The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[ScottsMom]

I just read the post about "eating problem" and I couldn't agree more. I come from a long line of eaters. We eat, in my family. We eat when we're happy. We eat when we're sad. At holidays, we cook enough to feed an army, and we eat most of it. Consequently, my parents and oldest brother are severely obese. My middle brother and me, we are "obsessed" with weight control. We have dieted since we were kids. I remember realizing I was fat in the third grade. I used to cry when we had to weigh at school so that the teacher could put it on our report cards. I remember weighing 110 pounds in 4th grade. I didn't realize how much power food had in my life until I met my husband. My man is 6'3" and slim. He eats to live, literally. He only eats when he is hungry. I eat because it's time. It's lunch time. It's supper time. It is time for a snack. Whatever time it is, I will eat. I eat to celebrate. I eat because it feels good. You guys, it is a disorder. I think that society has gone out of its way to persecute the fat. I am an RN. I will tell you that I have seen how the medical community has ostracized the obese. A perfect example: a nurse that I respected greatly in the ICU stood in front of a DYING 50 year old, 350 pound woman and said "I guess you shouldn't have had all those burgers!" I cried for that patient. How could anyone be so heartless. Since that event, I decided that if anyone in my family is ever hospitalized, I will not leave their side. I will be "that horrible family member in room # whatever" that the nurses hate. I will have a nurses' butt if anything like that ever was said to someone I love. The obese are seen as less of a person, less deserving, somehow. How did society get this way? It breaks my heart. Obesity is a disease, just like diabetes, or lupus, or whatever else. It is dangerous and deserves aggressive research and treatment. People think fat people are lazy, they're slobs, they are gross, etc. It breaks my heart. My parents and brother are hard working people. My mom is a grade school principal, my dad is a respiratory therapist who works double shifts, my brother has his Master's and has a professional position with the Red Cross in Philly. Do you know how many comments I have heard from people when they see my brother? It is infuriating that people make judgements so quickly! At the same time, it kills me to watch my family kill themselves. My dad had a heart attack in 2000 at which time he was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. His MI was very minor and angioplasty cleared all blockage. To me, this was God kicking him in the butt, telling him to shape up. Since then, I would guess he has gained at least 50 pounds. He doesn't watch his diet AT ALL!!!! He doesn't visit the doctor regularly. He knows better, but doesn't think anything will happen to him. It makes me cry knowing that he is just a time bomb. I live each day, wondering when he is going to have another MI. It makes me sick. I feel powerless. I can't make my family lose weight. I pray all the time for them. My brother actually decided a year ago or so to get into shape. He did really well for awhile, losing more than 80 pounds, but has recently "fallen off the wagon". I am hoping that my success with MF may influence them in a positive way. I know I am rambling, but I just wish that society would change. People are so judgemental and hurtful. I saw a post by Hyperion that said something about how fat people have better developed personalities. I am probably misquoting, but I agree. When you can't depend on you hot little butt to take you where you need to go in the world, your personality and intelligence has to go a long ways. We are not a shallow, snotty, superficial people. We are good people who can contribute so much to this world, given the chance. I feel such a since of belonging here. Thank you all. You are wonderful people and I love you all even though I barely know you. We can overcome our disease, not because we want that hot butt (though, I desperately do), but because we need to be healthy, and good examples to our kids and grandkids. Sorry for the ramble, but I had a few things to say. I talk too much!!
Love You!
Lora

[SueInSLO]

That was a wonderful post Lora!!


I applaude you and agree 110%. I too work in the medical field and have overheard doctors making comments about obese "patient's" in a degrading and unacceptable way. It's just wrong! Being overweight myself I took it ever harder.

Thanks for sharing and putting your thoughts down to share with us.

Sue

[falisamarie]

Lora

Your post really hits home!! You are so right that people in the medical profession tend to look at obese people with almost a disgust like why did you let yourself get that way. It is a disease!! Don't get me wrong I take full responsibility for my weight but it is a hard process to accept that we do have a problem and even harder to change it. I NEVER EVER allow my children to "make fun" of large people I am teaching them compassion for them instead. Your words were very motivating so thank you for sharing what was in your heart.

Lisa

[MusicalMomma]

WOW! Your post is SO....so....oh my it hit home! I am speechless, so I will just say BRAVO!!! WELL SAID!!!!

[Dayna]

Thank you so much for sharing. Your father reminds me of my father-in-law; he's diabetic, takes insulin in the pill form, but WILL NOT stay away from sugar, if it's available to him. He poisons himself on a regular basis. He is killing himself. Like you, I'm hoping that my success on Medifast might open the way to introduce my family members (sister, mother, and especially father-in-law) to the program.

Your post brought tears to my eyes (well, your post coupled with the extra estrogen in my system ). Thanks again for sharing.

- Dayna

[Carrie]

Hi Lora,

I can relate to everything you said, in fact, when I first started trying to control my weight almost 2 years ago, I was regularly posting similar thoughts and feelings. I was outraged too, and on top of it, mad at men in general, because I knew when I lost some weight a bunch of em who hadn’t given me the time of day would be clamoring after me…….and I really struggled with the psychological aspects of being heavy and trying to lose it. It really seemed like I fought with those issues quite a bit more than most people……and honestly thinking about it and trying to analyze it, and talking about it, etc etc didn’t do any good. The only thing that did was just applying myself to my goal, losing some of the weight and getting out and living my life on my terms. I realized a few months ago that all that stuff had reconciled itself while I was out living my life for the first time in years. I don’t have the internal struggle about societal prejudices, and the chip on my shoulder about men…..it just kinda worked itself out. (not that any of it isn’t absolutely valid and truly shameful - it just doesn’t preoccupy me anymore)

Of course, there has been a catch for me. Since I lost some of the weight my self-esteem soared and I was frankly perfectly happy in my size 16 jeans. I stayed that way for over a year and then during a health crisis let myself return to my old eating habits, I regained 30 pounds). Now, it’s pure complacency that is my biggest enemy. But my spirit has not returned to that old injured, scared person. I have kept the self-esteem, and NO ONE will ever take that from me again.

I worry about my father as well. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have him, and I’ll never know how much time with him that his weight problem cost me. It’s a bitter pill.

What I can tell you……is that for me facing my weight and all the mental ‘stuff’ has made all the difference in the world. I lost about 75 pounds and got into 16’s for the first time probably 10 years. I used to have a lot of FEAR. I was in some ways ruled by my fears. Fear of losing my parents, fear of what people thought of my fat self, fear of needles, fear of flying, etc etc. I used to fight so hard to get my Dad to change. But for some reason that I cannot articulate….. this journey has made those fears ‘life-sized’ and I can handle them all now. I recently had a hysterectomy, and actually survived the IV and all the other stuff that would’ve sent me into hysterics without a single tear……I get on planes and am almost completely calm. Used to be I couldn’t even think about losing my father without breaking down. Now, I know that it’ll be devastating – but that I will survive and will be able to continue to live a life of joy. I’ve ‘let go’ of the things I can’t control, and my life is much more peaceful and balanced as a result. (Not that I don’t completely understand your frustration – I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t let it get in the way of achieving your goal)

I wish I could explain how or why this worked for me – but I really can’t. I can only say just keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on YOUR goal, let the rest of the world work itself out along the way. There’s a saying in AA “Fake it till you make it” and I realize that unwittingly that’s what I did. I ‘acted’ like I could lose weight until I actually did and that in itself created change across the board for me. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything, and I hope that the benefits of weight loss are as tremendous for everyone as they have been for me……….


Carrie

[Loribug]

I have to defend "the medical profession". I do agree with you a hundred percent on the way obese people are treated but it is by the general population overall, yes, there are some "medical professionals" that feel that way, but they are of that general populace too. Iam a nurse and Ihave lots of friends fat and thin that do not feel that way. And there are tactless, rude people everywhere you go, and yes I believe in the hospital, when you are ill, people should be more professional,but you always have that few that are ignorant and callous. but there are way more caring and thoughtfull professional medical people that outway the number of ignoramouses.

[ScottsMom]

Carrie,
What a great story!! You are inspirational and I am so glad that your life is going in the direction that it is. It is weird, looking back at life and seeing how things affected you. I have not a single memory of my childhood and teenage years that isn't clouded by my weight. I have never been extremely overweight. In fact, when I graduated from high school, I was a 14 and weighed around 165 or 170. But, when you are in high school, perfection is all that is desired. Everyone wanted to be a 6 and 115 pounds. I was very outgoing and popular, but I ALWAYS ALWAYS worried about my weight. I would hear a giggle behind me and just know that they were laughing at me because of my weight. I spent hours in front of the mirror criticizing myself. I rode horses and did the junior rodeo thing and worried constantly about what I looked like on horseback. I had a trainer tell me that even 10 extra pounds would add seconds to my barrell racing time. Any comment like that was devastating. I went to college and lost a bit with weight watchers and lost even more on Podimin and Phentermine. I got to around 125 and a size 4. My jerk boyfriend at the time said something one evening to the effect of "well, we know you are a little too ample" or something. Devastated me. At that time, my mom told me I was looking anorexic. I was. I was actually bony. But still, the "fat demons" surrounded me. I was 140 when I got married three and a half years ago. I looked great at my wedding and was wearing an 8. I still wanted to lose about 10 or 15 pounds. That was my goal. But I got pregnant. I knew I would have trouble with weight gain while pregnant. In fact, my OB told me to try to not gain more than 15 to 20 pounds. I actually laughed when he said that. I gained 12 pounds the first 8 weeks. I will honestly say, I did not pig out while I was pregnant. I was in graduate school and working full time, so I didn't exercise. I think that being a nurse and working full time was quite a bit of activity..... but, I packed on 50 pounds. Everyone said that I would lose 20 in the hospital and with breastfeeding, it would just fall off. WRONG! I got home and weighed after Scott was born and I hadn't even lost the 6 pounds and 12 ounces that he weighed!!! Breastfeeding didn't help. I tried to diet, but killed my milk supply when I cut my calories. I decided that I would rather breastfeed my son than lose weight, that was more important. Scott breast fed until he was almost 11 months. Then I hit the dieting hard. Thus far, MF has been the most successful! I still have trouble believing that it will really happen. You know, being comfortable in my own skin seems like an unobtainable dream. I have to keep reminding myself that I can really do it!!! I can't imagine wearing clothes that I am comfortable in, not constantly worrying about what I look like. It will be a new experience for me because I have no memories of ever feeling that way! I can't wait!!
Lora

[katieb920]

Wow everyhting you just wrote is everyhting I wish I could have written. My mom died of a massive heart attack. She smoked she never in her life ate a healthy meal. After she passed I said I would never be like her. The thing is I am exactly like her. I did quit smoking after 14 years but the food I needed the food it was like heaven. But it fianlly came to me that I want to be around for a long time. I want to see my grandchildren (my son is only 7). My mom never got to meet her grandson I was 7 weeks pregnant. I applaud you for what you wrote. You are doing great

[onehotmommy]

I totally agree that you get treated so differently when you are overweight. I think back to my thinner days and people were so much nicer. It was like I was worth more then or something. Too bad people don't realize you are the same person, only a terribly sad version because of how you get treated.

As far as medical professionals go, I saw a Dr a few months back and as I sat there in the room with my 8 month old and told him how I was so badly fatigued that I could barely get out of bed and take care of the kids, his advice to me was to get out and walk, "just walk" he said. "You can't lose the weight sitting in front of the tv, watching Oprah, and eating chips." What a jerk. I was like, "I NEVER stop, I don't think you understand". Apparently he doesn't count chasing 2 kids all day, even if I only stop for a total of maybe 1 hour all day. That time is usually spent driving to get DS from school, so it isn't like I get a freakin nap or anything. My lab work came back with my cholesterol elevated for the first time ever....232. I also have a family history of stroke/heart disease.....the heart disease pops up in otherwise healthy family members who are not even overweight and also happens earlier than the average age for such....the cholesterol was a red flag to me. But, again, he says, "Just walk, 232 isn't THAT high". I haven't been back to him needless to say. I felt like I had absolutely no worth to him whatsoever. I also demanded thyroid testing, which came back showing a slightly hyperactive thyroid....yes, that is right, HYPERACTIVE. So, why is it that I am over 200 lbs again? Again, just walk. Perhaps if I could have gotten out of bed, got dressed, took care of the kids, and still had a minute ounce of energy left, I would have mosey-ed on outside in the cold air with my infant and hoped that the neighbors actually had their dogs locked up and they were not out roaming. That is a whole other soapbox though. It still infuriates me when I think of it though. I can honestly say I have seen the bottom of the barrel in medical care and I will not bite my tongue the next time I see such.

[falisamarie]

Reading all of your posts has made me really appreciate my family doctor. I wish you could all go to him. He has never degraded me about my weight and he is the one who recommended Medifast to me. I went to see him last week and when he saw that I had already lost 9lbs in 10 days since I saw him last all he said was that he was proud of me and to keep it up that I could do it. He is so supportive and loving a true gem!!

Lisa

[Serendipity]

Sometimes, I think doctors can't win either way. My doctor has always been very patient with me. Gently asking me if I've tried any exercise, do I need help finding the right diet, do I want to look into surgery, etc. Just a mention during my yearly checkup....no pressure. While I was on the way up the scales, I was very grateful to her for being that way. Right now, though, when I think about it with a sane mind.....I kinda wish she had pushed me a little harder.......or at least listed the health problems I was bound to encounter if I continued the way I was. See? My doctor can't win. When we blame our doctors, our husbands, our children, our friends, family, society - whoever for making us feel bad, we are misguided! We make the choice. We are responsible for ourselves. If we don't like the comments we get from people, maybe we need to look inside and take some of the responsibility. I like what Loribug said.....there are tactless, rude people everywhere. Some are just downright mean! We can't control that, but what we can control is our reaction to them. We can have pity parties or we can do something to change.

Waiver: The above words are just my humble opinion and are in no way meant to support people who make rude comments.

[ScottsMom]

I agree. I wasn't intending on having a "pity party". Nor, was I making excuses. I am completely and totally responsible for my weight, as are the people in my family responsible for theirs'. However, I find it saddening that obesity is treated so differently from other disorders. I will defend the medical professional, too, because I am one of them. I think that a compassionate approach is often missing. It is the duty of the doctor or whomever to tell the patient the dangers associated with obesity. The key is compassion! For example, instead of saying, "Well, stop eating so many hamburgers" perhaps it would be better recieved as, "I think that your weight is really damaging your body. You have high blood pressure and cholesterol. Your knees ache because of the extra weight. I am worried about your heart. Are you ready to discuss weight loss options?" This is what I am saying. I have never seen a doctor or nurse scoff at a patient with cancer or something. It would be looked upon in outrage if that happened! What's the difference? I think obesity is a disease that should be treated in the same manner as all other infirmities. That's all I am saying. I firmly believe in the genetic tendency to be obese. This is not to say that we can't overcome our genetic tendency. Alcoholism is genetic, too. But just because your dad was alcoholic doesn't mean you have to be, too. You just have to be much more careful than the average person. People are obese because they eat too much. Plain and simple. Stop eating too much and you won't be obese anymore. Plain and simple. We all know how difficult that is. All I am asking for is an acknowledgement of the difficulty of overcoming this disease and a little compassionate help from the physicians and staff that are there to help. No excuses, no pity party.
Lora

[MomJackieLee]

Thanks for the lovely posts all. Such a great topic!!! I have to say iI was pleased with my doctor at my visit this week. He made no mention of needing to lose weight. I think if you are there for another problem (pneumonia for me) and already feeling like crap, it's not anyone's place to bring up weight loss - and he didn't. It actually made me feel pretty good because his wife was working the front desk and she is about my size and she is beautiful. She is super sweet, interested in your day, dresses in casual but nice clothes, really puts time into her hair and makeup and you can just see her confidence! He also seems to treat her like she is his china doll. So refreshing a change!!!

I think it takes loving yourself just the way you are right now to believe that you are worth the effort to make improvements. If my body is a temple (and it is) it is beautiful in it's own right. If I decide to do some renovation and beautification, it is still the same temple - I am just taking the time and giving it love in taking care of it. I do yoga and meditation/prayer each day and this has helped me to get to know my body and love it as it is, and know that it is ok to spend time on a bit of upkeep/maintenance.

[falisamarie]

Lora

I totally agree with your words and agree that obesity should be viewed as any other illness. My sister is a brittle diabetic and once she got sick and her blood sugar was well above 500 and she was delirious by the time my mom got her to the ER and the nurse had the nerve to look at my mom and say to her "how could you let her get like this" my mom was absolutely horrified!! Sometimes I think that some in the medical profession lack any compassion at all and if you don't have compassion and are in the medical field you should really look for another line of work because a disease is a disease regardless of what it is!!!

Great words and great motivation...Thank you

Lisa