The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[auntjanot]

I never was a sneak eater until now. I stick to the shakes all day and then late evening when no one is watching, I sneak. I am wasting all of the effort and time and money that I have put into this program for a few seconds of satisfaction. I want to succeed, but I fail…I beat myself up…I read the posts that are always so on target and inspirational…I try again the next day…I shake…..I sneak….I fail…..I beat myself up…and try to start again.
I never could figure out how people stayed in abusive relationships after being repeatedly hurt and put down. I always thought I would have the strength to get out and get away and never get myself in the situation again. I now think that I am just lucky that I have a gentle man for a husband. He loves me no matter what my weight, he thinks I’m beautiful, smart and he puts up with my moods. If I had ended up with someone abusive, I wonder if I would have stayed or not. The reason I am thinking this is because I am so abusive to myself. I have abused my body by neglecting good nutrition, smoking, not exercising and most of all by overeating. I abuse myself every time I look in the mirror. I try the positive self talk, but the abuse comes much easier. I sabotage myself at every turn. I say I want to succeed, but I fail.
Oh, I have plenty of the excuses.
• My mother-in-law who lives with us does the cooking and she cooks mostly fattening foods and way too much of them.
• She always has to have rolls and butter with dinner and of course, dessert every night.
• She needs to gain weigh so there are always snacks around.
• I have been on medication for depression for a very long time.
• My whole family has been overweight most of their lives, and I probably will too, so why bother.
• 97% of the people who lose weight, regain, so why bother.
• My dad died last month and I’m still sad.
• I’m going through early menopause.
• I am bored.
• I’m hungry.
• Etc., etc., etc.
• Blah, blah, blah.

I cause myself to fail. No excuse is good enough. Do I need strength for this? Do I have it? How do I get it? Do I need faith? Do I have enough? How do I get more? I keep trying…ever day. I read the encouraging words from the posts, I get inspired. I know some of you have similar if not more complicated issues, yet you seem to be so much more …motivated (?)…enthusiastic (?)…strong (?)

I apologize for ranting and raving, but I feel like such a failure …today. Maybe tomorrow I can star to succeed.

Janet

[Alison]

I am sorry to hear of your trouble. Everything you wrote is right on the money. You get it you just need to recognize your trouble spots. Like if you make it through the whole day and you sneak at night try planning something else to look forward to for that time. Buy some new lipstick to try out or a magazine, read a chapter of a book you've always wanted to try. I really think getting up and out of your house helps the most. Go for a walk just 10 minutes it really supresses that cravings by the time your done. Make it a mission just like brushing your teeth. I will do this every night. Bloat yourself up with herbal tea they have fantastic flavors now. Almond. toffee, blueberry, licorice. You know you are only fooling yourself. We all do it to some extent I chew too much gum which adds calories I end up adding 5 packets of sweetner to my tea 10 times in a row some days because I still have sugar cravings but some days I do better and always think I have no choice. What's my option to try another program? When can I live my life to the fullest in another 5 10 20 30 years? Hang in there and come to the boards and post and read and talk to your adviser and just give it everything. You are the most important person in your life and deserve all of your efforts.
Alison

[explorthis]

I am going to stammer here, probably say something I am going to get beat up for, but I mean this from the heart.

First, my feelings for all your problems are sorrow, or are they? If my Dad died, I would be devastated. Menopause bored, hungry. Depression Medication, snacks, rolls, butter, etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah are things that you are stating as problems. I do not know you, other than support from this board. Do we as humans really feel sorrow for our fellow “Medifasters” ? Or do we just post what others want to see. I am a compassionate person, but I do believe we create our own circumstances. I have said this more than once.

Aside from my true sorrow for your Dad, I don’t give a hill of beans care about any of the other listed items. We all are/were overweight. We are ALL going through the EXACT same thing you are. Maybe more, maybe less. The bottom line is we ALL are changing our lives together.

We can continue to wallow in sorrow, and lay in the bed; stay covered up in our unhappiness, and feel bad for ourselves. Or, we can FINALLY stand up and TRUELY do something for us. US. Janet! Not Janet’s MIL, or Janet’s “gentle man for a husband” (thank god for this at least).

You have to decide if Janet wants to remain overweight or get off the dime and lose the weight and start fresh. Your MIL is there, she cooks. She cooks bad things? Who cares? No one is making you eat these things. You are conscientiously choosing to do this.

You have to NOW make the decision to keep wasting time and energy and money on Medifast. Continue to make excuses, and binge or “sneak” or take a stand and do this once and for all for yourself. I live in a glass house. 42 years old. I have no one to blame but Mike. It was not my Mom’s bad habits. It’s not my MIL that also cooks wonderful food, and it’s not my wife who, speaks very few words, but is very supportive. Its Mikes decision as it is Janet’s decision to either crap or get off the pot.

I don’t want to hear, some are stronger than others, and some have will power, and some do not. This program is like no other. It is the Houdini of all diets. Again, no magic here, just common sense. Common sense for the first time in most of our overweight lives that we want to use.

Make this decision. I know you want to lose the weight. I know you want to feel different. I know you want to be in the 3% (as you said) of the people, that show the remaining 97% that Janet DID NOT GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK.

Make this choice and do it.

We are here, I am here. Let’s resolve together once and for all!!!

-Mike

[Carrie]

Dear Janot,

Right now you're going through a hard patch. Please know this will pass.

At the risk of starting a boy/girl war, I will say that after having been here for almost 2 months, I have noticed that (in my opinion) us girls take this whole diet thing a whole lot more emotionally than Mike does. I am not in any way minimizing the enormity of Mike's accomplishment - it just seems apparent that he is much more able to 'just do it' without feeling sorry for himself, or mad, or whatever. In the beginning I went through several days where I just plain had a pity party. Then I have my days when I am actually MAD at myself for not eating, or when I'm stressed, or really tired. I have a lot of excuses for messing up my diet, almost all of them revolving around some emotion I am having. I get a lot of comfort from reminding myself that the bad times will pass.

Did you ever read that book 'Men are from mars, women are from venus'?. Well I only really remember one thing about it. Something to the effect of: men's emotions or mental state is pretty much a steady line, and that's normal for them, whereas women's NATURAL emotion/mental state is in flux all the time, like waves coming into shore, they rise up and they crash down and THIS IS NORMAL.

Once I read that it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I thought 'My gosh I'm not some deranged dysfunctional, I'm just a normal woman!' And then, just knowing that, made it all MUCH MUCH easier to live with. Knowing that it's normal and that it's a pattern that normally repeats itself. I know when I'm in the dumps, that it's natural and is going to change naturally. It takes a whole lot of the emotional roller coaster out of life.

I'm struggling right now too, matter of fact a bunch of us are. I went off my program Friday and Sunday and it's set me back about a week. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm back on the plan and not going to let it stop me. I did it, I'll pay the price in the few days recovery time. The last 2 nights I have gotten out my take out menus SEVERAL TIMES, and started to place an order. But the bottom line is that eating that stuff isn't going to solve whatever problem or emotion I'm dealing with. In fact, it's only going to make me feel worse, because then I can add disappointment in myself to the mix. I know that this tough time will pass.

You're having a tough time right now, stick it out, do the best you can and expect to get back to a greater degree of success when this passes. Hang in there.

Carrie

[auntjanot]

Carrie,

Men are from Mars. My husband isn't even on the program and he's lost weight by being supportive! Mike is a breath of fresh air though. He makes you take a good hard look at yourself. No feeling sorry for yourself! I guess I need to get off that kick. I have been reading the posts and it looks like a lot of us are struggling particularly hard this week. Having the holidays a couple of weeks ago and my birthday last weekend really made it hard. Thanks again for all of your support. And the support of all of you. Compassionate, empathetic, symathetic and especially the "tough love" approach.
janet

[Landylue]

My beautiful father had an expression for almost every situation that could arise in life. Mike just used one of them, or, rather, a cleaned-up version of one of them, and I laughed out loud! It's an expression that goes through my head numerous times a week, although I never verbalize it.

"Sh*t or get off the pot!" (SOGOTP!)

I even thought it at church last Saturday when I sat across from the lady who had just had lap-band surgery and was sitting there eating canned nacho cheese! For goodness sakes, get a grip! SOGOTP!

Years ago Bob Newhart was in a skit on Saturday Night Live. He played a highly successful psychologist with an outstanding record for helping his patients. As a new patient was sitting there whinning and moaning about how she couldn't help herself from doing a certain activity, he would cut her off in mid-sentence and scream out at the top of his lungs, "STOP IT!!!" The alarmed patient would then whimper yet another attribute, and, again, the doctor would scream out, "STOP IT!!!" Every negative whine was countered immediately with a resounding "STOP IT!!!"

I finally had to sit myself down in my head last night across from Dr. Newhart who met every little whiney thought I'd carried around all weekend with a stern "STOP IT!!!" I thought it best to follow his advice.

As comforting as hand-holding and sympathy is at times, there are occasions when we need someone to care for us enough to scream out "STOP IT!!!" "YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF--STOP IT!!!"

Janet wrote, "I am so abusive to myself. I have abused my body by neglecting good nutrition, smoking, not exercising and most of all by overeating. I abuse myself every time I look in the mirror. I try the positive self talk, but the abuse comes much easier. I sabotage myself at every turn. I say I want to succeed, but I fail."

Janet: "STOP IT!!!"

Don't make me have to use my Daddy's expression.

Landylue

[auntjanot]

Landylue,
That was one of my Dad's favorite expressions too! One of his other great words of wisdom was used when we tried to handle something that was way too big for us: "What are you trying to do, stuff 10 lbs. of S--T in a 5 lb bag? "
I don't think I am doing that, more like 100 lbs. But I think I this isn't too big to handle. I just have to find my way.
Janet

[Tonya]

I almost had to laugh when I read Mike's post....did Guido just make an appearance? Just kidding - but everything he said was right on the money. It's all just a matter of the type of reinforcement you respond to. I'm a BIG Tony Robbins fan and Mike's post was right up my alley.

I've struggled with depression for about 10 years now - meds, therapy, the whole works - and when I get down on myself, I really get down on myself. I'm just not strong enough, I'm just made to be a little larger, I'm very curvy, I'll never be back to a small size. And if this is honestly what I believe, and tell myself, then that is all that I will ever see. Whatever you focus on tends to manifest itself in your life. So there are days where I need a swift kick in the butt!

There are other days when I need to be gentle with myself and find out why I choose self-sabotaging options. Auntjanot, I would bet that there is a reason that you aren't sticking with this and until you figure that out, it's gonna be a hard road. But remind yourself that you are worth the effort to be healthier and happier.....and if you don't believe that you are - then act as if you are!!

Ask for your family's help (including the MIL)
Take a walk or go play with your cat or dog (if you have one) while the rest of the family is eating
Try to schedule things to do with the family that don't involve food such as board games, etc
The trick is to make the decision and then plan, plan, plan....

So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off - and have a shake!!!

[kimay]

Janet,
Maybe you ought to try this: Right around the time you do your "sneaking around" grab a good book, some bubbles or girly perfumed bathing stuff, some nice hot herbal tea, and lock yourself in the bathroom far away from the TV and kitchen. Stay in there for as long as possible. When you come out go directly to your bedroom and do some more girly pampering like painting your toenails and fingernails. Even if it is every night. You can change your polish and nail color every night just to keep busy and make yourself feel pretty. Put lotion all over your body, nice smelling powders, whatever makes you feel pretty. Get over those negative bad thoughts and turn them into beautiful pretty girl ones! After that get on a pretty nightgown, climb into bed and read some more. Stay in there until you're ready to fall asleep. For goodness sakes, if you have to, go to bed earlier if it helps you to stay away from those snacks and leftovers and what have yous, DO IT.
Just a little suggestion, this works for me on my hard days.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Don't give up so easily, you pick yourself up and get strong girlfriend! We all have it within us.
Kim

[Landylue]

I know that this is an old thread, but I found such comfort and encouragement in it this morning. It just might help some of you, also.

First, let me confess to having my very first day of emotional eating yesterday since beginning Medifast. Stupid eating. Emotional eating. Crazy eating. Irrational eating.

Second, let me put the blame squarely where it belongs: Landylue! I let myself get too tired, too upset over the latest beheading in Iraq, and too upset over my son's latest rejection letter on his endeavor to find a job. Not suprisingly, the food didn't help any of those issues whatsoever, and it SURE didn't help me.

Anyway, today is a new day--a new beginning, and I took the following quotes from Dr. Newhart, Mike, and Carrie and printed them out in H U G E letters and taped them to my refrigerator:

Dr. Newhart: “STOP IT!!!"

Mike: “You have to decide if (insert name) wants to remain overweight or get off the dime and lose the weight and start fresh. No one is making you eat these things. You are conscientiously choosing to do this.

You have to NOW make the decision to keep wasting time and energy and money on Medifast and continue to make excuses, and binge and sneak or take a stand and do this once and for all for yourself. It’s Mike’s decision as it is (insert name) decision to either crap or get off the pot.”

Carrie: “The bottom line is that eating that stuff isn't going to solve whatever problem or emotion I'm dealing with. In fact, it's only going to make me feel worse, because then I can add disappointment in myself to the mix. I know that this tough time will pass.

You're having a tough time right now, stick it out, do the best you can and expect to get back to a greater degree of success when this passes.”

Hang in there!

Maybe this will help someone else, also.

Landylue

[Unca_Tim]

Did everyone notice that #50 club by auntjanot's name?
You're doin' it girl.

In fact, look at everyone's numbers in this post.

Unca

[TamiL]

GREAT POSTS HERE YOU GUYS!! MIKE I NEEDED TO READ YOURS ABOUT 5 TIMES TODAY...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU...
GUIEDO was here....he came..he kicked my ass back into gear...and IM HERE once again...starting OVER....I WONT GIVE UP THIS TIME!!!
I MISS ALL OF YOU SO MUCH...so many new people here now...its GREAT!!
CARRIE...ANGELA...LANDYLU...ALL OF YOU are just TERRIFFIC!! this is just what I needed today...a visit to the forum...a reality CHECK!! THANK YOU ALL!!

Tami

[AJStory]

Here's a couple of things I am doing to help me succeed. I am focusing on 4 months (to lose 50 lbs.) Whenever I am struggling . . . gasping to stay on program, I repeat to myself "4 months, 4 months, 4 months." If I hang on through the current temptation, I find that I can wait it through. Keeping the eye on the goal is a GREAT help. (I think Nancy mentioned that in her own story that she could do anything for a "season.")

The other thing I recommend is a book called "Thin for Life." It focuses on those individuals who lose weight and successful keep it off for years. It has great tools and ideas. The one thing the author talks about is how the research industry focuses a lot of studies on those who fail in the weight loss but not on those who succeed. And there is a lot of them. There is a National Weight Registry which tracks those who have lost the weight and kept it off for at least a year. That is my goal - to be on that registry. (Silly but important.)

I read a bit of the book daily and plan for my maitenance while I am still losing weight. I am not perfect but am trying to improve my life and my health each day!

Good luck, AJ

PS After two weeks, my mantra is NOW "3 1/2 months, 3 1/2 months, 3 1/2 months!"

[justme]

Hey Kim,

You are so right about doing the girly thing to keep busy...I have painted my nails several times this week! On my lunch break I go tan...I know I know it is bad for your skin but it keeps me from eating AND tan fat just looks so much better to me than white fat. I also have gone to sleep earlier just so I won't think about food...amazing how much better I feel getting more sleep!!

Carli

[Landylue]

Good heavens, auntjanot! You skidded into the 50# Club when I wasn't looking!

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s ! ! !

I remember well the very first post from you not all that long ago. You seem to have worked out whatever problems you were having at first. Great job! Excellent effort, my friend.

You know, that's got to be an encouragement to others in and of itself. You are sitting firmly in the 50# Club, but you didn't get there without going through some tough times, as the post that started this thread illustrates. But, you made it anyway, and so can the rest of us.

I'm very proud of your determination.

Landylue