The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Simmshe]

Thanks for the support everyone from my other thread--I really, really appreciate it !

I apologize for not posting again for several days, but let me tell you--I have been going through it. Also, I have been preparing things for my move on Saturday (I'm moving to a new apartment) and things at work have been consuming as well.

But what's happened on the mental/emotional front is that I've found myself in the throes of a depressive episode (the clinical term for it), that has been building for weeks and then WHAM, the bottom dropped and I'm in a hole. I have a history of clinical depression (thanks in part to a strong genetic component from my mother and grandmother). I won't go into too much detail here (trust me, I would be writing for about an hour and confounding some of you, I'm sure), but I just wanted to express what's been going on with me and my MF plan.

Needless to say, I haven't been on plan ... of course I've done the MF dance--two days on, one day off, one day on, one day off, etc. I want to make it clear that I didn't become depressed because I feel off of my plan--but of course, after I fell off, this added fuel to the dark fires that were already burning. But going off of my plan was a side effect of the depression, not the other way around. Anyways, I didn't want it to come across like I have been hard on myself for falling off of my plan, and then I became depressed. My depression is so much deeper than this.

Anyways, I'm slowly working my way back to normalcy. I'm still feeling down. If any of you have experienced serious depression (I think you have Gerald, after your accident?), you know what it's like once that black cloud blurs your vision, feelings, and thoughts. It weighs on you like a 2-ton anvil. Getting out of bed, washing your face, even putting on clothes feels like a huge challenge. I'm thinking that I probably shouldn't have stopped taking the antidepressant that I was on for about three months, but I have issues with antidepressants and have never stayed on one for longer than three months, fearing lifelong dependence. Even though I know this isn't the case for many people--you just take medication for a year or so, work out some emotional issues and develop new cognitive skills, and then go on. I'm going to commit to the antidepressants for a little while now. I'm so hardheaded. You would think that I would have learned by now--I've only been through this cycle 5-6 times over the past four years .

Thank you all for your support . I cannot express how difficult it was for me to come here and share this with you all. And if it wasn't for the openness and care that you all constantly give, I wouldn't have felt comfortable expressing this. Between my wonderful friends (who are incredibly patient and understanding of what is truly difficult and painful for them to witness), my therapist who often cares more about me than I do about myself, and this supportive, wonderul forum, I'll come out of this on top .

I'm moving this weekend (boy am I glad to have help because I'm feeling wiped out) and might be without Internet access for all of next week, but I still have computer access at work and will be checking in on the forum from work. I want to say that I will get back on Medifast as of today, but it's hard to do Medifast when you are doing it from a place of mental weakness. I'm starting to feel better though, expressing myself and crying my eyes out, even on the subway, is cathartic it seems. A problem for people when they get depressed is that they often get caught up in depressive thoughts instead of their feelings. My therapist reminded me of this today and when I let the feelings and emotions out, they really poured out.

But I promise that I am formulating my plan for getting back on board Medifast and weight loss--not just my short-term plan, but my long-term one. Things still feel a bit helter skelter for me, but I'm aiming for Monday as being my no-holds barred re-start day. I know, I could start tomorrow (I hear you already Nelly!). We will see (I have other components of my plan that I have questions about, too)--I really like to start from a strong place, emotionally and mentally. When I'm feeling down, I really have to convince myself that I'm even worth it (even though I know that this is faulty). But whether I feel worthy or not, I'm just going to have to keep going because I know that I will eventually accept my worth.

Okay guys, I have to run now. Thanks for letting me share such deep thoughts here. I'll be sure to post again tomorrow while I'm at work, because I won't have a chance to post again until Monday (my phone service at my new place won't be functional until Tuesday and DSL might not be functional until next Friday or Saturday). Thanks again--you all are the best . I hope to be back giving as much as I've taken lately, soon (as I've mentioned before, I have a really hard time with accepting help/support, but I'm getting better at it) .

Sheryl

[DutchChoc]

Hey, Simmshe. Thanks for another of your always-articulate messages.

Sorry that you're in a sad spot, but you do have people here who care about you and I'm glad you let us know how you are.

It seems not uncommon at all for people to try very hard to get on board and, in spite of the wanting to, something keeps them from getting the right grip on things sometimes. You'll get that grip soon. You've come a long way in the healthier direction and there's plenty of clear road ahead when you're ready to get back on. Keep taking care of yourself, even if the small steps are hard, because they're all heading you towards a happier time again.

[Simmshe]

Thanks DC, I always appreciate your words of encouragement . I haven't posted much about your progress lately, but I have been reading your countdown thread and wanted to let you know how happy I am for you ! I know the boredom factor has definitely set in, which I've read is quite common around the 16-week mark. So glad to see you, and Sylvia and Camille, hanging in! It probably seems like sometimes your brain is saying, "okay, enough already!" But you will be duly rewarded, and only 11 more days to the 26th--you will arrive .

I'm actually feeling remarkably better today, probably the best I've felt in about 10 days or so. You're right, I'm taking small steps, and things definitely become easier the more you step.

I'm signing off now until Monday, since I will be relying on my computer at work for Internet access until I get mine's hooked up at home sometime next week. Also, last night, after I finished writing my last post, I decided that I was going to start back on the full fast today--not Monday. My emotions are still so-so, of course, but I've decided that I'm not going to wait for my mood to change in order for me to restart my fast. I'm just going to fake it until a good mood catches up, because I know it will. Those of you who have fallen off plan know how hard it is to quiet the food demons, but I'm going to beat the demons down with all of my might, like I did when I first started. The more I delay and tell myself that I'll start tomorrow, I'll start Monday, I'll continue to not be back on plan. It won't be any easier for me to get back on board Monday than it is now. It's HARD, from a mental and emotional standpoint, no matter which day I choose. I don't even experience the crazy hunger anymore, like when I first started, so hunger pangs don't derail me. I know this because I have had two, almost three days on the full fast over the past week and a half and experienced no hunger. My emotional hunger got the best of me.

Anyways, I'm off to do my last minute packing for my move tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone--and thanks for being here !

Sheryl

[DutchChoc]

You're strong and courageous, I think, for starting now instead of later, Simmshe. I know it doesn't get expressed much here as such, but being off plan can be a little too fun to want to give up. Of course, as I say that, I also remember that really "sick" feeling of being bloated, tired, discouraged, disappointed, too, that also accompany the whole thing.

I think you're smart to try now instead of waiting. I really did start this lucky streak at a time of ambivalence rather than feeling at the bottom of the barrel, etc. I didn't think I had what it would take to keep holding on. I know I may always have trouble next time; it isn't because I'm typically determined enough to do the hard things.

Yes, thanks for noticing that I'm struggling today, too, exactly what you said. Kind of feel like the end of the road is upon me and I'm hoping that tomorrow feels different. For some of the previous times that have been challenging, a new day has saved me.

So, I'll look forward to your return very soon. Glad you're feeling so much better today!!

[fedup]

Simmshe- I just saw this thread and wanted to give you a "shout out " from someone who understands what your going through! Don't ever feel weak or like you "gave in" for going off program, the fact is your human, and your dealing with alot of very very real issues right now. Depression is a **tch, and thank God the medical community is finally recognizing for the biochemical medical condition that it is :!:

While "life events" can certainly trigger it, there is no doubt that depression is internal and genetically rooted. It took me a long time to come to terms with this for myself. I've had depression my entire adult life, so does my mother and half my other family members. There are times I've managed it well, and others when I needed help. It took me years to realize that taking medicine for depression is just smart and it's silly not to. (I always tell people it'd be like a person with high blood pressure refusing to take their heart medicine... same thing. It's something your body physically needs that isn't being produced in enough quantities!) Anyway, just my 2cents. I hope this didn't sound "lecturing", my only intent here is to share that those of us who've been down that road are right there with you. (And for me the eating was/is part of that whole cycle too) You're doing great, your doing all these positive things in your life. Even with the stress of moving your still trying to take care of you, and doing the MF program is something that you are doing for you! You deserve alot of credit for even holding onto that and trying to get back on track) (And I KNOW you'll succeed too!!)

[fedup]

--sorry, it's me the loud mouth!

there was one more thing I wanted to say. Just reading your post has really helped me tonight. I've been having a 'tough' day, no scale movement despite following everything right,... getting scared about progress... and then I got on the forum, I guess kinda looking to connect to others doing the same struggle I am.

Reading your post helped me to remember that we're all in this, we're all facing huge challenges and hardships, yet we're doing it. After reading your post I thought "you go girl!" and then I kicked myself in the butt and said "self, you go girl too!" I'm not in this alone, and seeing how hard your working, despite other tough situations, was a real inspiration to me tonight. Thank you.

[LadyChamp]

Ah yes.... clinical depression.... been there - done that - bought the t-shirt.
And ate enough "comfort food" to well, weigh over 300 pounds. I take meds. I have to. If I don't I turn into a person I would rather not be . My clyindars are just not charging properly and I need meds to make that happen. Yes, it's like high blood pressure or diabetes: another disease. I still have struggles, and have crying bouts , but believe me, the times I have gone off my meds things have been so much worse

I am the type of person who absolutely HATES to even take an aspirin. Now I have to take daily migraine preventative as well as anti-depressants. Believe me. I would not take anything unless absolutely necessary. I have gone off my meds before. This is LadyChamp off drugs Not a good thing.

Just my 2cps.

LadyChamp

[Nancy]

Hello, Simmshe and others ~


I am back from our vacation, trying to read up and catch up with the postings and we have been having MAJOR server challenges (as all of you are well aware, I'm sure) ...

Honey, I am so glad that you shared your thoughts and trials with us. Just as expected, many MakeMeThinner Forum Friends are holding you close in their thoughts, encouraging you with prayers, words and various writings.

Hopefully you are all moved in to your new apartment, your home computer is hooked up, you are taking your medications, shaking Medifast things up regularly and life is looking somewhat better to you this evening. This is a safe place and there are many who struggle with depression so never fear to pour out your here.

Many times people with mood disorders and chemical imbalances can feel so much better when they feed their body good nutrition that they are inclined to do away with medications entirely. While MF and its associated weight loss can certainly make it possible for clients to reduce and eliminate some medications, there are others that people will need to continue to take regularly.

Simmshe, keep on keeping on. We are here for you and we are grateful that you are here for us too.

xxxooo

[DutchChoc]

Nancy, what you say always makes me happy & feel good inside. I'm so glad that you're back from that "bad, bad" vacation that took you away and kept you so long, lol.

I truly believe that believing YOU when you said I could do this has made all the difference. Thanks for being such a nice person. Oh, that I could take personality lessons from you, too.

[Nancy]

Aloha Dear Dutch ~

Thanks for the nice greeting, Friend. I am so very proud of you, Kid. You are truly doing a marvelous thing for yourself and for the others on our Forum, too - you and Lois are way-makers. By showing others that you can do it, they will receive hope that they can do it, too. I did shakes only for three months solid and then for the majority of my 7 month weight loss program, I did have occasional servings of MF soup, oatmeal and bars. I did use the MF Fast Soups several times per week.

I am back on the program tomorrow myself. Vacation was a blast - but I had a bit too much aloha and because I can, I planned to temporarily abandon my watchful eye and as a result, my waistbands are extremely too tight. Tonight is my birthday and I had my last regular food meal for a while...until those pants feel and look much better.

This is the first time that I truly lived it up with all healthy food abandonment and while I enjoyed the candy, food, candy, fresh pineapple, candy, fresh coconut, candy, malasadas and did I mention CANDY?, I have also experienced headaches and joint pain...was it worth it? Yeah but only one every two years or so! Not for life, Kids!

Am having a bit of a problem adjusting to the three hour time shift, too. Can't haul my buns outta bed in the mornings - I absolutely do not attribute it to OLDER age but to sugar hang-over!

Leopard Woman met our wonderful HawaiiWhatNot in the Honolulu airport - she is a living doll - skinny! beautiful! so sweet! she greeted Terry and I with wonderful leis - one to match my lime green shirt no less! and also with leis for our daughter Becky and friend Bon Bon. The people on the plane ogled us like we were special people! Thanks so much, Camille. You are a delightful woman, an integral member of the MakeMeThinner Forum and we love your Diet Humor and other positive postings.

Dutch, we are just as excited about your success as you are - you are truly getting it back!
xxxooo

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Welcome back Nancy, and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!


My regrets for being late. I did NOT forget your birthday. Monday, I took my computer all apart moving furniture around, and herding up all the dust bunnies. Mercy sakes there are so many wires coming out of this computer, I almost didn't get them all back into the right ports or harbors or whatever you call this stuff. Hubby usually hooks up things electronic. Luckily after a few days, I'm back on line - rearranged and dust bunny free, but late in congratulating you on another beautiful fun year!

I so enjoyed meeting you both, and hope to see you here again soon. You see? You're still on Hawaiian time - if that isn't proof that you belong here, I don't what is!

All the pictures we took at the airport turned out. I had them posted here but I see they were lost in the twilight zone server outage. Hope they didn't cause the server problem! I'll email Unca in the next couple of days to see if he needs me to send them again to repost. I'm sure he has his hands full right now.

Thank you for your kind words. You are an absolute STAR in my book!
Shine on my dear!

Later,
Camille

[DutchChoc]

Yes, Happy Birthday, Nancy!!

Lime green like the pretty lei and shirt, etc. I just logged on for the first time today and missed the birthday news until now... Hope you had a good day and I bet you'll be feeling like your usual self soon.

Yes, shakes for three months has had marvelous effects, but sometimes I'm at my wits end, I swear, not just about doing it but about vibes/attitudes I pick up from others about my doing it -- let's just pick somebody, lol, SO!! Significant Other, lest you think that's an exclamation of "so!". He was very keen on wanting me to keep fasting like this until Thanksgiving until I "MERELY" asked him if he's willing to buy me new pants to wear to HIS PARENTS HOUSE if the ones I've just bought are too small after five more weeks. Well, what do you suspect happened???? He said he'd rather I start eating than do that rather measley favor for me. Maybe we're both wrong, me for trying to get a reward and/or extract a toll from him from "doing what he asked" in terms of going to 120, or maybe I'm being hormonal and greedy and "scheming", as he called it. I've made it fairly clear to him that to keep on going that long is not going to be "easy" for me.

But, alas, it doesn't matter if there's no reward or if there's a reward I already "have" received or a reward that I will buy myself -- the fact of the matter is, I am going to do the right thing and I am winning this fat war, for the moment. Hallelujia (and, not remembering the spelling, I guess I need to refer to a hymmnal again soon).

Good luck, everybody. Each day is ours alone to master, but I'm glad we have one another "here".

[Carrie]

DC,
I realize this is easier said than done, but I say do what is right for you and let the SO go hang if he doesn't like it. This is your body. I'm kinda miffed at him for not being more supportive, all the while wanting you to stay on the plan and exceed YOUR goal weight by 5 pounds. Do as you please and let him deal with it honey, he needs a better attitude, he's got my mother hen feathers ALL RUFFLED! *MEN!!!* (Present company excluded of course <g>)

Carrie

[fedup]

Yea Yea, you go girl! I agree with Carrie about the SO stuff Dutch... What's HE got to do with YOUR goal weight!? I know how tough it can be dealing with them... Mine can be very supportive, but then he goes an ruins it by saying stupid stuff. Example- He, on his own, gives me this card and a gift saying how proud he is of me, and he knows it can't be easy but he is here for me, etc... VERY SWEET. He often does these nice little things, and it is truly wonderful.

BUT, he also comes out with one liners like... "you look really good and when your done with this just think how good you'd look if you had lipo..." or other comments about losing more etc...

That's why I've learned to include him in some things, but not others. He is bipolar, and I know that's a part of it, but I also know that I'm not gonna deal with his crap when it comes to doing this for myself. So I truly am touched by the positive support, but when he makes the negative comments or gives me "advise" I just ignore him. I don't share my goal weight with him. He just knows I want to lose weight. I probably should be able to share details with him, but due to his mood swings and all I just don't. This is something for myself. Of course I want to look attractive, and I know where I look and feel the best... NOT HIM! My body type will never be the long/tall/skinny girl. (My hips would have a revolution at even thinking that!) And I'M OKAY with that!

So do what's right for you. That's what I'm doing. I take the support from him when he offers it, but I do not DEPEND on it. (That's why I come to this forum, cause you guys understand in a way others simply cannot! ) I think we need to start a SO thread to hear everyone's input sometime!

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Dutch,

You know what? You're already tough enough on yourself, so you don't need SO to contribute! Good thing hawaiiwhatnot isn't close by, she would put on her MF militia uniform, and drop by to give 'SO' some significant noogies

Have you heard of 'Harmony.xxx'? Just kidding. You're so gorgeous, you could drop your unmotivating SO like a bad transmission and easily meet a supportive male. They'd be lining up.

WE think you're FANTASTIC!
Camille