The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[fedup]

Okay, I was riding high, feeling great, and then the last 2 days have hit me like a train!! I'm doing fine with the MF, no cheats or anything. But other stuff's been tough! Not sure I should even post it here, 'cause it's not really about the MF, but just thought maybe it'd help to share. My SO, (remember now, he's bipolar) is often a very irrational person due to his illness, manic and extreme 1 minute, calm the next. So dealing with this can be very exhausting over time. Can really get to you at times. Then yesterday I learned that a kindergarten student in the school I work at had a trauma happen over the weekend. Her mom was murdered over the weekend... in front of her and her younger siblings. Now I'm faced with the need to talk to her when she returns... and don't know what to say. I've handled these things many times, it's my job... but right now I just feel so overwhelmingly sorry for this family. No Dad in sight, so no stability now, kids may even end up in foster care. I think of my own daughter (again, biologically my SO's child) and how terrible this event is. --I guess right now my emotions are just very close to the surface. I love my job, and I know this tough stuff comes with it, it just seems so unfair and tragic... look at how many lives are affected. I feel that anything I say to her will seem insignificant. I guess just being there is a start... I keep wondering if I should post this or erase it... don't want to bring anyone else down... just a very bad day.

[Sylvia]

Christy,

That does sound incredibly tough. That child just needs all of the caring he/she can get during this terrible time. And counseling to be sure. Just knowing someone is there who cares will make a difference. I don't think it's the words that matter as much as the sincerity of the feelings. You will do fine and you WILL help just by caring.

Sylvia

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Oh Christy,

Heavens, I wouldn't know what to say either. I'll include them and you in my prayers. I don't think you're going to stray from the plan, but keep in mind you'll feel even worse than you already do now if you do - and this you know already. I don't know if there are any words to say. Just being there I believe will give them some sense of normalcy. God bless and comfort them,

Camille

[fedup]

Things are a somewhat better today... I think yesterday I was just "done in" ya know? Just kinda overwhelmed! I went to be early, got lots of sleep... I know that just being there for this student is the key, and that's all anyone can do... just have those days sometimes when it gets hard! I also know that with her I have to be the strong one, so that's why I vented my feelings on the forum, 'cause I really can't do that at work 'cause I have to be "on" at work.

Also, I hope I didn't offend anyone by talking about this here... I know we're a MF forum, and this was a little off topic, like I said earlier, I surely didn't mean to bring anyone down. I was just having a tough day! So thanks for listening. And the thoughts and prayers are appreciated! I've been saying some for this family also!

And about the program, Camille you are 100% right. It's funny 'cause the "old me" would have probably (no definitely) cheated by now... using excuses like "there are so many more important things than this, who cares about a diet..." But this time when something really depressing occurred, I didn't have any thoughts about food at all. Strange for me, 'cause food's always been my comfort.

[explorthis]

Also, I hope I didn't offend anyone by talking about this here

Offend? Christy, this is the board for exactly this reason. Look, this is not the easiest task you will ever embark on, nor is it the hardest. We are here for learning, sharing, and SUPPORTING. We need to know your feelings; we need to share our feelings. This forum is an open street for all of us to do just this, completely. Tell us everything (you feel comfortable with) It helps us learn as well!

-Mike

[fedup]

Thanks Mike, needed to hear that! Guess I was worried about that I'd bring others "down"... I knew down deep that was silly, but just didn't want to "burden" others with my issues! (Guess old habits die hard huh?)

The girl came back to school today, and I just finished talking with her. She's doing okay, (but still doesn't really understand what's going on, she's only 5) I'm going to make sure she feels comfortable and secure with me, so that she knows where to come if she's in need. I'm also recommending a great grief group that works specifically with children to her grandparent (who is now her temporary guardian). Together we're all doing all we can to help her heal, and that's all we can do at this point. All the "I wishes" and "I don't understands..." aren't going to change what happened, we can only move forward from here and try to "minimize the damage" Still have a lot of anger towards the ******** who caused all this trauma in this childs life, what gives a person the idea that they have the right to do something like this? His actions totally altered this child's whole world, and ended a young mothers life. I know, there's no answer... so I'm trying to leave those questions aside, and work with the girl on things that CAN be changed.

Makes you appreciate how precious life is, and not to take any day for granted!

[Nancy]

Christy, Darlin’ ~

Oh, sorry you had one of those really dark days. It is so hard to try to sort out feelings such as yours. When something is difficult for an adult to wrap their brain around, I think about the way a child must perceive all of this. While children are resilient, the murder of a parent is something truly huge.

One year I had a little boy in my first grade classroom who was the son of a Portland Police officer. He had a little brother and his Mama, who was also a dispatcher for the PD, was pregnant with their third child. One morning Billy’s Daddy made a routine traffic stop and the man behind the wheel had just robbed a store and shot Officer Darden as he walked up to the driver’s side of the vehicle.

It was such a tragic death and obviously one that affected the entire school family. The important thing is that we just loved Billy and his family. Simple gifts such a stuffed animal or a book and the like are some tangible ways we can show that we care and just a hug, a smile or a friendly wink in the hallway also demonstrate care and concern.

Christy, often people who begin to separate themselves from food begin to realize that its power is canceled and that there are other satisfying ways to deal with emotions. Talking, writing and sharing with others are all acceptable ways to deal with deeply disturbing news and there is no scale retribution involved.

You seem to be such a compassionate woman. The Lord will surely give you the words and special touch you need as you meet with this little girl.

re:

what gives a person the idea that they have the right to do something like this? His actions totally altered this child's whole world,

I think that's the crux of the matter - people are self-centered, they do not think about anyone or anything beyond themselves. It's all about them. All actions have subsequent consequences but often people do not think about them. Some people appear to not have a conscience and their social constraints are not in operating order.

[DutchChoc]

Dear fedup,

I'm glad that you spoke of what was troubling to you and glad that you felt better after a good night's rest. On top of that, you woke up feelin' a little smaller and extended the good work you're doing for yourself rather than messing up any of your progress.

I'd say that you served all purposes wonderfully despite sad circumstances. Re bringing anyone here down, we're strong enough to ease your pains just by hearing them and responding with the various outlooks and ideas that we have. Thanks for sharing, & thanks for caring for yourself and for the little student.

[fedup]

Thanks Dutch, Nancy, and everyone who responded earlier! I knew it was stupid to worry about bringing everyone down... Part of it is that I'm so used to just not talking about my work... then I also didn't know if it was okay to post something so non-related to MF on this site. Silly huh! Like everyone said, (and like I'd say to others myself...) everything we're feeling and going through is part of our journey, and it's okay to share that out with others! So thank you guys for your positive comments. It's really uplifting. When I started this job I knew in order to keep myself sane I'd have to think about some things in a special way. My belief when I first started this job 5 years ago was... "I may not be able to change the world... but if I can make things better for 1 child or touch 1 child's life, then I've done a good job and that's a wonderful success." I just needed to remember that thought. Thanks to all of you for helping me remember it!

As to the MF, the weirdest thing was I wasn't even tempted to cheat.... DEFINITELY not the old me. The old me would've made homemade pizza, downed Cokes and ate a bag of sunflower seeds. (My biggest addictions there... see I'm laying all my sins of the past out here! ) In the past the food helped me cope with emotions... ANY emotions... Hopefully this means I'm not only losing the weight, but maybe (just maybe) I'm growing also! (And I don't mean in hip circumference!!)

[DutchChoc]

I think it's probably wholesome, therapeutic, and liberating to feel that we can discuss some of that which has always seemed a bit taboo or "private" or embarrassing, perhaps even particularly when we've been overly protective of our lives and have felt like our circumstances have given us cause to hide our realities from others. And/or even just our tenderest of feelings to be sure that no one will scoff at them, fail to understand or validate them, etc. People have more in common with us than we might otherwise estimate. There's lots of empathy here. You're making lots of very positive differences in the lives that you touch. Even here!!

[fedup]

Thanks Dutch! You'll make me blush ! Seriously though, I don't often hear compliments, so it's wonderful to get such a meaningful one! And I gotta say "right back at ya..." too.