The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

I'm sorry you have to go through all this drama, Robin. This reminds me of something I say to my kids sometimes - "your actions are just proving to me that I made the right decision."

[j0j0ruca]

Freaking nut job

Kudos to you though for being strong!

[Lizabette]

this is called escalation.
it's actually a pretty predictable pattern. this kind of behavior usually ends in violence in longer relationships, because the person is so afraid of being alone that they will do anything to keep the other person from moving on. I'm extremely thankful that you did not continue to date this guy.
i don't know how much the tickets are, but i would consider it a small price to pay for getting him out of your life.

I really have to agree with Alpha on this... and particularly the last part about the tickets.
I've thought that for quite a while, now.
I hope you get them peaceably, but if you don't, chalk it up to 'sperience'!
It's unfair, but life is not always fair.
The cashed check deal may have to be dealt with, however.

[DogMa]

Well, yeah, I did find some tickets online for not THAT much more than face value. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow, I'm going to e-mail again and tell him that I'm buying tickets elsewhere and expect him to return the money I sent or I'll sue for it.

I've had it.

[alpha femme]

see, you guys think the tix issue is just him being a jerk. it is not; it's bait. it's some bright colored string for robin to chase.

i walked away from 1/4 of a million dollars in equity in a house (my share) to get away from crazy, because, well, you gotta pick your battles.

let's say you do this: send him a certified letter to his office telling him that you consider your check to him to be part of a business transaction. he can pay you back or email the tickets within 3 business days. after that you will take legal action. know what he'll think? "Oh! she wants me."

let's say you actually sue him. know what he'll think? "Oh! she needs to see me! otherwise, why would she bother?"

send him an email that lets him know the cost of the tickets was a small price to pay to get his sorry ass out of your life-- and then recognize yourself that it's true.

the thing about bait is: it's only laid out by predators, no matter how harmless they seem.

[bikipatra]

I wrote the same thing days ago:

DogMa wrote:

And if I have to sue, I will. Idiot. .

I wouldn't do that. According to all the courtroom shows I watch, men interpret that as wanting to have continued contact with them, whatever the price. "She just still wants to see me."

Not from my experience but from all the slime bags on Judge Mathis. Still, we came to the same conclusion. Maybe she'll listen to you.

[DogMa]

I would listen if he'd done anything harmful or threatening in any way. But he hasn't. Alex, I know your ex was abusive. He's not; he's just pathetic. He's done nothing to indicate that he's crazy in a dangerous way, and if he were, I think there would have been some signs in four months. I've never even seen him display any anger, toward anyone.

Anyway, here's my basic plan: I'm going to give him a few more hours to respond. If I don't hear anything, I'll send an e-mail telling him I'm sick of his games and he obviously doesn't intend to keep his word, and I'm buying tickets online instead. And that I fully expect him to reimburse me for the check he cashed. No talk of a lawsuit, and if he doesn't send the money, I'll drop it and move on. And I'll tell him that his actions have made it clear that I made the right choice, and that he won't be hearing from me again, no matter what.

[DogMa]

Oh, and 134.4 this morning, so it's dropping right back down. No run this morning (scheduled day off from running), although I think I'm going to do a tape later on. Either Slim in 6, to see if it's easier than it was eight months ago, or a tape one of my workout buddies gave me to test out for the group.

[alpha femme]

i wasn't thinking about my ex so much as i was that creepy incident from a while ago where he showed up repeatedly-- and then blamed it on his friends. that established a serious lack of boundaries.

[JKSRN]

[bikipatra]

I would listen if he'd done anything harmful or threatening in any way. But he hasn't. Alex, I know your ex was abusive. He's not; he's just pathetic. He's done nothing to indicate that he's crazy in a dangerous way, and if he were, I think there would have been some signs in four months. I've never even seen him display any anger, toward anyone.
.

Well, that is not normal and he has a lot of repressed anger which is spilling out all over the place with accusations that you are already seeing someone else and this whole ticket ordeal.

[DogMa]

OK, I do appreciate that everyone's concerned. And I did e-mail earlier to tell him that I was getting tickets on my own and that I'd like him to return my money but that if he didn't, I'd consider it a small price to pay.

So ... six voicemails and one visit later (no, I didn't open the door, and I actually had the phone in my hand to call the cops when he finally left), and he left me: the tickets, a letter, a scrapbook basically detailing every minute detail of everything that happened from the moment he first e-mailed me last December (but only up until Valentine's Day; I'm not clear whether he did it all as it happened or did it in the past couple of weeks since I broke up with him, but either way, creeeeepy; he had a printed TRANSCRIPT of the first voicemail message I left him, complete with every "um"), and some roses. And he's now told me three times that he loves me. He even went so far as to block his number, so I wouldn't know it was him calling. Except I only know one person who has a blocked number, and I had just talked to her.

Obviously, I'm not responding in any way. If he comes to the house again, I WILL call the police. Other than that, I'm just going to ignore all voicemails and e-mails.

Meanwhile, the prof seemed nice - and normal. He was married for 15 years, has been divorced for eight, has been out with people he didn't care to see again. Seemed aware of the world. I had free tickets to an outdoor concert tomorrow night and was going to go with a friend; she's been sick, though, so I asked if he'd be interested in taking her place. Told him I'd call tonight after I checked in with her to see how she's doing. My one concern is he has two kids (17 and one a little younger) and only sees them a couple of times a year, but I figure I don't know the whole story and maybe there are reasons. Although I'm not sure what they'd be.

I see no reason to leave JDate because of one bad experience, though. I've been on there on and off for years, and this is the first nutcase I've met. The others haven't worked out, but they weren't crazy or anything (well, except conspiracy-theory guy, but even he never called or anything after I said I wasn't interested).

Anyway, hopefully this is the end of it. I just hope he doesn't come by tonight, because I want to watch the game in peace.

[Tawanda]

Oh goodness Robin. I'm glad you have the tickets finally and glad that you have a plan figured out if he comes by again.

I hope the professor turns out to be someone you enjoy being with and even if it doesn't become romantic, it is always nice to have new friends to do things with (or at least I like it, ).

[nickieluv]

Wow - the scrapbook thing reminds me of this guy I knew in college. We went to a dance together as friends, or so I thought - the next day, after explaining that I did not like him 'that way' (I was 17 and barely out of high school, cut me some slack!) he left in my mailbox a storybook he had made detailing all his thoughts of me from the first time he saw me in class. Crrrrrrrrrazy, seriously. He turned out OK, though, I think - I saw him before graduation and he was seeing someone and had dropped out of the music program, but still played guitar and was part of the Christian club or whatever. I'm not trying to be degrading, I just don't know what to call it. We met again because he was dating the roommate of a voice major that I was playing piano for. Anyway, not that you cared. Just be glad he's (hopefully) out of your life - that kind of creep factor is unsettling.

[DogMa]

Nickie, thta IS crazy. Although at least he'd known you awhile and it didn't include weird little things he'd saved. The scrabbook included a photo of the baloon and flowers he gave me when I got back from taking care of my uncle.

It's funny, though, because it was only the first month or so; it ended with the fruit thing he sent me for Valentine's Day. I suspect he threw it together now (it was all written in the same pen) to somehow impress me.

In any case, he hasn't called or visited or even e-mailed since yesterday afternoon (not even a postgame e-mail, thankfully). So just maybe it's finally over.

And boo, Ducks. I know there were some bad calls, and there's no way that one Ottawa goal should have counted, but even so. What was with all the penalties? I think they got a little cocky after winning two in a row. I hope they realize now that they still need to play.