The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Hi, Nancy ! I feel honored to have you stop by my journal . Yeah, I am having a lot of fun discovering all the things I can do/feel comfortable doing now that I am ... dare I say it ... THIN . For example, not only did I buy those workout clothes, but I have even actually worn them to the gym for the past couple of days ... and, I even feel pretty in them (well, you know, as "pretty" as you get in the middle of a workout ). And, just in case it's not crystal clear, I wore a tight tank top and stretchy pants IN PUBLIC ... as in ... IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE !

And, well, I definitely look forward to discovering more and more just what this thinny life is made of .

More later .


Karli

[Nancy]

I wore a tight tank top and stretchy pants IN PUBLIC

Tight outfit? You're talkin' to another Spandex lover here!

Good for you!

Ya know, when we used to live life large, we didn't get to experience these head-rush adventures much, did we?

Isn't it a blast to wear fetching clothing?

I can see ya now, My Pretty...sashaying about in your gym togs...jealous gals making a misstep and falling off the tready, guys with oogly eyes being distracted from their crunch count as you bip by...

ahhh...another thinny success story!

You worked hard, enjoy the journey!

[bikipatra]

You work it, Karli Karl!

[katieb920]

Karli,

Just wanted to say I looked through all of the Studio Pictures Last night. (I really do mean every picture) I came to yours. And can I tell you what an awesome Job you are doing. You Look Great. I hope that I can look and feel as good as you do. Dont know if I will be able to do as much exercise as you do (I detest the gym) But I am going to try.

Katie

[JonnaD]

Way to go, Karli. I'm glad you're having fun.

[Karli]

Isn't it a blast to wear fetching clothing?

Yes . Thanks so much for your support, Nancy.

And thank you, also, Biki and Jonna ! And, Katie, thanks so much ! I am really looking forward to posting some updated photos, which should be pretty soon now . I suspect that you are already feeling better everyday, and that you will feel just great at goal !

Well, I have been a bit low on energy this week, and I have been very reflective -- so reflective, that I have just been pretty anti-social, which is definitely how I get sometimes. I have a lot of stuff going through me right now, good memories, "bad" memories ... just my life. It's as though I am saying goodbye to a whole chunk of stuff that has been part of how I view myself in my everyday life for years now.

This morning when I was driving to the gym, I was mulling something over that I had done awhile back (I don't even remember what it is now), and that I felt pretty stupid about. I mean, this was years ago, and really, it's not THAT big of a deal. And, I sometimes beat myself up about it (still can't remember what it is ). I gave myself a talking to and asked if this was how I was going to live the rest of my life ? Of course, I realized how silly it would be to answer "yes." So, my militant self said I needed to let it go and move on.

All throughout my workout this morning (strictly cardio) it was a similar experience. My effort this morning, in each moment, took on some kind of tone to it. I was recalling a feeling of "holding back" that I have let stop me so many times in my life. And, yes, sometimes we get wise intuitions that we want to heed and they may protect us from harm, but this is not what I am talking about, and deep down, I DO know the difference. I am talking about just plain fear that I simply won't measure up, that I won't be good enough, that people are going to laugh at me for believing and trying. There were SO many times I held back in my athletics, and when I felt that this morning, remembering what that felt like to hold back because of that fear, I pushed harder while I was working out today ... because I could and I am done holding back (or at least I would like to live more boldly). This hasn't just been in my athletics, but in every facet of my life ... and it's time for more changes to take place.

Well, those are my "deep" thoughts for today. I suspect a lot will come dumping out of me in the next week or so, as I have been "digesting" a lot these days.

In other news, I did a little math this morning and realized that I need to increase my calorie intake. The rate I was going, I was leaving myself with about 500 calories or less to burn during the day after my workouts. And, there is post-workout calorie burning, too, that I don't know much about other than the fact that my metabolism is working much more efficiently all day long because of my workouts in the morning. It's no wonder I have been feeling pretty low on energy this week and I alraedy feel a bit better today after having had a bigger meal post-workout.

Generally I am adding more protein by putting half a cup of LF cottage cheese in my diet, and now today, 2 eggs (one egg with my post-workout meal, and one hard-bolied egg either as a snack between meals, or on my salad tonight) -- along with my 7 ounces of chicken (I think I may also add another shake or maybe more PB). But, since Tuesday, I have also added another cup of veggies to my daily intake. I, more or less, have considered myself in the first stage of "transition" for the past few days. I am still in ketosis and a bit undecided if I want to knock myself out by adding fruit in the next few days. I am not going to rush that stage but let the extra veggie stage last as long as I want it to. I will know when it's the right time to go on to the next step.

In the meantime, I am still just loving my workouts and it is all just feeling like habit/routine to me. I look forward to my workouts every morning and I just relish the thought of what it's doing for me in all ways ! In terms of my physique, I am really starting to see a difference. Prior to really working out again, my stomach was still a bit looser than I would like it to be, and though it's not where it will be in a few months, it's already better and quite acceptable to me. My problem spots are become less problematic, my new clothes are fitting looser than when I got them several days ago, and I am starting to feel like I can really accept where I am at and be at peace with it all. I am starting to realize that if there are still people out there who think I look fat, or look at my problem spots and think secret thoughts, I really just don't care because I am okay with where I am at and where I know I can get from here.

Well, time to hit the shower !

Cheers,
Karli

[KeleeGrl]

Karli, I love the way you think and your attitude....I want a Karli attitude adjustment!

[JonnaD]

You'rere a great reminder that our 'makeovers' are not only physical. We have to makeover our attitudes about ourselves and how we expect others to be towards us.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

[Nancy]

Karli ~

I wish I had more time to write here - you are experiencing the normal fear of maintenance, saying good-bye and good riddance to former negativities, etc. Many of us go thru periods of anger when we discover that people treat us differently now that we are thinner than how they treated us when we were fluffy and so much more goes on in our heads.

It takes quite a while for the head to catch up to the body changes. Try to listen to the recording of last night's maintenance call - Lauren, Di, Mike and I briefly touched on it but it is a very real issue...(512) 505-6863 It will be available only until 3/28/07

Hangeth in there. You are normal.

The thinnin' and bein' thin part are not easy but it sure is fun!

[nickieluv]

Karli, we are in such different places in our journey but you have written something today that I was just thinking about - again and again.

A couple of years ago there was an incident between myself and a former teacher, who at the time was my colleague (odd in itself). I did absolutely nothing wrong, but because I was so self-effacing I apologized profusely that I had upset her - so of course she thought I'd done something worth apologizing for! Every so often I think of that, and it makes me sad that she knew me so little that she didn't realize I would never do what she had accused me of. And that to this day she thinks I did this thing to her. I never see her and have no contact with her now, just because she's at a different job, but it still pops into my mind sometimes and really, really bothers me. I know that I have to let go of these incidents. Not everyone has to like me. Even if she were to bad-mouth me to people (which she wouldn't - unless I know her as little as she knows me!) I can re-write their opinions of me with my own actions.

It is so hard for me to let go - I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to think I am a good person. Maybe when I have truly accepted myself, I will no longer need the acceptance of strangers. Perhaps this is part of what you are realizing when you say if people are enumerating your flaws, too bad for them, you are not phased by it! You are learning to accept yourself - and the new parts of yourself - and assimilate them into your everyday life.

I can understand being afraid of a new life. I wonder what life will be when I am not fat. Will I know myself? Will I know how to take care of myself physically? Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin? Will I be at goal and still think I am fat forever? But maybe I should say being afraid of life, not a new life - I can ask all those questions of myself now. You are in a wonderful place - the beginning - and so am I. We are at the beginning of different things, but how much more pleasant to think of life as a series of beginnings instead of a series of endings. Your diet is not ending - your life is beginning.

[Karli]

Thanks so much for your support and words of encouragment, ladies. Well, as much as I would love to be some kind of hero in life -- in my eating and exercising, I sometimes feel just utterly ridiculous. And, right now I don't feel anything like a success of any sort. Yep, I have good times and bad times, and I am really angry at myself right now because I have apparently decided to set myself back a bit -- AGAIN !!! I feel like I have gained every pound back in the matter of 24 hours worth of off-program eating. I am being good and I am not barfing it up, though the thought has crossed my mind for sure. I know that I won't, though.

I feel really frustrated right now. I feel frustrated that I still turn to food for comfort, even when I know what the consequences are, and even though I KNOW I am not left feeling comforted. I feel frustrated that I am frustrated. And, I feel mad because I feel stuck ... not just weight-wise, but with myself. Why do I always seem to freak out going into another decade bracket ? I just feel hopeless right now. I mean, I know I will get back on track ... but then I think, for how long ? And, how many times am I going to put myself through all of this ? And, I just feel mad. Not mad at the program, I LOVE the program, and since I have been exercising and needing to add more food, I have come to relish the days when I plan to have just a normal 5/1 day. I am just really, really mad at myself.

And, lately I have just wanted to cry at everything. For example, I was coming to a stop light and there was a cop in front of me waiting at the red light. Well, just as our light turns green and the cross traffic light is turning red, a car in cross traffic goes speeding through the intersection, running the red light and practically catching air as he sailed through. Of course the cop went after him, but for some reason I wanted to cry for the person being caught. I mean, they must have felt like they were in some kind of hurry ... what's my problem ?

I have all of these emotions in me that I don't know what to do with. And, I have let them get the better of me. I can see all of these places where I have gone wrong in my thinking and in my actions... and, I NEED to turn it around. That's what I do. No matter what happens, no matter how many times, I will keep getting back up. But, my gawd man, will I EVER LEARN ????!!!!!

Things that I feel so sad about, things that have been going on in my family that I have not been able to really let myself feel ... instead of letting myself feel them, I bottle them up. WHY DO I DO THAT ??????? And, now that things seem safer, I just want to cry and cry and cry ... and I just FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMAAAADDDDDDDDD

[nickieluv]

Karli, you have learned. You have learned that 24 hours is not the end. You ate in response to something and you know how to get back on the horse. You have learned not to resort to even more unhealthy behaviors to try to negate your initial setback.

Like you told me - feel your anger, it's OK. And know that it will end. You have not gained back every bit of weight you've lost. And you have not gone back to all your old mindsets. You just had a rough day.

I hope you work through this and feel better when you are ready.

[bikipatra]

Amazingly enough, I agree with Nickie. You ask when will you learn, well you have LEARNED. You just keep doing it, or falling back on old behaviors. No rocket science involved. When I had my last bowl of cereal this week I didn't learn crap. It wasn't the first time. Or second. But I have faith that one day the pain of not changing will be greater than doing the same things and for once, I will pass up the cereal or sandwich. Pain is your friend in this regard, not your enemy.

[Nancy]

Aw, Karli ~

I'm sorry you are going thru a rough zone right now.

I feel frustrated that I still turn to food for comfort, even when I know what the consequences are, and even though I KNOW I am not left feeling comforted.

Dunno how to answer that one in a way that would bring comfort, no truly wise words come to my mind, Karli because the truth seems to be it happened/happens because we are human.

It bugs the puckies outta me when I foodicate (consciously choose food to self-medicate) rather than going for a walk, calling a friend, watching a funny movie and giggle 'til I wet my underdoodies, sit in the hot tub, etc.

I have learned to choose food much less often to soothe my emos but it does occur at times.

Journaling is a way to unload some of it and I am glad you are doing so. Keep on keeping on. As time goes by, you will learn non-foody ways to deal with these emotional ups and downs. Sometimes it's good to chat it up a bit with a doc; sometimes there's stuff going on physically that can make us feel weepy.

Why do I always seem to freak out going into another decade bracket ?

Little Darlin' ~ Even if you don't feel particularly hot right now, you look hot to me and you make me jealous.

We’ll retract our talons and try not to claw you.

[Lizabette]

MY SWEET FRIEND!