The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Elizabeth]

I haven't updated my photos in at least 50 pounds
Lauren

Wow Lauren!
eagerly waiting for updated pictures!!
Sorry, I'm turning into one of those annoying people! [/i]

[VictoriousNat]

Well, Lauren...

First, my sincere condolences on the passing of your grandmother.

Second, I am with Elizabeth! Bring on the new pics!!

Seriously though, I read your post and really empathized with what you are saying and can definitely find evidence in my life for some of things you talk about. I think as humans....well, I will speak for me...it is crushing to know that you are not loved conditionally. Period. And I think that is what MIGHT be bothering you. When people react to the new Lauren as they have, you're saying, "well dayum! Old Lauren derserved (and needed) your love, help and admiration too. Like you, I am in NY, I am a lawyer, a homeowner and as proud of me as my family is, it does hurt to know that they would sell my accomplishments to the devil if he would make me thin. I am so so serious. They totally would. And that really hurts.

I think all we can do it as most have said, go ahead and grieve old Lauren and take living in the world in your new skin one day at a time. Moment by moment. But don't let anyone bring you down. Life is so precious every moment we spend under a raincloud is wasted.

Now having said all that, woman I just looked up your pics to put a name to the face and.......dayum! Just kidding! You have a made a fine accopmplishment and YA LOOK GOOD!! ACCEPT IT OWN IT WEAR IT LIKE A PAIR OF MANOLO'S (ok I am hungry I need a banana shake ).
I don't mean to be facetious or flip in the face of your grandma's passing, but I think it was "better" this event and not a cousin's wedding. The bride would never have forgiven you. You would have stolen the show.

I don't mean to write a book, I am just saying I see both sides. I see your side and I see their side - damaging though it is.

Without hijacking your post and making it about me, I get very scared and wonder if I will be a meanie because I have a tape recorded all the mean things people have said to me over the years (always friends or family - strangers are most kind LOL) and I wonder can I be trusted with a 100 lbs weight loss? Will I be kind? Will the old Nat vanish? I just know that one girl who was at (not in) my wedding had said to me that she was forcing her sis to go to the gym. I asked why. She said her sister was fat (I met her later - she is about a size 12) and unless "she wants to spend the rest of her life alone she better work off the fat." She said this to my face! I was a size 24 at the time... She, a perpetual size 2.

I confess that whenever she calls these days me to whine about being alone at 36, I get flashbacks to that conversation and I get mad. 5 years hence, her sister and I (with our fat butts) are both happily married. I am sympathetic and encourage her but I secretly want to remind her of her words. But I have to get over it and be a friend to her.

I wish you the best Lauren. But come vent here when it gets bad. You seem like a fantastic person..then and now.

[Lauren]

Thanks, ladies, I KNOW I gotta get some updated pics, I just haven't gotten around to it. Perhaps this weekend, I'll be down the shore, I'll have someone snap a couple for me (NOT a beach picture, though, definitely don't need to see that!).


Nat, you hit it right on the nose with the feeling that my family would have given everything away for me to be thin. Whether it's true or not, it certainly has felt like that. To be fair, my family is wonderful - it's good, it's loving, it's functional, it's supportive. My parents have always encouraged me and believed in my ability to reach the stars - they just thought the stars would be closer if I were thinner. :-) Does that make sense? Wow, I never put it down like that, that sums it up perfectly.

By the way, Nat, I don't think you'll become a "meanie!" I think now you can just have that inner dialogue that runs in your head reaffirming your excellence in the presence of those, um, less excellent! ha! My friends joked as I was losing the weight that I have always been so confident and self assured (my only real insecurity is my weight), that they worried if I got thin I'd be a cocky b**ch! Somehow I think that having lived in various incarnations of overweight & obese has brought me a sense of humility that won't go away with the pounds. I hope so!

The fascinating thing about your story about the girl from your wedding calling her sister fat is that she said it to you - does that mean she meant to be offensive, or rather, that she didn't see you as fat? My friends tell me ALL THE TIME that they knew I needed to drop some weight, but had NO IDEA I needed to lose so much, and they never considered me that big. It's all perspective, huh? Karma's a b**tch, though, and she's getting her share now! :-)

Thanks for the thoughtful and kind reply, much appreciated!

By the way, not many here from NYC - very cool to have you on board!

Lauren

[Lauren]

MMM...Manolos...must go shopping....

[tommysgirl]

i'm so sorry for your loss. i certainly understand how you must've felt. you were/are grieving and you needed to be comforted for that, not have the focus be on your weight loss and how you used to look. people can be so insensitive at times, particularly those that don't have a weight problem. i've had people look at photos of me from when i was younger and thin and say to my face things like "you used to be so pretty". now i've had that said to me more than once in one way or another and how can anyone think that's okay to say? it's no different than how you were treated at the sit shiva where they were talking about your former self as if it were something to apologize for. the beauty inside each of us is what matters but it is good to lose weight to be healthy and be proud of ourselves. i hope you've found the support and care you needed here on the forum. our thoughts are with you!

[VictoriousNat]

The fascinating thing about your story about the girl from your wedding calling her sister fat is that she said it to you - does that mean she meant to be offensive, or rather, that she didn't see you as fat? My friends tell me ALL THE TIME that they knew I needed to drop some weight, but had NO IDEA I needed to lose so much, and they never considered me that big. It's all perspective, huh? Lauren

I don't think SHE thinks she was being offensive. She was a very straightshooter back then - she has (deliberately) curbed her acid tongue over the past year. I know though that if I reminded her she would be sad and feel bad today (back then she'd be like "yeah and??") because we are so much closer today than back then.

[VictoriousNat]

i've had people look at photos of me from when i was younger and thin and say to my face things like "you used to be so pretty". !

oh yeah! Sounds familiar. I have never been thin, but I used to get that when I was younger .

Ok mean comment of the day: Really really handsome man shopping with his wife in Saks 5th Avenue - wife has seems to be about 50lbs overweight, but she is also very good looking and stylish.

Two Brooklyn ladies (middle aged) walk by. One says: "oh...my....GAWD!!! (Points to the couple and says)
that is such a shame! He is handsome! She must have a nice personality cause that is ridilculous." The other one concurs - well two high shcool girls (who are supposed to be immature and prone to such mean comments) heard them and gave them such a tongue lashing my coworker and I applauded, as did a salesgirl. They called the two women out and they could not try to find the elevator fast enough. The husband told the girls that while he usually chooses to "ignore the ignorant" and their display made EVERYONE look at his already mortified wife, he appreciated them sticking up for her. He walked away and was kissing his wife (on the head) as they walked to another department. I have never before witnessed anything like that. Never.

[Arklahoma]

... I KNOW I gotta get some updated pics, I just haven't gotten around to it. Perhaps this weekend, I'll be down the shore, I'll have someone snap a couple for me ...

I thought you were totally HOT b4 and now you've lost 50 more??? Get thee in front of a camera pronto ... I can't wait!!!