Sara,
I know how you feel. I was always a perfect weight before I got pregnant for the first time 8 years ago. I am 5'3" and weighed around 120. I wore a comfortable size 8. Well, I gained 70 pounds during my first pregnancy, and ended up right around 190...not a pretty sight.
I lost a lot of the weight but not all before I got pregnant again...with each successive pregnancy I have always lost back to the 140 lb mark, but have been unable to lose that last 20 pounds! I sooooo much want to get back to where I was!
I know what I used to look and feel like, and this is not it!
I started Medifast for the first time in October of 2005 at a weight of 165ish. Baby #4 was about 7 months old, and I was determined that I was going to lose it all this time. I had the right tool finally (Medifast). Well, right about the time I got down to around 140, I found out that I was pregnant again with #5. I am back here again, after trying to get back on the program back in the fall. I was unable to "stick" to the program, similar to you. Two months is all it would have taken. I could have been finished by the Holidays... but I told myself I couldn't do it, and that it was no big deal...
Last week, I did well, but lost it over a cake I had made for my son's birthday. After I did that, I had a revelation: it is a big deal to me now! I am ready to get this monkey off my back once and for all!
I love to cook...it is my hobby. I have a large family to feed so it is also a necessity. I also love good food. I love trying new recipes. However, I can do anything, including staying away from food, for the short time it will take me to get to where I want to be.
Something that helped to motivate me was a calendar. I took it and figured out my average weight loss for a week. Then I took my current weight and subtracted that loss for each week until my goal weight was reached. That way I can see that if I make the right choices, there is an end in sight, and I can count the days or weeks! However, if I do not make the right choices and keep playing around the end will keep moving, and I will get frustrated and depressed. I put a copy of my calendar on my refrigerator, pantry and mirror to remind me!
The choice is mine...I can never have another Day one again, or I can have one every week or two, and keep moving my calendar forward!
I am on my last Day 6!! I am choosing to stop moving my calendar! By our vacation in June, I will be done!!! I will have new clothes!! I will have more energy, and I when I look into my mirror, I will finally be able to recognize myself!