The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[sidrah]

Having healthy fun is always a good way to live!

[Karli]

Thanks Ladies ! It's very helpful, actually, to have this place to come to and check in, and have it be not *completely* dead ! Thanks for the support .

I didn't sleep real great last night, either, but I slept *some* anyway, and decided to weigh myself this morning anyway. I was at 181.6, and though this last week has seen one fluctuation below 183 (only to go up the next day), I am pretty sure I am losing again for real. Sleep and sandbox issues all week have not been too fun, but I suspect it's just been extra stress that I should be getting behind me within the next 48 hrs, and I should start sleeping more normally and having my system functioning more normally ... that would be nice ! This kind of thing has definitely been a time where I have gone off program in the past, and I simply refuse to do so this time. While I am here, away from home, I don't seem to have quite the same perspective and not quite the same resolve as I have had at home the past couple of weeks, but I KNOW that once I get my perspective back, I will be very happy to have stayed the course during this time. Sometimes it's just a little harder than other times !

At times yesterday, the thought would lightly come to have this or that, something that is NOT on program, and I would be able to think through it. Yeah, maybe it would taste good for the few moments it took to scarf it down (if I even bothered to truly savor the flavor), but that would mean getting knocked out of ketosis, needing to restart the program and feeling icky for a few days, trying to gain a sense of resolve about getting myself back when I had just given myself permission to go off, giving me a stall in my weight-loss (and, of course, a gain as well) -- and I realize, wow, it's just completely NOT worth it !! YAY for it not being worth it ! All that for some actually disgusting chips or french fries (and then it would, of course, snowball from there !). NO WAY !

So, today 181.6, inching my way to the 170's and feeling pretty happy about that ! Two days of being out of town with an actual perfect job of being on program, a perfect start to the day 3 of being away, and two more after today to go. If I don't see ya'll anymore today, see you at weigh in tomorrow . Cheers !

[Karli]

Oh man, yesterday's lesson was a toughie ! My teacher was pretty hard on me, which is not unusual but yesterday's lesson was kind of a new level ! I am so used to going to the store after my lessons and getting whatever I want to eat, and treating myself to something special. Being emotionally tired, physically tired, I was craving something special as a treat yesterday, BUT, I didn't go off program. My treat was poached/steamed shrimp for my Lean, and they were delicious of course (no condiments). Surprisingly, it really satiated my need for a treat, and I felt really good about staying on program. I was pretty happy about that !

I also walked about a mile and a half to my teacher's house, so that was good . Today is day four of being out of town, so far everything is going fairly smoothly as far as the program and the trip together goes, and just one more day to go after today before being back at home and in the normal routine.

181-even this morning, hope to see the 170's this week !

Cheers to all !

[katieb920]

Way to go Karli....... You can really tell that you are in the zone..... Keep it up. I really love reading your up beat post...

[oksoonergirl26]

Karli, Congratulations on staying strong through the tough times. I am envious, but happy for you! Keep up the good work!

[Karli]

Thanks, Ladies ! No need to be envious (though I actually do understand this, too !) because we can all do it ! Plus, sometimes I feel like I am about to fall off the wagon at any moment ... I guess it comes down to the decisions we make in each moment though ! I am very much learning how to make the ones that *truly* satisfy me and are not actually just governed by the BS monster . Believe me, my BS monster has plenty of "good" advices for me ... haha, and sometimes it seems I am fully equipped with a BS ear, too, designed solely to listen to the BS voice .

[DogMa]

181 is fantastic, Karli!! I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. (And being out of town definitely can be rough. I just got back from a short trip, too. Three hours in the car by myself - and no snacking! Must be some kind of record for me. )

[nickieluv]

I hope you had a safe trip back, Karli - I am SO PROUD that you stayed on plan while away from home! Now your next trip will be much easier, now that you have this under your belt.

You saying that you're used to eating after your lessons as a reward reminds me of the way I'd always go to a fast food place after my counseling appointments in the past. Unless I was trying to 'be good,' which wasn't often, something about the stuff that comes out there made me want to eat for comfort. And I know that a lesson can be just as emotionally draining as therapy - in fact, I'd bet it kind of IS therapy sometimes, right?

Anyway, you did great (of course you knew that!) and I hope you see the 170s when you get back home.

[Nurcyn]

Way to go, Karli! I'm noticing how every day there are new challenges that arise that tempt you to resort to old habits, but the more we "starve" (no pun intended) the thing that controls us, the less of a hold it has. I failed MISERABLY yesterday, but back on the wagon today. Glad you had a successful trip....the first try at breaking the old habit is the toughest! Way to go!!!

[Karli]

Hi Ladies ! You know, I just have to say that this place, though a bit quiet at times, is better than ever in my opinion ! I like it small, but it's supportive and helpful and I appreciate you individuals .

Yep, our trip home was safe and good. Got back yesterday, absolutely dead tired and crawled nearly straight to beddy bye. Yeah, I am actually pretty surprised I stayed on plan the whole trip long ! First time ever, perhaps ! Okay, maybe a couple of visits to other places, I managed then as well. But, yes, I don't know how my teacher does it ... he's like magical or something ... but he somehow pulls everything just right out of me. I recently mentioned here that my school experience was actually traumatic (that sounds very dramatic, but it's true), and I cried in just about every lesson with my new teacher up until the last few visits (it started to slimming down to once or twice out of three lessons), I think. I would be fine, but then we would have some conversation or I would play something and I would just lose it ! Working with him has completely changed my life, and I think that kind of changing is perhaps just beginning ... this has affected me more than probably all of my counseling sessions throughout my life put together !

I made a pretty big decision yesterday to not teach at the University anymore. Like I mentioned earlier, my teacher was pretty strict with me this last weekend. The day I wrote that was Saturday, I believe, and Sunday was yet a whole new level after that of him being very strict with me. He is always pretty strict so that didn't altogether surprise me, but what surprised me is that he somehow knew I really needed it in the specific ways it seems to have affected me ... that's where I just don't know how he does it ! It seemed like he was just pushing me, but what it really did is help me regain my focus and actually help me get a big portion of my life back again ! I very easily let myself take on so much that I forget who I am. I didn't get into a major danger zone this time because having lessons consistently with a teacher whom I admire so much seems to keep me more grounded, but I had definitely started experiencing a sense of not knowing who I am and what my life is about.

When I got home yesterday, I went to bed as a pianist without anything else hanging over my head, and I knew I would wake up as a pianist with the sole purpose of improving today in my studies. When I woke at 5am I knew what I needed to do, there was no confusion, no lingering doubts, just get up and get busy on living my life as myself. I have realized that is a gift, to have that sense of purpose about life and to be at peace with it. I don't know how my teacher did it, and I know that I made the decisions, but somehow he helped me get back on track. He just outlined what I needed to be doing pianistically to really be doing what I need, from there I re-prioritized my life.

I feel I am going through some kind of major ... "thing" right now, figuring out what to be doing in my life. My teacher says to stop figuring, stop analyzing, stop realizing things ... stop feeling things ... just do the work. hee hee. The "investor" in me gets scared to put all my eggs into one basket, but then again, it's very easy to be good at several things and great at none. Piano means so much to me, and I want to be truly great, so I guess I need to suck it up and do the work. It's scary though.

[nickieluv]

Yes it's scary!!! That level of committment is not something most people experience - most stay safe in the 'good at lots' category. Myself included. Just reading about what you are doing makes me nervous. I know how brave you are being and I hope that the good that comes out of it is on a much greater scale than the scary parts of it.

[DogMa]

It's funny, because a friend and I were just talking this weekend about passion, and how some people are so passionate about what they do, whether it's a job or a hobby or whatever. And how some, like us, just ... don't.

[MyComplete180]

Hey Karli just checking in...

[Karli]

Hi 180 -- thanks for checking in. Not good news over here. I made it through my whole trip on program, but then I went off the day after we got home. At first I just felt icky and it had been at least a week feeling like that ... stomach aches (I thought that maybe I was getting an ulcer or something !) and no sleep, serious exhaustion and stuff ... and I felt like it was probably just because this year was a long haul and sometimes I get pretty affected physically when I have a "moment" to kind of catch up on things. I really actually fought with myself about it, but then I thought I just need to get myself re-centered with solid sleep and more regular meals. I think the problems have cleared up now, but after I went off that first time, it's been solid BS monster since then (except for one day actually totally on). The BS monster's big thing right now is to say, disguised as my own thoughts, "I don't want to be on program" ... but I don't actually want to be doing what I am doing now, either ! And, I KNOW there is only one solution, I already ruined today though !

It's really nice to check in here though -- I have been afraid to say anything because I don't want to somehow shade other people's experiences who are doing really well right now ! I would like to get back on ! I think I will finish the day ON, and get myself more fully straightened out tomorrow ! I *really* need this place right now, so I really hope it's okay to keep posting, even though the new forum isn't up yet. It actually helps me stay much more focused when I can post in other people's journals and root them on ! It's actually a pretty important part of the process for me, I feel.

Thanks for asking ! Sorry it's not wonderful news ! I am pretty sure it's going to take at least a week of being solidly on to get myself back to where I was. And, I really thought I was going to truly sail through the "decade change" this time ! Drats !

[nickieluv]

I agree that it's hard not to post - I hope things are up and running soon. It's hard to stay away!

I'm glad you're going to try to be 'on' the rest of the day. Today isn't 'already ruined' - I've done that a millions times - say I had cereal for breakfast or something, well, the day is already toast, I might as well order pizza for lunch (can you tell pizza is my big thing? And I don't even like it all that much - it's just the most convenient thing to binge on when you have to depend on delivery). I hope it works for you today and tomorrow will be even better.

I'm sorry you're struggling - and even when you know all the 'right' things to do, and you know those voices are full of crap, it's still hard to fight them! But you will, because you are stronger than the voices. Hang on!!