The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DogMa]

Ha. I am FINALLY learning to shut my trap and ignore some posts rather than getting into a big argument. (Then again, bottling up my feelings is how I got here in the first place, so maybe I shouldn't.)

[Karli]

Thanks very much, ladies !! I guess I really did need to get all that stuff out because I felt a lot lighter about everything (more than I have felt in a long time) as I went through my day today. I feel somewhat renewed, or something... like I am starting freshly again from the very beginning. I *LOVE* that feeling .

So, some things I have been thinkin' about... I realize that some of where I have gone wrong, or let this feeling of wanting to be accepted ruin me, is in not feeling confident enough to state what my diet needs are with some people. With my friends that I initially ate a non-compliant meal with, I have never felt I could tell them that I am on a "special diet" and therefore I need to have L/G (or bring my own). I don't know why that is... but, I have realized that I am going to need to be able to do that no matter who it is and no matter what the circumstances, like Lauren has said (thank you, Lauren). Looking back, I could say I wish I had the fortitude back then and all along, but there's nothing I can do about that now and I guess it's a skill that I have needed to grow with and into. I believe I am getting glimpses of being able to do this, now.

Also, strangely, sometimes I just get apathetic about what it is that I am trying to accomplish. I let myself become burried, mentally and emotionally in various things and I lose sight of why I am making these changes in my life and how each decision affects that all for me. I think I will make up a list of my reasons for this change and hang it around... or parts of it around, to remind myself. I should keep a little journal in my purse and some version of my reasons for doing this in there, too, so I can have them on hand when I am out. Once I lose sight of this stuff, I am much more easily pursuaded to not stick with it all.

Now, I find myself in such an interesting state, currently. And, since I have alleviated some of the stress that I was feeling surrounding some of my choices, I am starting to feel free to just think about losing weight again. That's nice and simple. This is where I can just stick to the plan and go through my day without extra hinderances chomping at my heels.

So, cheers to all. For some reason I am quite looking forward to Roll Call tomorrow morning and then I am looking very much forward to next week as I will see my numbers drop below where I left off (and TOM will be gone ... phwew !!).

Here are some new goals :

1. 170 by Sunday, January 21st (2 weeks from tomorrow)
2. 160's by Tuesday, January 23rd
3. 70# club (167.5) by Sunday, January 28th (3 weeks from tomorrow)


And this may seem weird, but, I will also aim to have my office cleaned up entirely (surface areas) by Sunday, January 13th (1 week from tomorrow). This actually affects my mental state and ability to handle my diet *way* more than one might think.


Cheers,
Karli

[bikipatra]

Very doable goals...the office one sounds the hardest...

[Taangrl21]

plan your work and work your plan..you got it down Karli!!!

[Karli]

hee hee.. thanks, ladies.

Well, I am feeling better and better to get those bluddy holidays behind me (and OFF of me), and to sink into learnin' some of the lessons I am needing to learn. I think I am gleening what I need to be gleening from what I have done, and that's a good place to be.

This morning at church a woman made a *BIG* deal about my weight after another woman noticed that I had lost some weight. Of course, the wonderful comment with a tone of scold and know-it-allness of "You are not going to get TOO thin are you ? Because you are tall and you can't get too thin" yadda yadda. I don't know what the deal is, but that always throws me off and hurts my feelings a little. I said "well, I am going to keep going until I reach my goal" and she comes back with "You mean you are NOT at your goal yet ?" arghhhhh..... I didn't know what to say next and just sat there out of words but wanting to defend myself. I guess I could have just said "NOPE, I am not." A good one for any next times I guess.

I think she sensed my discomfort and then eased up a little and patted my leg telling me that I looked great. Well, I just have to not worry about this. I asked my accompanist if I looked weird and she said that I didn't look weird and she thinks that when people say things like that, it's just because they are jealous because they feel like they can't do it themselves (but, of course they could and just may not know it).

I mean, I realized that most super-models are about my height or TALLER and probably MUCH skinnier than I am -- especially in real life -- and weigh MUCH less than I do and I am thinking that the general public isn't complaining too much about having to look at those ladies. So, I think I am allowed to do what I am doing, too. I think I will also keep this in my back pocket just in case something like this comes up again.

Anyway, I started thinking about it, of course. And, I realized that I have not been this weight and into the 160's EVER while doing it healthily. And, well, for me, THAT is my biggest accomplishment. To be doing this a healthy way AND be at my ideal size at the same time.

I realize that there is some part of me whom didn't believe I could do it. So, I didn't start out my journey with my real goal weight on my ticker. I just didn't think I could really get here (where I am at now), even, but especially not to some of my most thinnest weights without being unhealthy about it. This will be quite an adventure these next several weeks. I am looking forward to it and to learning the lessons I will be learning along the way.

I have decided to again hold a hand-written journal, which I haven't done in years. I will dedicate this to my diet for awhile. I have started to list all of my favorite foods and you know, it's funny, it's like I have been afraid all of my life to actually acknowledge what they are. But, I am going to acknowledge all of it, and then I going to do some sorting out of things. I have decided to begin a sort of food-budgeting plan for my maintenence.

At home, I deal with the finances of the house and I have a hand-written budget book that I keep all of our allowences and expenses in. I am going to create something similar for my daily/monthly/yearly diet. And, along the way, I will have some kind of rewards for spending my allowences correctly. I am really quite excited about this !! It will give me some structure.

Well, that's it for now. I am pretty happy, a little nervous, but also courageous. This is an ADVENTURE !!

Cheers to all,
Karli

[bikipatra]

Have you tried a simple and gracious, "Yes, thank you" to the have you lost weight question and a "you're so funny! or "must be the dress!" when asked if you are getting too skinny, and just politely moving on? Making comments about your goals if these busybodies don't understand Medifast makes you sound like you are trying to be Linsdsay Lohan and have a picture of Nicole Ritchie taped to your bathroom mirror. I don't believe in assigning ill motives such as jealousy to people for their actions when they can be more easily explained by ignorance, concern or just plain nosiness. If the questions get too personal just laugh and say "I'll forgive you for asking the question if you'll forgive me for not answering it!" Smile, walk off.

[Karli]

Sure. I always use the "yes, actually I have lost weight" when just simply asked. But, when the tone of voice changes and I feel like I am being scolded for doing so, or that I am going to look weird if I reach my goal, which is what this woman was implying, then I really don't quite know how to handle that still. I am working on it, but, I guess I am just not sure myself.

I have always equated this weight where I am at now and below it, with being sick. In my mind the two have been one in the same for YEARS (most of my life) ... do you see ? And, I wonder if it's actually true, sometimes (I *really* have to keep myself in check with this). And maybe that's what other people will see. Not that I should care what other people see. I just don't want to BE sick and sometimes I have not been my own best-guage with this.

Nobody has asked me if I AM too skinny, they just make sure to tell that I better not get that way. And, well, that's hard for me because I automatically feel like I must be doing something wrong right now, even, to give people the impression that I am in danger of being too skinny. ARghhhh.

Anyway, my motto as far as questions being asked to me is always "you are welcome to ask me absolutely anything. I just might not answer". This is a little different, however, and sometimes I just feel blind-sided by these comments. I just need to be more ready, I guess.

[bikipatra]

These people and their comments are living rent-free in your head. I realize that your emotional response is stronger than the actual event dictates because you are still processing it. Just keep reminding yourself that given the nutrients in Medifast and healthy L&G's you are probably biochemically as healthy as you have ever been in your life. You are well! Your goal weight is always up to you to change. You get to decide. You have all the power here.

[Karli]

Okay. Well, enough obssessing about this particular issue for the moment.

I realize, I trust myself. And, if I don't, I am just going to need to learn how to. I am nearly 175, for goodness sake !! I am not in danger of whithering away. And, well, all of this is something I guess I have signed up for. I am just going to have to accept that this kind of stuff may come with the territory (sometimes I forget). I am just going to have to be stronger.

Also, yeah, I am going to look skinny. Isn't that kinda the point ? So, yes, I will be pretty thin at my goal weight, but I am not going to be undernurished and out of control about it. Also, I will accept my thinness with joy, and not obssess about being thinner. That's a major difference and one that I am already beginning to experience.

It's really funny because I spent years aching and yearning for somebody to intervene in my life. I had hoped and hoped that somebody would think I was too skinny and that somehow I would get out of where I was because of somebody else. Well, the only person who did that was me (well, okay, I moved away from all the others... hee hee, But, they only got concerned after they knew about the problem itself and actually, I wouldn't accept their help anyway. I think it actually had to come from within myself, like most things I guess).

And now, when I feel like I do not want and need this kind of intervention, it "abounds" by comparison to when I felt I needed it. I am just going to laugh and chalk it up to some kind of karma in the world.

So, I did it for myself when I really needed it (at rock bottom), and I will do it again when it's time to transition, by gum . mmmmmmm..... gum .


Tootles,
Karli

[bikipatra]

The little Karli in my head is growing wiser and more self-aware by the minute!

[Karli]

Okay, today is already a great day . Had an excellent night's sleep and I feel refreshed and ready for the day. Weighed in at 174, even, this morning, and I am pretty excited (though trying to be patient) to see the progress this week in that department. I guess I should focus mainly on the behavior.

Last night I tried on pretty much all of my clothing that I own. Everything is too big because a while back I got rid of all of my smaller stuff since it was taking up space and depressing me. Now, I kinda wish I had kept it, but, it's a good excuse to get more stuff once I hit goal (going to hit the Goodwills, Salvation Army, and various other second-hand stores at that point . I will purchase a couple of very nice things as treats to myself, but this may have to wait awhile). But at the same time, I do feel resolved that I indeed have more weight to lose.

I have some Opera roles that I am preparing for, as well as some solo piano concerts, and, well, I just feel *so much* better when I am not letting a concern about flab bother me while I am in front of all of those sets of eyes (which means that I can concentrate *much better* on the music and performance itself). So, skinny it will be, for my own peace of mind (and, as long as I stay on track -- which I am determined to do-- I will probably reach goal before my first performance).

Anyway, full steam ahead :

7 -- chai latte
10 -- eggs or bar
1 -- shake
4 -- soup
6 -- L/G
9 -- shake

Cheers,
Karli

[kmr]

I'm so happy for you Karli. You are doing awesome!

[bikipatra]

Congrats on all your upcoming gigs. I bet you are more talented that I can imagine! (And I have a fairly vivid imagination!)

[Karli]

Thanks, both of you . It's a funny thing, I am convinced that each of us are much more than we think we are ourselves, even. Sometimes it's easy to believe that and see that in others, but somewhere I even believe that about myself. I have to, otherwise there would be little point in trying to make a change for the better .

[eskwyre]

I totally agree with you. As I was reading today, Biki's statement from a few days ago echoed in my head. Your posts are very thoughtprovoking and inspirational. We totally see how magnificent you are and believe you'll embrace that view soon - just a matter of time.