The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[explorthis]

From a post on this board:

We all have friends that look good and enjoy going out with us because we make them look better.

I think if they don't like the new me this time, I'll find new friends that did not know I had been overweight in the first place.

'everybody loves to have a friend that is fatter than them'

I read this post from a “guest” I think star wrote it, but I am not sure I don’t know if I agree with the part of “everybody loves to have a friend that is fatter than them” If this is true, then I am/was blind, because I have never had problems making friends, and I am a pretty smart old guy, able to read people fairly well. If I thought a person was my friend, because of my weight, or that I made them look good, I probably would have been able to figure this out. I know “friends” innocently make non-suspecting, non meaning comments about weight, not even realizing they do. I can remember verbatim most of the FAT comments made to me over my life, and there were many.

Point of this post, is I have a very good friend, he is 28, and I am 42. We see eye to eye on most things. I enjoy seeing his view from a younger guy. Funny how we mature as we get older. He is a big guy in my eyes, not FAT if you ask me. I never ever saw him as overweight. I am 6’3”, and he is about the same. As I lost weight, I finally was at about 280 (from my 337 start) Once I was 280, I viewed him as about the same size as I was. Do any of you see other people, close to your size, in your mind, and wonder if you look like them in comparison? I always looked at overweight men, and wondered how I looked in others eyes. I even asked my wife on occasion how I compared to “that” guy so I could try and get a visual as to my actual appearance, I really did not know. We see ourselves in the mirror every day, and get used to seeing what we see (though I am not used to the NEW Mike yet) fat or thin.

Anyway, I finally mustered up enough courage to ask him what he weightd, he tells me 275. We did not ever discuss my loss, he was very supportive, a real friend, and just went with the flow. At the time I was like I said 280. I see him as Fit/big, not overweight because of his 6’3” height. He has a small (in my opinion) beer belly, but I would have NEVER given him a second look if I saw him walking by. In my eyes, I wanted to be like him – fit. Since I asked, him originally, I am now down in the 230’s, and he is now 280 (This all took place before Thanksgiving sometime)

Interesting thing has happened. He is all of a sudden conscious about his weight. Does this mean what was posted above? “We all have friends that look good and enjoy going out with us because we make them look better”? I don’t know. Why has he become all of a sudden conscious about his weight? I asked him if he was interested in losing because I have lost so much, he replied oh no, I just want to lose some weight. He wants to be about 230 (as I am getting closer to) This is 50 pounds he would need to lose. I even gave him one of my shakes to try. He went and bought 3 full cases of the Atkins Advantage drinks. He was not interested in making the Medifast commitment. Do our “friends” want to be around us because we make them look good? I hope not.

Interesting philosophy in my eyes, a friend who once did not grade me for my overweight status, is now feeling conscious (though he denies it) of my success and loss so he can feel better about himself. I know he has been “large” his entire life, but not fat in my eyes. No matter the outcome of his decision to lose, he is my friend, and will always be. He is a true friend. I live in a glass house, I cannot throw stones. Being overweight my entire life has taught me a VALUABLE lesson - I do not grade someone based on appearance. I am instilling this in my kids, and it is paying off!!!

Thought I would share this with you…

-Mike

[Guest]

This is the Guest,

You are a man, let's get some comments from women. There is a huge difference.

How many women have other women friends that do like being the 'good looking one' when out with friends.

How many women friends (opposite but same) have 'good looking friends' that don't want to be seen with a fat friend. I know I have a sister who hates being seen with me in public -- we are great if we don't go to the mall.

[explorthis]

This is the Guest,

You are a man, let's get some comments from women. There is a huge difference.

Fine, but you invited ME the MAN. Did you not say:

“everybody loves to have a friend that is fatter than them”??

Everybody... is this men and women included?


Yes, I am a man, but I still have the EXACT same feelings as you do. I still got hurt, I still felt the pain. I still know what your going thru, oh maybe I don't, I am a MAN....

I may be a man, I may have pretty CALLOUSED skin from all the degrading comments, I may appear to let the comments roll off of me, but they HURT - THIS I KNOW.

-The Man

[star85]

Oh Mike,
This is star85, which is what I login as everytime I post. That is the point of logging in, so everyone knows who is posting. I'm surprised you made that assumption that it was me. Well you know what they say about ASSUMING... That's o.k I'll let it slide this time(hee,hee). I'll be waiting for my apology soon my friend! To tell you the truth, the opinions that were expressed in the post by the "Guest" never crossed my mind. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but those particular ones were not mine! I only surround myself with good friends and family. And my good friends and family whom I cherish and am truly blessed to have, have always loved me no matter what weight I have been. They have all known me thin for most of my life and heavy for the past almost 3 years. They love me for me! Not my size! I am losing weight for MY health and MY self esteem. No one elses! Well MIKE chalk this one up to a learning experience and remember to NEVER ASS U ME!

Kelyn

[explorthis]

I'm surprised you made that assumption that it was me. Well you know what they say about ASSUMING
I'll be waiting for my apology soon my friend!
Well MIKE chalk this one up to a learning experience and remember to NEVER ASS U ME!

Well Kelyn, I was wrong, and I apologize. I was not "quoting" you in a bad way, so if it appeared that way, I do apologize. I will NEVER belittle anyone for their view, as we all have views.

-ASS U MEr

[Guest]

I so did NOT mean to offend you, I was trying to explain and I see where I may have mistyped.

I should have said:

Thank you for your input, but, I don't feel that men and women act the same.

I am asking other women if they agree, there is a difference between how men act and how women act.

Let an overweight women walk into a room and friends will say "look how she has let herself go", however, an overweight man can walk in with a big o belly to meet his male friends and no one really thinks about it. Men can pat their big o bellies while with the guys and joke about it, a woman would not get the same reaction from her female friends. It is the same as 'an older man can marry a younger women, but it is gross if a younger man marries an older women'. I understand that sometimes men are hurt because of their weight, but where a man can have a belly, a woman is not even supposed to have a belly, much less huge sagging breast, double chins, sagging arms, fat legs etc...

Just recently, my daughter (an older teen) who is pudgy, not overweight was taunghted heavliy because she did not have clearly defined ankles. They now call her kankles (her knees and ankles look like they connect (by her 'friends', they know she doesn't like it)). Her friends are all 120 lbs where she is 150, they are size 9 - she is size 12. My question to you is, would 17 year old boys have done this to their buddies if they had non defined ankles (don't focus on anything here but ankles)? You see, women are critiqued on every part of thier body, men are usually only judged by their tummies.

I hope this helps make my point, I appreciate your comments and I am so happy for you that you are never faced with these problems, ask some of your women friends how they view other women, maybe it will help you understand better.

I apologize for anything I have said that has offended you.

You have pointed out one more thing where it is better to be a guy than a women (haha)

[explorthis]

I so did NOT mean to offend you, I was trying to explain and I see where I may have mistyped.

First of all, this is a public forum, though I might sound a little crass at times (yes I do) I don’t get offended, nor will I ever belittle anyone for their view(s), though I will comment. You did not offend me. Lets put the offend part behind us, and post our true feelings.

Let an overweight women walk into a room and friends will say "look how she has let herself go", however, an overweight man can walk in with a big o belly to meet his male friends and no one really thinks about it. Men can pat their big o bellies while with the guys and joke about it, a woman would not get the same reaction from her female friends.

I semi agree with this, I do have “women friends” that I ask views of, and we do live in a sick world, where peer pressure, from the kid age to the adult age make a difference, weather we think so or not. Big-o-belly is laughed at and dismissed from a Man’s perspective, until that Man is alone, and then he feels the pain. FACT. Trust me I know this from experience. But as a man that still lives in a glass house, I do see what people feel, and I resent anyone that belittles someone else for appearance, or anything else for that matter. I will actually speak up and quash it, or I will leave the offender with some pretty harsh comments. Another thing I am trying to instill in my kids. (What a chore this is)

(Your Daughter) They now call her kankles (her knees and ankles look like they connect (by her 'friends', they know she doesn't like it)

It is SAD in today’s society that PARENTS of these offenders are not strong enuf to teach true compassion in kids. When kids do this, it’s because their parents are WEAK. SOme might call it growing up, I call it Parental-Waekness. My kid knows that she would be punished for ever belittling someone for the way they look. Everyone has problems, no matter the person. Some Fat, some thin, some rich, some poor we all have problems. I understand your daughters pain, and to sympathize with you and her. She will be subjected to this (as you are aware as an adult) for her entire life, heavy, or thin, and I am sorry. I am scarred forever, at the comments, and the things I missed out on as a FAT kid. All I can do is look to the future and start over, though the scars might never go away.

My question to you is, would 17 year old boys have done this to their buddies if they had non defined ankles (don't focus on anything here but ankles)?

No, probably not about ankles.

They do make comments and innuendos about weight, trust me, from a 42 year old guy, that was always the largest guy in the class, I tried to fit in.

All I want to do is do the right thing. This is a place (this board) where I can share my deepest feelings, and not be judged. I don’t even share in depth these feelings with my own wife, as she cannot understand.

-Mike

[star85]

Thank you Mike for the apology. That was very nice of you. And don't worry, you're still my Mentor!! Love ya babe!!! (hee,hee,hee) Just a little board humor! Maybe I'm only cracking myself up! Talk to ya soon! Bye...
Gotta go...

[Guest]

This is a place (this board) where I can share my deepest feelings, and not be judged.

I could not agree more, that is what I am doing also, and it does somehow make one feel better to be able to say it.

[Jeanette]

From a female point of view:

YES, I believe women in general are more catty with each other regarding appearance. Even as big as I was (and still am somewhat for now!), I am guilty of that.

Case in point: my best friend is a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) like me. Around the time I started Medifast, she started Atkins, and has had great success. She has a cousin who is probably about 400 pounds and is jealous as hell of us. I admit, I hang around her sometimes to make me look better. I'm not proud of this fact, especially since I have been the fat friend to many thin women. I know how it feels.

There is a double standard with regards to size. It is okay to be a large man. That is acceptable in society. But a large woman? Forget it. I lost out on a great job this past summer because I was a large woman. Size discrimination exists. Daily I have to fight being stereotyped as lazy, sloppy and stupid. I make sure I am dressed well and smelling good before walking out my front door. I keep my hair, makeup and nails just so. I do whatever is necessary to not perpetuate the stereotype.

Now I am not saying large men are not victims of discrimination. I know that happens as well, especially socially, which is a shame. Some of the most handsome and charming men I have ever met have been overweight. People that discriminate on any basis are the losers. They lose out on getting to know a great person.

Even when (notice I said WHEN and not IF) I get to my goal of 180 pounds, that will still be considered plus sized. Will I still face discrimination? Probably. But I will face it then like I face it now--with grace and dignity, with my head held high and with NO APOLOGIES for being who I am.

Okay, I am coming down from my soapbox now...

[Maggie]

Dear friends.............I do have an opinion on this subject and just sat for over 30 minutes using just the right words. I had it all typed out, previewed it. Looked okay to me. Click Submit? Right? Not me. I must have been so eager to get back to the discussion, I returned to the forum and in doing so, wiped out my carefully worded response. I don't hink I can repeat what I so carefully had written so I will just say I agree with the guest and also Mike or portions of each of their statements. I believe Jeanette actually composed a much better reply than mine so I will just say, Ditto what Jeanette said. Maggie

[finalstraw]

Confession time, Guest was me, at first I honestly forgot to sign in, but then with not knowing how to interpret Explorthis comments, I decided to be a big FAT chicken (haha). Anyway, I am new to this forum and do care very much about others and their feelings so I was a bit concerned that I had been too honest.

Sorry for any confusion and thanks to everyone for thier insight and replies.

I will always try to remember to sign in.

[explorthis]

Confession time, Guest was me

Finalstraw, Laststraw, Finalguest, Lastguess, Damn, I was thinking I was on a blind date...

No matter the conversation or arguement, or discussion.. We all have feelings and I enjoy the posts, and the reads...

Keep them up, guest or not....


-Mike's straw