The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

You are funny. I don't suppose you want me to just silently sit in my own journal in response to everything everybody says to me ? Last I checked, nobody has a code of silence around here. Anyway, is this how we really want to spend our time ? It's not how I would like to be spending mine. So, let's get on with shakin' and livin' then.

[DonicaB]

Karli~ I've been slowing catching up on everyone's journal. It is obvious that you have been dealing with several emotions.

You are growing daily, Karli. Unfortunately, we don't get to see ahead of time what each new day will bring. We just have to take each day as it comes. Some days are going to be better than others. I guess you could say no 2 days are exactly the same. A lot like people......we are all created so differently......which is something I have always loved about the uniqueness of people. I love...... and hate......the fact that there is not one person out there just like me. I love it because that's what makes me.....well, me. I hate it because no one can truly give me the answers to all my shortcomings.....because no one can truly understand my most inner thoughts and feelings......they are uniquely mine.

Karli, I think you are an amazing person with a beautiful personality. I guess what I am trying to say is..... keep working your thoughts and feelings out because only you truly know what those are. Trials and tribulations help us to grow.

You will get to your goal, Karli. If that is your true desire.....you will accomplish it.

DonicaB

[Karli]

Donica, thanks so much for your post. I really appreciate it !! It's great to have you back . I understand what you mean about the whole being unique bit. I was just thinking about this the other day (and I think about it on occasion anyway), about how nobody sees things quite the way we see them (and we do not see things quite the way they do). And, this is a great feeling as well as a lonely feeling. But, everybody is in the same boat ! Anyway, thanks so much .

Okay. So, some interesting/exciting stuff. The other day as I was getting in a good cardio workout, I realized how I have held back sometimes in life. What stood out to me at the time, in particular, was my athletics. For example, I wanted to be a sprinter in track and field. So, during our warmups, I always made a point of racing in my mind ( ) as our entire team ran around the track. Well, the coaches started noticing, I guess, because soon they began asking me to consider being on a relay team. Well, first of all, back then I thought nobody noticed me, but when they started asking me to be a part of a relay team, I was actually very convinced that they were kidding around with me. I couldn't believe that somebody actually believed in me, so instead of taking a chance and doing something that I actually wanted to do, I chose to back away.

Well, as I was working out the other day and these thoughts were coming clear to me, I realized that I have been doing this same thing with piano performance. During my senior year in Uni, I gave my senior recital which was my first solo recital ever. Well, I didn't live up to my standards and that experience completely changed my entire life. Then I graduated and had to really come to grips with finding my own way, and there were all these things that wanted to keep me pinned down in my head. And, I had actually been pretty depressed about all that for a few years, up until this last summer (same summer I started MF).

Well, recently 4 different venues have asked that I give a concert there. Funnily, I didn't have to do the seeking, they sought me. And, I have been backing away from these opportunities, feeling inadequate and very fearful -- very similar to how I was with my athletics in highschool. Until last week, when I remembered how I was with my athletics, and had I just pushed foward with those, I know I would have had a much different experience. I realized that I was doing exactly the same thing with my piano performing career and that I just needed to push forward.

When I got home, I finally decided to contact one of the venues and book a concert. So, October 4th, 2007 will be my second solo piano concert ever... and I am *really* excited. Having taken this step is HUGE for me, and I just know that I have to be in the best shape I can be for this. It's such a different (BETTER ) feeling being thinny on stage than feeling like I need to be so conscious of what my body looks like to all of those eyes .

Taking this step has given me the courage to book other concerts, too. I haven't actually booked them yet, but I know that I will. Things are changing, and I like it !!


Cheers,
Karli

[DogMa]

You're doing great, Karli, and you're really such an inspiration. It's amazing how many of us start changing so many other things in our lives, especially as we get closer to (or reach) goal. This whole journey becomes about so much more than weight.

[SuzyQ66]

That's such great news on our solo concert. You sound like you are turning things around - you go girl!!!

[Lizabette]

WTG, KARLI!

[Nancy]

Karli ~

I am so happy for you - greater things are on the horizon for you. Congrats!

[KeleeGrl]

Congratulations on your solo...I can't even imagine how exciting that must be for you.

[Tawanda]

Karli, I'm impressed with how much you are working through and how much you are learning about yourself. You are a brave woman with a lot of strength, maybe you don't always feel like it---but you sure look to be living that way. I doubt that you'll ever go back to being the person you started MF as---you are tackling life and living it---not hiding from anything. I hope I also learn some of those things as my weight comes off.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

[bikipatra]

Oh, how exciting! Can I have your autograph??? Make sure you address it to Biki from Karli Karl. You can add a Bad before the Biki if you have to but I would prefer if you didn't!

[Karli]

Biki, my autograph to you will read :

"Dearest Biki girl, love and kisses straight to you -- your friend, Karli Karl" .

Thanks so much everybody ! Yeah, I am really excited. There is some fear to deal with, but, I think I am feeling ready to face it ... well, I kinda have to be. It's the kind of thing that makes me feel like my life is taking yet another major turn and who knows where to, exactly ? ... but, that's the kind of life that I want ... full of adventure !!

Cheers to All and thanks so much for your support !
Karli

[Karli]

I got to meet Nancy and Terry yesterday evening, and that was really fun ! A very inspiring couple . We ate at Apple Bee's and discussed MMT thoughts. It was great !

In other news, I stepped on the scale this morning and I was at 166.5. I am not thrilled about that number, but I do know for certain that I am gaining muscle, and there may still be some bloat from this last weekend, plus on Tuesday I woke at 3:30 am and ended up consuming around 2400 calories that day --though I did stay in ketosis because I had burned off more than 1000 in my workout for that day. Still, that may be a factor. And, last night was *quite a bit saltier* than I would have liked so I may be retaining water this morning. I am not going to freak out about all of this, but I definitely see now why I was always confused about whether or not I should start working out yet. This is not a straight-forward path, it seems.

I will be heading out to do another 1000 calorie workout, and this time I tried something different by having my first protein-packed meal before I go, to try to fuel my workout better (my half a L/G in the morning and half a L/G in the evening has morphed into 2 L/G's for the day, basically). I will also have a bar about half way through. My caloric goal for the day is up around 2000.

Hopefully I will see the scale drop in the next few days... and making it through this weekend without any slips is my big goal for now -- but I am feeling pretty determined.

Since there are so many factors that I could attribute my higher weight to right now, I am going to still give this until 2 Sundays from now. And, by then, if it seems obvious that I am not going anywhere, it will indeed be time for me to transition off -- it just wouldn't make any sense eating this much MF everyday and not going anywhere, and I am certainly not ready to just stop working out.

I thought about spekaling my weeks with days of no working out and only doing the 5/1, but I just can't give up the workouts. They are too important to my health on all fronts, right now.

So, I will see this as an adventure !

Cheers,
Karli

[Karli]

Well, icky pooh. I had my first L/G (a miniature version on the veggies) before I went to the gym, and while I did not need to supplement in the middle of my workout (nor have I afterward, yet), it also was not comfortable at all. I would much prefer to feel more empty while I am trying to work that hard than to feel my meal in my stomach the whole time (even still to some extent).

Also, I felt obligated this time in my working out to work off what I had eaten. And, that is a whole different ball o' wax for me. Most the time, these days, I just workout because I can and try to fuel accordingly during and afterwards. My workout had a whole different tone since I had already had about 350 calories in me before I went (as the first meal of the day) and I was worried about that the entire time.

I tried this because I thought perhaps it would set me up better for the day, and fight off any ravenousness that may try to creep in. But, I don't think I will do this again. I only got about 650 calories out, but after I go for a haircut, I am going to either go for a hike with doggy (most likely that) or go for a bike on my own.

Other than that, I have to look honestly at the fact that I have been eating 4 bars each day for awhile now (when I am working out this hard). Except for Tuesday, most days this seems to work out calorie-wise, but I think that is an area that I can cut back. I may try to aim at lower calories again and see if I can get away with that without feeling like I am dragging myself dazily through the day. So, I am going to concentrate on shakes, today. Not that every meal will be a shake (70's), but, maybe most of them. I think I will stick to one bar, and that in prep for my hike or bike. We'll see, but at most it will be 2.

Okay. Off for my haircutty -- I have not had it cut again since last October when I had the major whack of my life. I am excited and ready for another !

Cheers,
Karli

[Lauren]

Hey, Karli -

Just thought I'd throw some food for exercise thoughts your way. I agree that it's not comfortable to work out on a full stomache, but you ABSOLUTELY need the fuel to sustain an extended workout like you're doing. It's one thing if you were just doing a couple hundred calories burn for a quick 30 minutes on an elliptical. But if you are doing the full on hike AND the weight lifting, it's not being kind to your body to try to embark on that without fuel, and you're not getting the same quality workout that you could (I know it feels like you are, but your organs and muscles may not agree!).

You may have seen my constant obsession in other posts with a yogurt I started eating months ago, made by FAGE 0% Total, which tastes a lot like sour cream, but if you don't like that, you can add a splenda and it tastes like sweet yogurt. Anyway, they're very low in calories - 80 calories for 5oz (which is a lot for this), only 6 carbs, and 13 grams of protein. So there's a great protein ratio! Anyway, I usually will have that with an apple or that and an MF oatmeal (strangely, the yogurt tastes superb mixed with Apple Cinny oatmeal), about 30 minutes before a workout. It's only between 150-200 calories, it gets a good punch of energy, but is light enough to not sit heavy in the belly while running. Then, when I get back from my workout, I'll often have a few more ounces of the yogurt. It's so good and light and has had no effect on my maintenance (well, actually, I keep losing, so it's not hampered any weight loss efforts - if I still had them!).

Whenever I am having a particularly hungry day or extra active day or whatever, I add some of the yogurt to my other meals/supplements. I do NOT add the bars, because, while they do have more calories, which you need, many of the calories are carbs, and I actually think that for your exercise purposes, it's protein that your body is asking more for. I have added a lot more soy and tofu to meals, I eat it pretty liberally, as well as steamed shrimp. My point? You said you've woken up hungry repeatedly, so it may not be that you're not eating enough, but rather, you're not eating the "right" things. I have found that to really make my hunger subside, protein is the only thing that does it. So, my recommendation to you (for whatever's it worth), is that you actually cut down on all the bars, and instead move forward with significantly more lean protein - whether it's the FAGE yogurt, or tofu/soy/shrimp/fish/etc, this is the stuff that will fuel you, helps repair muscles, keeps your body feeling satiated, etc.

Oh, and a personal recommendation. You love being active. You've discussed in detail the high you get from being athletic (I understand), and how good it makes you feel. Do NOT take away the joy of this experience by making it about "burning the calories" that you ate. Separate those issues. Use your meals as energy, and exercise because you love it. You'll ruin this bliss if you start to focus any of your workouts on the number of calories it will burn.

Let me know if this helps, or if I should mind my own business! :-)

[bikipatra]

Okay. Off for my haircutty -- I have not had it cut again since last October when I had the major whack of my life. I am excited and ready for another !

Cheers,
Karli

Okay, just no Britney buzz cuts!