The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Tawanda]

Kanani, what a difficult situation that has to be. Learning to control your reaction and to find an outlet for your emotions, other than food, is a huge step in the right direction. I appreciate you journalling what you are going through---perhaps your post will help many of us remember how to react when we are caught in a situation where we'd normally reach for the food.

Take care of you!

[Serendipity]

Kanani, Do you like music? The reason I ask is because I've heard that it works sometimes to have an ipod, or nano, or whatever, and when someone or something is really getting under your skin, just hook up the ipod and play your favorite music. It is true that it's hard to stay annoyed while listening to your favorite song.

I've heard of this method being used for anger management, not that you have that issue, but just thought I'd suggest it.

I lived with my MIL for 2 years post stroke, so I know that even the most lovely people can be very annoying when it's 24/7.

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Kanani, what a difficult situation that has to be. Learning to control your reaction and to find an outlet for your emotions, other than food, is a huge step in the right direction. I appreciate you journalling what you are going through---perhaps your post will help many of us remember how to react when we are caught in a situation where we'd normally reach for the food.

Take care of you!

I think that this has been 90% of the reason for my weight gain. Learning to control how I handle my emotions without autiomatically searching for food to quell the anger, sadness, frustration, etc...is what I need to focus on. The other 10% is a because I just love food. I love cooking and baking and eating. Not a good combo. Kinda like an alcoholic that loves to bar tend.

Kanani, Do you like music? The reason I ask is because I've heard that it works sometimes to have an ipod, or nano, or whatever, and when someone or something is really getting under your skin, just hook up the ipod and play your favorite music. It is true that it's hard to stay annoyed while listening to your favorite song.

I've heard of this method being used for anger management, not that you have that issue, but just thought I'd suggest it.

That's wonderful advice Jo! I'm gonna pick me up an ipod. My two older boys and Hubby all have ipods, except me.... I can't wait to get one for myself.

I lived with my MIL for 2 years post stroke, so I know that even the most lovely people can be very annoying when it's 24/7.

Wow Jo. That takes alot of patience and charity. Especially when she isn't your own parent. I don't know how my hubby does it, but he is sooo much more patient with her than I am.
I know my mother can't help herself, and she is just being herself. You are right. I know she isn't set out to make my life miserable.

Thank you for your concern and great advice.

[DonicaB]

Kanani~ Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. Hang in there.

I also love the IPod idea. I think I'll get one for myself. I love to listen to music and I think it could help with lots of situations that trigger foody thoughts.

DonicaB

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Thank you Donica! I know, I can't wait to "download" some of my favorite music. I gotta get my kids to help me do that.

[JonnaD]

Hi Kanani, I understand what you are saying about having your mom with you. My dad lived with us for two-and-a-half years until his death in 2005. He had anxiety as well as several physical illnesses. I think it's harder on the child because we remember them as vibrant, active parents. The spouse isn't as closely tied to them emotionally and that allows them to interact with the parent a little easier. Does that make sense?

Even though he wasn't always easy to live with, I wouldn't trade that time for anything. When we were children, he had to work so much I used to pray we could have more time together. It took a while, but my prayers were answered.

After reading your journal, I'm sure some of your difficulty with your mother stems from control issues. You love your mother, you know she loves you, but you don't always communicate on the same level. She may still be adjusting to the fact you are not her little girl anymore, even though you are also a mother.

The ipod idea sounds like a good one. I let off a lot of stress playing Halo and blowing up monsters I also spent time illustrating a children's book I'd written, that was so much fun. My dad would like at the pictures and talk about how much he liked them. One day he asked me where I'd seen them - he was quite impressed when I told him I'd made them up

The point is to enjoy this time with your mom and when it becomes too much closeness, take a break. I'd listen to audio books while I drew - total zone out

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Hi Kanani, I understand what you are saying about having your mom with you. My dad lived with us for two-and-a-half years until his death in 2005. He had anxiety as well as several physical illnesses. I think it's harder on the child because we remember them as vibrant, active parents. The spouse isn't as closely tied to them emotionally and that allows them to interact with the parent a little easier. Does that make sense?

After reading your journal, I'm sure some of your difficulty with your mother stems from control issues. You love your mother, you know she loves you, but you don't always communicate on the same level. She may still be adjusting to the fact you are not her little girl anymore, even though you are also a mother.

Jonna, you hit it right on the nose. My mother used to be so active and independent. And then it all changed. She is not the same person she used to be. She is totally dependent on me and my hubby, even though she is still physically able to care for herself. I need to be more compassionate toward her. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just do that.

Thank you for your insight! It really does help hear other people's experience.

As far as staying compliant... I did pretty well yesterday, and I will to stay on that path today.

[JonnaD]

You're welcome.

Believe me when I say it isn't easy. My dad was in his late eighties, completely deaf in his right ear and hard of hearing in his left. He had congestive heart failure in addition to his mental issues. And he couldn't understand why the doctor's said, "No, you cannot drive."

We had many "discussions" over this and neither of us ever felt we'd won.

He would go up to people with white hair and ask them if the doctor's had taken their driving privileges away. Many times the answer was they hadn't asked their doctors. So, then he complained that if he hadn't asked he would still be driving. Which was a truly frightening thought.

It wasn't easy to balance dealing with those types of issues and keeping his spirits up. But, with the grace of God, he lived three years past his cardiologist's prediction.

Enjoy the ipod and hug your mom while you can. (I hope she's the huggable type, my dad was and my father-in-law isn't. )

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Enjoy the ipod and hug your mom while you can. (I hope she's the huggable type, my dad was and my father-in-law isn't. )

It's so weird, and probably really awful, but I'm the huggable type, and so is she, just not with each other. And that's not just right now. That's how it's always been since I was a little girl, ever since I can remember.
I know I need to show more love to her.

I stayed compliant yesterday, and will be again today.

[bikipatra]

Enjoy the ipod and hug your mom while you can. (I hope she's the huggable type, my dad was and my father-in-law isn't. )

It's so weird, and probably really awful, but I'm the huggable type, and so is she, just not with each other. And that's not just right now. That's how it's always been since I was a little girl, ever since I can remember.
I know I need to show more love to her.

I stayed compliant yesterday, and will be again today.

My mom and I are the same way but it is getting better now that we live so far away from each other. Everytime she gets off the airplane she hugs me now and does when she leaves too but I remember when I got on the plane to go off to college and she didn't even kiss me goodbye. I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me that she didn't want to touch me. Mother-daughter relationships are hard. Mine only got better now that I only see her twice a year. She is much more loving and so am I. She is always sending gifts and cards. Being the mom I wished she had been. I'm very sorry you are going through this. You must be very strong.

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

My mom and I are the same way but it is getting better now that we live so far away from each other. Everytime she gets off the airplane she hugs me now and does when she leaves too but I remember when I got on the plane to go off to college and she didn't even kiss me goodbye. I remember feeling like there was something wrong with me that she didn't want to touch me. Mother-daughter relationships are hard. Mine only got better now that I only see her twice a year. She is much more loving and so am I. She is always sending gifts and cards. Being the mom I wished she had been. I'm very sorry you are going through this. You must be very strong.

That's also the key here Biki. Being her sole caretaker and her living with me makes it more difficult. I wish I could be far away from her so I could miss her. But, alas, it is not the case. I think this is one of my life's true tests, to see how I handle this relationship with my Mom, and come out of it a better person and more importantly a better daughter. I'll take it one day at a time.

Thank you Biki for your continuing insight and support.

I've been compliant today, and will be tomorrow. It is starting to get much easier as I turn it on auto-pilot and just don't think about food, any other way but fuel.

[bikipatra]

Please remember you are allowed to feel what you're feeling. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel bad for not being more loving when you are already showing so much love. There is something called "caretaker burnout" that maybe you can google when you have time. It is common. My mother took care of my father while he was in a persisitant vegetative state at home for 8 years, it happens.

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Please remember you are allowed to feel what you're feeling. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel bad for not being more loving when you are already showing so much love. There is something called "caretaker burnout" that maybe you can google when you have time. It is common. My mother took care of my father while he was in a persisitant vegetative state at home for 8 years, it happens.

You are an angel Biki. Thank you. I will take your advice and google tonight when the house is quiet.

[Nancy]

Kanani ~

I am sorry that it has been rough; I can so relate, as we cared for a grandma with Alzheimer's - far different from a mother-daughter relationship but stressful nevertheless. It takes a while to learn creative alternatives when faced with situations over which we have no control. The only thing we can control is what we eat.

Jo’s idea is awesome!

Since she’s under the gun with accounting and tax deadline, surely she is wearing her iPod 24 x 7 right now! When I feel like I’m going under, I take a brisk walk - getting outside in the fresh air and changing the scenery can sometimes serve as counting to ten.

I also found that when I engage prickly people in an activity where they feel useful – like asking them to help me fold the clothes, do the ironing, etc. it makes them feel more valuable and needed.

I am happy to hear that you are on the program and making positive progress. Hugs and much aloha to you, dear Hula Girl – we love you!

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Kanani ~

I am sorry that it has been rough; I can so relate, as we cared for a grandma with Alzheimer's - far different from a mother-daughter relationship but stressful nevertheless. It takes a while to learn creative alternatives when faced with situations over which we have no control. The only thing we can control is what we eat.

Mahalo Nancy for stopping by to my journal. I feel honored and blessed to have you as my mentor. I truly appreciate your concern and encouragement. You made my day!

I am happy to hear that you are on the program and making positive progress. Hugs and much aloha to you, dear Hula Girl – we love you!

Yes! Through some rough spots, I am on plan and making progress. I'm learning that trying to quell my emotions with food only makes things worse. Because not only am I sad or angry etc.... after I stuff myself with cake, I'm a chubby, sad and angry person. Yes, Nancy, the only thing we can control is what we eat. Thank you!Thank you!

I love you too!