The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Just some thoughts which seem pertinent and are at the forefront of this particular mental voyage I am about to embark on :

What is identity ?
What is/constitutes individuality ?
Where does my individuality exist ?
Where does my identity exist ?
Are they fixed or do they change ?
What, or whom, influences my individuality ?



On another note, I did not like my eating schedule today. I spaced them a little differently and ate at slightly different times than normal and ended up feeling pretty hungry and low energy all day. Also, at dinner (my L/G) I felt stuffed after half my meal and wished that I did not have to eat the rest of it.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to try to be on almost an exact schedule that will be perfectly consistent every single day. We'll see.

Karli

[Karli]

I felt really great today. I re-read a section of the "Success in a Shaker Jar" book and realized that I needed to be on even more of a strict schedule than I had been. So, I was.

I loved it. I am liking all the food now... it took me a little while to get used to the flavor, and for a while they all tasted somewhat the same to me (maybe the soy protein ?), but my pallatte is starting to block that flavor out and each meal is tasting more individual and unique to me. I am feeling pretty used to the routine by now.

My L/G this evening looked like a mountain of food to me, and feels like a TON in my stomach (I wished I could stop at half). It is the first time I have had chicken as my lean, which means I had 7 ounces. That was quite a bit. And then a cup and a half of grilled veggies -- zucchini and mushrooms. It was really good but took me over half an hour to get down. I eat CONSIDERABLY slower than I did just a week and a half ago.

Overall, I am quite pleased.


Karli

[Karli]

Okay, my latest brainstrom after tonight's L/G... I may be going veggie for a while. Eating Boca and cottage cheese (and maybe egg) instead of meat. After my L/G this evening I felt so stuffed for a long time after I ate that I kept wondering if maybe I had measured wrongly, but I didn't. So, I'm layin' off the meats for a little while 'cause I'm feeling kinda grossed out about it all. I'm curious how that will affect things.

Karli

[Karli]

Okay, some deeper thoughts here....

I feel as though I am floating in no-man's land right now. I am not quite anything or anybody that I used to be, and that is affecting my relationships... as I knew needed to happen... but anyhow, here I am (where is this ?).

I will stay calm, I suppose, and be aware that this is probably just a hump to get over. I recognize this as something that has been somewhat of a road block anytime I have tried to make some serious changes in the past. The tendency has been to reach backwards to clutch what I knew of myself before... but I just can't. I like where I am going better than where I have been, and that's the honest truth. So, I guess it's just a matter of perseverence and trust.


Karli

[Dayna]

So, I guess it's just a matter of perseverence and trust.

And a wee bit of faith.

[Karli]

And a wee bit of faith.

*can't seem to locate that particular button on the scale*

[alohacate]

From one deep thinker to another, sometimes it is best to give it a K.I.S.S. (i.e. keep it simple & silly!) Look forward to the goal you have set and it will arrive! You have had fantastic results so far and you are an inspiration.

[Karli]

Hi, alohacat... You are right about the K.I.S.S. of course. And thanks for chiming in.

Now, I have been reflecting a bit on some things with regard to all of this. Maintainance is going to be the major thing for me. I am excited to lose the extra weight, too, but I am going to be really interested in *keeping* it off... forever. I have lost plenty of weight in my life (this is probably the most balanced and healthy way I have ever done it though), but have never kept it off because I haven't felt that I have had the tools. That is particularly the reason I want to use this time to deal with whatever issues I may be having, and build better habits.

Along those lines, there is something funny (in an "I LOVE it (!!)" sorta way) about this program and being on a schedule... it makes me feel safe... like a little baby . Really. I even feel safer when I sleep and safer about my space in general. That is really something to me. I have theories about this, but for now I want to just give it a K.I.S.S. (as much so as I can, anyway).


Karli

[Karli]

Just dumping more thoughts...



I know that being skinny is not going to solve everything. But, if being overweight and undisciplined is really bothering me and causing other problems in my life, sincerely addressing it is certainly not going to hurt.

[dede4wd]

Maintenance is the major thing I'm thinking about now too. I've gone through all this time with this map, this plan.

I just need someone to tell me EXACTLY what to eat every 3 hours in maintenance and i'll be set! I follow directions well! I love your journal, I read it every day!

DeDe

[Serendipity]

I just need someone to tell me EXACTLY what to eat every 3 hours in maintenance and i'll be set! I follow directions well!
DeDe

I second that, dede. I wanna be able to tear open maintenance packets and add water, hehe.

[TheShadow]

Karli, I am starting to feel differently too. But it's not just about the food and weight in my case. A part of it is that I went tee-total on the alcohol a week before I started MF. Since then I have been in several situations where everyone else was drinking except me and I felt so strange. I wanted to have a beer or wine in my hand. I opted for diet ginger ale in a wine glass. It looks like chardonnay. While I certainly wasn't any kind of alcoholic, I really didn't think alcohol was a part of my identity either. But my best friend said to me the other day "Wow, I can't remember us ever being together when you weren't drinking". I said "Sure you can, lots of times". And she said "Nope". I think either I drank more than I realized or she has a really bad memory. Anyway, apparently that is a part of myself that this diet has changed for the better. I will certainly drink again someday, but it won't be a lot or on a daily basis. I am wondering if I am as much fun as a non-drinking dieter. Or if I just seem like a big party-pooper. I have always been an active person until the last few years when I got heavy and klutzy. I wonder if people who haven't known me that long realize that I am really an athletic and physical person?? They have never seen that, so how could they? Are we who we feel we are inside or are we who people perceive us to be?

[Karli]

hmmm... Well, I am just writing to write, it's one of the things that I do. Thanks for the comments, and Shadow, I find your post very interesting. I am thinking about some of that stuff because I feel that at least my view on everything around me is changing. Ultimately, I do not think other people define our identity, and that we have the strength to be who we are no matter what they might think of us, but of course, they certainly do have their perceptions, don't they ?

Anyway, I gained a pound overnight. Not sure why... but I guess I will keep Unca's words in mind that this happens at times. It gives me anxiety about roll call tomorrow... LOL... which is not something I want.

Here is just an interesting observation ...


There is a big pile o' papers and junk sitting on the floor of my office that I need to sort through and find homes for (some of it will just belong in the recycling bin). I am procrastinating, as I often do with this particular problem (because it's tough to know where to start). But, I do notice that in the past few years I had felt like having this kind of pile stack up takes my life over and suddenly everything else needs to stop so I can get it together.

Well, I don't feel quite like that this time. I just see the pile and I almost go down the same road as I have in the past, but then I just think "yes, I need to clean that" and that's the end of the crisis. It no longer feels symbolic to my insides... or if it is, I feel like I am doing something about the insides now, so I can handle the outward pile up.

Don't know if that makes any sense... it's tough to explain, but it's somehow meaningful to me.

I LOVE MF . And I love my life. I am grateful for my life, and I am grateful to have found this forum, and I am grateful to be taking the footsteps I am taking. I am looking forward to what the future unfolds, and I am expectant of blessings. Receptivity to good is sometimes harder to achieve than the good itself.


Karli

[Diana]

Hiya, Karli!!

I think letting go of some of the symbology is a good thing. There are things, of course, momentos and such that trigger our memories, and we want to keep the ones that trigger smiles. A lot of what you're talking about reminds me of The Looking-Glass Self, a book and a theory by one of my undergrad profs (Laughlin, perhaps??). In short, to some extent, our self-image is influenced by what we think other people think of us (real or not). How refreshing to get away from the looking glass, relax and enjoy being ourselves unencumbered by the censoring of what we perceive to be others' thoughts. (Well, eventually it gets comfortable. At first it can be disorienting because we're changing our basis for self-evaluation.)

And here's what I'm learning about the connection between my exterior image and my interior image -- and something I'm learning from Nancy: When we feel good about how we look, we are more confident. When we are more confident, we are braver and bolder and better risk takers. Dan Bell explained it this way (at least I think it was him...): People who are not in optimal health (particularly people who are heavier than they should be) are like a solar eclipse; the world see the flares and a rim of the corona, but they don't see our full brilliance.

Yes, you're right, our problems won't be solved. But if we do the head work, if we make sure to improve ourselves from the inside out as we burn the fat, nurish out bodies correctly, all the while nurturing our spirit and gathering support, we'll be in a much better position -- one of power and strength -- to can take on those problems.

Hugs to you, Karli!! I'm encouraged by your bravery and resulting growth (and, of course, the 18.5 lbs in, what?, 2 weeks!! woohoo!!)

[alohacate]

When I read your words I feel as though I am speaking. You are able to articulate so many things that I can't seem to express. I really enjoy reading your posts, you are my inspiration!