The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[GucciGoo]

Good job with staying on plan even though you were hungry. You have so little to go to get to your goal. I hope you are rewarded with a big loss this week!

[Karli]

Thanks for the encouragement you both !

Weighed the same this morning, 172. No biggie. Saving my bar for the movies with hubby this evening, and just plugging along in the day and I really feel pretty great .

I had a dream last night that I was walking around in some store and in shorts and I caught a glimpse of myself and I was chubby and even more pastey-white than I am in real life. Didn't care too much for that scenario. In my dream I was so confused at the chubbiness because in my dream I had worked so hard to lose the weight, but there I was, still chubby. Anyway, it was just a dream. But, of course, I am so relieved that it was indeed just a dream.

The other day a student of mine gently tried to do some kind of eating disorder intervention on me (and she knows nothing of my past). She just wanted to check in with me because she explained that if she didn't she would feel awful if I was hurting and she hadn't ever said anything. Well, this time I handled it all better. I think I am making progress here. Even at my goal weight of 160, I will not really be in danger of wasting away... maybe if I were a half of a foot taller.

But, I have decided that I will just chuckle to myself with this stuff (and it truly is pretty ironic and commical). And, really, it speaks very highly of the program. People see me losing/having lost all of this weight in a pretty quick amount of time and they want to make sure I am okay ... hee hee. I guess what we are doing is pretty effective to seem so dramatic to others .... LOL. Anyway, I am also realizing the need to just see that people, like her, are just expressing care for me when they check in like that (as others of you have helped me to remember, too). I don't have to be defensive. I assured her that I was fine and that I was not in any danger of wasting away... LOL.

I think I will be setting some maintenece goals for myself in chunks that feel manageable for me. For example, I will have a goal to maintain my weight for a year. Of course, ideally, I want it to be forever and times like this moment, I feel like it will be. But, for me right now, looking into whatever future I can see, it just seems too big to say "for the rest of my life" (although I do get strong visions of that). But, a year ... now I can really wrap my head around that one.

I started this program VERY strong, and I will end this program VERY strong. That is my plan, that is my desire. So, onward we march .

Plan for the day :

7 -- Capuccino shake w/choco flavoring
10 -- MF eggs or Oatmeal
1 -- Soup
4 -- L/G or shake
6 -- Bar or L/G
9 -- Pudding or Bar


Cheers,
Karli

[Karli]

I love living. Not because of what it brings to me, but because of what it brings out of me.

[bikipatra]

I love living. Not because of what it brings to me, but because of what it brings out of me.

Me too, because most days I am not consciously doing anything that causes misery to myself or others. That is very different from how I lived a considerable part of more years than I would like to admit.

[dede4wd]

Karli,

Good job not "celebrating" with food after your rehearsal! I'm so glad it went well!

I've had a similar dream to the one you had. I know it's anxiety about transition/maintenance. I'm sure it's also fear of gaining it all back after working this hard to part with it.

Watching how methodically Jo and Lauren are doing it, I'm confident I can copy that. I still have the diagnostic pants, I'm sure they'll come in handy! I'm currently deciding where my "point of no return line" is, I'm thinking it will either be 5 or 8 lbs above goal. If I hit the line, it's back to MF. I'm going to make this a math game, not an emotional one!

I'm so happy you took the conversation with the girl for what it was...someone caring about you and making sure you're okay. With what people have seen with their friends/loved ones on Jenny and WW, I'm sure our losses seem REALLY dramatic to them. I'm glad you realized she just said it because she cares!

It is funny how people are calling us tall girls "too skinny", I mean, I'm in the 170's. I'm still 2lbs from being in the high end of the normal category, I am still officially "overweight" and I'm already fielding the "too skinny" comments. I also have to practice with this and thank people for caring, but that I will be well within the healthy guidelines at goal and they just haven't seen me there for a while.

Hope today goes well with you!

DeDe

[nickieluv]

Karli;

I just wanted to say 'hello' over here in YOUR journal for a change.

I'm hoping to be able to post something more tonight, but reading all of your new posts here has given me a lot to digest and I don't want to zip off anything without really being able to give it the thought you always give to my journey.

So for now I will just say that I am EXTREMELY jealous of your daily schedule and I WISH I could find a way in my area to exist on performing. Maybe, as the weight comes off and I gain control in this area, I will be inspired to take control in other areas and make of life what I want it to be, instead of settling for the easy road.

Thanks for just being you, and for being here.

[Karli]

Thanks ladies !!

DeDe, figuring out a "point of no return line" is a good idea. I've been thinking about it and I feel about the same as you... probably about 5 pounds over and then it's fanny kickin' time. It makes me feel better to know that you are getting those comments, too. That it's not just me actually getting too skinny, but probably something to do with people's perception of a taller person and somebody they haven't seen that thin in awhile. Thanks for posting in with your support and your ideas .

Nickie, thanks for the visit . You know, I have gathered quite a bit of info on how to get a life organized. I would be happy to share with you some of what has worked for me (and that I would be lost without). It's very specific, and just like what we are doing here with MF, it's mainly a matter of following the plan. I have had to work *extremely* hard to get things going in a direction that I feel is really working for me and what I want out of life. But, these guidelines have really helped me and I have noticed a marked difference in my life once I started using them. They might work for you, too .


Cheers,
Karli

[Karli]

So, woke up this morning hungry. I have been a bit hungry lately and have been considering adding an extra suppy, but, not for now I think.

I weighed in at 170 even this morning. That is good news but I won't get too attached to it just yet since that would be a bit of a ridiculous weightloss for me this week (4.5 pounds so far). We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Feeling very good about the program, and about life right now. Always some kind of thing gnawing at me... but, right now I am not getting dragged down by it (whatever it is). I will pay attention to it soon, but right now I am just trying to keep moving.

Plan for the day :

7:30 -- oatmeal
10 -- bar
1 -- Shake
4 -- Shake
6 -- L/G
9 -- choco pudding


Cheers !!

[Karli]

Just doing some thinking "out loud"... but I think I have decided on what my reward will be once I reach my goal weight :

I don't think I am going to outwardly "reward" my having lost weight. I really believe that this accomplishment is its own reward and that is what my focus is. There will be things that I need, like some new clothes, but I am not going to go about buying them in some kind of celebration for getting to a goal weight. They are just things that I will need for where I am at in life.

Being at goal is where I *should* be, period. My rewards and what I will work to daily celebrate will be the fact that I can move and breathe and live my life the way that I want to (at least easier in a lot of ways). That is enough for me. My celebration will be my life and the fact that I will be able to workout in the mountains, on my bicycle, in the pool and in the gym in the ways that I have been wanting to for years. What more could I possibly ask for ?

In a way, I have always been on this journey, it's just taken me 30 years to have it manifested in the ways it has been lately. But, I have had to do a lot of growing to get here and that's what I am most thankful for.

If there is anything that deserves to be rewarded, it is the spiritual qualities it has taken to get to where I am at now and where I will be soon (those aren't *mine* but something that is readily available to everyone and anyone). I am going to reward those expressions by counting on them and building on them. There are some things in my life that I want to do, and I will set out to do them, calling on the courage it has taken me to get to where I am at in my life right now. Maintaining my weight and clarity of thought will be my rewards. Being able to push my own boundaries and live a better and fuller potential based on the lessons I have learned thus far will be my rewards.

I am sure there will be little things along the way that I will treat myself to out of happiness for this particular leg of the journey ... but, I guess I will just let those show themselves to me. I don't want to distract myself with getting caught up in what money can buy. I want to stay focused and keep going. That is what I want.

I feel that this is a somewhat bold decision for me. But, right now I know why I feel this way. I suppose I am test-driving these thoughts by posting them here. All I have/will have accomplished is getting myself to a place that is considered normal and somewhere I could have been all of my life.


Cheers,
Karli

[Taangrl21]

I agree Karli...getting back in shape, staying at goal, better health and most importantly living.
I sometimes wonder if this journey started really without us knowing? Was this our life plan? Was this suppose to happen, so we would be the person we are meant to be one day? I ask myself these questions,b/c everyone has problems: drugs, alochol, health conditions,etc. And I was given the burden of food as my problem and how unfair it has been and how much I have lost.But then I realized that I am the only person to take the bull by the horns and change the path to where my plan was made to be.
And you have done that and have gone way beyond that...you are right there next to your goal Karli.Thats amazing.I am sure you have fought tooth and nail for the life you deserve...and that accomplisment, I feel, is the most rewarding part in a journey.Without that power and strenght you wouldnt be headed on the path your running on...so congrats and thanks for baring your soul!

[Karli]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, Debra. You are very encouraging and I appreciate it, it really helps .

Well, woke up this morning to have not only maintained what I had lost by Saturday, but to be down another .5 pound bringing me to 169.5 for a loss this week of 5 pounds (which is quite a large loss for me and therefore pretty odd, but I won't argue too much ). I am pretty happy. That means that as of today, I officially landed two of the goals that were initially scheduled for next Sunday and two days after -- so I am going to adjust my goals a smidge.

My new goals are going to include more psychological stuff this time since it seems that after yesterday's weigh in, I was getting the temptation to sabotage my good efforts this week (and yes, to do for the sake of actually sabotaging what I have accomplished this week. Those naughty, little, powerless voices), not a major one, but just enough to throw me off. Well, I didn't give it any power, but still, I was aware of that little voice.

1. Stay compliant each day and each moment of this week, NO MATTER WHAT
2. Reach the 70# club (167.5) by next Sunday, January 21st

I am bringing in the reigns a bit by focusing in the more short-term. My first goal matters much more to me than my second one, at this point. Those will be my only goals on the horizon for the moment, until I reach them, then I will immediately set more.

Cheers to all .

Karli

[bikipatra]

Karli. my main goal this week is 100% compliance every day, every morsel too.

[Karli]

Karli. my main goal this week is 100% compliance every day, every morsel too.

Let's do it together, Biki girl

[nickieluv]

Me three, ladies. Let's send each other a little mental encouragement every day.

Karli, you are really showing me the better person that I want to be. I would welcome any advice, books, or programs that you have used to help you get where you are professionally. And what has helped you psychologically? You have made such huge strides in your attitudes and while I do not doubt that, like Dorothy, you had what you needed inside you all along, has there been anything that helped bring it out of you? What was your yellow brick road?

Sorry for the Wizard of Oz detour - don't know where that came from.

Congratulations on your HUGE loss this week. Enjoy your life today - I'll try to do the same.

[Karli]

Hi Nickie . Thanks for stopping in here, you are always welcome here... hee hee. I will get to your questions soon enough, but right now I just need to write to write, and so that's what I am going to do.

Today and yesterday were interesting. Yesterday I had an interesting experience in that I had knowingly scooped a bit of extra veggies into my L/G. I had been considering doing this anyway since I had been feeling hungry and thought about adding a little more to my L/G istead of adding another suppy. But, I felt like I was cheating, however I kept it on my plate (initially). But then as I ate I got really full, and I noticed that I had about the same amount of veggies left on my plate as I had scooped extra in. At first I was tempted to just stuff them down since they were there and "nobody" was looking (I was, though). Then I made a decision that I felt really good about afterward. I decided to put the veggies back and not eat them. I don't know, that was important for me.

Today I had been getting these "voices" to eat. Sometimes the thought would pass by my mind to do something to ruin what I have been working on... but it's strange. Right now, these "voices" don't seem to have any power over me (at least not like they have other times). However, I have been aware of them. I think I will not fear them. Lately though, I feel like I can really see through them and I feel my attitude towards food changing (some more).

I guess it's strange though, because sometimes I will feel completely out of love with over-eating, and I wonder why in the world I would want to put junk in myself, especially just to do it. But then there are other times where I really seem to lose all perspective and everything that I felt just half a month ago seems far, far away. I struggle with this the most in the couple of weeks leading up to my TOM.

Where do I turn to during those times when the pull seems overwhelming ? Am I even going to be overwhelmed again ? Should I plan for it and be careful for it, or should I just try to move on emotionally from it ? It's really a downer for me if/when that happens.

I like what DeDe said a few posts up about making it a math game instead of an emotional one. That's very good. I guess I will work on that.

Today when I had been in the house for hours and had just had my supplement at that particular time of the day, and I was feeling this craving to eat more, just to eat, I made myself go outside instead. So, I walked around the yard and I stared at and stepped on the ice-rink that has formed in our flooded lawn. I thought about some things and I took some deep breaths of the fresh air. When I got back into the house, the temptation was gone.

Now as my "day" is winding down, and now that my other "first" rehearsal is over with and that stress is over, I feel more empowered. I am reminded of why I am doing this, and the energy I have felt lately as I am moving toward my goal. That's gold; pure gold. I am so happy and relieved that today was a good day. That I avoided temptation and that I didn't do something I would surely regret soon after doing it.

I don't know. Just thinking, I guess.


Cheers,
Karli