The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

Hi, jlaman, just wanting to know how you are doing today .


Cheers,
Karli

I'm wondering too!!!

[jlaman79]

Thanks for checking in guys, I'm much better. I'm in a hurry now but I'll come back in a little while and tell you what I've been thinking and how the weekend went. Gotta run for now.

[bikipatra]

Thanks for checking in guys, I'm much better. I'm in a hurry now but I'll come back in a little while and tell you what I've been thinking and how the weekend went. Gotta run for now.

Okay, make sure you come back!!!

[jlaman79]

Ok, I had my break down after my meatball incident and now I'm over it. It wasn't pretty but I didn't let it control my outcome. It was just a mistake and it will have consequences.

What's more important to me right now than what I ate is WHY I ate.
It's the feeling of being out of control that is so frightening to me. The meatballs themselves and the ramifications of eating off plan are a whole other issue that I can reason through. I can handle that. I'm not even worried too much about damage control. It's just that I had a moment when I could not control my behavior.

I haven't figured out what set off that reaction yet. I really think it's related to my panic attacks. Anyone else who has experience with this stuff feel free to speak up because I'm only just now dealing with the panic attacks and food issues and I'm beginning to wonder if I should be seeing a counselor at least for a little while. I've already told you I really think I should be on some kind of medication. I really need help keeping my moods leveled out. I'm either one extreme or the other and it's been causing everyone around me a lot of stress. I want to feel even. I'm in danger of self medicating with alcohol or other unacceptable behaviors and I don't want to go back there.

So that being said, I'm under tremendous stress with a lot of things in my life. I have made some new friends who are very uplifting and supportive people and just talking to them about some things has really been helpful. You guys are an important peice of my recovery team also.

I have finally come to realize that this isn't about just counting calories and exercising. This is a recovery process and I have a lot of "me" work to do. Not just physical. I have a ton of mental work to do if I ever want to get my life together. My marriage, my job, my own peace of mind, my relationship with my kids, my parents, my friends, my own motivations and goals. The obesity was just the most obvious symptom of my true issues. I started losing weight to feel better and wear cuter clothes. Now I'm really changing the way I think about things. Thank you for pushing me gently in the right direction. I have insurance now so I'm going to check into setting up some counseling.

[jlaman79]

Just one more thing. My TOM finally started this morning. Even though it's ahead of schedule, I've been feeling it coming on. I get very sensitive to hormonal changes and they really effect me.

Today my hands are swollen and puffy. I'm three pounds heavier on the scale and yet I was able to wear my 18's that i got for Christmas yesterday with no problems. I haven't been able to wear then at all. So, I feel like it's a fluid retention thing. Maybe I've been having too much salt or coffee? I've been drinking all my water but also lots of coffee. The only other thing different is I have been drinking the RTD shakes. Has anyone noticed them causing water retention?

Here's the plan for today:
7:30 RTD
12:00 cocoa (It's late because I've been stuck in a meeting..)
2:00 oatmeal
4:30 RTD
6:30 Salmon and veggies
8:00 strawberry shake

[bikipatra]

I am glad you have insurance now and can look into some counseling and possibly medication. I know this is something you have thought about before...I would sit down and talk to someone about what is really going on and get an expert opinion.

[jlaman79]

I weighed in this morning back to my usual 232. I never thought I'd be so glad to see that number again. I'm still retaining fluid but at least it is going down. Hubby says he thinks my blood pressure is high, he's probably right. I'm under so much stress.

I'm going to have a meeting with my supervisor and state director today to talk about restructuring my job a little. Our office is small and has been struggling to grow.

I've been compliant. I'm trying to get all of my water down.

I'll be going to another office today for some training and I hope to go to lunch with two of my friends. We are all working women who are the main bread winners for our family. We are all trying to lose weight and I think it will be interesting conversation.

TOM is kicking my behind. My cycles have gotten 5 days shorter. I'm operating on a 23 day cycle now. Do you think it has anything to do with the MF? Or at 27 am I already feeling some of the "changes"?

All the more reason to go to the doc for a check up.

I'm just getting my coffee, so my brain is still a little slow.
I haven't been sleeping well at night and I'm taking Tylenol PM to sleep and then chugging coffee in the mornings to stay awake.

[bikipatra]

From what you have just described a visit to the doctor definitely seems in order, even a GP. Your anxiety could be disrupting your sleep. It is a common problem in the busy lives people lead today.

[jlaman79]

Thanks for your input Biki. I just have to decide where I want to go. I haven't seen a doc regularly since my son was born and it's time for a full check up anyway.

I weighed in at 231 this morning! That brings my total to 54 pounds.
I am still 88 pounds from my goal but that number is so much smaller than the 140 pounds I had to lose when I started. I am almost half way.

I feel that right now is the time to take care of me.
I have been taking care of my kids, my hubby, my office, my friends, and the problems of the entire world. Now I have to take care of me. So, I'm going to the doc for a physical check up, going to the counselor for a mental check up, and trying to find ways to be good to myself in my every day life. I've started taking really lovely baths with my lush stuff, I've started taking care of my skin, I want to go get my hair done and maybe have my eyebrows shaped, etc....

Why in the world did I give up all the things I enjoy doing? I love to read and yet I haven't read a really good book in a long time. I love to sew and crochet and quilt, and yet all those things are packed away. I love to go on nature walks and go fishing and yet I rarely do any of these things. I also think it would help my stress and physical well being if I started a regular cardio routine. The weights and everything have been fine up to now, but I really want to exert myself.

Sorry if this makes no sense but I use the journal to sort out my thoughts. Sometimes while I'm writing I have little moments of recognition and it really helps me understand some things.

Thanks for all who take the time to care about me and check on me.
You guys are the very best.

[bikipatra]

I think it's great that you want to dedicate attention to YOU. You deserve it!

[jlaman79]

I have to take a minute to celebrate. I posted in another thread about my great loss for this week, but I wanted to expand on it here.

First the great news......I've lost 4 pounds this week! 228!!!!!!!!

That's a grand total of 57 pounds. I'm really happy about this. This was the lowest I can EVER remember being at. My clothes have gotten looser seemingly over night. Which leads to the other topic I want to talk about.....skin.

Man, oh man do I have the baggy skin. I've been reading all kinds of stuff about remedies and I'm not buying any expensive miracle creams. So this is what I've been doing. I do have some really great body butter bars from lush and I'm moisturizing every inch of skin (that i can reach) and then massaging the heck out of it. I mean working it like bread dough. I'm going to keep this up.

The plan is to do my skin care routine while I'm losing and for one year after I reach goal. Meanwhile, I'm going to start a savings account specifically for this. If after a year, my skin is as droopy and disgusting as I am afraid it will be I will persue a removal operation. I've heard that our insurance may cover the procedure it your doc. can document that this is a permanant weight loss and that the skin is causing ill effects such as rashes and infections.

Also, my friend and I are gettting price information on the most local gym. It sounds really reasonable, we would have 24 access, showers, and a kid care room.

Can you tell I'm happy and excited today? I hope so. Because I feel Grrrrreat!

Here's my meal plan for today:
7:30 RTD
10:30 cocoa in coffee
1:30 chili
4:30 RTD
6:30 L and G
8:00 lemon bar

I've had over 32 ounces of water already today.

[bikipatra]

I have only been fat 4-5 years so I have high hopes that a lot of my skin will snap back. But these boobs will never be down to my belly button. I have already told my husband that and he agrees that when my weight loss is complete I can get a lift if I need one. Oh, congrats on the loss!!!

[jlaman79]

Thanks Biki!!! ((((HUGS))))

Hubby agreed that :
1. If I wait the full year
2. If I really really need it
3. If Our insurance will cover it
4. If I save for it and we have the money
5. If I won't be diced up

THEN,.....he'll be ok with it.

[jlaman79]

Today's been a good day. We had an audit, so not much time for the computer today.

I had a great NSV today.

I was stressed because of the audit and I went to the convenience store at lunch time to get a Diet Coke. The stupid fried chicken gets me everytime. Yes I bought a peice of chicken, but I did not eat it. I came back to work where I had a shake in the fridge. I tried to give the chicken away but everyone else had already eaten lunch. So the chicken went in the fridge and the shake came out.

I remained compliant. I was able to control myself. Maybe the meatball incident the other day really made me think about what I was doing and why. Because today in a similar situation I was able to recognize it and put a stop to it.

7:30 rtd
10:30 cocoa
1:30 banana shake
4:30 bar
6:30 L and G
8:00 scrambled eggs


I will be gone to the Memphis office at least on Wed. and maybe Thurs. so it's going to be a busy week. Hopefully I will do well.

[Serendipity]

Yea! You did it! In our office, it's not a mistake until it goes out the door that way. With medifast, it's not a cheat unless it crosses your lips! Good for you!