The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Hi Karli - hope you're doing well. I am finally on track and will stay that way now. And I'm practicing piano a bit - for some possible public performances as a soloist and not as an accompanist. Very small audiences, low key, nothing close to your level - but a leap for me and a bit scary!

[Karli]

Hi Ladies, and thanks, Nickie, for checking in ! I am excited to read about your up and coming events ! I actually haven't stepped on a real stage as a concert pianist in several years. I had planned to do so, but my University experience was actually extremely traumatic because of a few different reasons surrounding my teacher of those days and my experiences with the whole thing, that I couldn't overcome it and get back on stage yet. Ha ha ... that is actually the main "reason" I gained the weight I did in the few years before I started MF (which were a few years after I graduated) ... I could actually hardly get out of bed for the first several months after graduating ... ha ha (not at all funny then, *almost* laughable now). Voice/Singing has been ongoing and growing, actually, but me deciding to be flying to Utah and study piano with a new teacher every month out there was a HUGE, read : HUGE deal for me.

Actually, when I first mentioned it here awhile back, you responded that you are scared about flying, and I was, too. Big time. Emphasis on WAS though. I very purposefully hadn't been on a plane for 8 years and this need to study again put my butt right on that plane (I could hardly keep myself in the seat when they were closing the main door though, and I cried at takeoff ... ha ha). That happened this last September, following a pretty major feeling of crisis about piano again last Spring.

There is WAY more to all of this, but suffice to say that it's time for me to keep moving forward in my life with this all, because I have finally found the teacher of my dreams, at least for now, and I had always suspected it would make a very major difference for me when I found him, I just am still a little surprised at how big of a difference a teacher can really make (for better OR for worse !!) for a hungry student !!!! A good thing to remember as a teacher myself.

Wow, I SO was not expecting to write all of this stuff. This last year has been about me really deciding to make playing a priority, despite A LOT of people's expectations of me regarding voice and singing. That was HUGE.

Anyway, on the MF side of things, gah. I am frustrated with myself and I guess I am trying something new by typing about my thoughts and feelings here. These last few months have been stupid, me letting myself stay in "fat mode" where I just feel permanently bigger than I want to be, and staying on program like all day until my last supplement and then eating everything I "shouldn't" be eating. Then starting again the next day, pretending like things will be different, sometimes feeling more resolved, making it through an entire day sometimes (only to get caught again on day 2).

I have realized it's really a matter of 'resolve' throughout the entire day, from wake up time to sleepy time. I need to STAY resolved. I am pretty sure I know what's going on and why it is happening, I am just not always sure how to truly break it. I know that REALLY all I have to do is change my behavior, it's really that simple. I have been getting a lot of encouragement and inspiration just by reading other people's posts about their own successes !

Anyway, that's the scoop ... and perhaps way more than anyone could have ever bargained for ... ha ha. I would like to report this evening about a successful day on MF today (I really need it on all levels), and I would like to have tomorrow be a successful day number 2. So far so good .

Rock on, all !

[sidrah]

And in a month, we will all be reading "Successful Day 31 on plan"

So glad you are finding music to be the light you need to see the path where you need to step.

[Karli]

Hi Sidrah, thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement !!

Yesterday WAS a very successful day on plan ! It is helpful to be here actually. I am wanting to get through a few days before I really get too excited about stuff, but today is day #2 and I would really like to put this one under my belt of successful days on MF.

Cheers to one and all !

[katieb920]

You can do it girl....... I am cheering you on.

[nickieluv]

As the all-time greatest procrastinator and cheater, I can tell you that it can be done!! I am on day 4 now (and hoping to stop counting soon, just live with it and let it be my normal day to be on plan) and things are great. It feels so good to say 'I did it!' and I know you'll be saying that at the end of the day.

You wrote just enough detail about the 'why' of your weight struggles in the beginning to keep me guessing, but I'm sorry that you had to deal with a rough teacher. And good for you for doing what you want, and not what others are trying to push you into. If piano is your driving force, then that's what you need to do, no matter how amazing a singer you are. It's not like you can't do both sometimes. And perhaps the piano performance is a hurdle you need to get past, something you have to do for you, even if you do end up going back to voice primarily one day.

I hope you're still having a good time teaching (all the ways you teach) and that things are happy with you more than they are not. Welcome back on the horse and here we go, riding into the sunset!!

[Karli]

Thanks, Ladies ! I appreciate it .

Well, I am going to be very quick for now since I shouldn't be online at all right now, and hopefully later today I can get back and contribute a little more to others' journals.

Yesterday was very good as far as program, I wasn't even in risk of truly going off, but I was VERY low energy and that made things pretty difficult. I was dragging myself through the day and through teaching, which is pretty normal for a day 2 for me, and one reason I seem to fold on day 2. However, yesterday I made it through and today I am on to day 3. I am very much wanting to stick to it today, and I am starting to feel a delight in thinking that I may actually do it this time and get at least 10 more pounds off (I have ALWAYS seemed to struggle quite greatly when I go from one "decade" of poundage to another ... hopefully going from the 180's to the 170's won't give me that problemo (though I suspect I am working my way BACK into the 180's from the 190's at the time) ... or at least hopefully I will successfully combat that whole mental thing). I would like to weigh in on Sunday, do roll call and change my ticker either direction if/when necessary. Haven't stepped on the scale for a time now, because for whatever reason, doing so has often thrown me off -- I think though I can get a grip on it if I put it in the context of roll call and am feeling ready to lose some more.

Anyway, for now, cheers to all and let's keep rockin' it !!!

[DogMa]

Hey, Karli. You'll be past those first few days and feeling better in NO time!!

It's so nice to see you (and Sidrah, and T, and the rest) back here posting. It's been so quiet that I've gotten out of the habit of visiting and reading people's journals.

[nickieluv]

I'm glad you made it through day 2. Once I hit the end of day 7 I'll be feeling pretty solid I think - already feels great to have gone this far! I hope you have more energy today to get through your day. I guess I have gotten pretty used to low-energy days since I'm home all the time - it must be harder to leave the house every day for work (trying to remember those days and prepare for them again soon...).

[Karli]

Well, yesterday was a very successful day 3, and now onto day 4. I am already kind of starting to lose track of the days, but of course, that doesn't really mean I have been on for so long, maybe it's just a reflection of my own ability to keep track of things (which is VERY poor lately !).

I will say though that it's getting easier. I thought about stepping on the scale this morning, but I didn't get very good sleep last night and TOM is very near, and I didn't want to risk discouraging myself with a reading that I know will be a little higher than even it otherwise would be (even though I KNOW it would be a little higher). I will say though that my stomach is starting to feel smaller, I am starting to feel less bloated, and I am getting happy to be truly getting on track once again.

Cheers to All !

[DogMa]

Wise move, staying off the scale, Karli. I wish I'd done that this morning!!

I'm so glad you're off to such a nice start.

[nickieluv]

Isn't it great to feel that perpetual bloat go away? I swear, even though I still have my rolls, my stomach is not sticking out nearly as far even after only 5 days. Maybe, if I'm on track long enough, my stomach will permanently shrink and I won't be able to eat as much later on. Natural gastric bypass or something like that.

Have a happy day 4!!!!

[Karli]

Oh yeah, that term "perpetual bloat" is the perfect way to describe it ! Everything feels tighter, all body parts feel bigger and more useless... seriously, *that* feeling, the actual perpetual bloat feeling was so disgusting and discouraging to me, it would actually lead me to eating and perpetuate the perpetual bloat ... how silly is that ????!!!!

Yesterday was another successful day, and I think I am just going to stop counting now. I feel like I am just "on" -- although yesterday those "weekend munchies" wanted to try to strike. All I had to do though was remind myself that it's been a bit of a challenge to get back on track and I certainly don't want to ruin that now that I am actually getting back on track !!

I generally eat mostly bars and would have another order coming in early June, but I suspended my order in June so I could sleep better about having just purchased a linen cabinet for the bathroom (which we are in the middle of renovating to the max !). I will kill two birds with one stone by doing that because I always feel guilty not eating the rest of the MF that I have sitting in the pantry. Now I will eat that to help save some money for a month and that will make me feel better, and just eating it and using it instead of wasting it will help me feel better ! I will still have a few day's worth of bars left, but I am going to try to save those for when nothing else is gonna work or so. I may have about 2 month's worth of MF altogether, so it's just not right if I don't use it !

Still staying off the scale since I suspect I am nearing right around 190 again, and for whatever reason it throws me off to be so close to the 80's AND the 90's at the same time. I may not weigh again for awhile until I really feel like I can truly handle whatever it is -- I know that may sound silly, but I have lived with myself long enough to know at least *something* about myself, for better or for worse !

Anyway, let's pump up the jam today

[nickieluv]

I think it was Jo - and probably others, too - who used to say they felt nervous if there wasn't at least a month or two worth of MF in the cupboards. I am starting to relate to that - I have less than a month left and for the first time in a long time I'll have to place a pretty big order in June. Not sure how to pay for it, yet, but something will work out I know. But I can also relate to the good feeling of the stock going down at the same time the scale is going down, too. It feels good to have the MF disappearing and actually doing some good for once.

Today is day 7 but I have to think about it to remember how many days it's been - so I think I can stop counting now, too. The super hard part is over - now it's just time for the somewhat hard part of keeping it up.

So let us pump up the jam this weekend, and lose the jelly rolls! (Awful pun-type sad attempt at topical humor, not sure why I had to go there....)

[Karli]

Yeah, I ended up letting myself order the bars anyway ! I just can't seem to live without 'em ... when I was on MF the first time though, there was no way we could afford more than about a month at time, so I know what it's like to get low ... that's just how it goes sometimes ! However, that hasn't happened for ages around here !

Anyhoo, wow, well, I will tell you that it was quite nice to weigh in at 188 this morning, I am nearly my lowest since before I ventured off program for a couple of months. My stomach is definitely starting to shrink and I can see that my face is looking slimmer ... I like that !

Also, I am in mid-audition right now (well, maybe !) for an Opera mainstage in 2011. I DO still sing a little, I just don't want it to take over my life ... I would like to do it on my terms ! Anyway, I gave my initial audition this morning, and then I *might* get called back this afternoon. This is my first true audition for a mainstage Opera, so this was an interesting step for me. So far, I am feeling like I will just be relieved when the whole thing is over with, whether I get a role or not !

The good news though is that I got to wear my firey jungle dress, and they loved it ! I felt really good in it, too ! Yes, I was all "bundled up" in control top pantyhose and one of those thingies that are supposed to hold your tummy, thighs and buttocks "in" ... or at least make them manageable ! But, anyway, I got to wear that dress and feel pretty darn good in it, so that was nice !

Cheers !