The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DonicaB]

Well, like QT.....I was a little disappointed today when I got on the scale. Yes......I said I got on the scale. I know I said I was putting it away and I have, but curiosity just killed me. Yesterday was 2 weeks on MF so I wanted to see what I had lost in 2 weeks. Unfortunately I had not lost anything since the weigh in on Sunday. I weighed exactly the same. So.....I was a little disappointed.. OK, OK, I was mad.

However,.........I refuse to let it get to me. There is absolutely no way that I won't lose weight if I just stick to it. I will stay strong. The alternative is to give up (once again) and gaining weight will be inevitable. Since I have done nothing but gain weight with my old eating habits.

So....let's see.. ...stick with it and lose.......... or quit and gain? I think I will stick with it.

I think I may be getting a little too much lean with my L & G. I really have a hard time eating vegetables. I don't really like them that much. I love salad, but cannot stand LF or FF dressings of any kind. I have been experimenting though, I tried mixing a little salsa with some LF ranch. It wasn't too bad, but it still had that funky LF taste. I also like green beans and zucchini. Other than that....I'm at a loss.

I have also been having trouble getting my supps in consistently. My youngest son is currently playing basketball and doesn't have his license yet (4 weeks yipee!) so I do a great deal of running. My family has eaten out at least 4 times in the past week. I have been very proud of myself for making excellent choices (salads every time w/ yucky dressing). I'm afraid though, that I am going to have to figure out a way to stay at home for meals. I need consistency......consistency.....consistency.

Speaking of needing a supp.....it's that time now. Gotta run.

[KeleeGrl]

I think all of our scales are broken!!

We need to hang in there though. I had the same talk with myself. Its not showing much on the scale right now, but I feel better physically and mentally cuz I know it will eventually move those numbers. I just keep looking at all of the before and after pics and tell myself that I will get there!

[DonicaB]

Well, I have been a little frustrated this morning. I'm not sure if frustrated is the right word. I'm not quite sure what to call the feeling I am having. For some reason this morning I have been aggravated by the fact that I have allowed myself to get to this point in my life. I'm angry for having to limit myself with my eating. I'm angry because it seems so easy for others. I'm angry because I feel like it is going to take so long for me to get to goal. I'm angry because I am having these feelings and I have only been on MF for 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!

I guess I am beginning to miss my good old pal, food. I know in my heart that food does not give me joy or happiness. I know that food is not my friend. I know I really want to lose this weight and I am going to have to stay strong and really do this or..................the weight will never come off.

I don't like feeling this way. I like the way I felt yesterday. How in 1 day can I go from being on top of the world with excitement over losing a little weight and looking forward to losing more...........to..........all of this frustration and anger?

I am so sick of being at this point. Constantly having to reinforce to myself that getting to that goal and staying there will make me much happier than eating a piece of pizza or a pop-tart. Why can't I just stay strong in mind and spirit? What is this hold that food has on me? Why do I allow it to have a hold on me? I mean it's food........not a person. How can I let it control me?

Don't worry......I am aggravated and frustrated........but I will not give in. I know the minute I give in.....I will have wasted all that I am trying to accomplish.

[Sojourner]

Donica - you're stepping out of your comfort zone and your current internal defenses are responding. I wrote a very long post in my journal about this very thing - how to change those defenses to match your goals. It might help you understand what is happening. Here's the link.
http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=101868#101868
Stay strong, girl - you can do this!

[KeleeGrl]

Donica, I definitely feel for you cuz I have the same darn questions and I see the after pics of some of these people and think there's no way I will ever get that small. And let me tell you 2 weeks already feels sooooo long and again I want instant results. I have been miserable this week and can't explain it.

I don't even know what to say to you to make you feel better because I am having the same feelings. I guess we'll just have to stick to being compliant and see what happens. I hope 3 months from now we are totally turned around from what's going on with us now. I can't even explain how much I feel the same exact way you do.

Hang in there girl...we'll do this together.

[Lauren]

Donica and Kelee - I think the key here is that you are actually FEELING these feelings. It is pretty likely that up until now, your eating has almost been a buffer to feeling anything, and now, without that buffer, it's like your emotions have been stripped raw.

I think I had similar emotions a few weeks into the process as well. At the very beginning, first couple weeks, I just felt good and strong and proud. And then, little by little, I felt angry at the fat self, disgusted that I was in this position, and many other similar feelings. Then I went through a process months into the diet where I felt really sad for my old self, I mourned for the fat me, felt guilty for letting me feel so bad (physically and mentally), and for putting me through that hell. Then, towards the end of the dieting phase, I felt bad for the old me in a different way. I was hugely aware of the differences in how I had been treated as a fat woman vs how I am treated in normal-land. I grieved for the fat me who needed so much more help but didn't get it, and the new me who feels strong and independent, but everyone (guys, especially) are so eager to assist. I still grieve for that person, and still hope that I retain my compassion and empathy for the obese, because we all know what a freakin' struggle it is, and the thin folks of the world definitely do not understand it!

But the key here is not my stages of feeling, or yours, or anyone else's. The key is that it may be the first time that you are letting yourself (or forcing yourself) to really feel something without the numbing sensation of food. It's right there, bubbling at the surface, making you want to cry, laugh, scream, whatever. So do it. Own it.

Guarantee you'll come out better on the other side.

Lauren

[DonicaB]

Thanks Kelli, Sojo and Lauren. You're encouragement is so welcomed.

Sojo, I read your Jan. 07 journal entry. It has definitely given me some things I need to ponder. I will probably read it a couple of more times to fully grasp the things you talk about.

Lauren, you are a true inspiration. I think you are right when you say I am feeling something without the numbing sensation of food. Sometimes I am afraid of what it is I hide from and why I use food to numb the emotions. I have a pretty good idea that it has something to do with the loss of my parents at such young ages and the feeling of losing part of my identity because of that loss. I have never came to a full understanding of how the loss of my parents has truly affected my life, but I do honestly believe my weight issue stems from that very thing.

Kelli, you and I are gonna stick this thing out. We can do it, Kelli. If you haven't read Sojo's post on Jan. 7, I highly recommend it. Let's create a new image of ourselves.

I am off to another basketball game. I hope to have time to log on again later this evening. I love this forum.......it really helps keep things in perspective.

DonicaB

[dede4wd]

Donica,

Keep your chin up! These feelings will pass. There's certainly nothing I can add that Lauren and Sojo didn't say. I am kind of on the same boat with the scale not moving for all this time...I'm SO fighting the "screw it, I'll just get pizza" feeling right now.

I also know the difference between the way the fat me was treated and the not so fat me is being treated now. I mourn for that girl that needed the help and didn't get it because people looked past her. Changes your whole perspective!

You'll get through this, the scale will start moving again and in a few weeks, you'll have one less kidlet to cart around!

DeDe

[DonicaB]

After being in a not-so-great mood today, I still managed to stay 100% compliant. I even managed to say "NO" to pizza at lunch. I had forgotten that I had a committee meeting for half of my school day today. They brought in pizza from a new little pizza place in town. The pizza smelled wonderful. Luckily they also brought in salad. I ate just a small bowl of salad. They didn't have any LF dressings so I used just a small amount of regular dressing. Actually come to think of it.......maybe I wasn't 100% compliant since I had some regular dressing.

While at the basketball game I kept thinking about my self image. I definitely don't picture myself as a thin person. I don't really remember that person. I seems like I have been overweight for so long now that I don't even remember what it felt like to be thin. I also realized that I have been overweight for almost half of my life now. I have only been seriously overweight for the past 6 years, but began struggling with my weight right after the birth of my first son. I had him at age 22 and he is 18 now.

I want to be able to imagine myself thin, but right now that is very hard to do. I'm going to work on it though.

I used to want to amaze others with my weight loss. Now, I just want to amaze myself. I want to look in the mirror and say, "WOW, you go girl!"

[DonicaB]

A little frustrated again today. I only lost 2/10 of a pound this week, even after being completely compliant all week. It is very frustrating when you know you have done everything right, but the scale doesn't show it.

I did expect to hit a plateau around the 3rd week because that is what I did last time. This is only the middle of the 2nd week though.

I refuse to stop. I know this will pass, it must.

Snowed in today. We got about 5 inches over night. I already did my laundry so today looks like a boring day. I have to be careful on boring days, because it is very easy to start wanting to eat. I'm sure I can find something to do to keep myself busy. My DH will say, "I can think of a few things we could do."

Anyway, I refuse to let the scale get me down (too much). I just hope it moves next week.

[bikipatra]

Donica, we are all different in the ways our bodies adjust to this program. I have faith that if you remain compliant you will have results. You can't NOT! Really! Patience, my friend.

[DonicaB]

I know you are right, Biki. I'm determined to stick it out. Thanks!

DonicaB

[Sojourner]

I know you are right, Biki. I'm determined to stick it out. Thanks!
DonicaB

As long as that remains true, you've got this thing in the bag, girl!

[KeleeGrl]

Donica - hang in there! You'll see, the scale will all of suddenly drop...and its a good feeling. I had been stepping on that darn scale all last week and it didn't seem to be budging and then Sunday it moved!...that was a little over a week because I started on a Thursday so maybe you just need a couple extra days.

Lauren - you have such great advice and its funny how you know exactly what we're feeling....I know its because you've been through, but your so good in putting it into words. Thanks for your support!

Have to do some catching up and want to go read Sojo's 1/7 journal entry.

I'm thinking of you Donica, keep your head up...we are going to do this this time!

[dede4wd]

Just checking in to see how you're doing!

DeDe