The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

alpha femme · by **alpha femme** » March 8th, 2007, 11:57 pm

the thing is, you made it clear that you weren't really into him. now he's proven he's capable of sustained lying and has no sense of boundaries. this just has a lot of potential to go terribly wrong.

as for getting advice colored by past experiences.... damn right! that's how these things work. be careful; i don't wanna have to fly to texas to kick some jewish guy's ass 'cause he hurt miss robin.

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » March 9th, 2007, 4:19 am

Something about you makes me think I'd want you on my side in a street fight, alex :mrgreen:

DogMa · by **DogMa** » March 9th, 2007, 5:47 am

Ha. Yeah, me, too. I'm really not terribly worried, though. He seems to finally be getting it. We'll see, I guess. In the meantime, he was making it a point to sprinkle pop-cultural references into the conversation last night, but they were still all about 20 years old. Sigh. Although when I mentioned some stuff about American Idol, he knew Kelly Clarkson and a couple of others. And he was even a little funny. So who knows? Maybe in two weeks I'll dump him for good, or maybe in 20 years we'll be telling this weird story about how we got together. You never know, I guess.

Meanwhile, I ate kind of poorly last night because I missed my late-afternoon feeding and was too hungry. And I'm paying for it now because my stomach's not happy with me. So today I'm heading toward the program, although not there yet (still hoping to avoid it if I can). Two of my snacks will be Medifast meals, one will be a bar that's comparable but with a few extra calories, and a couple will be lean and greens. And one will be just a lean (no green at that bbq place next to work - but I'm going to do what I did last week, and just get the turkey with no bread).

No run/walk today because I don't think I could stay on there for half an hour without a bathroom break (sorry, TMI). I'll do the afternoon workout, though. Oh, and I'm signing up for Race for the Cure in April with a team from work. I don't know that I'll be able to do anything but walk it, but it's still a start. And it's kind of cool. We'll be walking in honor of Molly Ivins, with special T-shirts. She used to write for our paper.

petladyinRI · by **petladyinRI** » March 9th, 2007, 6:30 am

My, I check out for a while (so-o-o busy) and come back, and so much has happened!

No offense to anyone but I'm rooting for JDG, probably because in many ways he reminds me of my DH of 17 years. Engineer? check! Secret level security clearance? Yessir! Narrow interests and reading (Old English Motorcycles)? yuppers! naive and awkward in relationships when we met? Oh, yeah! Loves animals (his and mine)? Absolutely! And he didn't have to come by persistently, -- he saw me every day at work. which was scary in itself, since a bad ending would have been more problematic having to see each other daily. And he would have been very anxious had I been dating anyone else.

But there is no kinder or more loyal guy on the planet. Living with me has definitely broadened his horizons (he will even go to the ballet and then try to talk about it with me). I am very happy. But that's just me.

Whatever you decide, we just want you to be happy. And, BTW, eHarmony will not accept gay or atheist applicants, or so I've been told.

Tawanda · by **Tawanda** » March 9th, 2007, 7:04 am

Serendipity wrote:Something about you makes me think I'd want you on my side in a street fight, alex

I agree with Jo 100%.

Robin, we just want you to be happy (and safe). You know best what to do so I hope things work out however you'd like them to be.

DogMa · by **DogMa** » March 9th, 2007, 8:30 am

Thanks, petlady, that's kind of what I'm hoping for. He certainly loves animals, and I suspect he's more attached to my dogs than he is even to me. Aside from pleading for a second chance, he was also pleading for a chance to say goodbye to the dogs. And last night, because I was concerned about the ingredients in the gourmet treats he had gotten for them (because Teemu has allergies), he went back to the store to find out what was in them, and apparently bought a whole bunch of other treats for them. And OK, he actually made a couple of funny comments when we were talking last night. So who knows?

I know you guys are/were concerned, and BELIEVE me, I'm not going to be stupid about this. I'm on the lookout for any more indications of trouble, and I'm interested to see his reaction when I tell him I'm going to see "Rent" with a guy friend.

As for eHarmony, I obviously have no issues with gays OR atheists, but I'm not looking to date the former (sorry, Alex; if I were, you'd be my first call - and Sarya would be my second

).

alpha femme · by **alpha femme** » March 9th, 2007, 8:59 am

DogMa wrote:As for eHarmony, I obviously have no issues with gays OR atheists, but I'm not looking to date the former (sorry, Alex; if I were, you'd be my first call - and Sarya would be my second ).

it's okay. but... wait. uhmmm...
if it ever comes up, can you call us at the same time?

Karli · by **Karli** » March 9th, 2007, 9:31 am

Alex, you are hilarious !! :mrgreen:

So, Robin, all I know is that people are *WEIRD* and weird is the only normal there is :mrgreen:

! That's my entire philosophy about life. Period. :-P

But anyway, I guess my point is that yeah, maybe there were some strange things that happened, especially if taken out of context, but people do strange things. And, I just have to reiterate that I really think you are good to trust yourself while keeping your eyes open.

One note and pardon me for this : I don't think you are trying any harder to figure out whether or not he is likeable for you than you are trying to sort through your own defense mechanisms and discern whether or not you really don't like him. In other words, I think you are not just giving him another chance, but yourself as well. And, I think you feel curious about it still to see what will happen after more walls have been discarded. That's perfectly fair.

Now, remember, this is just me "watching" and developing theories about the people involved in what I see. It's what I do in life :mrgreen:

.

DogMa · by **DogMa** » March 9th, 2007, 10:13 am

That's exactly it, Karli. Throughout all this, I'm aware that at least part of the issue is my own discomfort with something being this interested in me. And I sure don't want to throw away what could be something really good because of my own issues and insecurities. But I AM trying to get him to just dial it back a little - even if he FEELS that strongly already, I'm not ready to hear about it yet and he should really just keep some of that to himself. Even last night, when he was saying how glad he was that I called, he started out saying I'd made his night. But then said, "You made my LIFE." And I had to stop him and again make sure he understood that he's getting WAY ahead of himself - and even farther ahead of ME.

I know a lot of women would be thrilled to have some guy that infatuated, and always sending flowers and stuff. But it makes me uncomfortable. And that's a lot more MY problem than it is anything to do with him.

I explained my issues (some of which he had guessed at). His response? "We can work on them together." Which scares the crap outta me. And I don't want to walk away because I'm scared (of that stuff; obviously I wouldn't hesitate to walk away if I were scared in a normal sense). Sigh. I really need to call the paper's EAP and start seeing a therapist.

DogMa · by **DogMa** » March 9th, 2007, 3:33 pm

Yay, me. I finally called and made an appointment to see someone. Not till a week from Monday because we had trouble getting our schedules to mesh, but still.

bikipatra · by **bikipatra** » March 9th, 2007, 4:27 pm

You ought to bottle it and sell it! This magnetism you have! :-P

dede4wd · by **dede4wd** » March 9th, 2007, 5:00 pm

Robin,
I just want YOU happy and this guy had YOU worried. If everything is better now that the cards are on the table...I'm really happy for you! Now you can just take it as it comes. I know you're a really intelligent woman and you will take the steps to protect yourself (meeting away from the house, etc.)...so I'll be interested to see what happens.

As for the plan...let us know how the 4-2 works out for you!

D

Lizabette · by **Lizabette** » March 9th, 2007, 5:05 pm

ROBIN,
I hope you will forgive me for offering an upopular opinion which so goes against my grain.
To the point: RED FLAGS are flying all over the place...I believe this is a smart, wiley guy who plans to WIN no matter what it takes!.
After that, who knows?
If he is not already what you want and respect in a person right now, it is wishful thinking that he will morf into what you are looking for in a life companion.
Not that people can't change...but the likelihood is so remote!
So please, it is because you are such an independent, unique individual (like my own daughter) and I care for your well being that I prayerfully send this...

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » March 9th, 2007, 5:28 pm

My turn: I don't think the rest of us know enough to have and opinion. It's hard enough to get to know someone on the internet and all we've heard about this guy is second hand, so it's even less reliable (I don't mean that the way it sounds, Robin, lol). I'm just sayin' we really can't judge someone we've never even met.

How much do we really know about each other? We can hide faults and weaknesses. We can make ourselves be anything we want to be here. Robin has been sharing his weaknesses with us, but truly, I'm sure he has nice qualities that we don't know about.

If I had met this guy online, I probably wouldn't hop on a plane and go to meet him, but Robin knows the person better than we ever could in this forum, so let's cut the guy some slack and respect Robin's judgement.

As usual, this is JMHO. :mrgreen:

DogMa · by **DogMa** » March 12th, 2007, 7:36 am

Just checking in. As of today, I'm trying a 4-and-2 plan to drop a few pounds and get back to where I was. My clothes all still fit (even those J. Jill size 4 petite jeans, which actually feel more comfy now than before, I think), but I still can see a difference. Or feel a difference. Anyway, so 4-and-2, plus my runs (but not this morning because I went to bed way too late and was dragging too much) and my new afternoon workouts. And weights at the gym, one of these days.

As for the rest, JDG and I helped my friend move on Saturday. As promised, he helped with the move (he has a truck and trailer) and then took off so we could go for dinner and whatever and just have a girls night out. Then we went for dinner last night. He had originally suggested a play ("Oz," a new musical based on the book - the other movie is one of my all-time favorites, and I have a whole room decorated with "Wizard of Oz" posters and other stuff), but they only had a matinee and I had way too much to do during the day. So then we were going to go the rib place he's been raving about since we met. But later he realized his birthday coupon for Texas de Brazil (a churrascaria, where they come to your table with the giant skewers of meats?) was going to expire this week. So he suggested that since I won't want to go out on a weeknight (see, he understood that finally!), maybe we could go there instead. So that's what we did. And wonder of wonders, I actually had a good time with him. We had SO much more to talk about now that I could mention things going on in the world, and he was even funny some of the time.

Then we came home and briefly talked a little more seriously, although he was understanding when I didn't really want to (as much as I've typed about it here, I'm really not a fan of TALKING about this stuff). He explained why he was so interested so quickly, and he said that he understands that it still may not work out and that he's not looking to get married tomorrow or anything like that. So I think we made some progress. And I really do think he's not a stalker or anything, and he's more just clueless. I told him a few things he did were stalker-like, and I think he was shocked because he just didn't understand (although, like I said before, he did think the eight visits was over the top).

So anyway, things are looking up. (But in the meantime, I had finally gotten back to that other JDG who started all this - the vegetarian guy who sounded too new age? He e-mailed back suggesting we talk, and I sorta didn't call. And then he e-mailed again and suggested I give him my phone number and he'd call ME. Which ... OK, so I did that. I was leaning toward not seeing JDG1 again. Then he asked for a photo to refresh his memory, because he's not on the service anymore. So I sent him one, then realized it was AWFUL and sent him my avatar photo, too. His response? "You look good to me." And said he'd call one night this week. So ... I feel kind of guilty. But we STILL have no exclusivity agreement, and we're still not fully together. So it's not out of line, is it?)

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