by supermom » June 24th, 2006, 1:11 pm
I am a little different, I guess. My mom is a recovering anorexic. She is 6 foot tall. When she got pregnant with my brother, she weighed 78 pounds. I was only 9 years old, but I remember my dad telling my grandparents that he hoped the pregnancy would save her life. She takes VERY good care of herself while pregnant. After giving birth, she weighed 180 ish. She lost a TON of weight, back into the 70's. My dad took my brother and me and told my mom if she wanted to starve herself to death, she could do it, but not in front of her kids. Then, she just started eating again. I guess she did not want to lose her family. I don't know what kinds of "help" she got, as I was a young child. But, I do remember how she used to harp about calories and the like. She was and still is obsessed with weight and food. At my highest weight I was 120 pounds. I was a size 7. I was in GREAT shape. I was a chearleader all through jr. high and high school, played basketball, softball, track, golf. I also was a lifeguard and taught swimming lessons. But, I always remembered that "Men don't fall in love with and marry fat girls. Be careful. Eat what you want, and if you start to feel like you are gaining weight, or are not happy with your size, eat some of these laxatives. They taste like chocolate." It wasn't ex lax, I don't remember the brand. But I do remember she kept them hidden from my dad in her bathroom under the towels. They came in a box that looked like a candy box. I did not start to gain weight until I went off to college. Even then, I was 22 before I really gained weight. At 22 I was about 145. At 23, I was 165. At 24, I was 170's. At 25, I was 98. Then I met my husband. Then my mom and I had a HUGE blowout. Then, I decided I wanted to be nothing like her. Then, at 26, I was 212. I got as high as 245. When I started MF in April, I was 237. I am 202 today. My goal is 110-115. My mom and I have patched things up. She sees a counselor now. She is on anti depressants. BOY!!! If anyone has ever needed them, it was her. I struggle daily. Sometimes I decide to just not eat. I won't eat for several days. It really doesn't bother me. I drink plenty, and take multi vitamins. Then, I look at my kids, and remember how I felt, and stop starving. I am still obsessed, though. And, I really need to watch myself around the kids. We were in Denver over the last few days. We went to eat at several diferent places. At each place, they would look over the menu and point at pictures and ask if it was on my diet. Remember, they are too young to read. One night, I stated that I was just going to have some water, and my middle son, Max, started crying and said "You have to eat. You will starve to death. We can't just let you die." So, it is a huge dilemma for me, even with MF. They RARELY see me eat food and I am not so sure that I am setting a good example for them. It is not just my words, it is also my actions. Just because I know my shakes and soups are nutritionally balanced, doesn't mean that they understand that. And, sitting at the table is a really big deal in my family. We treasure it. So, where I used to clean up in the kitchen and bring tea and bread to the table, I can't do that now, because my oldest son, Jake, said that there is no such thing as family dinner if the whole family doesn't sit down. So, what is a girl to do??? One thing is certain, though. On this issue, the one person I DON'T go to for advice is my mother!! No, seriously, it is tough and getting tougher by the day. When your kid says to you "what is more important, getting flat, or having a fun life with us?", what do you say?