The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Wow, thanks you two. I have been a perfect programmer today, and I have to say, kmr, your post really hit home for me and helped me realize that I can do this.

Anyway, thanks again, I very much appreciate your thoughts and support !


Karli

[kmr]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

[Karli]

Okay, just a quick post in to say that I am very happy right now. Part of my whole disappointment with myself before is that I was finally starting to feel as though I could really trust myself with eating... and then I messed it up. So I started feeling like I couldn't trust myself anymore (and I think being able to trust oneself is a key ingredient)... as though I would say "I am staying exactly on program tonight no matter what" but then I got to the potluck and said : "forget it". Bad for the morale.

Anyway, I had some realizations today that helped me along and when faced with the decision this evening, I felt that I could make the choices that I wanted (we were out again) and instead of pizza, I ate my chicken salad with dressing on the side. That was a big relief !!

So, two days with a perfect record after feeling like I couldn't trust myself. I know that I cannot let down my guard, but I am feeling as though I can trust myself once more .

Onward and downward !! Thanks for the good wishes and support... always helpful, always appreciated.



Karli -- who felt resolute today



ps- I forgot but we were invited to a house for a late breakfast where they were serving sourdough waffles and yummy stuff, and I drank a shake. I guess I was able to make the right choices twice today.

[kmr]

That's the way to do it Karli! Keep your eye on the prize!

[Karli]

Thanks so much, kmr .


Okay, I stepped on the scale this morning... with fright I peered down only to joyfully see that I was 191 . A pound and a half below the plateau weight I was at before I had a couple of evenings of off-roading. I don't know what my deal is lately... having some kind of strange emotional stuff going on... but I suppose just being aware of it is a good start.

Anyway, I am feeling pretty strong with it all.

.... I think I am getting nervous... nervous about transitioning. Nervous about leaving the 190's... how weird is that ? I reached 180 in highschool and I am not sure I have been in that range for about 9-10 years. Maybe upper or mid 80's when I was getting married, but I haven't been below that in what feels like ages.

It's as though I have to find a whole new identity again. Even from where I am at now... I am just realizing this. I knew I would have to do this leaving where I started at with the program. And I knew I would have to find a new me, but I thought it would cover me all the way down.

It's a whole different ball game feeling like I am getting close to goal and looking at myself in the mirror and starting to feel like I am truly looking thin again. It's like I found a new me in the one that was losing weight, but I still felt overweight. Now I have to find a new me in being thin ... AND healthy. That's a whole new life for me.

Anyway... ramblings. I will probably be around a bit more as I go through this phase of the game.

bye bye for now...
Love,
Karli

[Karli]

Okay. I need to catch myself here. I was on the brink of a binge and then realized what I was doing. I guess I don't need to figure out all of the why's just to know that I don't need to binge and to then stop myself from doing it. I can just not do it, plain and simple.

So, I ate my second meal an hour early, which I won't beat myself up about since I was up unusually early and I am not feeling real well today. But, the soy crisps on the other hand, I feel like throwing them away.... LOL. I have a bag from the store, not an MF variety. And, I already ate more than I should have, maybe twice an MF serving. That doesn't mean that I need to blow the whole day though, I am realizing.

So, I was on the verge of or actually even started emotional and nervous eating, and I am simply not going to continue because I know it won't help me in any way. I am just going to have to deal with whatever it is that I am feeling, instead of trying to stuff it away... or down my throat. LOL.

Why do I feel like such a HUGE NERD admitting to this situation ? Okay, I need to keep a close eye on my eating in order to maintain healthy habits. Yeah, that's right boys and girls, I can easily have a problem.... so judge me if you want to, so be it !! .... That's what I feel like saying to the world right now.

bye bye,
Karli

[Karli]

Alrighty. Well, here I am in my TSFL journal again. What a weird road I have been on lately, regarding all of my weight-loss issues. I have been reading a lot of posts on the forum here, including people's journals and there are many things I feel I can relate to.

I have been struggling a bit, for a while. The last three or four days have not been so good at all, as far as eating goes. Have had company over for T-day and the related days, and I cooked and cooked and cooked. But, I was stressed as I could be and as the days wore on, I would find myself turning loose in the eating department of my life. Last night I went to bed relishing the idea of what I would feel like today after my restart.

I had been planning, for a couple of weeks now, that today would be my official restart, and so far I have been okay. I did have my lean and green already for lunch, which creates a bit of a challenge for me later on in the evening. But, I am hoping to just eat a MF soup for dinner and stay on program instead of feeling like I need to have a second L & G.

One thing I have realized of late is that, although changing my eating habits and losing some weight has helped me to greatly change my attitude and ability to handle stressful situations in life, not everything will have changed "overnight". There are still issues to be dealt with and I realize that the more permanent affects of changing my life in terms of eating and weight, will need more time and space. It may take months and years, and I realize the need to let this be.

There is cake and cookies sitting around in the house, and I think I was already on the brink of chowing down on them just a bit ago. I had to leave the room and didn't have the strength to discard them at the moment. Maybe I will wander back out there and throw them away or stick them in the freezer (for hubby).

Though I know I have not gained a bunch of weight in the last couple of months, the last few days have been fairly bad and therefore, I have decided not to weigh myself again until I have been on program firmly again, for a week. I need to feel like I have some control before I bring about possibly bad news to myself.

Here's to hopes of success on MF !

Cheers,
Karli

[Karli]

Okay, one thing that helped me to have a success before was living in my journal here, for awhile. So, I am going to dwell a bit, here.

I put the cakes in the freezer and they are no longer just sitting on the counter staring at me.

I feel good about having the power to do this without giving into their sense of allure to me.


Karli

[dede4wd]

First of all, you did AWESOME ignoring that food on the counter, glad you put it away!

There are still issues to be dealt with and I realize that the more permanent affects of changing my life in terms of eating and weight, will need more time and space. It may take months and years, and I realize the need to let this be.

I KNOW this is going to take me a long time, but I feel as if I'm learning and getting there, you are too! I had a rough time days 3 & 4 of my re-start, but I'm doing okay now. I feel much better now that I'm back on. It's like my body missed it!

I'm dwelling in the journals for help, support and inspiration...thanks for letting me into yours!

DeDe

[Diana]

(((((((((((((((((((KARLI)))))))))))))))))))))

..::sighandsmile::.. Good to see you! And I'm proud of you!!

Mike and I had a bit of a "pause" from the program, too -- larger than intended. I can so relate to your anticipation of being back on the program. I know, for me, I feel so much better when I'm compliant.

Good for you for avoiding the scale for now -- this is, after all, a journey in the pursuit of health, and the scale is simply observable data.

Go get 'em, Karli!!! The victory is yours!!

[Karli]

Thanks for the visits, wonderful people .

Okay, I am just checking in with myself. I already ate my bar for my first meal of the day, which has not been great in the past as they are my favorite MF meal and it's better if I save it for later. However, I am determined to get going again and so I will suck it up and do what I need to do.

My meals plan for the day (just to give me some accountable structure) :

7 am : Bar
10 am : Oatmeal or Shake
1 pm : Soup or L&G
4 pm : Shake
7 pm : L&G or Soup
9 pm : Pudding


I did eat a little bit of the tuna that I made for my husband's lunch yesterday evening, but I am just going to pretend like that didn't happen and keep right on going. I woke up feeling thin, and that doesn't hurt things much.

Okay, be back later.

Karli

[Serendipity]

Hi Karli,

Just wanted to pop my head in and welcome you back.....missed ya!

[Karli]

Hi Jo, thanks for stopping in .


Okay, checking in with myself again.

I ate my L&G already. Not what I intended, but not the end of the world either. I do intend to stay on program all day, no matter what, and that's what really counts.

I'll be back.

Karli

[QT2Lose45]

Good for you for putting the cakes away!!

Since i just decided to jump back in, i have a LOT of fridge emptying to do this evening. I'll just keep you in mind, and know that if you overcame cake, then i can overcome also! Good job!!

[Karli]

Thanks QT, I appreciate it .

So, here I am being a good girl, eating my soup. I was thinking a little as I was warming my soup in the microwave, about my hangups of late. My original goal weight was 175, and as I approached the mid 80's I got really stuck. It's like I just started feeling like a slug and I couldn't seem to get myself to budge.

Today, as I was warming my soup I heard a dialogue in my head. I will be breaking into the 70's soon and I heard the other voice in my head telling the one who was aware of breaking into the 70's soon, that it's okay if I do this because 175 is no longer my goal weight. It's as though I have been afraid to reach the 70's because that's where my goal weight used to lay, but now that I moved it down to 165, I feel the freedom to move again.

Does this mean that if I want to actually weigh 165 I am going to need to move my "goal weight" down to 155 ?

I think there is a psychological situation regarding this all, but maybe I won't worry too much about it right now. I will say that I have a strange concept about some stuff in life. For example, I can't stand a perfectly orderly, clean, neat and tidy room (or house, for that matter). It doesn't feel right to me. And, as much of a perfectionist as I can be, "perfect" just doesn't feel perfect to me.

I suspect I feel similarly with some of my weight stuff. It's not like reaching my goal weight will make me perfect, but, I think I have a sense of "what next ?" once I actually do reach goal. It's a reason I have a habit of not finishing projects.

Anyway, good to be aware of, I guess. I feel happy to be back on program and I am just taking it little by little. Sometimes I am tempted to think about Christmas Holidays and how I will be around lots of food. I start thinking things like "well, I might jump the tracks then, so why be onboard now ?" but... those are not really productive thoughts.

I mean, if I *did* jump the tracks then, all the more reason to be onboard leading up to it. I have a similar anxiety toward hanging out with some friends whom I ever first went off track with. But, I remind myself that I must live in the now and I will just cope with those things when and if I have to encounter them.

It has been so helpful to read people's journals and posts and to know that we are in this together !


Karli