The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[shineface]

ex·or·cise
To expel (an evil spirit) by or as if by incantation, command, or prayer.
To free from evil spirits or malign influences.

Hi All --

Yesterday the topic of exercise really got me thinking --- I just don't do it ... after reading the other posts - Mike you crack me up --- I realized that although I have always "thought" about getting into an exercise routine - I just don't and probably never will - other than some walking or swimming for pleasure.

I think while growing up there are two kinds of support systems that emerge when you are going through emotional issues or any emotions at all -- in some families the message is -- go for a walk, hit the gym, take a run, ride your bike and you'll shake it off. THEN there is from wherest I came - Oh honey, have a box of cookies, a container of ice cream, a soda and a bag of chips and then when you wake up from your sugar coma - we can talk about "it" - if you want to. (I heard a comedian do this bit recently and thought WOW does that hit home! )

I need to EXORCISE right now. Drive out my demons --- rid myself of my dependence and misuse of food. My addiction to flogging myself regularly - physically and emotionally - with FOOD... my drug of choice.

I'm a "push the envelope", "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda gal and I'm sick and tired of doing it in a size 28 pair of pants!!!!!

I need to EXORCISE all of the old programming and messages I have stored in my brain --- just get out... I WILL you to leave me alone! Yeah, Yeah, Yeah--yadda yadda yadda... and so how many times have I had this conversation with myself - which in itself is dangerous, because talking to me is what gets me into these messes... I know what I have to say and have said in the past -- time for new, clear voices with new hopeful messages .... there is a way out --- I will go through whatever it takes to get to the other side! (NO I DON'T HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES ---- I JUST BELIEVE THERE IS THE HEALTHY SIDE OF ME HIDING UNDER THE THUMB OF THE UNHEALTHY SIDE)

Hey, I'm a BIG girl (getting smaller) and I do take full responsibility for all things I do in my life ---- it's now time to do it with FOOD... which is truly been the blight in my life!!! This is the kinda EXORCISE I need right now.

I can't remember a time in my life that FOOD hasn't been the main focal point - whether it was me being fat, needing to lose weight, not being able to normally function because of it, feeling inadequate, feeling disappointed, losing weight, gaining weight, feeling hopeless and alone.

The EXORCISM is in progress. God is with me -- MF is the last weight loss program I will ever need, I am feeling different everyday - stronger - less focused on FOOD - more focused on me and the future without FOOD as the MAIN EVENT and FOCUS of my life!!!! Oh my, "whatever will I do - who will I be?" -- well, I'm ready to find out!

This FORUM - you people are helping me with my exorcism - I can't believe the support and care I find here - a safe place for me to EXORCISE MY DEMONS --- Thanks, I needed that.




WE WILL do this together!!!

[TamiL]

Great Post Pam!!

I totally relate to what you mean about EXORCISING...the old "Demons" in our heads..that tell us things..and keep us in a place that we no longer want to be!! I had a "run" in with my Food Demons the other night..and it wasnt pretty!! my Binge really showed me that these "evil" messages will always be in my head..its a matter of FIGHTING THEM OFF and learning how to turn them OFF when they are taking over my thoughts....

A long time ago..I ordered those TONY ROBBINS motiviation Tapes (beleive me guys..I have tried it all to get this weight off!!) one thing on there always stuck with me...that is so true..and I am applying it after my binge. PAIN AND PLEASURE. we always associate food with Pleasure..when it really should be assoicated as PAIN..because most of us here got here from OVEREATING..and the PAIN of overeating gives us NO PLEASURE!! we associate PAIN with working out..excercise..and that is what keeps most of us from doing it..when it Really provides us with more PLEASURE (in the long run!!) its CRYSTAL CLEAR To me that overeating and eating things not allowed on this program..or overeating even PRODUCTS of the program...cause PAIN..while following the program and giving it your HONEST ALL...will bring us all the PLEASURE we deserve!!

Those little voices in my head....will always be there. No matter what I weigh. its a constant awareness, to override them with the positive thoughts...and know that giving into those voices..will only bring me PAIN!

I DESERVE PLEASURE...we all do. Using food as Fuel only...not as a comfort or a crutch will get me there...to my goal...and with this forum...after seeing Mikes pictures and reading all of your successes...I KNOW ITS POSSIBLE!! together..we will get there!! to THINVILLE!!

Tami

[Jeanette]

Both posts are excellent!! I will refer to them in the tough times!

[Carrie]

Tami and Pam,

Girls, are you sure we're not sisters? I totally relate to everything you said.

It's mid day 2 for me and and my 'evil food monger', as I so affectionately call that rotten little voice in my head, is screaming to be in charge. I realized belatedly that I chose to start the program on the 2 days of the month when I can eat nonstop and never get full. Yes, it's THAT time and here I am trying to get past the first 3 days af medifast as well. As well as being really grumpy! ARGH!!

My e.f.m. is really persistent, as a matter of fact I am starting to think of it as being like the devil himself.

For instance I say:
I do not want to stay this way.
I do not want to stay fat.
I hate being this way.
I do not want to continue eating pure sugar and junk.
I do not want to shorten my life because I am obese.

I'm pretty clear about saying that stuff right? And yet there is another part of me trying desperately to get me to eat. It wants me to get in my car and drive to McD's and order a 10pc mcnugget, a 1/4lber w/ cheese, a super size fries, and a m&m flurry and take it back to my house and sit in my room and eat the whole thing. And maybe I should stop and pick up some chips and candy bars on the way home for later. My e.f.m. is telling me that it's hopeless to start while I'm having PMS, and that I should go get something good and worry about starting the diet tomorrow.

Last night I tried to watch TV. After the umpteenth food commercial I gave up and turned it off. The last commercial I saw was for KFC. Now, I really don't like KFC, but for the rest of the bleepity bleep night my e.f.m. was trying to get me to go there.

This has got to be what it's like for a drunk to try and turn away from the bottle. It would be one thing if I was fighting something external, but I'm fighting my own dang self here!

I have listened to and obeyed e.f.m. for years and getting it to shut up isn't going to be easy. But I'm going to keep trying.

Thanks for listening to my rant!

Carrie

[TamiL]

Carrie...we all know (except the men..the lucky ones) how it is to be expecting a visit from Aunt Flo...and want to eat everything in sight...that is in fact what happens to me just about a week before I start..I have a never ending appetite and I just want to stuff my face. The other night...I let the Evil voices take over..and where did it get me? eating a whole box of Medifast bars...then feeling sick for days...and probably gaining back a pound or two (will not weigh...will give it some time before I hop on the scale after that slip up!!)

sure..while Im standing there..chewing and tasting..it feels great...but afterwards...it was PAIN...Pain of FAILURE..pain that my head got the best of me again...PAIN that I slipped after so many days of doing sooo good!! ITS NOT WORTH IT!! take it from ME..who just experienced it!!

I used to go and BINGE just as you talked about..go thru a drive-thru and get all the food I could..then stop at the store for more desserts..come home..get in some elsatic pants and big old sweatshirt and binge till I was sick and couldnt move....THAT IS WHAT HAS GOTTEN ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY...sure it tastes good at the moment...but afterwards, it was pure HELL and GUILT!! we all know that GUILT!! its just not worth it!! we need to start thinking of FOOD AS FUEL..not a bandaid..not to "help us through" anything...its just something to keep your body going...to keep your motor runnin..thats IT!!

I have used food my whole life to HELP me deal..but it wasnt HELPING it was HURTING!! look where I ended up....isolated, depressed and with no self esteem at all. that worthless feeling is the worst in the world...and I DONT WANT to ever feel that AGAIN!! it HURTS!

so here are my suggestions to you....(which if I had done this the other night..instead of listening to the voices in my head..I would have scaved the BINGE)
when you want to eat....GET UP...move yourself around a bit
Put on some music...find a drawer that needs to be cleaned...Clean your house...do some dishes...open up a book..pick up the phone...DO SOMETHING THAT WILL KEEP YOU OCCUPIED UNTILL THE URGE PASSES!! DONT GIVE IN.....those few minutes of a whopper on your lips will not make things better. Sticking to your shakes and program will..one day at a time!!

Who really misses waking up after a food hangover? NOT ME....had to be reminded of that!! its not WORTH THE PAIN.

for PMS remedy try this:
a Medifast CHoc. shake in the blender with some Divinchi sugar free Peanut butter syrup...plenty of ice....
Some fast soup for the cravings of SALT
and a pickle to cruch on...

DO WHAT IT TAKES to get thru the day....after all, CHANGE is what we are after here..and in order to change our bodies..we have to change our way of thinking...thats where it all begins

Hang in there Carrie..we are all here for you. Just take it one day at a time!!

Tami

[Carrie]

Ok, I just went back and read Mike's 'R-E-S-O-L-V-E' post and between that and Tami's encouragement I feel a lot more positive.

Thank you Thank you Thank you

Sometimes I can't see past the minute in front of my nose. (Hmmm, that would be what got me here wouldn't it?) And sometimes the enormity (no pun intended) of what I need to lose is just so much I don't even want to try. (Hmmm, another reason why I'm here maybe???)

It's funny, in the rest of my life I am a very proactive, can do, go get em girl. But with the weight I have fallen into learned helplessness. And that's a crock. And it's gonna change starting yesterday. No more Ms. Nice Girl.

[shineface]

Carrie said:

This has got to be what it's like for a drunk to try and turn away from the bottle. It would be one thing if I was fighting something external, but I'm fighting my own dang self here!

Not in any way to minimize the struggle of a drunk or drug addict .... I have always said that the problem with having a FOOD addiction is that you cannot just put down your drug of choice ---- you have to pick it up and play with it everyday - food is fuel for our bodies -- the option to "just quit" does not even exist!!!

How would the alcoholic do if (s)he just had to have a little shot three times a day - everyday!!!! Or the drug addict - a little "whatever" just three times a day .... that's how I feel or have always felt about food - this time I will retrain, exorcise and be free from my demon even though I do have to "pick up" my drug of choice everyday... and I'm not fool enough, especially at this point to believe that this can be done without re-thinking my options, re-training my responses and changing my perceptions of what food means and does to me and for me. Substituting long time habits with the kinds of activities and thinking that will not let me get sucked into the H--L HOLE that is my life when I am overeating, unhealthy and fat.

Everything everyone has said is awesome - I get so much from all of you - just in case I haven't mentioned that in the last hour!!!!

WE WILL do this together!!!

[Jeanette]

Carrie said:

This has got to be what it's like for a drunk to try and turn away from the bottle. It would be one thing if I was fighting something external, but I'm fighting my own dang self here!

Not in any way to minimize the struggle of a drunk or drug addict .... I have always said that the problem with having a FOOD addiction is that you cannot just put down your drug of choice ---- you have to pick it up and play with it everyday - food is fuel for our bodies -- the option to "just quit" does not even exist!!!

How would the alcoholic do if (s)he just had to have a little shot three times a day - everyday!!!! Or the drug addict - a little "whatever" just three times a day .... that's how I feel or have always felt about food - this time I will retrain, exorcise and be free from my demon even though I do have to "pick up" my drug of choice everyday... and I'm not fool enough, especially at this point to believe that this can be done without re-thinking my options, re-training my responses and changing my perceptions of what food means and does to me and for me. Substituting long time habits with the kinds of activities and thinking that will not let me get sucked into the H--L HOLE that is my life when I am overeating, unhealthy and fat.

My addiction to food is no different than an alcoholic's addiction to the bottle or a gambler's addiction to the blackjack table. It is a compulsion, deep within, and it is up to me to control it.

I think it's HARDER to have a food addiction, because you HAVE to eat to live! But we do the best we can, and go on with our lives...