there soon after these months of up and down and side to side. I might even cry just a little.

Okay, off to the shower for me .


Karli

[bikipatra]

I would send you a picture of my naked body to make you feel better but alas, people change because of their own pain and their own God, not my flabbiness.

[JeepGirl]

I am dying at the above post hehehehe

Karli I am sure we all feel that way. I know my stomach flab now grosses me out which is weird because when it was full of fat and not so flabby I didnt seem to mind it as bad *strange I know*

Taking measurements is one of my fave things to do now. LOL at least I aint spending money doing it so that is good. It basically keeps me in check especially when the scale is moving slowly!

[dede4wd]

but I still have these pockets of "ICK" that I would really like to just blow up... LOL.

Trust me...blowing it up hurts! LOL!

I know my stomach flab now grosses me out which is weird because when it was full of fat and not so flabby I didnt seem to mind it as bad

Tell me about it. When I was HUGE, I was at least "solid." Now I'm all jiggly...I just hate jigly!

DeDe

[Karli]

Thanks for the support, ladies .

Karli I am sure we all feel that way. I know my stomach flab now grosses me out which is weird because when it was full of fat and not so flabby I didnt seem to mind it as bad *strange I know*

Actually, I can relate. I think I was very much in denial before I started MF and so I would look at myself and think that things weren't so bad (which was very silly of me since I had nothing to wear). But then, I tried to put on my "fat shorts" and they wouldn't even come close to going up. Then I started MF and suddenly I couldn't stand all the fat everywhere anymore. I guess, as I mentioned, I got kinda comfy after having lost 50 pounds and let my perspective get a little skewed again.

Anyway, I will say, it's amazing what that little gander of nakedness has done for my motivation. I am happy that I also took measurements because I really hadn't taken them again once I started losing more than 20 pounds. I was having cravings really badly last night that I am quite certain I wouldn't have been able to resist had I not felt a true sense of needing to stick with the program in order to "blow up" those fat pockets... LOL (now I just love the idea too much to get rid of it).

So, after a foodmare lastnight, I gratefully woke up this morning to weigh in at 181.5 !! Down a pound since yesterday. I am getting quite close now to hitting 180 and then dropping below. I am *SO* excited !! I don't think I ever hit in the 181's these past few months, I think it's the lowest I have been in years. I am thinking about trying my wedding dress on again to see if it is perhaps baggy on me by now. That would be nice .

Anyway, onward and downward .



6:30 -- mint choco bar (*SO* GOOD !!)
9:30 -- L&G (MMMMMMMMM)
12:30 -- RTD
3:30 -- RTD
5:30 -- Soup
8:30 -- pudding

[bikipatra]

Congrats on the loss!!!

[Karli]

Thanks, biki !!

So, here I am pushing through this wall. I have made a decision to be my fittest self. And, I have not been as thin as I will be, in years. And when I was, I was sick with eating disorders. But, I don't think I am being unreasonable about this, and I have been stuck for the past few months because I have wanted to make sure my decision to get into better shape stays in perspective. So, now I am taking some steps and I feel like I am in uncharted territory since I am truly doing this a healthy way.

What is bothering me is that people often comment on how thin I am getting, and tonight a couple at church told me how I am getting thinner all the time. And they asked in all seriousness --I believe knowing about my struggles in the past with eating-- if I will not let myself waste away ? I answered in all honesty that I would not. But, I feel I will be met with comments like this from here on out.

People who are not used to seeing me as thin as I will get will have something to get used to. But, I know in my heart I am not doing the wrong thing. It just seems to bring back a large flood of memories and feelings of both struggling with eating disorders, as well as all of the thoughts, feelings and experiences in my life that brought my challenges with eating disorders about.

But, deciding to get back on MF and go the rest of the way is also about me really dealing with all of this. So, onward we march with both feet, and my head, in the game.


Cheers,
Karli

[dede4wd]

Karli,
I got the "shrinking away to nothings" and "you're TOO thin"'s too, but I know that you'll know when it's time to transition into transition.

You're right...people that haven't seen you thin in a while (been longer than I've known most people I know now), this is new. Sometimes people don't think when they say what they say...they think they're being nice with what they're saying and don't take into account what we "hear".

You have another factor...people genuinely worried that you are having a problem with a disorder again. That is just something you will have to confront. But at least know people care about you!

Get used to it, it's only going to get worse here on out! I'm actually HOPING for a "you're wasting away" comment, I need one right about now!

DeDe

[Karli]

DeDe, you are wasting away ... hee hee. Did that work for ya ?


Well, I certainly appreciate what you have said. I do remember the kind of attention being thin can draw, and to be honest, that was part of me gaining weight. But, that was 10 years ago by now and, I am going to need to learn how to deal with it again. I know it may sound weird, but it's the truth for all of us I think. Especially women. And, now I am married and wish to happily stay that way (so extra attention is not my goal in being thin). Being overweight can be a bit of a self-defense, at least I know it has been for me.

But, you are right. In many cases, the things people say are simply a sign that people care, and I will need to remind myself of this.

Thanks,
Karli

[bikipatra]

I could really relate to your history of eating disorders and can see how the dragon I thought was gone affects my desire to eat less than I am supposed to now. I suffered from bulimarexia from age 13-21. I didn't get treatment to get better, I just decided that it made me feel like a cockroach and stopped. (I also switched to booze as my addiction of choice.) Initially I gained weight but I stabilized at 117, where I stayed most of my adult life until 5 years ago. My mind still has those funky mis-wirings that say STARVE STARVE, especially when I start controlling my food again. I hate that I am so all or nothing. Makes me interesting and entertaining or a real drag.

[Karli]

Yeah, it's just I have no desire whatever to starve myself in the least anymore. I really am over that whole conscious and controlling self-neglect thing. It's just dealing with those old demons of what it was like when I was fully into it, it fully disgusts me now and has a lot of very negative feelings surrounding it. I just have wanted to make sure I really keep all of that in check as I venture onward with my weightloss. ANYWAY, I feel silly for having posted anything about it because that's just not who I am anymore. But, I suppose from time to time, there will be things to deal with regarding all of it.

In my mind, the final stage of the whole healing is to lose the weight that I had gained as a result of not starving nor throwing up anymore (and trying with great struggle to also wrangle in my eating habits), and then to keep it off. And that's what I am doing now, with gratitude.

So, stayed the same weight this morning. That's okay. Sometimes I get glimpses that I feel like I never left the program and all of the good feelings I had while I was really first learning about it. The feeling of safety of eating so consistently and healthily. It's a great feeling. Also, yesterday was a long day for me, requiring me to have a lot of energy that I had been running out of when my diet was trashier. Yesterday I realized that I had plenty of energy the whole day through. What a perk !

On track and doing quite well lately (boy am I glad I didn't order any soy crisps ). Not sure I will make it into the 70's by Sunday, but it won't dissuade me from the program. Aunt Flo starts today, so there is stuff to contend with surrounding that (one of the reasons my choco bar keeps showing up first thing in the morning on my food check).


6:30 -- choco mint bar
(decaf with a 1/2 Tablespoon of Skim and a drop of half and half)

9:30 -- L & G (lasagna with mushies on top)
12:30 -- Blueberry oatmeal w/cinnamon (really yummy... can't wait to make these into pancakes)

3:30 -- RTD